Surviving Shepard Chapter 1: Shattered Glass, a mass effect fanfic

The glass shattered into thousands of tiny fragments as it flew across the room. The miniature pieces sparkled in the muted light of the lecture room before freezing in place. Kaidan held his outstretched hand steady while directing the dark energy surrounding the broken glass into a nearby trash bin. He closed his eyes and inhaled as the incident was contained. It was unintended, but useful.

When the staff commander returned his focus to the assembled group of biotic students, his expression revealed no hint of error. His voice held the smooth control he hoped would both intimidate and educate his audience. "And that is why control is the most important skill you will learn."

A slight girl with copper pigtails cupped a hand around her mouth as she whispered to the boy closest to her, "What just happened?"

The young teen scowled and didn't bother to hush his voice as he offered an answer - not just to her, but to the whole room. "The glass must have had a flaw. When the energy Commander Alenko used to pull it toward him acted upon it, the flaw was amplified and spread out through the whole until Boom!" He spread his hands wide in demonstration. "Sort of like that time you tried to pull a datapad toward you. When it hit the security booth window, the cracks spread out to a size bigger than the impact of the pad itself."

As the entire class turned toward the pair, a heated flush grew across the girl's face. She crossed her arms as though she could bring her story back to her, keep it known only by a few, but it was too late. "You're a jerk, Nick."

"He is correct, though." Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. He had successfully returned the group's attention to him, but somehow he still felt like he'd just been called on to give the value of pi to the fourteenth place. "All items, even natural ones, have flaws that should be taken into account when you exert a force upon them. This is especially true for items that are mass manufactured." He paused. Part of him wanted to continue on about the increasing lack of quality control as demand grew and outlets were spread thinner, but that wasn't the reason he'd come to the Grissom Academy. "Are there any other questions?"

Another boy, around Nick's age, leaned forward eagerly. "Is it true you actually knew Commander Shepard?"

There it was. Two years later and the universe still found a way to remind him of her on a nearly daily basis. Kaidan kept his tone clipped and official. "Yes, that's true."

The boy leered. "Was she as smokin' hot as all the recruitment posters show her as?"

"Seshaun!" Captain Jimenez chastised the teen from the other side of the room, arms crossed. "We are lucky to have the staff commander as our guest. You will keep both your tone and the topic respectful, especially with regards to our fallen heroes." The security chief sighed. "Please continue, Commander."

Kaidan stopped his hand dead at his side as it began to reach for his hairline again. He didn't have to answer the question. In fact, not doing so was preferable as he considered all of the unofficial answers he could give. He'd never liked those posters and didn't think Shepard would have cared much for them either.

Then he took a good look at the faces before him. After his reprimand, Seshaun had taken to staring somewhere off toward the viewing window behind the commander. Nick's earlier pride had tapered into expected disappointment. So young and yet already hardened by the evasion and half-answers people outside of the Ascension Project - people who didn't understand - often offered. It wasn't the derision they might have faced in the past, but the effects of the wave of political correctness following his own promotion and Chairman Burns' latest efforts was still much less than these kids deserved.

It was a small thing, this answer, but he could at least give them some sort of honesty. "You know, I never felt they did her justice. No matter how high the resolution of video gets, it's still missing that certain something life provides - that aura a person has." The staff commander took a moment to observe once more. He still didn't quite have them. They were drifting between vague interest and boredom. He loosened his stance and cocked a half smile. "Plus, they edited out her battle scars so they wouldn't scare away new recruits."

He was rewarded by a wave of laughter from the older members of his audience and a few excited hoots from the younger males, mostly from Seshaun, who exclaimed, "Stellar! I want some battle scars!"

Nick threw back his shoulders as he proudly puffed out his chest. "I already have some."

While the class buzzed over Nick's fight wounds and Seshaun glared, Kaidan realized the copper-haired girl was raising her hand. He nodded in her direction.

"Do you have any scars, Staff Comman'er Alenko?" Two girls nearby giggled while the questioner turned a deeper shade of red. It didn't stop her from beaming expectantly though.

More than you know. Kaidan pushed an easy smile onto his face. "I'm sorry, I don't believe I caught your name."

More giggling and blushing. "Cassandra."

"Well, Cassandra, I don't believe you'll ever meet a soldier who didn't have scars of some kind or other." He stopped himself there, hoping the answer was satisfactory. It was an evasion, but it did lessen the intense stare of the girl's older classmates who seemed to have put the commander up on a poster of their own. It was the least comfortable aspect of this tour he'd encountered so far.

"But don't your biotics keep the bad stuff from getting too close to you?" Cassandra's young eyes were saucer sized.

Kaidan knelt down to the girl's level. It wasn't a very commander-like action, but he didn't feel much like a commander then. A small voice at the back of his mind tugged, reminding him it was something Commander Shepard would have done. "Sometimes a soldier puts himself in places where there are things that happen beyond his control. Sometimes he forgets to keep his barriers up and sometimes the thing that's coming is too much for him even if he's fully on his guard. The only certainty in this is that the more you practice and the better you get at using your talents, the less likely it is that these situations will happen. Even so-" He took her hand in his as images of copper pigtails stuffed into a well-worn, standard issue helmet rushed past. "-I hope you are never in such a place."

As the staff commander rose to his feet, he flicked his gaze over toward Captain Jimenez. He was done.

The security chief clapped her hands once, gaining the attention of the full crowd of students. All except Cassandra, whose eyes stayed on the man at the front of the room. Beside the captain, Jacob Berg, the academy's math professor announced the conclusion of the lecture. "Break for lunch. Group discussions will begin this afternoon and regular classes will resume tomorrow after Staff Commander Alenko's talk on innovative use of elementary skills."

"I expect you to have some well-thought questions for him then." Jimenez added.

Kaidan didn't linger as the students filed out. He felt the captain's hawk eyes on his back as he sought his egress. Perhaps someday, the woman would come to realize that even on her watch, he was a capable soldier in his own right and not just some valuable commodity The Alliance had chosen as a biotic figurehead, but it wouldn't be today. But he could catch that earful later. For now, his private guest room was looking quite inviting.

As he walked down the halls, the staff commander found himself considering the other reasons he was here. His recent assignments were placing him in increasingly remote and powerless positions, as though the brass was trying to keep him out of the way. Or maybe it just felt as though they were. It was hard to replace that throat-tightening, heart-pumping ride to save the galaxy, he'd been on just two years ago. Not that he'd want to. One of those was enough for a lifetime.

Reaper. The word that had set him so at odds with the powers above him was beginning to feel a little more distant every day. It didn't help that he was the only one around who seemed to remember it existed. He shook his head in a minute gesture. He might as well throw stones at the sky for all the help he could lend alone should the Reaper threat ever become real. No, it was better to focus on what he could do now whether it be fortifying outlying colonies or helping biotic children find a measure of confidence.

Still lost in his thoughts, the staff commander stepped into his room and slid into the seat in front of the terminal the Academy had been kind enough to provide him with. He had meant to do a little research on some of the children he spoke to today, but a blinking indicator by his inbox drew his attention first.

Amidst the requests for appearances, fleet updates, and entreaties for him to enlarge his manhood was a simple, no-subject email from one J. Moreau. Kaidan's hand tensed as he pictured the last time he'd seen him. A year ago, the Normandy's pilot had been standing in the doorway of Admiral Hackett's office telling him just where he could stick his grounding order before he'd stormed off into parts unknown.

Kaidan hadn't minded the man's absence then, still furious at his role in Shepard's death. But then there was time. Time had shown him that he, himself, wouldn't have done any different...

Hastily, before the next memory rose, he clicked the link.

Sent: January 1, 2185 22:03 UT

Subject: [No Subject]

Hey.

We really need to talk. I mean really.

Joker.