Nightmares
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: Brégadaneth is plagued by nightmares of her past. As is Glorfindel, her brother in everything but blood. Only love can heal them. Oneshot SLASH Glorfindel/Erestor Elladan/OC
Authors note: I put everything I really love in this story. The twins (mainly Elladan), annoyed Elrond, shy Erestor, Glorfindel in love. Erestor and Glorfindel are my favorite couple of all times! Who cares if Tolkien would approve! I will support them until the end! Oh yeah and I used my name for the OC (translated to Sindarin of course).
This is my first fanfiction, so please don´t be too harsh. I can accept mild criticism but no flames please.
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Flames were everywhere. Loud screams and the sound of clashing swords and whistling arrows filled the air. Smoke burned in Brégadaneths eyes as she hid in a corner of the once so busy kitchen. Crying and whimpering for help. But no one came.
"Nana…Ada!" she whispered as the orcs came closer. No answer. She went silent, for she was too scared to move a single muscle. Loud stomping and cruel laughter mingled with the crashes of the collapsing house. Slowly her vision faded.
Brégadaneth awoke with a jolt and a silent gasp. Her dagger clutched so tightly her knuckled were turning white she looked around frantically. As she could not see, hear or feel any evident danger, she relaxed slightly.
Another dream. Those memories of her past were the reason she usually deprived herself from sleep until she passed out. But lately not even that had prevented her past from tormenting her. Even though a long time had passed the memories never faded. Back then she had been but an elfling, of the tender age of fifteen. Barely old enough to survive on her own. But she had had to. Never had she had a home again, always wandering, always alone. Yet she had made some friends, some even as close as family, after she had reached maturity. Her trauma however kept her from staying in one place for an extended period of time, so she continued to travel constantly, usually pretending to be a male ranger. As such no one would attempt to rape or approach her. She did not enjoy idle chatter with mortal folk. Or rather: strangers.
"Are you Silence?"
Brégadaneth raised her head, careful that the cloak still covered her face and glanced up at the two hooded strangers.
"You have made quite a name for yourself. Some even refer to you as a legend! Rumors state you hear much, for you yourself are as silent as the wind itself. We have some questions you might be able to answer."
She sat still, quietly observing whether the two men would be a danger to her. Making up her mind she gestured for them to continue.
"Is there some place more…private?"
Downing the last of her ale, she stood and led them upstairs to her room. It was rather unusual for someone to approach her at all. The name she had made for herself was made to scare people away after all. This was the first time someone wanted to ask her something. Usually people pretended she did not even exist, while shooting wary glances at her or talking behind her back. Somehow she felt that she could trust those two enough not to lure her into some trap, so the real problem was how in the world she was supposed to answer their questions without giving away her gender. She was pretending to be mute for Valars sakes! Still wondering she gestured them to name their request. They in turn lowered their hoods to prove that they bore no ill will towards her. Her breath hitched. Never before had she seen ellyn that handsome! One more so than the other, even though they were almost identical twins.
"We are looking for someone. An elleth. Ad…Lord Elrond bade us find her for she is a dear friend of his and he is worried for her. Rumors about a shadow in the east are flying around like the flies in the midgewaters and seeing as the lady keeps wandering about, he is concerned for her safety. We do not know much about her, except her name. Brégadaneth."
Brégadaneth let out a very unladylike snort, eying them suspiciously. Surely they weren´t stupid enough to believe they would find anyone if they simply asked around like that? Or maybe they knew that they had already found her? But how did they know who she was?
The handsome one sighed, then grinned. "Stupid, right? But somehow ada expects us to find her like that…ah, well. We try. I´m Elladan by the way and that´s my brother, Elrohir. Mae govannen."
They bowed in an elvish greeting which she returned, flabbergasted.
"Truth to be told, we just wanted to see if the rumors about you were all true. We know and have travelled with most famous rangers, yet somehow our paths never seem to have crossed." Elrohir said.
"A shame really. You seem to be really interesting. It is said you always travel alone, but nevertheless I ask if you would like to accompany us. Somehow I feel as if our task wouldn´t be quite as hopeless with you on our side. It must be fate that made me notice you in that corner of the guestroom." Valar, that elf truly had a smile to die for!
Brégadaneth was impressed. The twins had the sure instincts of predators, knowing instantly when they had caught their prey. For a moment she considered revealing herself right then and there, but she refrained. No, she enjoyed the idea of journeying with them way too much to go straight to Imladris! Strange, that she would find the idea of travelling with someone she had just met so alluring…
"We´ll be leaving at dawn, if you are interested meet us at the southern gate." With that they left her small room and retired to their own.
"How do we know we can trust him enough to travel with us, ´Dan?"
"I cannot describe it, but it feels as if we were meant to meet him. I feel drawn to him."
"I also feel we are closer to accomplishing our impossible task than ever before, yet I do not feel 'drawn' to him in any sort of way."
Elladan did not answer. Instead he thoughtfully stared out of the window, trying to understand the emotions this mysterious ranger evoked in him. For Eru´s sake, why did he have any emotions about him in the first place? He didn´t even know his face! The man hadn´t made as much as a sound and yet the feeling was there, making him want to watch Silence wherever he went. Knowing he would not decipher this riddle that very night, Elladan shook himself from his thoughts and helped his brother prepare for the continuation of their journey.
Brégadaneth arrived at their meeting point well before dawn. She led her horse, Fearuine, by the reigns, the soft thudding of his hooves on the road the only sound to be heard. The elleth didn´t have to wait long for the sons of Elrond to appear, mounted on identical, great, grey stallions that looked as if they had been bred for battle. Like her, they had their hoods drawn deep in their faces, seeing as it was much better if no one knew the fact they were elves. The fair folk seldom ventured to Dale, mostly because of their strained relationship with the dwarves of Erebor, so it would draw to much unnecessary attention and conflict with the townspeople. They exchanged a silent greeting, then she mounted her steed and they left the city.
And so they travelled together, until six months later they finally returned to Rivendell.
„Enter", Lord Elrond said at the light knock at the door.
He looked up from his parchment as the mute ranger his sons had picked up in Dale came in. 'Whatever could he want', the ellon thought, raising an eyebrow.
"Mae govannen, Elrond. Do not tell me you have already forgotten me, mellon nin?"
Brégadaneth giggled as the lord of Imladris nearly fell off his chair in surprise.
"Brégadaneth! I am most glad you have made it here safe and sound! I feared the worst."
"Of course I made it here safely! That was the reason Elladan and Elrohir where in Dale, was it not? To escort me! Of course, your sons had no idea whatsoever of who I was, but nevertheless they have completed their task."
Amused she thought of the frustrated faces the two of them had made when they could not find their ada´s mysterious friend anywhere, with only the feeble clues their father had given them.
"I had hoped they would find you, even though I was unable to give them any hints of your whereabouts."
"Their tracking skills are extraordinary. Very talented indeed."
And VERY handsome. Especially Elladan. But that wasn´t something she would tell their father of all people…
"The hour is dark indeed. I could not bear it to know you to be somewhere in the wilderness, all alone in the growing shadows. It takes a lot of my shoulders, to know that your presence will have a calming effect on Glorfindel."
"Why calm Glorfindel? What ails him?"
"Glorfindel does not fare well at all. He has been dreaming again, dreams of his death. I hear him screaming almost every night now. And apart from his quite obvious lack of sleep something else, or rather someone, makes him unable to concentrate at council meetings. I have tried talking to him, however I was unable to get him to even listen to me. Normally I would refrain from meddling with matters of the heart, however the safety of Imladris is endangered."
Elrond looked worried. The balrog slayer was the captain of the Imladris guard, as well as one of his closest friends. For Brégadaneth he was her best friend, almost a brother, for they shared the same fear of sleep.
Elladan and Elrohir had been quite shocked, when she suddenly collapsed in the middle of the day. They had noticed though, that Silence never seemed to sleep, so after the first bout of surprise, they carried her to a safer place to rest. They had left her hood on, knowing that the ranger would never forgive them if they touched it.
"I shall look for him then" she said and left the study.
The elves she passed stared after her, some even dropping whatever it was they were holding. She was so beautiful. Some remembered her from her past visits and hastily greeted her. She never understood, why exactly they treated her like a queen. There was nothing that special about her, was there? She had long dark blond hair that reached her hips, big grey-blue eyes that always looked so sad and lonely. The gown she wore was rather simple, dark blue with an intricately woven leather belt around her thin waist.
She found Glorfindel at the training grounds. He was standing with his back towards her, listening to the report of the twins. Elladan looked up over the shoulder of his tutor and froze. His breath caught in his throat and he gaped at her, wide eyed. Glorfindel followed his gaze and turned around.
"Seler!" he shouted, running towards her.
He seized her by the waist and swung her around in circles, laughing.
"Let me down, gwador!" she squeaked in surprise, hugging him happily as he complied.
"It has been far too long, Brégadaneth. I started to believe that you had become a victim to some orc!"
"Nay, it take a lot more than some random orc to kill me. You know that!"
"When did you arrive?"
"I came with the twins, do you not remember? Silence, the mute, hooded ranger?"
"The disguise was well done indeed. I never would have guessed!" Glorfindel said, raising an eyebrow at the twins.
Elrohir looked confused, while Elladan stared dazedly at the beautiful lady, completely unaware of his surroundings.
Brégadaneth smiled. "Thank you, my lords, for so splendidly escorting me." She said with an almost mocking tone to the two raven haired ellyn.
"To think that we already completed our task six months ago! Silence indeed!" Elrohir laughed.
She grinned back at him. Then she looked at Elladan who was staring at her, as if in some sort of trance. Their eyes met and she felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. Quickly she turned back to Glorfindel who looked at her inquiringly.
"Why don´t we continue this talk in your study, gwador, and catch up a bit? It was a pleasure meeting you again my lords" she curtsied and left, Glorfindel following close behind her.
"Sooooo…Elladan huh?" the golden haired warrior asked her, grinning.
Her blush deepened. "I have no idea what you are talking about!"
"Oh yes you do. Who would have thought, that that annoying rascal could charm my ever lonely sister?"
"Stop it, Fin!"
"Well, he does appear to be quite smitten with you also."
"I said, stop it!"
"Fine. What was that about you calling yourself Silence?"
"People call me that when I travel and do not wish to be recognized as an elleth. As it is safest to travel as a male ranger, I hide my face in a dark hood and pretend to be mute, hence the name."
"Since when is it safest to travel as a ranger? I understand the male part but a ranger?"
"Maybe not safest but the most quiet. Most people are too afraid to approach a man of the wild. But enough of this. How are you?"
At that Glorfindels grin faded and he lowered his head. "Not so well" he whispered.
"Tell me."
"I…I can no longer sleep. The nightmares. They torment me to no end. Every night I see it, I feel it all again. It is like dying again."
"My sleep is troubled also…"
"I want to make it stop. I cannot take it anymore. Yet I do not know how."
"I have no answer. Yet something tells me that there is someone out there who can mend your heart, just like there is someone like that out there for me. You know what I am talking about."
"The other halves of our souls."
"Yes…I do believe they can heal us. Do you…does your heart call out to someone?"
Glorfindel blushed deeply and looked away.
"There is." He finally admitted.
"Who? Do I know-"
"Yes, yes you do know him. It is Erestor. Erestor the chief councilor and Elronds right hand. Erestor the one who is said to love no one but his books. Erestor who does not enjoy the company of other living creatures. Erestor who is so beautiful and smart and perfect…I do not stand a chance. How could I, a mere warrior, ever be good enough for Erestor?"
There was a short silence. Both were surprised at Glorfindels outburst.
"He would be a fool not to return your affections."
"Of course he does not return them. Nor will he. Ever."
"Glorfindel-"
"But what about you sweet seler? Is your quite obvious attraction to Elladan just a passing ship, or does your heart respond to him, in the way mine responds to the most perfected of Eru´s creations?"
"It…my…well, my very féa calls for him. Sometimes his image will even drive away the nightmares, no matter how shortly."
"Then you will soon be rid of them entirely! I am so very happy for you, seler! But know that if he ever dares hurt you, I will beat him until he begs to live with the dwarves!"
"What are you talking about! He does not have any feelings for me! Besides, did you not see him? He is mad at me for not revealing myself right then and there when they found me. He hates me for the six month delay I forced upon them!"
"As if."
The next day on the training fields. Glorfindel was just finishing off a new member of the guard when he was approached by the twins.
"Glorfindel! How are you today?" Asked Elrohir in his usual cheerful mood.
"I am well, Elrohir. Thank you. Do you come to loose again today?" The golden warrior smirked and raised his sword.
"Actually we came to ask why we have never heard you had a sister." The young ellon answered, Elladan watching Glorfindels face intently.
"Ah, Brégadaneth. She is my sister in anything but blood."
"So you are not related! Now I understand."
"I love her dearly. In the time after my return she was the only thing that kept me from fading an d even now she lessens the weight of my burdens greatly."
"She is one pretty elleth."
"She is beautiful." It was the first time Elladan spoke ever since he had seen her without her cloak on the day before.
"I will personally dismember anyone who dares hurt her." Threatened Glorfindel while smiling dangerously sweet at Elladan, who shrunk back.
Erestor walked quickly away from the training fields, tears stinging in his eyes. Of course. Glorfindel the famed balrog slayer had a lover. How could it have been different? One such as he would never be interested in a mere councilor! Especially not one who was so shy that people thought him cold-hearted! Why had he even gone that way on his walk? Erestor asked himself and answered his own question immediately. Because he had wanted to catch a glimpse of the golden warrior, of course. Every day for more than a century he had walked past the sparring guards of Imladris, feigning indifference. But not anymore. Too long he had fooled himself with false hope!
Finally he reached his study. Inside he locked the door behind him and let his tears fall freely. After a while though he forced himself to stop crying and rubbed his face. Fool! He berated himself. You should be happy that Glorfindel can talk about someone with such a loving face! Too bad he had only seen the backs of the twins, surely they were cheering their former tutor on wholeheartedly. And Erestor would follow their example. There was no use in crying about something that would of never have happened anyways.
With his usual emotionless expression he picked up a couple of scrolls he had to deliver to Elrond. The Lord of Imladris was shocked to see his advisor so…he did not know what to think. The expression was the same as ever, also the cold demeanor in which Erestor dumped the scrolls on his desk. The councilor was such a workaholic that he erased all possibilities of idle chatter beforehand. But something was different today, something…had he cried?!
"Erestor? Are you well?" Elrond asked, worried.
"Very well. Thank you." It was obvious that Erestor was indeed not well at all, but before Elrond could open his mouth to say more, the councilor had left the study.
That evening in the hall of fire Glorfindel looked around with a worried expression on his face.
"Gwador? What is the matter?" Asked Brégadaneth.
"Erestor is not here. He normally comes to listen when Lindir has a new song finished. And he was nowhere near the training fields this morning either! His morning stroll takes him past them every day, not that he would ever look at me, but I thank the Valar for every opportunity to see him. I am worried! Maybe he is sick or injured!"
"Elves do not get sick, Glorfindel. You know that! But you should still look for him! Tell him of your feelings. I am sure he will return them!"
"I will search for him however I am not going to get my heart broken tonight. I will only check his wellbeing."
With those words he rose from his seat and silently, as to not disturb the minstrel´s audience, left the hall of fire.
Soon he reached the door to Erestors chambers. Behind it he could hear a weird sniveling sound. Even more worried than before, Glorfindel knocked. There was a silence. Then footsteps. Finaly the door opened, revealing a rather disheveled looking Erestor. Glorfindel was shocked into silence. Those tearstains on Erestors cheeks constricted his throat and made it impossible for him to utter a sound.
"What do you want, Glorfindel?"
Erestor sighed. Today of all evenings..! He really hated that Glorfindel of all people had to be the one to know he had cried. He had been shocked to see the least expected person in all of Imladris in front of his door when he answered that knock! Even the cook would have been more likely!
"Um…I uh…I noticed you were not at dinner or in the hall of fire afterwards. You also did not come by the fields on your stroll this morning so I…I just…what is the matter? Why did you cry? Did someone hurt you?"
"What do you care?" Asked Erestor rather rudely. He had had enough of this pretense. Why in the world would Glorfindel pretend to care about him? Could he not just ignore him like everyone else did? Angrily he turned around and retreated back in his chambers, closing the door in Glorfindels face.
With the same amount of anger Glorfindel threw the door open again and shut it behind him.
"Why are snapping at me now?! I only wish to help you! I was worried!"
"Like hell you were! Stop pretending and leave already!"
"Pretending? Who is pretending? I really am worried!"
"As if! You only care about yourself and your lover! Go on then! Be happy! But leave me alone! Get your satisfaction from pitying someone more lowly than you from someone else!"
"What? I would never pity you! Why the hell would I pity you! And what do you mean, lover? I do not have a lover, because the one who holds my heart has decided to trample all over my feelings today!"
"I am very sorry for you then but should you not be somewhere else in that case? Go and make up with her but stop rubbing it in my face! You filthy orc! You know exactly how I feel about this! You came to gloat!"
"What for Valars sakes are you screaming on about?! Gloat about what? And who the hell is 'she'?"
"You know exactly who I am talking about! I heard you this morning! Telling the twins of how much you love her!"
Glorfindel was stunned into silence once again. Then he began to laugh. This was too ridiculous! Erestor couldn´t possibly have thought that he and Brégadaneth..!
"How dare you laugh at my expence! You filthy, rotten-"
"I am sorry! I am so so sorry! But…but I was talking about my sister! And the thought of me liking my seler that way..! It is just…so ridiculous, you know!"
"Your sister?! Since when do you have a sister?"
"She is my sister in everything but blood." Glorfindel finally managed to calm down again. "What did you mean when you said that I came to gloat because I knew of your feelings? What feelings Erestor?"
"Nothing. It was nothing. Just…just leave me be." Erestors voice was lacking the power to convince. He was so relieved! It was stupid, of course, since he still did not have a chance but one could always dream.
"Tell me."
No response. Glorfindel suddenly felt really brave and decided to take Brégadaneths advice and put his heart on the line.
"Alright. Then I will tell you of my feelings instead. After my return I knew I was to protect Elrond son of Eärendil so I rode to Imladris. There was a crowd gathered to welcome me but the thirst thing I saw, and to tell you the truth also the last thing since I could never see anyone else clearly after that, was you. Ever since then I wake every day and hope to see you more often than the day before. When I sleep it is only images of you that can briefly stop the nightmares of my death. I love you Erestor."
Erestor stared at the golden warrior in shock. Glorfindel loved…him? Impossible he was jesting! Or was he? He had sounded so sincere! And the way he looked now! Like a sinner waiting to be judged. Erestor couldn´t stop himself. He grabbed Glorfindel by the collar of his robes and pulled him into a passionate kiss.
"Erestor. May I court you?" Asked a slightly out of breath balrog slayer. The answer was another kiss.
They did not come to breakfast the next day. Or lunch.
Brégadaneth watched Glorfindels retreating back for a while, before she returned her attention to Lindir.
"Lady Brégadaneth." Greeted Elladan as he sat on Glorfindels seat.
"Lord Elladan! How nice to see you!" She tried desperately to hide her blush.
"Can we talk in private?"
Unsure what this was about Brégadaneth followed Elladan out into the gardens.
"What is it my Lord? What did you wish to talk about?"
"Please, no title. It feels weird that my father does not get called by his but I do."
"I understand. But no title for me then either."
"Of course. You know I…it was a great surprise for me to hear the ranger I have travelled with for so long was actually the one we were searching for."
"I am so so sorry! Please forgive me for unnecessarily lengthening your journey! I…I know you are angry at me and I apologize!"
"I am not angry."
Elladan was confused. She had thought he was angry with her? How could he ever..!
"You do not have to apologize for anything. I greatly enjoyed travelling with you."
"I am very glad then. I enjoyed it as well."
"You know, I thought I was going mad."
Brégadaneth looked up and was at once trapped in his gaze.
"How could I develop such deep feelings for someone whos face I had never seen, who's voice I had never heard. But now I understand. You are beautiful. In every way. And I love you as deeply as I have never loved before, and I never will. You are the only one I could ever love like this. If my life could be of use to safe you, I would gladly give it. I love you, Brégadaneth. May I court you?"
Brégadaneth could only stare, speechless. But as the first painful signs of rejection crossed Elladans features she found her voice again.
"Yes. Yes you may for I love you more than I can tell."
The next thing she knew were his soft lips upon hers, kissing her deeply and passionately.
They also missed at breakfast the next day.
It was a very annoyed Elrond who dragged Erestor out of Glorfindels arms and to work the next day. He also searched for his son, though he did not find him until two days later, as he and a very famished Brégadaneth turned up for breakfast. Late.
Neither Glorfindel nor Brégadaneth had nightmares ever again.