CARTOON CANINE CRAZINESS
Starring: Buttons and Runt from "Animaniacs"; Blue from "Blue's Clues"; Courage from "Courage the Cowardly Dog"; CatDog from "CatDog"; Goddard from "Jimmy Neutron"; Gir from "Invader Zim"; Enrique Jr. from "Grim and Evil"; Porkchop from "Doug"; Talking Dog from "The Powerpuff Girls"; Friskett from "Reboot"; Spike from "Rugrats"; Scooby Doo from "Scooby Doo"; Astro from "The Jetsons"; and Santa's Little Helper from "The Simpsons".
(All characters are property of their respective creators.)
"The Abductions"
The day started out like any other day. Cartoon characters everywhere were going about their business, as usual. Some were continuing their epic adventures. Others were trying to get through the day by being as funny as possible. Then there were those who played with their pets. Dogs, to be precise. For it seemed that nothing could spoil the fun and excitement of a dog playing with it's master.
But elsewhere, a very sinister figure had other plans...
It was a bright, sunny day. In a quaint, little neighborhood, Buttons the dog lay down in the backyard. He glanced lazily at Mindy, who was attached via safety harness to a tree. She was doing somersaults in the grass, which isn't easy when you're tied to a tree by a ten foot cord.
The backdoor opened and Mindy's mom walked up to her. "Now darling?" she asked. Mindy stopped somersaulting. "Mommy and Daddy are going out, so you stay here with Buttons, OK?"
"OK, Lady," said Mindy.
"Please, stop calling me 'Lady'. Call me 'Mom', 'Mommy', anything but 'Lady', alright?"
"Okay, Lady," answered Mindy.
The mother sighed. As she walked over to the family car, her husband called out from the vehicle. "Keep an eye on her, okay Buttons?!"
Buttons barked in agreement. The woman got in the car and it drove off.
Buttons turned his attention back to Mindy. He sat up straight and watched her every move. He decided that this time, he was not going to let Mindy get away again. If she got even halfway out of her harness, he would dash over to her and keep her in. Buttons knew that he wouldn't be getting any treats if Mindy escaped.
Now Mindy was getting herself tangled up in the cord. She hopped up and down until she ended up behind the tree. Buttons thought about checking up on her, but he could see her shadow on the ground and decided that she was still there.
It was at that moment that Buttons suddenly noticed a shadow passing over him. Was it his imagination, or did he hear footsteps behind him? Buttons slowly turned around saw someone standing behind him. Buttons yelped with fright.
Behind the tree, Mindy heard Buttons and tried to wriggle free. "Buttons?" she called out. Then, somehow, she found the release mechanism on the harness and, just like that, she was free.
Mindy came out from behind the tree and saw no sight of Buttons anywhere. She looked at the house with its locked doors and windows. Where could Buttons have gone? She was only behind the tree for a minute.
"Buttons!" she called out. No answer. So she started walking down the sidewalk, calling out Buttons' name. (It's odd to see Mindy searching for Buttons, for a change.)
*****
Several hundred miles to the east of Mindy's house, on a green hill, sat a brightly-colored dwelling. Inside, a blue-spotted dog named Blue slept on a big red chair. His human friend, Joe, was in the kitchen, getting a bite to eat after his last Blue's Clues game.
Blue's eyes flew open. His doggy door was flapping back and forth. How did THAT happen? Blue jumped to the ground and approached the door. Maybe one of his friends was on the other side. Blue stuck his head out through the doggy door. Suddenly, something grabbed Blue by the neck and pulled him through the door!
"Blue?! Here boy!" called out Joe from the kitchen. He entered the living room. The red chair stood vacant. "Now where could he be?"
Joe began asking everyone for help. The salt and pepper shakers. The mailbox. The shovel. Even Periwinkle, the purple cat next-door. Each one of them said the same thing. No one had seen Blue.
"Well, he must be around here somewhere," said Joe. "Hey! Let's see if we can find a clue as to where Blue is! C'mon!" And he ran back into the house, expecting someone to follow him.
*****
Far away, on Bunny Island, Hector Con Carne (or, more specifically, his brain) sat in a container on top of Boscov the bear's head. Hector's stomach sat in a container on Boscov's stomach. Boscov himself was carrying a newspaper and a bowl of dogfood in his paws. The symbiotic conquerors were walking down a hallway towards the room of Hector's dog, Enrique Jr.
"Ahhh, what a day," said Hector. "Clear skies, morning paper, and my latest plans for world domination are finally complete." The stomach and Boscov made sounds of agreement.
They were approaching the door to Enrique Jr's room when suddenly, a loud BOOM knocked the bear off his furry feet. The hallway shook and Boscov dropped the food and paper.
"Egad!!" shouted Hector. "That came from Enrique's room!"
Boscov ran to the door at the end of the hall and threw it open. "GOOD GRACIOUS!!!" yelled Hector.
The room of Enrique Jr. was a mess. Dust, fabrics, and other materials were scattered everywhere. Most obvious was the gaping hole in the wall that led outside towards the docks.
"Boscov! Alert the troops!" shouted Hector. "Someone's dognapped Enrique Jr.!"
"Someone's what?!" shouted Dr. Ghastly who rushed up to Hector with Skarr right behind her. Both of them stopped and gasped at the damage.
"Our dog is gone! We must find him! Come! Let's look at the security cameras! Quickly!" And with that, the group of villains ran back toward the security room.
*****
Meanwhile, in the town of Bluffington, Doug Funnie's dog, Porkchop, sat on the steps of Doug's house. In his opinion, today was a very dull day. Not one interesting thing had happened since morning. Nothing except Doug's sister Judy making a fit over finding her beret among Doug's laundry. Porkchop sighed with boredom.
Just then, he saw something fly from behind a bush on the edge of the property. Porkchop lifted his head and sniffed at the air. It was a ginger snap! Porkchop licked his lips, got to his feet, and walked over to the cookie. As he ate it, he saw another cookie land on the sidewalk. He waltzed over to it and was just about to lick it up when he felt something stringy landed all around him.
"Gotcha!" said a man's voice.
Just as Porkchop realized he was caught in a net, he felt himself being hauled into a large truck. The moment he was free, the doors closed, leaving Porkchop alone in darkness.
Back in the house, the phone rang. Doug's Dad picked it up. "It's for you, son," he said.
"Thanks, Dad," said Doug, who took the phone. "Hello?"
"Hey, Doug!" honked Skeeter. "Are you gonna head on out to buy The Beets' latest album?"
"Oh man, I forgot! I'm on my way, Skeet!"
"Hey, don't forget to bring Porkchop, too."
"Okay, bye!" Doug hung up. "Hey, Dad! I'm gonna meet up Skeet at the music store, okay?"
"Alright, son. Be careful."
"Porkchop!" called out Doug. He ran upstairs, downstairs, and outside. There was no sign of Porkchop anywhere.
Doug knew that Skeeter was probably waiting for him at the store. So Doug walked down the sidewalk wondering where Porkchop could be.
*****
Elsewhere, in the digital community of Mainframe, Bob parked his hoverboard outside Dot's Diner. He approached the front door and noticed that Friskett wasn't sleeping in front of the door this time.
"Wow. Today must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He entered the diner and took his usual seat.
"Hi, Bob," said Dot, who came out from the back room. "The usual?"
"Yep," answered Bob.
"One energy shake!" she called out to the cook.
"So, Dot, how are things?" asked Bob.
"Oh, just fine. How are things with you?"
"Same as always," answered Bob. He looked out the front door. "I wonder where Friskett is."
"I haven't seen him in quite a while," responded Dot.
Suddenly the front door burst open. It was Enzo (the young version, before he got zapped into the Net.)
"Bob!" he cried. He had a look of shocked surprise on his face. Bob had the same expression when Enzo dove at him and pinned him to the floor. "It's terrible! Something horrible has happened! We're talking end-program, log-off, shut-down, catastrophe!!"
"Whoa, whoa, Enzo!" exclaimed Dot. "What's wrong?"
"It's Friskett! I can't find him anywhere!"
Bob got to his feet. "Have you checked his usual hangouts?"
"I've looked everywhere!" said Enzo. "I think someone took him!"
"What do you think, Bob?" asked Dot.
"Well, I'll ask around. Don't worry, Enzo. We'll find him." With that, Bob ran out of the diner, jumped on his hoverboard, and zoomed away. Enzo began to follow, but Dot pulled him back.
"Easy there, Enzo. First, I think you'd better help me put up some signs," Dot said sympathetically.
"Okay," he said and followed Dot to the back of the diner.
*****
"Tommy?" asked Chucky.
In the backyard behind his house, Tommy looked at his friend Chucky. Phil and Lil were nearby.
"What's wrong, Chucky?" asked Tommy.
"Where's Spike going?" Chucky pointed to where Spike was walking. He was heading toward the side yard.
The four toddlers followed him. They peeked around the corner just in time to see a van pull away from the house.
"Wh-what happened to Spike?" Tommy asked.
"Maybe he went to drive that big car someplace!" exclaimed Phil.
"Or maybe he walked back around the house," said Lil.
"Or maybe Spike dug a big hole so deep that he came out the other side!" said Chucky. His friends just stared at him. "Or not."
"Well, I know Spike," said Tommy. "He's been gone before. He'll be back before you know it."
At that moment, Tommy's mother, Didi, came up from behind him and lifted Tommy into her arms. "C'mon, kids. Lunchtime!" As she entered the house, she added, "Hmmm. I wonder where Spike went to?"
*****
In the city of Springfield, a family known as the Simpsons lounged around their house. Homer and Marge were trying to feed Maggie while Bart and Lisa were watching the Itchy and Scratchy show. As this was going on, the family dog, Santa's Little Helper, was scrounging around the garbage cans on the side of the house. He was always decently fed, but he always remained skinny for some reason. Maybe the trash cans had some extra food in them.
The dog was so busy searching for food that he didn't hear footsteps coming from behind him. As he gnawed on a steak bone, he felt two hands grab him and lift him off the ground! S.L.H. was so startled, he dropped the bone and began wriggling around. Eventually, he arrived at a gray van and was unceremoniously tossed onto the passenger seat. The person who grabbed him walked around the van and entered the driver's seat. S.L.H. observed an old man around sixty who had a mustache, glasses, and a bald spot on his head. He was also wearing a dogcatcher's uniform.
"Don't worry, little one," said the old man in a raspy voice. "We won't be going far."
As he put the van in gear, S.L.H. noticed a window behind him. He looked in and saw six other dogs lying on the floor of the van. They were fast asleep, thanks to a fast-working sedative.
The Simpsons' dog whined as the van zoomed away down the street.
Inside, Lisa looked out the window just in time to see the van pull away. "Mom!" she cried out. "I think someone's been watching us!"
"That's crazy," answered her father. "There's not a single person on Earth who would be interested in everything we do." At that point, Maggie threw some baby food into Homer's face.
"Doh!"
As Marge cleaned up the mess, Lisa went upstairs to do her homework.
Marge turned to her husband. "Did you hear a van pull away from our house just now?"
"Probably an IRS audit team," said Homer. He looked at the kitchen table, which was filled with tax forms. "They've probably been checking to make sure we've filled out these 1,040 forms."
"You mean 1040 Form," corrected Marge.
"Well, it seems like we're filling out 1,040 forms!" exclaimed Homer. "These government regulations are beginning to get out of hand, Marge."
In the living room, Bart overheard the conversation.
"Hmph. Good thing commercialism isn't getting out of hand," Bart said to himself as he continued watching commercials and chomped on a Butterfinger.