A/N: This was written literally immediately after watching episode 2. I cleaned it up a little after finishing the full series and learning a little more about their motivations, but it still remains a wholly self-indulgent piece of garbage. (*cries to self* Why is Haru so hard to wriiiite)
A side note! I am working on ACOMI again; I plan to finish it before I leave for college, and I'll start publishing chapters again once I reach the halfway point.
Massive thanks to my friend twewyonepilots on tumblr for suffering through the first version of this fic, and for tolerating my random bouts of Free!-inspired tears.
Happy reading! :)
for you (if you'll let me)
Haru watches Rin impassively as he breaks down on the clammy tiled floor, the sunlight slanting through the window and setting his red hair ablaze. Rin's hands are clenched so tightly Haru can see the bones outlined against his skin, and his bowed back trembles with emotion.
Haru's face betrays none of the conflict he feels. It had never been his intention to reduce Rin to the sobbing mess before him. He had simply wanted to swim with his friend, his heart pounding in his ears with the exhilaration only Rin could inspire within him. He sees now, however, that this race meant something important to Rin, and he wonders absently if he should've thrown the race, to give Rin the peace of mind he seem to desire.
Immediately, Haru knows that was never an option. Rin would never forgive him if he found out, but more importantly, the water would never tolerate such deceit. Haru loves Rin, and it pains him to see the anguish Rin is currently experiencing, but the water still comes first.
Rin clambers to his feet. He trembles where he stands, his eyes averted, his entire body angled away from Haru's. Still Haru doesn't move. He sees the pain and disappointment that Rin is trying to hide, and waits for Rin to make the first move so he can react appropriately.
"I need to-" Rin says, and sprints off.
Haru remains rooted to the floor.
He follows a minute later. He knows that Rin will be using one of the showers in the boys' locker room, where he can hide his tears and berate himself privately. Haru enters the locker room and searches for telltale flash of bright hair. He glimpses it a moment later where he knew he would, in the second stall from the end where the shower spray is warmest.
He contemplates the situation for a minute. There's no one else in the locker room, nor is anyone likely to come in. That gives him the ability to confront Rin and resolve this conflict, or at least find a compromise that can tide the other boy over until their next race.
Slipping into the shower with Rin, he rests his hand lightly on Rin's shoulder. Rin's reaction is nothing more than he expected, and he easily dodges Rin's flailing limbs and hurled insults. He waits for Rin to calm down, waits for the expected "What the hell, Haru," and cuts Rin off in the middle of his sentence by pressing their lips together.
He is saddened to find that Rin tastes of salt.
"I swim for you," he says moments later when they break apart, water still cascading over them and making the kiss wholly too wet for comfort. It's an inadequate sentence, and Haru grimaces in frustration at his inability to properly express himself. He needs Rin to understand that he never meant to hurt him, and that Rin is still talented enough to push Haru to limits of his abilities in order to keep up.
Rin seems able to guess the things Haru can't say, though, if his deepened scowl is anything to go by. "Then don't," he spits in response, "swim for me. Not anymore. Not after this." With those parting words, he pushes Haru out of the shower and turns his back on the other boy.
Haru stares at Rin, at an utter loss as to how to fix this. His eyes automatically trace the familiar knolls and dips of Rin's back, cataloguing the tense set to his muscles without a second thought. The drumbeat of the shower against the drain is deafening in the sudden silence. Rin wasn't supposed to react like this, Haru thinks. Rin wasn't supposed to reenter Haru's life so suddenly only to push him away again. He opens his mouth once, twice, to say something, anything that might bring his friend back, but nothing comes out.
Finally, he walks away, tears welling in his own eyes. He did this to Rin, he realizes. However unknowingly, his actions have pushed Rin away. There's really only one thing he can do now, and he makes a decision almost without realizing he has made it.
He won't swim again. Not until he can swim for the other boy once more.
FIN