Prologue
Adele – Set Fire To The Rain
You make a mistake in the streets and it can mean a bullet in someone's head. As someone who did undercover work on a daily basis, I knew the importance of doing everything you could to make sure you did your best to prepare an undercover assignment. If something happened, you never wanted it to be cause of you. I learned that from the best – Mr. Donovan Boyd.
I let it fall, my heart,
And as it fell, you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me
I sat huddled in my jacket as I waited for him to leave the station. My cover was shot already but I still kept up the pretense of a mangy recovering junkie stripper. In white stilettos and a miniscule black mini skirt, I had raised more than one eyebrow from my seat on the bench outside the police station. I ignored them, knowing what they were thinking as I rubbed my hands together to keep warm. I was one of them whether they knew it or not and I wasn't going to leave till I knew the truth about tonight.
My hands, they're strong
But my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet
When I was first introduced to Donovan Boyd, head of the Guns and Gangs department, I was in shock at the notion he thought I was good enough which I stupidly blurted out to him. His eyes narrowed before he informed me what he really thought: he saw me as a fresh face and it was up to me to prove I could cut it in the big leagues. Show him I did. The more I impressed him, the more work I received. The more work meant the more cut off I was from those around me. I loved my job but as the years flew by, more and more the people I counted as friends blurred together as the criminals and victims of the streets. Donovan was the one constant in my life and kept me from going over the edge. He always told me what I wanted to hear, made me feel what I needed to feel to keep going. I never doubted. Truthfully, I always thought after each op that this time he'll ask me to take a break. Not for me, but for him. How could he not feel what I felt? I really thought once this was done, it would be time for him to say those words to me.
But there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.
The street whispers secrets if you listen hard enough. I doubted the arresting officers had time to book the bastard who dared nab another cop before the streets heated up with the news. No one knew the cop's name but they all knew who it was who got nabbed – Jamie Brennan. Jamie fucking Brennan. I hadn't been in on the case, but there was only one person Boyd would send for someone as tough as him. Swarek. So I listened at the club of the Mackenzie crime family, turning colder by the second as I wondered if it could be true - if the reason for Sam's cover going to hell was some stupid mistake or something much more.
I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to go back on stage and dance my fake recovering junkie heart out. I couldn't. Not only was it not smart with everyone in panic mode, I had to talk to Boyd. I had to know the truth.
But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
He finally came out and my heart quickened at the sight of his curly hair. He couldn't have done it. It had to be a mistake. An error. A slip up. He's not a super hero. It happens. How could he do something like this on purpose? He was the one always caring for me after a hard job, picking up my pieces. He made sure I never got sucked too far in. Who else cared for me as much as he did? And he did care for me, right? I wasn't just there to help him succeed. Right?
I stood, ignoring the officers exiting behind him. "Boyd!" I called out.
His head jerked up, his eyes wide in shook. He frowned, hurrying to my side.
"What the hell are you doing here? You are going to ruin your cover!" he declared, pulling me towards a nearby alley.
"It's not true, right? You didn't know?"
Once inside the safe dark alley, he leaned closer, tucking a stray bleached blonde hair behind my ear. "You shouldn't be here, Parker. You know the rules."
When I lay with you
I could stay there
Close my eyes
Feel you're here forever
You and me together
Nothing gets better
My heart pounded. This time it wasn't because of his closeness. "Please, Boyd. Please, you didn't know. You didn't send him there knowing."
He groaned. "What are you talking about? I have been yelled at over and over again tonight, I don't need you here ruining the op we have had you under for over five months just to ask me cryptic questions."
"The cop? The one who got hurt? Was it Sam?"
Boyd nodded. "He's okay, Parker. You don't have to worry about it."
"You aren't why he got made. Right?"
'Cause there's a side to you
That I never knew, never knew,
All the things you'd say,
They were never true, never true,
And the games you play
You would always win, always win.
He frowned. "What? Of course not. It was a rookie. She went to screw him and Brennan came over. I'm sure he spotted her as a cop from the moment he laid eyes on her."
My heart plummeted. Please, no. He couldn't be lying. "What about the boat?"
His brows furrowed together. "What boat? Swarek's boat for the op? What about it?"
I closed my eyes, refusing to give in. I wanted to run and hide. To leave the questions unasked. If I didn't know, I could still crawl under my covers believing he was the man I wanted him to be. He would be there to catch me when I fell.
But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
My voice was quiet but firm. "The boat. That's what got him made. The streets are filled with the news at how dumb the coppers are for using a boat linked to a well-known trafficker of this area."
Boyd's jaw clenched. "That's not why it went down."
I let out a breath. "Jesus, you can't even admit it. I know you wanted Brennan, but you didn't do it like this on purpose. It was a mistake?"
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, it felt something died
'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time
He backed away from me, throwing his hands into the air. "What is the obsession with the boat? I told you, he didn't get made because of it. The boat was used by a criminal previously nabbed but that had nothing to do with Sammy getting caught."
My heart broke into a thousand pieces. If only he would admit he messed up. Like I said, mistakes happen. You don't want to make them, but if you do, you own them. Boyd told me that my first day undercover for him. If he had nothing to hide, why wouldn't he admit the real reason?
Sometimes I wake up by the door,
That heart you caught, must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you.
I stared at him, my sadness and anger mixing together till I felt nothing. "You figured if you couldn't get him on past murders, you'd get him taking out a cop?" He started to reply but I kept on going. "It sounds crazy to me. I mean, ludicrous. So tell me I'm wrong. Tell me why you won't admit you fucked up." My voice began to rise. "You fucked up royally with the boat! How could you do that? You are supposed to keep us safe," I accused.
I set fire to the rain,
Watch it pour as I touch your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
"Listen Parker, my day has been crap. Now instead of one undercover op going to hell, you come running here like the scared little rabbit you are ruining my second one. What do you think is going to happen with the Mackenzie's when you are off grid? Think they won't miss you? You're burned." He rubbed his forehead. "You're worse than that rookie. You should know better."
I stared at him, unseeing. "Sam's my friend."
Boyd laughed coldly. "You don't have friends – except for me. Isn't that what you always tell me? Here I thought you had my back. But you couldn't wait to come running to throw me to the wolves."
I set fire to the rain,
And I threw us into the flames
Well, it felt something died
'Cause I knew that was the last time
The last time, oh, oh!
"No, Boyd, I was hoping to save you from it," I replied in my defense. "I came to help. When I heard the rumors, I knew it had to be a mistake. Either someone at the club got it wrong or you just hadn't known. But you lied. You lied to me. No reason to do that unless you are guilty." I closed my eyes, shaking my head. "I'm hoping for the best. I can't fathom why you would give Sam up like that. It makes no sense. Cause, if Brennan did snap on him and he wasn't caught in the act, you would have had a hell of a time to prove it." I opened my eyes, staring at him sadly. "My gut says you knew though. And if that's true, I hate you for it."
He closed the distance between us, cradling my face in his hands. "Sweetheart, it's not true. I would never-"
I stopped him. My emotions were gone and in place was the girl who had given up stability and security for a life of living undercover on the streets. She knew all about survival. "Don't lie. I can't go back. I don't trust you to cover me. Not now. Not when I know this."
His eyes widened. "You think I would hurt you? You must know how I feel."
I stepped away from him, pulling the head of my black sweatshirt up. "Don't, Boyd. Don't. You want me to trust you, tell me the truth. Tell me why."
"I am, dammit!" he angrily retorted, slamming his hand into the wall behind me.
"Then it's a stalemate. We'll talk again tomorrow. But as of tonight, I'm out."
I ignored his calls for me to come back, instead picking up my pace as I headed to a long forgotten bar.
Let it burn
Let it burn
Let it burn