Everything's property of George Lucas and Joe Diffie... I'm just the pawn that got stabbed by the plot bunny and couldn't get it out of my head. No money involved, blah blah blah. Also ended up being longer than I'd expected it to. I switch around the lyrics of the last part a little bit to make it fit better with the story, but Mr. Diffie can still have credit for that, I was just borrowing it.
Been one tough week, dead on my feet, but I've got plans for tonight.
When I'm feeling blue, know just what to do, and how to make it right.
Seems like I've needed this forever... Gonna have myself a night to remember
Luke sighed quietly as the door slid shut behind him and turned and keyed the lock. R2-D2 whistled quietly as Luke tossed his cloak onto the coat rack and headed for his bedroom.
"I'm all right, R2, I know it's late. Go ahead and power down for the night, I've got a few things to do before I turn in."
R2 whistled forlornly but complied with his master's wishes, rolling toward his plug at the back of the apartment Luke kept on Coruscant. Luke smiled, albeit a bit sadly, at his faithful droid's concern. Moving into the kitchen, he opened one of the cabinets, looking for something to eat, when his eyes fell on the bottle of Whyren's Reserve that Han had given him a few months back, when...
His thoughts trailed off there, trying to block the memory out. Luke hesitated for a moment, then shrugged. "Eh, kriff it," he muttered, and grabbed the bottle. He carried it into his bedroom with him and set it down on the floor next to the closet as he rummaged around inside. He emerged a minute later with a box, which he set the bottle of Whyren's on top of and headed back out to the living area.
Dim the lights, lock the door, spread your pictures onthe floor,
Throw the dust off of our past, let it all come floodin' back.
Cause' it ain't easy being strong, and when I can't forget you're gone,
I just surrender, and have myself a night to remember.
Luke turned the holo-fire on, wishing for a moment it gave off the warmth that the real fireplace back in the hovel on Tatooine would've given off on a cold night. The "fire" lit, he turned off the overhead lights, checked the front door to make sure it was locked, turned the comm unit off, and carefully erected barriers around the part of his mind that his bond with Leia occupied- not enough to shut her out completely, but enough that she wouldn't wonder what he was up to. Tonight... he needed privacy.
He sank to a sitting position on the thick rug in front of the fireplace, setting the box and bottle down in front of him. He took a pull from the bottle, feeling the whiskey burn the back of his throat as he reached into the box and pulled the first holo out of it.
And instantly, he was back to the day that Callista had first become his, the day that Cray had sacrificed herself so that he and Callista could be together. He could feel her hair in his fingers, the way her hands wrapped around his, the feel of her body against his.
But that was just the beginning.
Shot after shot of whiskey, holo after holo, Luke felt his emotions slowly eating away at the barriers that he had maintained through the past few months, barriers that had kept his emotions from eating away at him. But something about the way the alcohol in his bloodstream mixed with those emotions let those barriers erode.
The end came when he pulled one last holo from the box- the last happy picture he had of himself and Callista. He hadn't know Kyp was taking it at the time, and he had been hugging Callista, his hand at the base of her neck while she was grinning up at him.
The final crack in his barriers gave in, and they collapsed in a flood of emotion. He let his chin drop to his chest and the tears began falling, gradually turning into sobs. He knew he was drunk, just as he knew he should be using Force techniques to cleanse the alcohol from his bloodstream. Whether or not it was because he was drunk, however, he didn't care, and he too another shot from the bottle of whiskey.
Luke caught a glint of light from within the box and he frowned- he'd thought it was empty. He tilted the box over and reached inside, pulling out the holo that had been wedged in the bottom. It refused to turn on at first, but he slapped it up against his palm a few times and hit the power button again.
His breath caught in his throat as the holo sprang to life. Leia must've taken in... How it had gotten into his box of Callista's holos, he had no idea. But this one... this one he remember perfectly, because it had been the only time since Callista had left him that he'd felt even close to whole again. It'd been one of Leia's fancy state dinners, the ones he hated going to, but Mara had been at this one, and they'd spent the night playfully bantering at each other. The holo had been taken after they'd both had a few drinks, and Luke had his arm slung around Mara's shoulders, her head resting against his with her eyes closed. Both of them were smiling, oblivious to the camera pointed their way. He'd felt alive again that night, and he'd almost worked up the courage to ask Mara to go to dinner with him sometime. Almost. But he hadn't, afraid of being rejected again that night, so he shoved the feelings back down, telling himself that Mara would never feel anything for him other than friendship. He still wondered what might've been if he had...
A ghost of a smile traced Luke's lips for a moment as the part of his mind still sober enough to process information felt for the Mara part of his mind that he tried to deny existed- mostly for her sake- during his normal life. He knew she wouldn't be happy if he tried to insist to her that did exist, even though she had to be aware of it herself. He thought he felt her quizzical mind-touch back- but given his state of mind right now, it was probably just his imagination.
Sad ain't my style but once in a while, I just have to give in
'Cause a woman like you is so hard to lose, you just don't want it to end
I know this can't go on forever... So tonight I'll have a night to remember.
The smile faded as his eyes were drawn back to the rest of the holos spread out on the floor, and he set the one of Mara aside, already mostly forgotten as the pain of Callista leaving him threatened to tear him apart again. Wobbily, he leaned over to the end table next to the holo-fire, pulling the drawer open and pulling out the blaster that Han insisted he keep in his apartment "just in case." He set it on the floor next to him and pulled his lightsaber off his belt and set it on the floor as well.
He sat there for a while, staring at the two weapons, feeling like his heart was being broken in two all over again... and how easy it would be to end it. Part of him would've preferrred to use his lightsaber- quick, clean, as well as being the weapon that was nearly apart of him. Part of him, however, felt that it would've been near blasphemic to use the weapon of a Jedi to commit suicide... that it'd be against the ideals he stood for while weilding the weapon. He picked them both up, holding them in his hands, and stared at them for a long while.
While he sat there and worked up his courage to commit the act, trying to convince himself that the galaxy would be better off without him, a certain Mara Jade had felt his almost casual brush again her mind... and quickly became alarmed when it became apparent that he wasn't shielding from her, and was considering killing himself off.
Luke stared at the blaster pistol in his hand, the weapon feeling almost foreign after not having used one in so long. Whether it was because he was drunk, concentrated so hard on shielding from Leia, absorbed in his personal choice or death, or a combination of the three, he didn't notice the flutter of Mara's touch in his mind growing stronger as she stormed down the hallway toward his apartment. He swallowed hard as he started the lift the blaster to his temple-
And dropped it in astonishment as a lightsaber swiftly cut through his front door and it fell in.
Mara stepped through the door, lightsaber still glowing an indignant blue and her eyes alight with anger as she glared at him. "Skywalker, what in the nine Corellian hells do you think you're doing?"
Luke glanced back down at the blaster that was once again lying on the floor. "Isn't it obvious?" he slurred, reaching down to pick it back up.
Something flashed in the back of her eyes- Luke thought for a moment that it might've been pain, but dismissed the thought just as quickly. Whatever Mara might've felt, it wasn't for him. She crossed the room to him and sank to the floor before he could get his fingers back around the grip, sliding it out of his reach. He stubbornly refused to meet her gaze and she placed a hand under his chin, tilting his head back up. "Luke..."
Looking back on the moment later, Luke would never be able to identify what, exactly, spurred his next actions on. For some reason, the feeling in the tone of Mara's voice when she said his name sent fire racing through his veins, burning away the apathy the alcohol had caused, and all of a sudden he was stretched out on top of her, his body pressed against hers, his fingers wound through her hair, kissing her soundly.
What surprised his more than the fact that he wasn't dead. Because he would've expected Mara to kill him as soon as she realized what he was doing. But no... not only was he still alive, she was kissing him back.
Luke pressed his mouth harder against hers, quickly pushing himself through a Force detox technique. He wanted to feel this, to remember it... Nothing with Callista had ever felt this right, had never made him feel so complete. He reveled in the feel of her lips against his, her fingers in his hair. He pulled his mouth away from hers and traced the line from her chin to her neck, elliciting a gasp from Mara in return. He smiled slightly as his lips moved from her neck to her earlobe, nibbling ever so gently on the flesh there.
"Luke..." she murmured again, and Luke felt a fresh rush of passion run through him. He rolled off her, ignoring her protests, and scooped her into his arms and stood, swaying slightly as he regained his equilibrium. Sure of his balance, he headed into his bedroom and gently laid her on the bed before turning and making sure the bedroom door was locked. He turned back to the bed and nearly stalked toward Mara, ridding himself of his shirt as he went.
Somehow- Luke was never sure of the details later- their clothes ended up on the floor, their bodies and minds joined as intimately as only two Force users could be. Luke collapsed onto his back to catch his breath, pulling Mara against him to lay her head on his shoulder.
Sometime later, Mara propped herself up on one elbow to look down at him, reaching over with her other hand to brush a stray piece of hair from her face. "As good as that was Farmboy, you're lucky I don't just kill you myself... What WERE you thinking?" The anger returned to her eyes, and Luke swallowed hard as he looked up at her.
"It's not easy," he whispered, his eyes sliding away from hers, no longer able to meet hers as the pain returned- not as strong as it had been, but still there, "to be strong all the time..."
"Oh, Luke..." Mara murmured, settling back down onto his shoulder and wrapping her arm around him. "You don't have to be strong all of the time. Not with your family..." her voice trailed off for a moment, as if she was considering her next words carefully. "And not with me."
Hesitantly, Luke reached for her, not with his hands, but with the Force, and his eyes widened in astonishment as he found her mind unobstructed from his, almost as if... "Mara?" he asked tremulously, not daring to believe that they had bonded.
She chuckled, and the sound sent a thrill through him. "Well, you didn't expect that to be a one night stand, did you?" She reached her hand up to her cheek, now slightly hesitant. "Unless you didn't want it to be me...?"
Luke's heart almost broke all over again at the pain in her voice she tried to hide, and he tightened his arms around her as he considered his next words. Sure, the entire reason that she'd even had to come to his rescue was because he'd had to go and stroll down memory lane with all his holos of Callista... But if he hadn't found that one holo of Mara in the box and reached out to her, would he still be alive now. And then there were his feelings about the time that said holo had been taken.
"I think," he said carefully, reaching a hand down and tilting her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "I think I want to show you something. Wait here, okay?"
Mara nodded, a thousand different emotions flashing through her eyes as she watched him walk from the room. Luke walked to the pile of holos, picked up the one of Mara and himself, and took it back to the bedroom. He handed it to her as he sat back down next to her, smiling. "Turn it on."
Mara looked at him dubiously- she probably didn't know it had been taken either, and was more than likely trying to figure out why Luke would want her to look at one of his pictures of his ex-girlfriend. Luke raised an eyebrow challengingly at her, and Mara smirked back at him before hitting the power button on the disk she held.
Luke wrapped his arm around her as he heard her breath catch, and he pulled her closer to him. "Do you remember that night, Mara? I don't think I've ever felt so complete as I did that night... and as I do right now. My only regret," and here he had to pause for a moment to swallow the sudden lump in his throat, "is that I almost threw it all away."
Mara leaned over the edge of the bed, reaching for the utility belt that had been thrown to the floor during their earlier escapade. She fished another disk from the one of the pockets and handed it to Luke. "I thought I was the only one who had a copy of that," she murmured as he hit the power button and the same holo that he'd found in his box appeared in front of him. "I knew that night... but I didn't dare to hope, not so soon after... she'd left." She swallowed hard, and looked up to meet Luke's teary gaze. "I love you, Luke. I only wish I'd told you sooner, maybe I could've prevented..."
Her voice trailed off as Luke crushed her against him, reaching to her through their bond. It flared open like a supernova, each of their minds completely opening to and enfolding around the other's. Luke caught Mara's mouth with his as their minds melted together until it became impossible to tell where one started and the other left off. Slowly, he eased up on his kiss, easing away from the complete and total bond as he did so. He didn't let go of Mara, however, and was quickly aware of the fact that while it wasn't the overwhelming experience of just a few seconds ago, their bond had become something totally new. Mara looked up at his, her eyes as wide as his. "I think you're stuck with me now," she joked, and if her voice was a bit shaky due to all of the new sensations, Luke understood completely.
"Stuck?" Luke took her face gently between his hands and kissed her softly. "Never stuck, my love... Never." He kissed both of her cheeks, then her nose, her forehead, and finally her mouth again. "My love, my savior, my anchor. And my entire world... If you find your Knight to be worthy of you." Despite her declaration of love, part of him worried. He'd been so weak...
Sensing his train of thought, Mara shook her head. "I told you already, Luke... You don't have to be strong all of the time. The trick is sharing your weakness." Her gaze softened, and she smiled. "I'm here for that... and I always will be."
Luke hugged her to him again, then suddenly jumped up off of the bed and began rummaged in his dresser. Mara watched him curiously until he finally turned and came back to her, something hidden in his hand.
He ran a hand nervously through his hair as he crouched at the edge of the bed in front of her. "I know this is kind of sudden," he murmured, and opened his hand to reveal a ring in a small box. The fire emerald was blue at the center instead of the usual red, and if that wasn't enough, it was ringed by diamonds. Mara's heart skipped a beat as her eyes darted back and forth from the ring to Luke's face, not daring to believe what he was asking her.
"This was my Aunt Beru's," Luke said softly, gazing down at the ring for a moment before his eyes found hers again and stayed there. "She always said I'd know who to give it to when the moment was right." He paused for a moment, and swallowed. He didn't want to say the next words- didn't want to mar the beauty of this moment by mentioning her, but he knew he had to, to cement into Mara's mind the fact that she wasn't his second choice. "I was... I had been thinking of giving it to Callista, before she left, but I never knew when the right moment would be. And this is why. Because there never would've been a right moment, because I could no more bond my soul to hers than I can extract it from yours. Marry me, Mara."
She couldn't resist. "And if I say no?" she asked, her eyes twinkling.
"If you say no," Luke answered, "I will follow you to the ends of the galaxy and back. I will ask you again every day until you tell me yes. I am inextricably bound to you, and I will never leave your side."
Eyes glittering with unshed tears, Mara threw her arms around Luke's neck, whispering "Yes!" over and over again. Luke held her tight against him, his heart soaring. Mara looked up at him, lips quirked somewhere between a smile and a smirk. "Luke?"
He smile down at her. "Hmm?" he asked contentedly.
"If you ever do that to me again, you won't have to worry about trying to kill yourself because I'll do it myself!" Mara punctuated her words by punching him in the arm- hard. Luke only laughed in delight, pulling her tightly into his arms again and vowing he'd never let her go.
Oh it ain't easy being strong, but now I can forget you're gone
And I won't surrender, but I'll have myself a night to remember.