A.N. I've been working on this in secret for a while now, but, well, I need the reviews that this will hopefully generate to keep it up.
To those of my Sonic Fan Fic readers, I apologize for not having a new part for Chaotic Memories or Quest For A House. I hope to update those soon...ish...We'll see.
Anyways, back to Kingdom Hearts. This story was born by me trying to find a good Kingdom Hearts story that was not slash or AU. What horrifies me the most is when it's both. Insert shudder here.
Especially school fan fics. The hell is up with all of those? Yah, I said a bad word.
For those who have read previous humor stories of mine, this is not my typical humor. It's a bit more in your face and pokes fun at people. Mainly, fan people. Who am I kidding, it's mostly fan girls with this slash stuff.
If I insult anyone in this, I wish I could say I apologize...But I can't. Feel free to flame me, as I figure I can use their power to keep this up.
Without further ado, my first posted Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction...
Kingdom Hearts: What The Hell?
A dry cough, and a blonde haired teenager stepped into the spotlight, standing idly on the stage, dressed in his white outfit, looking a little nervous.
"Hello," the blonde said, nodding his head and showing no emotion. "As you all may know, my name is Roxas, and I have been asked by The Author to introduce this Fan Fiction, inspired by the amazing amount of…shall we say 'strange' things seen in the Kingdom Hearts section. Now…"
Roxas paused suddenly, as there was a loud explosion, part of the curtain catching on fire, a tall red head wearing a black coat appearing, doing a slight jig as he appeared on stage, a second spot light on him.
"And I'm Axel! A-X-E-L! Got it memorized?" the red head shouted, pumping his fist into the air as he stood next to his fellow Nobody.
"…Axel…What are you doing here?" Roxas wondered, eyebrow raised, looking towards his friend.
"I'm spicing things up!" the fire user grinned, "You're being all drab and boring with this intro, Roxas my main bud. We need pizzazz, fireworks, robotic puppies, free ice cream, and blue hedgehogs!"
Roxas paused, considering all this, then offered, "Robotic puppies?"
"Okay, those are kinda creepy. Maybe not those," Axel mused, nodding his head, "An epic fight scene?"
"This is just an introduction Axel," Roxas responded, "Fight scenes aren't due for a while."
"Well then let's introduce this thing already before the audience falls asleep!" Axel shouted, and Roxas sighed, shaking his head.
"Alright, alright. Ahem," Roxas coughed lightly, then turned back to the audience, "Now, this fic will probably end up making fun of many of the Kingdom Hearts Fan Fics out there on FF Net. Since, well, most of them seem to be slash…"
"Really now? What's slash?" Axel wondered, then snapped his fingers, a red laptop appearing in his hands, "Guess I better figure out how to work this thing now…"
"Errr…" Roxas muttered, eyes widening as he looked at the lap top, "I wouldn't do that Axel…You will have nightmares. Bad nightmares."
"Aren't all nightmares bad? And hey, I may already be a winner…and enlarge my-"
Axel suddenly found himself whacked upside the head with Roxas' Oblivion Keyblade, crying out in pain and rubbing said head.
"I was gonna say pectorals!" Axel groaned, "get your mind out of the gutter Roxas! Now, what's the 'ouh-are-elle' for this 'eff-eff' net place?"
"I will never tell!" Roxas shouted, waving his Oblivion Keyblade and smashing Axel's lap top, then racing away, the red headed pyro standing there, blinking, then chasing after him, pulling out his own weapons.
"Get back here! You owe me a new lap top!"
Silence descended the stage, and now, two new figures emerged from the scene.
"Garsh Donald, are we really in the right spot?" it was strange, dog-man-like creature, dressed in green, looking confused and glancing about, a spotlight on him.
"Of course we are! Look, there's the audience!" a angry white duck wearing blue shouted, waving towards the seats which held everyone. Another spotlight was focused on him.
"Wow! Awful lot of them!" the dog-man-like creature commented, "Hiyuck! My name's Goofy!"
"Donald," the duck muttered, "Now we're here only briefly, until the beginning of this fic. We will show in the fic as well, of course. Now, I'm wondering why so many of you Kingdom Hearts authors can call your stories 'fan fics' when so many of them are AU! Now OOC I can understand, if it's all done in humor, but come on, how many of these 'school' ones are there! Bad enough there's all these weird pairings in them, but come on people!"
"I personally like the Sora/Kairi pairing myself," Goofy nodded, "But those seem so rare."
Donald nodded, "Yes, yes, we all support that pairing here. Except Xemnas, who just wants to kill us all. And stop blushing Sora!"
There was a whimper from off stage, then Donald turned back towards the audience.
A portal of darkness appeared suddenly, and Axel appeared, a little scruffed up, but otherwise fine. "Hey, what's 'fluff'?" He had also acquired a new laptop and was peering at the screen, "And what's…"
Axel paused again. "Okay, would Sora/Roxas be incest or narcissism?"
There was a pause, and a collective shudder went down the three's back, and there was a thud from off stage.
"Well, looks like we gotta revive Sora so we can get on with this story! Hiyuck, see you later!" Goofy waved, as the outer curtains closed over them, and the fire from earlier beginning to spread towards the audience.
"Seriously though…What's 'fluff'?"
A.N. And thus, it begins.