I sat in my room, crying silently while hugging me knees. The lyrics to a
muggle song fought their way into my mind. It made so much sense to me.
"Now I will tell you what I've done for you,
50 thousand tears, I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you,
And you still won't hear me.
Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself,
Maybe I'll wake up for once.
Not tormented daily defeated by you,
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom,
I'm dying again.
I'm going under,
Drowning in you.
I'm falling forever,
I've got to break through,
I'm going under
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies,
So I don't know what's real and what's not.
Always confusing the thoughts in my head,
So I can't trust myself anymore.
I'm dying again.
I'm going under,
Drowning in you.
I'm falling forever;
I've got to break through.
So go on and scream,
Scream at me I'm so far away,
I won't be broken again,
I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under."
50 thousand tears? Try 50 thousand more and you'd be half way there. I wished. I prayed he would understand what I felt for him. For 3 years I had yearned for him, wanted him, and fallen in love with him. I wasn't great at Potions, and it frustrated both me and him. He was critical of my work, but I always thought it was because, underneath the layer of venom, he cared for his students. I had always hoped it was because he cared for me more, but I always snapped out of it, being more of a realist than an optimist.
The lyrics whirled around in my head as I sketched love hearts on my notebook. I missed my family and my muggle friends. Of course, I had good friends at Hogwarts - Harry and Ron were great - but I needed a hug, and I needed a shoulder to cry on. Ron and Harry would disown me if they knew my secret. MY secret. I sighed, thinking by keeping my forbidden love secret, I was holding a bit of Snape in my heart and noone else would know.
I took in a breath and released my legs from my grasp. I stood infront of the full length mirror and took a good look at myself. I was attractive and wasn't in bad shape. Infact, last Valentine's Day I received 3 cards and 2 single red roses. It brought a smile to my face, but I couldn't stop my eyes from wandering over to meet Snape's black eyes in the Great Hall. I had hoped one of the roses was sent secretly from him. I sighed and made my way to the door to the common room. What the hell do I have to offer to him? I'm no good at potions. I don't match his intelligence by half, and I'm a Gryffindor. All I have to offer him is love. If only he knew.
"Now I will tell you what I've done for you,
50 thousand tears, I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you,
And you still won't hear me.
Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself,
Maybe I'll wake up for once.
Not tormented daily defeated by you,
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom,
I'm dying again.
I'm going under,
Drowning in you.
I'm falling forever,
I've got to break through,
I'm going under
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies,
So I don't know what's real and what's not.
Always confusing the thoughts in my head,
So I can't trust myself anymore.
I'm dying again.
I'm going under,
Drowning in you.
I'm falling forever;
I've got to break through.
So go on and scream,
Scream at me I'm so far away,
I won't be broken again,
I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under."
50 thousand tears? Try 50 thousand more and you'd be half way there. I wished. I prayed he would understand what I felt for him. For 3 years I had yearned for him, wanted him, and fallen in love with him. I wasn't great at Potions, and it frustrated both me and him. He was critical of my work, but I always thought it was because, underneath the layer of venom, he cared for his students. I had always hoped it was because he cared for me more, but I always snapped out of it, being more of a realist than an optimist.
The lyrics whirled around in my head as I sketched love hearts on my notebook. I missed my family and my muggle friends. Of course, I had good friends at Hogwarts - Harry and Ron were great - but I needed a hug, and I needed a shoulder to cry on. Ron and Harry would disown me if they knew my secret. MY secret. I sighed, thinking by keeping my forbidden love secret, I was holding a bit of Snape in my heart and noone else would know.
I took in a breath and released my legs from my grasp. I stood infront of the full length mirror and took a good look at myself. I was attractive and wasn't in bad shape. Infact, last Valentine's Day I received 3 cards and 2 single red roses. It brought a smile to my face, but I couldn't stop my eyes from wandering over to meet Snape's black eyes in the Great Hall. I had hoped one of the roses was sent secretly from him. I sighed and made my way to the door to the common room. What the hell do I have to offer to him? I'm no good at potions. I don't match his intelligence by half, and I'm a Gryffindor. All I have to offer him is love. If only he knew.