Title: Biased, tag for 9.12 Sharp Teeth
By: Tidia
Beta and Improvements by: Ridley C. James
Rating: Pg-13 for language
Author's notes: I am a lapsed Supernatural watcher, more like fair weather friend. (So much so that I had to ask a friend what season we were up to) Imagine my surprise when I tune in and Dean gets a storyline! The mark of Cain-there could be some potential. I had hope, quickly dashed with the ending of next episode. This coincided with me getting a cold and having some time to write a tag (non-Brotherhood) to vent because this also has the potential to go all wrong.
Dean pulled into the garage at the bunker and sat in the car while Sam collected his stuff. After a minute Dean decided to go outside to get some air, walking in the opposite direction of his brother.
Sam called out to him, "You comin'?"
Dean didn't know how to answer a coworker. Was, 'give me a fucking break,' appropriate? Or was that only something someone said to a brother? Dean decided that a simple hand wave and his back sent an easily understood message.
He should have taken the car out for a drive, maybe gone to the supermarket. Of course as a paranoid hunter he made sure to vary where he stocked up whether it was food or booze. They could not go to the same place twice- could not be memorable in case someone or something was looking for them. Costco, 2 hours away, was holy ground- too large to be noticed, since everyone was stocking up on giant bottles of ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise.
Each step away calmed him until he sat down and lay against the grass looking up to the stars so easily seen far from the city. Over thirty years of his life had gone by, and he had stopped reflecting back a long time ago. It was too painful when the bad memories started to outweigh the small, happy moments. There was a time with Lisa and Ben when there was this bee in their house that would not die. It became a running joke with them. He was the only one who remembered it now.
"You and Sam are together."
Dean had not prayed to Castiel, but should not have been surprised that the angel was waiting to speak to him. "No, that's my fellow employee. Maybe supervisor if we are doing things his way."
Castiel crouched down, then sat down next to Dean. "What does that mean?"
Dean's stomach churned again in anger. He pulled the grass under his right hand, remaining flat with his back on the earth. "Sam says that family makes him make bad decisions. That would be me."
"I see," Castiel replied, quietly lying on the ground, too.
"Glad someone does," Dean answered after a minute of silence. He usually left so much unsaid. "I wanted to take on the trials, find another hellhound, but he made this big speech about wanting to live. At the end, back in the church he decided he wanted to live so I get punished for sticking to that plan." He called upon an angel to heal his brother, and it had to go a step further. He wanted to respect Sam's wishes of choosing life. He gave Sam that respect. Like when Sam had gone to Hell and had made Dean promise to go to Lisa, Dean had gone. When Dean had gotten electrocuted he told Sam he was ready to die. Marshall Hall's life was sucked away from him because Sam didn't want to respect Dean's wish to let go. It was another person that Dean had to atone to. This was why he did not reminisce. It was almost ten years since the reaper and the pastor's wife.
"I was telling Sam about peanut butter and jelly-"
Dean turned his head towards Castiel. "Fuck peanut butter and jelly." Dean's anger was growing again. "We didn't have to be here. I was going to say yes to Michael all those years ago and all this did not have to happen. Ever think of that?"
"I have. I was wrong in the role I played." Castiel had beaten Dean up, forced him to go along with Sam's plan and kept him prisoner.
Dean accepted the apology as he rubbed a hand down his face almost expecting the bruises and disfigurement to still be there. The angel had been misled, the effect of being a soldier angel accustomed to following orders.
He took in a few deep breaths. "Purgatory, Cas. He didn't try to look for me. He didn't choose me."
For Castiel Purgatory had been punishment for his attempt at godhood. The angel was about redemption and continued to serve time in the place between Heaven and Hell. "Sam will choose himself."
Growing up Sam knew he was the center of Dean's life, making Sam self-important. Too bad there had not been more people in their family, another person to shift Dean's focus. "Most of the time it's the right choice. The choice I should make. Save yourself." It was not ingrained in him like it was in Sam. That choice was difficult. "Wasn't always like that or at least I don't think so. The rules changed when I wasn't looking. What was right before, saving each other, is wrong now. And Kevin and the others pay the price because I choose Sam." That guilt would never go away so Dean would seek revenge since forgiveness would never come.
"I see peanut butter and jelly will not work with you." Castiel sat up. "My self-examination has led me to see a pattern. Excusing my own behavior and accusing other people of it, blaming them for my wrongdoing." The angel cocked his head in the direction of the bunker. "Sam is susceptible to the same process. I apologize for doing that to you. What I have done has been my doing."
Castiel could have said that he was tricked and blamed Metatron. It was the easier way. "So it took you becoming human to realize that? So no hope for Sam. He's all wash, rinse, repeat." Past behavior was a predictor for future behavior. Dean saw that in himself and in Sam.
The angel stood. "Humans have an ability to change and become self-aware. You and Sam working together again is a first step." Castiel disappeared with a nod to his friend.
Dean brushed his hand against the mark of Cain on his forearm, unwillingly thinking of that first brotherhood, the terrible sins that began sibling rivalry. Cain had killed his brother in jealousy, envy. Dean had given up everything for his brother, selflessly, and still he'd somehow managed to end up losing him. He looked up at the stars once more, searching for some sign, proof Cas was right and there was hope. He and Sam would end differently, better, even if that meant they stopped being brothers for a while, even metaphorically.