Author's Notes: Alright, I've finally submitted another story! Yaay for me! Okay just so you know don't take this story seriously, its pure silliness! And just so you know Sasuke and Naruto live together for some weird reason.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, Violence, offensive language and erm ... other stuff.

Naruto's Evil, Crazy, Disturbing Birthday-- Chapter One: It's My Birthday!

Naruto closed his eyes tightly, hoping it would be gone when he opened them.

Blink, Blink

Nope, it's still there. He felt like screaming, "Sasuke save me!" But he figured if he woke the slumbering Uchiha it would only worsen his already desperate situation. He had to think, there must be some way to get rid of it. Maybe he could just squish it? No, too messy. Or he could blow it up with a bomb! But where would he get the bomb? Before he could give himself another mental suggestion, it moved. "WHA!"

Naruto heard Sasuke groan loudly from the room behind him. "Shut the hell up Naruto!" Came the sleepy voice of the blonde's roommate. "But Sasuke, there's an evil scary monster that's eating my ramen and trying to kill me!" Naruto responded, jumping up and down in desperation. He heard Sasuke mumble something about "stupid idiot, eating ramen at eight in the morning…" and some other incoherent words.

The young raven-haired boy stammered out of the bedroom half-dressed. A smile crept onto Naruto's face as he saw his rescuer stumble over to the table. Sasuke looked at the ramen cup, then at Naruto. "What monster?" he said with a tone annoyance in his voice. "That one," Naruto replied, pointing to a tiny spider that had fallen into his ramen. Sasuke groaned and grabbed the ramen cup. "W-what are you doing!" Naruto stuttered nervously as Sasuke stepped outside. The Uchiha emptied the ramen and stepped back inside, handing the Styrofoam cup to Naruto. "Problem Solved," Sasuke said.

Later that day, after Naruto was done crying over his Ramen, Sasuke took his little fox out for lunch. They were eating outside at a nice little café. Naruto dug in to his chicken flavored ramen noodles. "So Naruto," Sasuke began his voice void of any and all emotion, "What do you think?" The blonde slurped up the last of the noodles and met eyes with the other. "It's really good Sasuke; but why are you taking me out for lunch?"

Sasuke resisted the urge to hit Naruto in the face and calmly answered, "In case you've forgotten, which you clearly have, today is your birthday Naruto." The blonde was quiet for a while then smiled. He gulped down the last of the hot broth and stood up, Sasuke followed suit. An awkward silence descended upon them as Sasuke paid the bill. He dug in his pocket for a few coins.

Jingly, jingle, jingle POW!

The Uchiha found himself on the ground and Naruto on top of him, hugging him. He felt out of breath as the fox-child embraced tightly. "Naruto what the--" The world seemed to stand still as their lips met and Naruto forcefully slipped his tongue into the others mouth. Sasuke broke the kiss and gasped for air. The fox looked at his curiously. Obviously they had completely forgotten they were in a public restaurant and didn't realize they had quite a few spectators.

Sasuke's face was now a deep shade of red. "Thank you, Sasuke," Naruto said calmly as he helped his friend to his feet. "For what?" Sasuke snapped. The blonde smiled and grabbed Sasuke's hand. "No one's ever done something for my Birthday before."

The walk home was quiet, the two ninja's made their way back house hand-in-hand. When the got there Naruto went to bed right away, even though it was only two o' clock. This was a perfect opportunity for Sasuke to begin working on his evil plot. He pulled out the phonebook and began dialing up numbers. "Sakura, you're still coming, right? Good, okay. Master Kakashi too? Perfect, see you at seven." He then proceeded to run to the market for some last minute party supplies.

When he returned it was already four o' clock. "Damn stupid clock, go slower!" He shouted in vain. The boy then realized that Naruto was awake and lounging on the couch. "Oh no," Sasuke whispered to himself as he tried to shove all of the supplies into a nearby closet. "Hey, where were you?" The blonde inquired. "Nowhere," Sasuke answered and left the room. "Oh…"

It was now six o' clock and Sasuke hadn't been able set anything up yet. Time was running out… "Hey Naruto, why don't you…. Um… Take a bath!" Sasuke said pointing to the bathroom. He mentally congratulated himself on his quick thinking. "I'm not dirty," The blonde replied simply and continued watching television. "Oh well that's okay, you can take one for fun." Naruto seemed to be confused at this comment; bathes had never been 'fun.' "I took one last month," He answered plainly.

Now Sasuke was getting desperate. A surprise party seemed almost impossible. Unless… "Hey Naruto, why don't you go over to Master Kakashi's house for a while," Sasuke said slyly. "Why? Do you hate me?" Naruto replied, his big, blue eyes shimmering. "No, I just think you need to get out for a while," Sasuke answered rushing the other out the door. He then quickly picked up the phone and dialed Kakashi's. "I need you to distract Naruto while I set up for the party…"

To be concluded…