Catch the Wind

Author: Lysis (Copyright June 2012 by Lysis)

Angst, angst, angst…..

******This is an experiment. I've never written a FIC with song lyrics before, but for some reason I felt compelled to write this. This is my first attempt at this sort of thing, so please, don't laugh too hard. If it sucks... suggestions?

Poem and song lyrics: "Catch the Wind, by Donovan Leitch.

Summary: Thirteen year old Alexander is fixated on Hephaistion, and suffering for it when Hephaistion's young cousin, Demades comes from Athens to Mieza, for a visit.

In the chilly hours and minutes of uncertainty

I long to be in the warm hold of your mind

To feel you all around me and to take your hand along the sand…

The trees around Alexander rustled softly with the breath of Zephyr. Stepping lightly, with the hesitation of a young fawn beckoned by an open meadow, he slipped out from behind his hiding place, and moved cautiously almost on tiptoe toward a small tumble of ruins near the river. They were quite old, in a style no longer seen, the marble thick with furry green moss. There he would hide. He could not bear to be seen. Oh, no, it would be too… He drew a hand into a fist and frowned deeply. Just now, he ought to be the happiest boy in all of Macedonia, he had just turned thirteen and been celebrated with an elaborate feast. He was no longer under the bitter régime of Leonidas; he was free from the intrigues of the court and his Mother. He had his beloved Boukephalus. Aristotle, his new teacher here at the Garden of the Nymphs, was a man whom he knew would be fair and considerate. Already, he looked forward each morn to his lessons. He could not honestly say he had always felt so when with Leonidas. All of his dearest companions were here with him. He had already tasted of Ares' strong wine, joyously serving under his father, killing his first man, during a small skirmish against the Thracians. His boy's girdle having been offered up and his kindred feasted. He supped with the men. Proudly, he patted the thick seam of scar tissue snaking along his upper arm. By Herakles, he had all he could wish for.

Why then did he feel so distraught, so… It was as though Demeter herself had suddenly disappeared as had her daughter, Persephone, into the dark realms of Pluton and the bright, warm summer day was cast into bitter wintry gloom.

As he scaled the tumbled ruins entwined with wild roses, the river appeared deliciously inviting in the heat of the day. Its tangy iron scent made his nose twitch. Inching closer on his knees, he was dazzled by the sun dancing upon the water before him. Along its banks tall waving stalks of golden cat tails cast cool, gentle shadows into the long, hot afternoon. Oh, how delightful to jump into that cold stream, to be fluid with no more cares than the small fish that darted swiftly through the glimmering liquid.

He was loathe to approach it, though. Its banks were already occupied. He knew his company would not be welcome. He sighed wistfully and cast his attention on the tall boy standing on the bank whose head was thrown back laughing. Helios's rays glittered in his shining bronze hair. He had been following him and his companion for most of the last hour. He despised himself for it, but could not stop. All he wanted was to be near him, watch him, listen to him speak, laugh, sing… he could sing, too, when he chose, when he wasn't playing the clown, when he wasn't picking someone apart with his sharp tongue, when he wasn't fast asleep with his head upon a brightly green and blue embroidered pillow where his long, tanned hand would lay cushioning his lovely face. Lying opposite him, in his own bed, into those long dark hours Alexander would study him and find himself thinking of Eros…

When sundown pales the sky,

I want to hide a while behind your smile, and

everywhere I look your eyes I find…

Alexander sighed deeply. He bit his lip.

Demades, Hephaistion's young cousin had arrived just last eve from Athens and Hephaistion had been so completely taken with his company that Alexander had felt abandoned. He had mopped sadly in their room the whole of the morning, and then at the prodding of Aristotle had set out toward the river. He did not understand what was wrong with him, why he felt so…oddly. He just knew there was a pain in his chest every time saw Hephaistion with Demades.

When rain has hung the leaves with tears,

I want you near to kill my fears.

To help me to leave all my blues behind…

Now, as he watched them laughing as they sang songs to the nymphs and wove roses and ivy into wreaths. Alexander felt as though he were growing paler and paler until he would become nothing more than a Shade. Yes, a Shade flitting over the Styx, growing fainter and fainter until not even the merest trace of his shadow was stretched out across those dark, cold waters. He smiled a moment, drew back his shoulders – he would join them. He could… His smile drooped quickly like a wilting flower in the burning heat of Loius. Hephaistion was placing a crown of yellow roses on Demades' burnished head. Alexander sighed and flung himself on the grass and buried his face in his arms. He bit his lip. He sighed, again. He watched them his thoughts so heavy he could barely hold his young head up.

He peeked up, and quickly rose to his feet, his eyes filling. "Dearest Demades, what would I do without you?" Hephaistion's voice pierced the air cutting into his heart like a shard of cold iron.

… I might as well try and catch the wind.

His heart was beating so hard he feared he might be sick. Suddenly the bread, cheese, figs and olives he'd eaten for lunch lurched in his stomach. He reached out toward the nearest tree. His fingers clutched the rough bark, tearing into it until the tips bled. A terrible pain fell upon him, as he watched Hephaistion fling his arms about Demades and smacked a resounding kiss on his cheek. Laughing, they set off arm and arm.

While. standing in your heart is where I wanna be,

and long to be,

Ah, but I might as well try and catch the wind.

Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

"Oh, Hephaistion!" Alexandros groaned and slumped down next to the tree. He decided he would never be happy again.

Finis