Radiant Falcon
Madness Attacks! The Super Shinobi

Anyone who knows me knows that I'll tell you that LazerTH's Madness Attacking the Head Slowly series of parodies of PS1 Mega Man X games are brilliant. Not just a simple novelization, the series tears apart what you know and what you think you know about the Mega Man X series; replacing it with the reality that yes, the events of the PS1 Mega Man X games were outlandish. Good reads, those, and I highly suggest giving them a looksee, including his most recent Pokemon Platinum satire.

What I've done is write this highly definitive Shinobi novelization very similar to MATHS, in that typical Radiant Falcon style I've been practicing for the past nine or so years. It's about a video game, in particular the Super Shinobi (or perhaps you know of it as The Revenge of Shinobi). As those of you who played the original version of the game know, there's a lot of copyright infringement. So that's why this story is in the Crossovers section, rather than in the Shinobi section proper. This means a lot of Rambos, a fair amount of Spiderman (who, little known fact, is also Batman), a Terminator who assimilated the Hulk, a mini-Godzilla, and of course the guy from Kabuki Quantum Fighter as main villain Zeed.

No, none of that is made up. There really was Rambo, Godzilla, Terminator, Spiderman, Batman, and a kabuki guy in the original release of Revenge. Don't believe me? Look it up.

"He is stronger than steel, and moves faster than a whirlwind.

Sometimes he hides in mud, other times he alters shape like an ever changing cloud.

Although his fighting spirit burns like fire, his mind is calm as still water."

~violation of the commandments~

should shinobi fail before completing the mission, he will appear before the dawn and vanish forever.

Keep this knowledge in your heart and mind

-from the secret manual of Oboro Clan Ninjutsu

The mysterious Oboro Clan has some closely guarded secrets. Secrets that would be very dangerous if the wrong hands found them. The demonic soultaking katana Akujiki and the forbidden ninja art Mijin no Jutsu are two good examples. Their best kept secret, however, is one clad in the last thing ninjas would wear. Being the most powerful ninja in existence, Joe Musashi has earned the white dogi of the Ninja Master, but ever since the rise of Neo Zeed, the world was constantly at risk. Especially since they deliberately targeted him. Kill almost his entire clan? Not cool. Kill his master Washizuka Kobushi? Definitely not cool. Kidnapping his fiancee Naoko? Now you've done pissed Joe Musashi off. And if there's one thing you don't do, it's anger the Ninja Master.

This was his thoughts as he made explode at least five black-clad ninjas of the Black Spider clan, a organization allied with ZEED and by extension Neo Zeed. Though their main enemies were that of the Hayabusa clan, they still harbored hostility towards the Oboro, the Shiranui, the Mugen Tenshin, really anyone else besides themselves. Since the Hayabusa clan's star ninja Ryu wasn't quite ready, and Mai Shiranui was an up and comer in the Fatal Fury circuit on the other side of the world, there really wasn't a whole lot of ninjas to go around. Which was convenient, because ZEED's main enemy was the Oboro clan, and in particular the gray-clad young ninja Joe Musashi. When ZEED fell in 197X, thanks to Joe's bravery and skill, the Oboro became a shinobi superpower. Joe was 16 at the time, then dating Naoko Tenzai of the new Tenzai Ninja clan. Now that Joe was 26, the two were about to get married.

And then Neo Zeed struck. Joe was away at a conference held in America at the time, and when he returned to the Oboro clan village tucked away in the forests near Fujiyama, everything was gone. Seems as if the Oboro couldn't handle Neo Zeed, having murdered nearly everyone there (not even the women and children were spared, though some made it out of the village), and with the alliance of the Black Spider, it seemed as if they were unstoppable. And they stole Joe's girl. They may have also looted the village for Akujiki and the scroll of Mijin, but Akujiki was with another Oboro ninja named Hotsuma; and Joe was the only one who knew the art of Mijin, partially the reason why it was forbidden to begin with. It may also have something to do with absorbing part of the user's soul and expelling it to deal serious piercing damage to everyone not pure of heart. If someone didn't have the mental willpower to survive the explosion, they would quite simply die. Joe was the only one left who knew it, because as a child he snuck into the Oboro Clan Jutsu Archive and learned its secret: Words have power. It wasn't the hand movements that did it, contrary to what a certain ninja anime would tell you. That was just for show. Most of the Oboro Jutsus required a chant, and the hand movements were really unnecessary, yet they were integrated because they looked cool.

But there was no need for that now as the Black Spider clan was no match for Joe's kunai. The box he got them from called them shuriken, but Joe knew better; as they were throwing knives, rather than stars. These particular kunai handles were slim, and the blade itself was wide yet tapered off towards the tip, with a crescent moon design etched into the blade. This design was imprinted to imbue these kunai with powers not seen in normal kunai, such as the ability to turn into an explosive when thrown. They weren't hard to block, and that's where Joe's sword came in. Forged out of the steel of a hundred other swords, this katana had natural chi built into the sword (as one onlooker described it, it contained the souls of the hundred wielders of the hundred swords that comprised it). Joe made it his mission to dull the blade by extensive use to prove that even magical swords could get dull, a mission that was undermined by Joe's constant use of kunai in his hand to hand style.

Finally, after making his way to the his master's house, he saw a rather tall samurai type. He was clad in blue armor, and carried two pincer claws rather than a katana of some sort. This was the Blue Lobster. "Zeed sent you to kill me, yes?" Joe asked the samurai.

"Tis nothing personal, master ninja. Tis merely business."

"You've made it personal."

"How, pray tell?"

"Your allies took my girl. I think I have every right to make it personal."

"It matters not anyway; my armor is impenetrable. If you think you can strike me down, you are welcome to try."

As much as Joe hated to admit it, the Blue Lobster was right. He'd heard rumors that kunai were ineffective against his armor. The head was also fairly protected, with a helmet covering everything but the face. 'the face... that's it!' the white-clad master ninja realized. The ninja jumped high, and threw eight of his kunai in a fan pattern. This staggered the samurai, and gave Joe an opening to attack, so he slashed at the Blue Lobster's armor using his katana.

"Very good, master ninja. I see you have discovered a chink in my armor. However, it will not help you. As my armored cousin from the west once said, 'tis but a scratch."

"You tell your armored cousin from the west that a scratch is enough."

A horizontal slash later, and the Blue Lobster was wounded. "You are a worthy adversary indeed, master ninja. Tell me, what do they call you?"

"I am a shining force in the darkness; a warrior that will not falter in his mission. I am the hope of all that are hopeless. My fighting spirit is that of the storm, my mind is that of the calm. Good's greatest weapon, evil's worst nightmare. They call me White Phantom, of the Clan Oboro." Joe had practiced his monologue for five years now, just waiting for a chance to say it aloud to the villains of the world. Just in case someone discovers his true name, Joe had created a nickname for himself. It was originally Gray Ghost, until he received the white dogi.

"You sure your name isn't Joe Musashi?"

So much for the monologue. "erm... yes. Yes it is. How could you tell?"

"A samurai must keep his sources secret, yes?"

"Very noble of you. Where's your boss?"

"At the last I've heard, he was going to one of those raves you kids talk so much about."

"Thank you, now I must kill you."

One final kunai to the face, and the Blue Lobster exploded. Typical samurai. So much talk about honor, but when it came down to it, they couldn't tell a lie if they tried. "Still, I wonder how much influence Neo Zeed has over other ninja clans. First the Black Spiders, now the Blue Lobster. I hope the Clan of the Red Echidna doesn't hear about this, otherwise there really will be trouble."

-EYECATCH-