You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I'm not who I used to be
No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise
The youthful boy below who turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize
When he catches his reflection on accident

...
Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides
Like brothers on a hotel bed
-Death Cab for Cutie

All the days were beginning to blur together for Dean Winchester. It was just get up, shower, and hunt. He and Sam were still barely talking, so any downtime was spent alone in his room, listening to music or writing in his hunter's journal. Ever since he had accepted the Mark of Cain, he actively avoided social situations. As soon as he and Sam were alone in a room, he got out as soon as he could. He could almost feel the disapproval and hostility radiating from his brother. Not that he could blame him. He had screwed their lives to hell so many times that it was a wonder Sam still wanted to share a living space with him.

He missed the way he and his brother used to bed, but he knew that it probably wouldn't be that way again. He had messed up too much, created one too many messes. Even their unconventional relationship couldn't recover now.

Finally, Sam got wind of a case, so they set out for Minnesota. It was nice being back in the Impala. Dean hadn't been feeling his random urges to drive as often so he had missed the feeling of being out on the open road.

"You sure you're okay to drive?" Sam asked, looking at his profile intently.

"Dean didn't take his eyes off the road as he said, "I'm fine. Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Because," Sam said sharply, "I don't think I've seen you sleep in weeks and... you reek of alcohol."

Dean said nothing. It was true that he hadn't slept since he'd gotten the Mark. He didn't seem to need to anymore, especially after everything with Magnus. He also had taken up drinking again. But it didn't do anything for him. He couldn't get drunk anymore, which meant that there was no escape from his mistakes. They followed him around and found their way into his thoughts.

Next to him, Sam sighed and placed his hand between them on the seat. Dean had an extreme urge to place his own hand on top of it, but he didn't act on it. Sam probably wouldn't react well to that.

"Almost there," Dean said gruffly, after a long stretch of silence, "Seems like it'll be simple. Want to get it done, then get some shut eye?"
Sam nodded.

It was just as Dean had predicted. The case was a simple salt and burn, a nice change from all the demon madness they'd had to deal with lately. After getting rid of the remains they found a motel to spend the night in. Unfortunately, the room only had one bed but Sam grudgingly agreed that they could make it work.

"It'll be just like when we were kids, huh Sammy?" he asked, false cheeriness in his voice.

Sam merely grunted and began undressing for bed. It took all of Dean's self control not to look at his brother as he stripped down to his boxers. His dick twitched as it began to harden. Cursing his bad timing, he undressed until he was only in his boxers and lay down, facing away from Sam. They were both careful to stay on their separate sides.

"Good night, Sam," Dean whispered.

"Good night," Sam replied coldly, flicking off the lights.

For hours, Dean simply laid there, listening to Sam's breathing as he fell asleep. He knew all he had to do was turn over and he'd be pressed up against his brother's back, but he resisted. No mater how much he missed the contact, he knew he was not wanted. There was a dull ache in his chest. Careful not to shift the mattress too much, he got up and made his way to the bathroom.

Turning the light on, the first thing Dean saw was his reflection. Around the bunker, he was careful to avoid mirrors, knowing that he wouldn't like what he saw. Now, he looked closely at himself. He barely recognized the man looking back at him. His chest and arms, which had always been muscular, now had none of the familiar softness around them. Everything was hyper-defined, making him look as though he'd gone on steroids. His cheeks were hollow and his face was thinner than it had ever been. But what really stood out, were his eyes. As early as two or three years ago, his eyes had been bright. But now, there was a shadow over them. He could also see wrinkles forming at the corners of his eyes, bringing it home that he was no longer the young boy he'd started out as. It was going on ten years since he'd gotten Sam from Stanford and it had all led up to this. A broken relationship with barely any words exchanged between them.

With a cry of rage, Dean brought his fist up and connected it with the mirror. The glass cracked and pieces lodged themselves into Dean's hand, causing it to bleed. But he hardly felt the pain. Everything was numb. In a few moments, Sam had run to the bathroom. When he saw Dean, staring at the cracked mirror, blood smeared over the counter and sink, he cried, "Dean! What happened?" He kept asking, "Are you ok? Dean! Answer me!"

But Dean did not answer. He had barely register Sam's presence.

Sam grabbed his brother and pulled him out into the main room. He sat Dean down on the bed and pulled out a medical kit from their bag. He dressed Dean's wound in silence, pulling out pieces of mirror and wrapping his hand tightly in tape and gauze. Luckily, none of the pieces had gone in deep enough to warrant stitches.

When he was finished, he looked into his brother's unfocused eyes and asked, "Dean, what the hell is wrong with you?"

There was no accusation in Sam's voice. He barely even sounded angry, just resigned to Dean's idiocy. But it took Dean a few minutes to respond, "Who am I, Sammy? I barely recognize myself anymore." He looked down at the Mark of Cain on his arm, "This is all that's left of me. This has taken over everything else and when I look at myself, I can see why you've gotten tired of me."

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, "I haven't gotten tired of you. Just because we're not on the best of terms right now doesn't mean-"

"Please don't lie to me," Dean interrupted, finally looking back at Sam, "When we started this, I was young and impulsive. You liked that about me. I'd look at you and see everything good I'd ever done. My whole life had a purpose: to protect you. Now, my impulsiveness ruins everything and I look at you and see the disgust in your eyes for everything I've become. I look in the mirror, see the wrinkles around my eyes and realize that I've wasted my life... that I wasted yours... Sammy, I fought so hard not to be Dad and I'm worse than he ever was."

Sam put a hand against Dean's cheek, "Stop it. Dean, you've made mistakes. But so have I. We both have a lot of crap to work through, but it doesn't mean I care for you any less. Do you know what I see when I see those wrinkles around your eyes? I see every laugh that has ever passed your lips, every smile that caused you to squint. You haven't wasted your life. Or mine. I made the choice to stay with you. And I haven't regretted it once. Don't ever compare yourself to Dad. You are nothing like him. We'll get through this, Dean. Gadreel, Cain, all of it. And we'll do it together."

Dean put his hand over Sam's and leaned into Sam's palm, "I've missed you, baby brother."

Sam closed his eyes and sighed at the sound of Dean's pet name for him, "I've missed you too, De... More than you know."

Dean absentmindedly licked his lips, feeling his cock begin to harden again. He gazed into Sam's hazel eyes. His brother's pupils were blown wide with lust. He glanced down and saw that Sam's boxers were tented and he was just as aroused as Dean was.

"Sammy," Dean growled, "I know this doesn't fix anything... but... I want you to make me forget just for a little while."

"Anything you want, De," Sam replied, his voice almost as low as his older brother's, "Just ask."

He was silent for a moment, then he put a hand on Sam's cheek, "Kiss me, baby boy."

Sam did not hesitate to obey. He grabbed his older brother by the shoulders and pulled him close, their lips crashing together, like they hadn't in weeks. They were ravenous for one another. When Dean let his tongue slide over Sam's bottom lip, Sam immediately opened his mouth and let his tongue intertwine with Dean's. A guttural moan reverberated from Dean's mouth to Sam's as Sam's hands roamed over Dean's torso.

"Oh God, Sammy," Dean gasped, "More. Touch me, please."

Sam began kissing Dean's neck, "Oh Dean, yes, anything... anything for you." HE sucked a dark bruise into his older brother's throat as his hands drifted lower and lower. Finally, he reached the elastic of Dean's shorts and pulled them down with one swift motion. He looked at his brother's erect cock, precum leaking from the tip, and wrapped his hand around it. He swiped his thumb over the tip, wiping the precum over Dean's shaft as he began to stroke him. Dean made a movement to remove Sam's boxers, but Sam pushed his hand away, "Let me do this for you, De. Please."

Dean nodded and swallowed thickly as Sam pushed him back on the bed. Sam crawled between his older brother's legs, stroking his cock evenly. Between kisses, Dean said, "You're too good to me. And you're all mine, aren't you, Sammy?"

Sam licked a line down Dean's torso, "Yeah De, all yours." He looked his big brother in the eyes as he dragged his tongue up the underside of Dean's shaft. Dean inhaled sharply as his baby brother swirled his tongue around the tip of his cock before taking him completely in his mouth. Sam hummed in satisfaction, the sound vibrating all the way through Dean.

It was heaven, Dean thought, looking at Sam's lips wrapped around him. He had thought about this for a long time. It was amazing to be back in his baby brother's arms. As Sam began to bob up and down, letting Dean's cock hit the back of his throat, sucking gently. Dean tangled his fingers through Sam's long, soft hair and pulled, making him moan.

"You look so beautiful with your lips around my cock, baby boy," Dean murmured, feeling the pressure building in his core, "Sammy, I'm gonna-" his orgasm hit hard and Sam took every drop of cum that Dean shot into his mouth and swallowed.

Sam sat up an dragged the back of his hand across his mouth, "I want to fuck you, De. I want to cum inside of you."

Dean pulled Sam down to him and kissed him, tasting himself on Sam's lips, "Fuck me, Sammy baby," he growled.

He watched as Sam sucked on two fingers and pressed one to Dean's hole. Sam slid in to his second knuckle, teasing his big brother. He loved watching Dean squirm under his touch, trying to push all the way onto Sam's finger. Before he could, however, Sam added a second finger and pushed them in as far as they would go. A whining sound came out of Dean's mouth and Sam kissed him again. He loved having Dean at his mercy. But he was painfully hard now, he couldn't wait much longer.

Apparently, Dean felt he same way because he chose that moment to choke out, "Please... I need your cock, baby boy. Right now." His older brother was also at full hardness again, just from Sam's fingers.

Sam kissed up Dean's throat and pressed his lips chastely to Dean's before whispering, "Lube?" Dean nodded at his bag on the floor. Sam pulled his fingers out of his big brother and rummaged through the bag. It was only a matter of moments before he found the small bottle of lube, squirt some onto his hands, pulled his boxers down, and rubbed up and down his shaft.

Dean took in the glorious sight that was Sam's naked body. It had been too long since he'd been fucked by his baby brother. It was the only way he felt complete anymore. When Sam had lined himself up with Dean, he gave his brother a questioning look.

"Are you sure, De?"

"I'm sure, Sammy."

Sam caressed Dean's hips as he slid slowly into his older brother. Dean gasped at the slight pain so Sam stayed still to allow him to adjust to his brother's considerable size.

"Fuck, Sammy," Dean grunted, "Move. I need you to move."

The bite in Dean's voice went straight to Sam's dick and he began to thrust at an even pace. He wanted to feel his big brother and savor how he felt wrapped around him. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Dean's. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam and dug his nails into his baby brother's back. Sam cried out and buried his face into Dean's collarbone.

When he looked back up at Dean, he saw that his eyes were shut tight and a single tear had slipped down his cheek. Slowing his pace, Sam put a hand to his older brother's cheek and said, "Hey, De, look at me," when he did, Sam continued, "What's wrong? Am I hurting you?"

He shook his head, "I'm so sorry, Sammy. I messed up. I let that son of a bitch possess you and I am so sorry. I'm nothing without you. I can't lose you. I'm sorry."

Sam pressed his forehead to Dean's, where a light sheen of sweat glistened on both of them, "Don't say that. You're everything to me... and I forgive you. You won't lose me. I love you, De. Dear God, I love you so much," Sam began to speed up, feeling his orgasm beginning to build.

"I love you too, baby boy. More than anything," Dean gasped.

The younger Winchester kept pounding into his older brother until Dean came again from the friction of their torsos. As he contracted around him, Sam came as well, filling his brother. They both cried the other's name as they rode their orgasms to completion.

Sam slid easily out of his brother and flopped down next to him, pushing the hair out of his eyes. Not caring that they were both covered in cum, Dean put his head on his little brother's chest and they wrapped their arms around one another.

Kissing Dean's injured hand softly, Sam whispered, "It's nice, holding you again."

"Hmmm..." Dean hummed contentedly, "Good night, Sammy."

"Night De," Sam replied.

And for the first time in weeks, both of them slept peacefully.