A/N: Woohoo! This is the first time I publish a Swan Queen fic! Thanks to ElizabethGugino for being the Beta for this two-part story.
"With my last breath, I'll exhale my love for you. I hope it's a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me. "
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
Regina breathed in the air Neverland's sea had to offer. Breathing used to give her a pause, a calm moment, a chance of rethinking. It didn't cause the same positive effect nowadays. Every time Regina took a deep breathe, she closed her eyes, and every time she did so, the brunette could still feel it.
A connection she had never experienced. Unknown sparks that made her magic lighter. A distinctive tingling that ran from her fingertips right straight to—and through— her heart without asking for an invitation. The former Evil Queen became overwhelmed by the memories of those sensations happening to her not so long ago, back in the mine under the town she had created.
Her magic blended with the Savior's in a way that was beyond Regina's understanding—or acceptance. They mixed their power and poured all the strength they had in that mixture. Willingly, the two of them opened their doors and let the other woman take everything needed for the miracle to happen.
And when the goal was achieved… Regina could barely keep her legs straight as she remembered the overwhelming sensation of their merged magic doing the impossible. The heart-shaped energy had been able to destroy the trigger; her town was safe and her son wouldn't grow up alone. Yes, that was true; it was important to her and it was a relief and it did bring her joy. But the feelings she felt weren't due to any of those reasons. Her emotions existed because of something more, and the mere thought of it was enough to scare the former Queen to death.
Regina had loved passionately throughout her life, but suffering always was the consequence of it. Her first love taught her of loss and pain. Daniel, murdered in front of her young and innocent gaze by the hands of her own mother, proved Cora's words to be true. 'Love is weakness', Regina learned and so repeated. Enough so that, after Daniel's death, her faith in it grew stronger with the years. The child-just-turned-woman married a king, one she did not love and who didn't love her either, because that was where she had been led. Even now as she stood on a ship in Neverland, as both a former Mayor and Queen, Regina still cried and agonized over that specific part of her life. Her innocence being destroyed by uncaring hands. Her mourning forced to be belittled as she became a stepmother to a child not even a decade younger than her. The scene placed her into a role of royalty she never asked for. Many years ago, after enduring more pain than she ever thought herself capable of, Regina decided to never let loss cross paths with her again. That decision led her through the years and it was the one stopping her from accepting Tinkerbell's help. Her fear of having to confront yet more loss and suffering petrified the queen. Regina turned her back and ran away from the man sitting merely a few feet apart from her. The same male her then-friend told her to be the 'right' one.
So yes, Regina Mills found herself indeed overwhelmed when she remembered the events that had transpired in the mine. And she became frightened of them when she acknowledged the possibility of having experienced—no, not just experienced, created— the most powerful magic of all.
The brunette breathed in once again and attempted to think of anything but diamonds, golden curls or sparks. She soon discovered it was impossible. More so, when she turned around her head and unintentionally glanced at the Savior. The blonde was sitting on the ship's deck with her legs crossed and her eyes clung to the picture her fingers caressed. Regina walked towards the woman out of instinct and appreciated the image from a better angle. She recognized it as Henry's school shot from last year. Her lips curved into a smile that disappeared in an instant as Regina saw herself on the blonde's broken gaze.
Without thinking it twice, she sat next to her and enveloped a pale hand in her darker one. "We'll get him back." Regina assured.
"I know,.", was the reply that came along a gloomy yet hopeful smile.
Just as green met brown, Regina breathed. The breath renovated the air inside her lungs. She was once again aware of how oxygen entered her body and transformed itself before leaving.
Emma's eyes connected with Regina's and the older woman realized that, maybe this time, love might be a strength. Maybe this time, she could fall in love.
It didn't take her too long to fall for the blonde in front of her.
Maybe a second or two?
Regina eyed their joined hands and knew it. She knew she had been falling for Emma for a long time, she just hadn't let herself feel the way her dark orbs softened when they were met by intense green ones.
This time, Regina decided, she would let herself love.
"She just lost Neal."
The moment Regina had heard those words she had wanted to hit herself hard enough she'd remember every time her mouth would open. She'd seen so much pain in the blonde's eyes. A kind of pain she recognized as her own and understood better than anyone ever should. Those overwhelming feelings, that small, haunting voice that whispers in your ear promises of unhappy endings.
Emma was going through the same kind of grief Regina herself had after losing Daniel. And the brunette couldn't let her go through it alone.
Fifty… fifty-one… fifty-two… fifty-three… fifty-four...
Emma heard the crackling of wooden stairs that announced someone was descending to the lower part of the Jolly Roger.
Sixty-eight… sixty-nine… seventy… seventy-one…
In silence, she thanked her back was to the door and not her face.
Eighty-three… eighty-four… eighty-five…
It was their first night on the ship and all Emma wanted to do was find Henry and go home. She wanted to get away from everything that was Neverland. The mermaids, the lost boys, the dangers… the memories. Memories of her not-so-joyful childhood, of her rebellious teenage years, of the man she had let herself love only to lose him twice. Her heart was hurting with a strength she didn't know possible.
Ten long years Emma lived believing that Neal had betrayed her, that he didn't love her, and that he had only used her. Only to find out that he was trying to give her her best chance. Only to suffer again. Only to be left alone again to deal with the consequences of his actions.
She loved him, yes. She will always love him. He gave her Henry. He gave her the first glimpse of what happiness could be like. But she also hated him, because he had ruined what was left of hope inside her. And Neverland was a constant reminder of Neal, so the sooner they got out of the island, the better.
Emma couldn't stand knowing that Neal had lived here for so long. Hook had even assigned her his room, thinking she might appreciate the thoughtfulness. Now everywhere the blonde looked there were signs of him, and she couldn't stand it anymore.
A hundred and twenty… a hundred and twenty-one… a hundred and twenty-two…
She knew Regina was sitting behind her. Emma had always been observant. She recognized the sound of boot heels clicking through the floor as the owner walked with a confident strut and the gentle puff made by the cot once the brunette laid on it. Those were noises very different from the ones that the rest of the group made. Snow walked the path to her cabin carefully, almost afraid of waking her up. Charming would try to sit down elegantly but blame his failure on the ship's movement. Hook's feet were fast on the stairs and the leather boots he wore resonated on the entire island. So it had been easy for the former bounty-hunter to know it was the Queen who was watching her. Besides, Regina's crispy apple scent was something that couldn't go unnoticed.
A hundred and fifty-four… a hundred and fifty-five… a hundred and fifty-six…
Emma didn't bother in acknowledging the brunette's presence. She knew that if Regina wanted to tell her something she would, she didn't need any invitation—and for that, Emma was thankful.
Nowadays everyone expected something from her, everyone wanted her to decide, to be the Savior she was born to be, everyone had so much faith in her. Regina didn't. Regina would either trust her or not, but if Emma couldn't achieve anything, then the brunette would do it for herself. She wouldn't press on the matter and wish upon a star for Emma to have enough strength to destroy a fairy tale character. Regina dealt with the consequences of her own actions and didn't wait for anyone, not even the Savior, to help her with it.
Neal never did that, not even during his last moments.
"I love you too." He said.
Yeah, good to know it now you're dead. What am I supposed to do with that information, huh?
A hundred and eighty-three… a hundred and eighty-four… a hundred and eighty-five…
He left her again, to give her "her best chance", that, she knew. Still, he left her to deal with all the pain he reactivated as if those ten years had never happened.
Now she was stuck in freaking Neverland with fairy tale characters and trying to rescue their son from a teenager who didn't want a bedtime. And it was all Neal's fault. Because if he hadn't left her… if he hadn't listened to goddamn wooden Pinocchio… if he hadn't—
"Miss Swan, that's enough." She heard Regina's stern voice and both her mind and body stopped completely for a minute too long to be just one.
She did one more pushup before her arms let go of the bar hanging on her cabin's ceiling. Two hundred. When her feet touched wood she entered into trance once again. Fucking Neal. Was all she could think about as tears continued to wash her face.
It was the seventh series of two hundred pushups she did that night. All of them were completed with wet cheeks and red eyes. All of them were continued by another one that ended just the same way. All of them were because of the same little bastard that had ruined—
"Emma, that's enough." The blonde felt a hand reaching to her forearm and when she listened to Regina's voice again, she knew she was hearing the softer side, the one only Henry heard. "You should stop whatever line of thought you're having. It won't domake you any favor."
Emma turned around and let her green eyes meet Regina's darker ones. Her vision became blurry as tears appeared. She tried to take a deep breath before speaking but the goal felt un-achievable. "I… I thought… I thought he was back. I thought we were going to have a second chance. I thought that maybe I could heal and we could have a healthy relationship, as friends, as lovers, as co-parents, it didn't matter. But a healthy relationship based on truth and trust and care. I thought that we could be happy, Henry could have a dad and the three of us would plan his birthdays and intimidate his dates and fight to see who spoiled our grandchildren more. But nothing like that will happen and… and…"
"And you're hurting, because the life you wanted, once again, is not the life you've got."
She couldn't do this. Emma felt herself being drowned in her own pain and suffering. How can a heart hurt so much without being ill? She was used to losing people, why couldn't she just mourn him like everybody else?
"Emma." Regina's whisper filled the air and her words seem to lessen the ache if only a little. "It's okay to hurt, it's okay to be angry, it's okay to love. You are human."
It sounded like a speech Regina had given several times. She spoke with no pity, merely with understanding. Emma wondered if those were the words the brunette had repeated to herself in the dark of the night, in the attempt of preserving her sanity.
"He told me he loved me." The blonde murmured, then looked down at the floor, as she tried to dry off her tears.
Regina swallowed, but it went unnoticed by Emma. "Then I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate seeing you like this." The Savior chuckled and the former Queen spoke again. This time, in a lower volume, as if she was sharing a secret with the blonde. Later, Emma realized, that was exactly what had happened.
"I lost my first love, Daniel, more times thant I thought I could survive. Each one just as painful as the original one." Regina began and noticed how Emma listened to her with the curiosity of a child. "But the last time he… he said something to me. I begged him not to leave me, I told him how much love I still had for him, how much I needed him. In response, he asked me to love again. He encouraged me to do so. He gave me his blessing to find happiness with someone that wouldn't, that couldn't be him."
Emma's gaze was blurred by her tears as Regina continued.
"I didn't get it at first." She chuckled softly. "I knew no one could replace him, there was no way I could ever love anyone as much as I loved Daniel. I hated him for even assuming that I could ever love again. I thought he was diminishing our love and, especially, my suffering."
"What changed your mind?"
Our magic. Our son. You.
"I realized he was my first love. He was the one who taught me about love, who made me believe in happy endings. He will always be a part of me— but I have to let him go, I have to find my happy ending. And even if he isn't in it, it'll be okay. Because he changed me, his spirit is with me and will always be. Every time I see a horse. Every time I think of the man I want Henry to become. Daniel is everywhere, but now he's at peace, he reminded me that even if he wasn't alive, I was."
Emma's wet eyes questioned Regina. "Why are you telling me this?" She whispered because her voice wouldn't sound louder.
The brunette covered a pale hand with her own olive-skinned one and squeezed it kindly. "Because he only said this to me a few months ago,. I learned the lesson too late, Emma. Losing Daniel broke me. I'm hoping you can be wiser. "
They both looked into each other's eyes and realized they were two sides of the same coin. They both were broken women who wanted to be better, who wanted a peaceful life, who wanted a new chance. Emma's eyes were the ones that thanked Regina with silent appreciation. The former Evil Queen gave an almost imperceptible nod in return. She breathed and extended the opportunity to stare into Emma's forest gaze before continuing.
"It took me over thirty years, but… I learned that dead is dead and first love, as beautiful and dreamy as it might be, it isn't always a synonym of true love."
"So you're looking for your soulmate now?"
Regina laughed and Emma smiled even though she didn't get the joke.
"No, dear. A fairy supposedly found him for me." Emma's face frowned in confusion and silently begged for Regina to explain further. "Pixie dust. It was a long time ago, she thought I needed some love and used the dust to find my so-called 'soul mate'."
"And it worked?"
It was weird, Regina had to admit, knowing who your true love really was. Having her right in front of you and knowing she didn't love you back. Not knowing if you even wanted her to do so.
"Well… I would like to be the one who chooses my true love, not some pixie dust. And let's say I don't really believe Enchanted Forest men with lion tattoos are my type anymore."
Emma shrugged. "I have a flower tattoo." She said non-chaltantly and the brunette smiled. "Wait… how did someone get a tattoo back there? "
Regina's grin was brighter than it had been in a long, long time.
It happened the night after Emma realized she was, and probably would always be, an orphan. Hook, as charming as a pirate can be, lent his bottle of rum to the Savior for the evening. Once everyone was profoundly asleep, the blonde stepped a few meters away from their camp.
She sat in the middle of a small clearing between the darkness of the jungle. The Savior opened the liquor container. Emma swallowed the drink and tried to escape the memories that were returning with an intensity much grander than usual.
Fucking Peter Pan. She muttered before drinking again.
She'd always had nightmares, small flashbacks from her childhood. Moments she'd love to forget had haunted her for the last twenty-nine years. But in Neverland, it was as if they had intensified.
The dreams were darker, the memories were multiplied, the pain maxified and the cries of lost children troubled her in the night.
"You okay?" Emma heard a voice behind her and moments later, Regina was sitting down next to her.
Emma barely nodded a response before changing her mind. She needed to tell someone, and she sure as hell wasn't going to speak to her mother. "No." The blonde whispered softly.
An olive-skinned hand took the bottle of rum away from her. "Then you don't want to drink any more of this." Regina's voice was filled with careing and lacked of malice, so Emma did as she was told.
A silence intervened between them and Regina patiently waited for Emma to speak. "I thought you were asleep."
The brunette released a silent sigh as she recognized the blonde's ability to change the topic. "Yes… I've never slept much. Generally, I just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours before resting three or four."
Emma's eyes widened. "Generally?! Regina, that's so wrong, you cannot sleep only four hours! You need to get your beauty sleep." At the sight of an arched eyebrow, the blonde realized she had, once again, put her foot in her mouth. "Not that you need it, you know, cuz you are beautiful, but, still, you need to rest."
Regina's blush was evident, but if Emma noticed it, she didn't comment on it. "Thank you, Sheriff." She said and earned a chuckle from Emma with the mention of her Storybrooke title. Now that the blonde was more comfortable with her, maybe she would share her demons. "What's your reason to not be under Morpheus' arms, dear?"
Emma stared at one tree in front of them. "Voices."
The brunette, confused, waited for Emma to continue.
"I can hear the voices of the Lost Boys, crying, wishing to be loved." She said as her vision blurred. Emma was now onin the edge of crying and she wondered how it happened that Regina was always the one to see her tears and hear her torments. Never before had Emma opened up to someone so easily. We both miss our child. She reasoned. "And now I know the only reason I can do that is because I'm one of them. Just another orphan."
Regina shook her head. "Emma." She called the blonde's name and the woman who had rotated from one foster family to another for years, turned her head. "You're so much more than that."
Emma bluffed. "Yeah, like what? A Savior? A Sherriff? The product of true love? Yeah, I slew a fucking dragon. That's great, I'll add it when I write a memoir." She mocked.
"You're a mother." Regina spoke with softness and caught the blonde's attention. "You said so yourself. And it may have taken me a while but, I'm glad you are Henry's mother too. He loves you so much, Emma. Your son loves you."
Silenced filled the air once Regina's silky voice left it. The blonde paused to absorb the words the brunette had spoken and, for the first time that evening, Emma's smile was genuine and pure. "Our son." She corrected and Regina recognized the words as a 'thank-you'.
"Yes, our son." She echoed.
Regina couldn't believe what her ears heard. Selfish? For not going after her so-called soulmate? Her laughter sounded deep, throaty and dark to the former fairy who sat next to her.
"Forgive me if I'm incapable of finding it amusing." Tinkerbell said, asking for an explanation.
"Well, forgive me if I believe I did the exact opposite of ruining his life by not interfering with it. I wasn't the greatest catch at the time, you know."
Tinkerbell found herself even more confused than before. Even the Evil Queen should yearn for love and a happy ending. "Do you seriously do not wish you had gone after him? Do you not, even after all these years, want to be with your soul mate?"
Regina didn't have to contemplate her answer. Many times over the years she had remembered the incident that had concluded the same way almost everything in her life did: in suffering. She had wondered what could have happened if she had searched for the man with the lion tattoo. And she had come to realize, whatever the outcome could have been, it wouldn't involve Henry. And what happy ending could she have without the joy of her life in it?
"I don't. I have love, Tinkerbell. I have my son. He's my happy ending." She said with confidence.
The former fairy nodded. She knew Regina was right, but still, the brunette surely must need other kinds of love in her life. "What about the love of a partner? Have you found that too?"
Regina sighed and smiled to herself. Thoughts of annoying red leather jackets and unkempt yellow bugs filled her mind. "I like to think it's a work in progress."
At her answer, Tinkerbell beamed with excitement. Love was written all over the former Queen's face. "Who? Regina, please, tell me!"
The brunette's laughter was far more friendlier than her previous one and Tinkerbell could almost see a glimpse of a younger Regina. "Everything is still so foreign. It hasn't been more than a couple days since I've realized I might have another chance at true love, Tink. And it's not like I've had time to think much about it, anyway…"
"Wait." The petite blonde's eyes were beyond widened. "A couple days? Your potential true love is here? In Neverland?" Tinkerbell gazed towards the other side of the camp.
Snow and Charming, always the true-love token couple, were snuggled against each other. Close to them, Emma seemed to be explaining something to Hook. Maybe those 'perm' things he asked me about. Tink stared at the group-of-four and blinked, not believing what had occurred to her.
"You're in love with Hook?" She asked incredulously.
"Of course not! Have you lost your mind?" Regina confirmed the former fairy's theory to be wrong, but the panic on her face should have been enough to let Tinkerbell know she was mistaken. "How long have you been stuck on this dreadful island for your brain to come up with such an idiotic theory?"
Tinkerbell shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sorry, but if it is not him, then…" The blonde looked back at the rest of the campers and… "Oh."… she realized how wrong she had been. A small grin appeared on her face. "You do like a challenge, don't you Regina?"
Her light eyes met brown ones that had little times sparkled as brightly. She remembered the moment where she had left the cave and was met by the people on the other side of the camp. Tinkerbell recalled a specific blonde being considerably more aggressive than the rest of the group. And how protective she had been of the fallen Queen. Of course, there had also been fear in the green eyes, but it was trailed by the determination of rescuing their damsel in distress.
"I believe you've done a better job at finding your true love than my pixie dust, Regina."
The brunette beamed with hope as she peeked at toned pale arms from the distance.
"Regina, hey."
She turned around at the mention of her name. She was met with the Savior's tired gaze.
"Yes?" Her voice was soft, contrasting the huge amount of snarky remarks she had made throughout the day. None of which had been appreciated by the group as they wandered inside Baelfire's former home.
She didn't mean to be like that. But sarcasm and sass had always been a part of her. Regina wished she could stop herself from speaking whenever she knew the outcome wouldn't be pleasant. Unluckily, her mouth didn't listen to her conscience when her brain had a better joke to say.
"Uh… I was thinking maybe… Could we just… you know…"
Dark eyebrows burrowed. "No, I don't know."
Emma sighed and massaged her temple. "Can we just get away from the camp for a while? You know, go fishing or swimming or collect berries or whatever you're supposed to do in Neverland." The brunette looked at her with surprise. "I just need to get away from here." She explained and Regina understood.
To say it had been a rough day for the blonde would be an understatement. Every step they had taken had reminded her of Neal, of her frustrated chance at love, of what could have been. She could barely handle her mother's pitiful gaze anymore.
"Of course, dear. We could use some firewood." Regina replied and walked afar from the camp.
Both women wandered around the jungle in each other's company. After almost an hour, they had gathered a significant amount of dry twigs and their arms wouldn't be able to carry much more. Emma had noticed it, but kept collecting branches, her mind set on an automatic mode.
"I could magic all of this to the camp if you'd like to go on, or…" Regina searched for Emma's gaze and didn't continue until their eyes met. "Or you could talk to me."
Emma shook her head. "There's nothing to say besides the usual shit that's going on in my life."
Regina nodded. Of course Emma wouldn't want to share her deepest thoughts again. "What about something else?"
The blonde, who was walking towards a lost branch, turned back to the other woman. "Something else?"
Regina slightly shrugged. "Yes. We could talk about something else."
Emma smiled at the brunette's attempt to make her feel better. On that moment, there wasn't an inch of Regina that deserved to be tagged as Evil. "Like, what's your favorite TV show and stuff?" Emma silently chuckled at her mental image of Regina running towards the television to set the recorder on.
"Yes. That could be. What shows do you watch, dear?" Regina asked and discovered she was genuinely curious about the blonde's answer. She hadn't planned on talking about mundane things with Emma. But the Savior intrigued Regina in every aspect of her existence. Every new discovery she made about Emma felt as if she had found an oasis in the middle of a desert.
"Well, if we're talking about series that are still on air… I guess I like Game of Thrones. But I didn't really watch many shows last year, you know." They both laughed. The previous twelve months came to their minds and the pair smiled at each other. From death threats to telling her what stuff I like? That's one hell of a drive. Emma pondered before finally answering ."In the long run, anyway, no one can top Xena."
Regina flinched at the mention of the lesbian pop culture icon. What was she supposed to say? Wasn't the mention of the Warrior Princess something like an inside code? Should she ask the blonde if she watched The L Word?
"I did watch Xena." Regina said instead and she was sure the pair of green orbs in front of her had never been wider.
"You watched Xena? Madame Mayor sat down on her couch and watched Xena: Warrior Princess?!"
Emma's smile of surprise was contagious and another similar one appeared on the brunette's face. "It sounds even funnier when you say 'The Evil Queen' instead of Madame Mayor, dear. You could joke about how I try to imitate her redemption path."
The Savior erupted in laughter. "Well, call me if you need a Gabrielle to cosplay with. We're already pretty badass together so…"
Regina's blush was evident after the mention of the blonde character. Thankfully, Emma was too engrossed in a branch she was trying to cut in two to notice it.
"We should go back to the camp." Regina said after a few moments. "Or your parents will believe I kidnapped you."
Emma let out a dry chuckle before starting to walk down the path leading to their campsite. "You would be doing me a favor."
The brunette raised an eyebrow. "And why's that? I thought you were delighted about all of you being a family."
The blonde sighed. "It's not like that." She turned to Regina. "I am glad I've found them but… I'm not a baby anymore, you know? I'm not the kid they put in a wardrobe. I'm going to turn thirty for god's sake!" Emma said and Regina nodded in understanding.
"Yes, well. Snow always tended to be a little bit… overwhelming, when she tried to display her love for others."
At this, Emma couldn't help but to laugh loudly. "That's a nice way of putting it."
Green orbs met deep brown eyes before any of them spoke again. "You know…" Emma began. "In less than an hour you made me laugh more than I had in a long, long time." She said with sincerity and Regina beamed in reply. "Thank you for that… for everything, really."
Their gazes stayed in connection for barely another second before Emma broke the link and they both made their way back to the group. Regina's grin didn't disappear until later that night, when her brunette nemesis seemed to attempt being even more irritating than usual.
Regina saw them. She saw how the pirate walked closer and closer to Emma until they were just a breath apart. She saw his rough lips merging with the blonde's softer ones in a passionate kiss and she snapped her eyes shut. That rum-lover had no right to touch, much less kiss her Emma. But she isn't mine, nor she wants to.
The brunette opened her eyes and took another glance to the scene. The pair of lips parted different ways. It was then when Regina realized, that kiss hadn't meant anything to Emma. The expression on the Savior's face… Well, it didn't exactly scream true love. The former Evil Queen couldn't help but to smirk as she walked away. After all, eyeliner did look better on her than on the one-handed man.
Behind the layer of jealousy, and if she was being honest with herself, Regina understood the need for an outlet. The desperation to know you have control over something, whatever it might be. SEspecially in a moment like this one, when they didn't have any power in general. Regina knew what it was to feel that way.
After the King's death, a hopeful Regina thought things might start going her way. Oh, how wrong she had been. The men in the court, Rumplestiltskin's deals and Snow White's presence in the reign of the living had constricted her even tighter than when Leopold had been alive. So the Queen had sought out for distractions far and wide in her land. She'd seduced and teased to her pleasure. She'd slept with as many men and women as she'd wanted. She'd even shared a night with the pirate now camping along her—not that she would ever acknowledge that in public.
And still, Regina couldn't help the building rage inside of her after witnessing her true love being kissed by a set of lips that weren't her own.
During the past few days, the two of them became friendlier. Regina was fascinated with Emma in a way she never thought possible. Her nemesis' daughter was not only a pleasure to the eyes, but to her mind and soul. Emma surprised Regina with her intellect and constant curiosity. Even the idiotic jokes the younger woman made were, somehow, able to make the Mayor smile. Emma was… well, Charming —for the lack of a better word.
Nowadays, Emma confided in Regina. They shared moments of laughter, whenever one of them made a snarky remark that now didn't irritate the other but entertained them. They shared moments of hurt and comfort, as they helped each other to get through until they find Henry. Emma trusted her—she had let Regina take the Lost Boy's heart.
Of course, the brunette wasn't naïve. She knew the sheriff was most likely attributing their newly-found, unique connection to the bond they shared as Henry's mothers. She knew Emma wouldn't even think of them being anything beyond co-parents. But it didn't actually matter to the brunette. Right now, the first and only thing on her to-do list wasn't to conquer Emma Swan's heart but to rescue their son. For the time being, Regina was more than delighted with being in good terms with the blonde, or it had been until she watched the pirate's tongue half-way through Emma's throat.
Later that night, a voice took her afar from her thoughts. "What's wrong with you?"
Regina snapped her head away from the fire and saw Emma standing behind her.
It had been a stressful day for everyone working on Operation Henry. The two idiots were already sleeping and Mr. Don Juan was drinking his ass off on some rock far away from the camp, or so Regina supposed.
"Well, I do have a son who's been kidnapped by a rebellious teenager. Forgive me if something's wrong with me, Miss Swan."
"We're back to that?" Emma took a seat near where Regina was. The brunette placed her eyes on the blistering fire and focused to not accidentally intensify it. After all, magic was ran by emotion. "I liked being just Emma." The blonde was met with only silence so she continued. "You've been avoiding me ever since your 'I don't do rum' statement. I still like talking to you, you know, even if you don't drink rum."
This time Regina couldn't help her smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." The brunette hoped Emma's lie detector wasn't working so well tonight. She had avoided the White Princess on purpose. But if Emma knew that, she didn't press on the matter.
"Are you okay with what happened today?" Regina looked up. No, of course I'm not. You, idiot, kissed Hook. How could I possibly be okay with that? "You know… the thing with the boy's heart." Oh, that.
Regina shrugged. "I did what I had to do. Henry needed to know we're here."
Emma nodded. "You know I don't agree with Snow right?" The blonde's green eyes met Regina's darker ones. "I don't believe I'm a better person than you. At least not right now. I know your heart's in the right place, Regina."
"Thank you."
The pair stared at each other for an endless minute before the sheriff grabbed a bottle from the backpack near them and drink from it. Then she handed the container to the Mayor, who quirked her eyebrow. "It's just water." Emma promised with a smile.
Regina accepted the drink and took a sip after mumbling her thanks.
"Can I ask you something?"
Emma turned her head towards Regina's and waited for the question. She knew Regina would ask whether she wanted it or not. Her asking for permission was the brunette's way of giving Emma a heads up. The bottle was given back to her and she drank from it.
"Why on earth would you kiss Hook while we're trapped in this death trap of an island?"
The blonde spat the liquid and coughed at the inquiry. Well, Regina had always been a straightforward person. She'd have to give her that. "Uh… I don't know. I guess I was thinking about what you said to me. You know, the 'love again' thing?"
Regina's eyes widened. Of course. Only Snow White's and Prince Charming's child could produce such an incoherent resolution out of an inspiring advice. "And you thought the drunk pirate was your best shot at true love? The guy who spent the last couple of centuries trying to murder a man out of vengeance?"
Emma playfully smirked at Regina. "I don't think you can judge him on that department, Miss I-shall-destroy-your-happiness."
The brunette rolled her eyes, irritated by the blonde's comment. "You can't possibly compare us. I don't hate your mother only because she got my fiancée murdered— although it would be enough reason. I loathe her because every selfish decision she has made throughout her life has, somehow, been able to destroy mine." She said with conviction and was going to continue her line of thought, but then she glanced at the growing fire. In a land ruled by magic, even the slightest slip of emotion could cause a catastrophe. "But of course, dear Snow White would never tell my side of the tale."
Regina returned the flames to their previous length and calmed down along them.
"I'd like to hear it sometime." She heard Emma's voice. "If you're up to it." The blonde said with a small grin that showed the brunette she had meant no harm with her previous words.
The Mayor gave her an almost imperceptible smile."I'd like to tell it." She responded, her voice having softened in a matter of seconds due to Emma's sincerity. "But not tonight, dear. And not in this land."
The breeze was the only sound between them. The silent presence of the other one wasn't as awkward as it might have been some time ago. It was comforting, in a way, to stop and simply breathe once again.
Regina sucked Neverland's air and let it run through her lungs, playing inside of them. Her diaphragm moving up and down in a constant rhythm. A rhythm only Emma's voice was allowed to disturb.
"You don't think I should… you know… give Hook a chance?"
Regina didn't know how to answer that. You should but I don't want you to do it. You shouldn't because the only thing that man should be doing is going to a rehabilitation facility to take care of his alcohol addiction. You should because he's not an awful person. You shouldn't ask me this because I won't answer having your best interests in mind, as much as I would want to.
"Do you want to? Give him a chance, I mean." She replied instead.
Emma simply shrugged. "I don't know. I just… I guess I just wanted to feel something besides pain."
And oh, how much Regina understood how the blonde felt. Her entire life she had felt the need of finding happiness, of having a glimpse of joy. Until now, only one person had been able to provide her with it.
"Then let's get our son back." Regina said. "And I promise you, things will get better. Nothing can be too painful if Henry's with us. That much I can assure you."
They shared a knowing smile and finished the water before taking partinged ways to their makeshift beds.
"You deserve a happy ending Emma, and happy endings always start with hope."
The blonde heard her mother's words and tried the best not to roll her eyes. She loved Mary Margaret. She really did. But she had had enough of the brunette's constant optimismt—or worset, her undying attempts to make it contagious.
"Maybe I don't want my happy ending to be pushed down my throat." She replied and Snow looked at her. "Maybe I want to be the one who gets to choose her happy ending. That's what I deserve."
The brunette nodded and Emma could see she was holding more than just one thought back. "And Hook's your happy ending?"
Oh for fuck's sake, woman. "Right now? The only one I can see in that picture is Henry." Emma's green eyes got wet as her feelings arose. "He's the only one I care about. He's the only reason we're on this goddamn island! Maybe Neal's alive, yeah. But I would like to think that he'd prefer us trying to save his son's life instead of his."
"Regina will find him." Snow assured her and it was the last straw.
"Oh, I know she will." Emma said, her voice filled with both irritation and emotion. "She seems to be the only one who knows what this mission is actually about. "
"Emma, please, you know I—"
Snow White was cut off by her daughter's interruption. "And you know what? She is also the only one who understands how I feel right now. And she's definitely the only one who knows exactly what to say to keep me on my right mind. Because your 'happy ending' bullshit? Well, I'm sorry Mary Margaret but my life isn't a fairy tale."
The brunette opened her mouth, but Emma knew the words before they came out. "And don't even start with telling me to have hope. I have hope. I hope Regina will be smart enough for all of us to save our son and get the hell out of here!"
As soon as the words were spoken, the blonde walked forward and her back was facinggiven to her mother.
She cared about whether Neal was alive or not. She couldn't lie about that. But thinking that Henry might die because she had cared more about her ex-boyfriend than her son… Well, she would never forgive herself for it.
Emma didn't want a happy ending. She just wanted Henry safe. She just wanted to read him a bedtime story and treat him to sweets when the boy's other mother wasn't looking. She just wanted her first year in Storybrooke back—minus the regular fights with Regina, of course. Emma could live without having a mortal enemy who happened to have the custody of their child.
She didn't want Neal –or Hook, for the matter. She wanted Henry.
Henry and two mugs of hot chocolate with cinnamon.
And maybe an apple pie that isn't cursed. Emma smiled to herself.
For the rest of the walk, she hoped she would get what she wanted.
Well, isn't this just splendid.
Regina wished she could materialize some fireballs and throw several towards Rumpelstiltskin's son's face. The man was utterly useless. She had no idea why Emma would ever fall in love with him.
She had rejoined the Charming team mere hours ago and the new addition exasperated her immensely. They divided the tasks and several minutes had passed with Neal attempting to start a fire and having little to no success at all. Regina, filled with irritation, made flames appear in her hand and started it herself.
"Uh, Thanks." He muttered. It was obvious the man was afraid of her. And he should be.
The brunette rolled her eyes, but even if she didn't want to admit it, she was jealous of him. Regina loathed the bond he shared— and will always share— with Emma. That was why he was better off dead. Emma will always love him. Baelfire will always be the blonde's first love. Regina already had to deal with Hook going behind Emma like a loyal dog, she didn't need yet another suitor.
Although, the Mayor supposed she should be happy for Emma. If Daniel was alive, the blonde would be happy for her, wouldn't she? Now Emma got another chance at love. But I am her true love. I know it.
It was so unlike Regina to feel this way. To think like a petulant child who was envious of the other children because their schoolbags had wheels and hers was just a regular backpack. Emma was the cool bag and it seemed everyone got their chance but her. It wasn't fair. But then again, Regina couldn't remember a time when life had been fair to her.
With every moment they spent in Neverland her fury seemed to grow. Not only was Henry was still in Pan's hands, but the wall Emma had built between herself and Hook's advances now seem to have weakened. And now the blonde's first love was back from the death.
The night before, while she had been camping with Rumple, Regina had allowed herself to dream for the first time in over forty years. She dreamt about what her life back in Storybrooke could be like once they returned from Neverland. She imagined herself picking Henry up from school and walking with him the path from the school to the Sheriff's station. Of course, they would make a quick stop at Granny's and get a dark coffee with one spoon of sugar, two hot chocolates with cinnamon, a bear claw, an apple pie slice and a banana muffin. Already at the station, mother and son would watch Emma try to beat her own high-score in her office version of basketball; which involved balls of used, unneeded paper and a trash bin. Regina would tease her about the unfinished paperwork that lay over the blonde's messy desk. Emma herself would come up with a smart reply that would have both women smirking. The Sheriff would walk closer to greet them, Henry would hug his blonde mother as Regina went to steal a peck from her. The two adults would be sandwiching their little prince and pretend to be oblivious to the soon-to-be preteen's complaints. A tickling war would then take place and—
"Thank you."
A voice took Regina away from her daydreaming. "For what?" She replied.
"The magic lessons." Emma said with a bit of awkwardness. "They worked."
The brunette lifted her eyebrow and lowered her voice. "Of course they did, dear. Were you expecting they wouldn't?" Regina asked and settled olive-skinned hands on her hips.
Emma's eyes widened. She couldn't figure if the Mayor was insulted or simply teasing her. She decided it was the first, just in case. "No-no. It's just… they saved my life, you know. So… thanks."
Now it was the turn of brown orbs to express their owner's shock. "You are very much welcomed, dear. But, may I wonder why you would need to start a fire to save your life?"
The Savior looked to the ground. "You know how we trapped Pan's shadow thing?" Regina nodded. "Well, Plan A was to use a lighter, you know, like normal 21st century people would do. But Plan A was crushed because Hook and Neal couldn't stop arguing over who had the biggest dick, if you know what I mean."
"I hope you do not use that kind of language in front of our son, Miss Swan."
Emma laughed softly while replying 'of course not, Madame Mayor.' before she continued her tale. "Anyway, you seemed to have provided us with a Plan B even though you weren't there so... Thanks."
Regina smiled to the blonde next to her."I'm glad you could access your magic under pressure, dear."
"Yeah, I couldn't believe it either." She said, only half-joking.
Neither of them spoke until a few moments later, when the brunette couldn't keep the words inside her mouth for any longer."Have you decided yet?" She asked and Emma looked at her confused. "Who has the 'biggest equipment', I mean."
Regina knew she didn't actually want to hear the answer, but she knew she had to. If Emma wanted another chance with Baelfire or—god forbid— try something with the pirate,she needed to know. She needed to prepare herself for the upcoming heartbreak. So she did her best to ask the blonde who would have a chance to win her heart in a casual way.
If Emma hadn't been so shocked by the question, she could have died of laughter from hearing Regina say 'biggest equipment'. Of course the Mayor wouldn't use the improper, four-letter word.
Emma looked at the other woman with a smile. "Well, not literally, but… I have made up my mind."
"Oh."The brunette put on her best façade to hide her feelings from the blonde. She was sure Emma couldn't notice the hurt in her eyes, after all, Regina was an expert when it came to not letting her emotions be seen. "Who's the lucky one?" She asked and Emma replied with a small grin.
"Henry." She said. "And I told them that. They needed to know our son is the only man I need in my life."
The only man, huh.
Regina beamed. Maybe her dream could end up being reality in a not-so-far-away future.
"Hey."
Regina turned her head away from her son's sleeping figure and saw the boy's other mother leaning on the doorway.
"Hey." She replied with a soft voice and squeezed Henry's hand once more.
He was safe. He was snoozing right next to her. Probably dreaming about the possible outcomes of his next adventurous operation— one that would include unspeakable dangers, valiant warriors and mysterious locations. Or maybe about the tale of a little prince who wanted to become a hero, without realizing he was one already, as he had brought light into the Queen's dark heart.
Whatever her son's dreams were about, one thing was sure: soon they will be at home. Soon they will leave the island of Neverland and return to Storybrooke. She had saved him. They had saved him. Her little prince would live.
"He's asleep already?" Emma asked and the brunette nodded in silence.
Regina's fingers caressed her son's face. She dropped a sweet kiss on the top of his head before standing up from the bed. Her feet walked towards Emma. Once she was standing beside her, Regina took another look at Henry. He looked so calm, so confidant nothing would hurt him, the brunette couldn't help but to display a watery smile. After a week of constant worries, everything was alright.
Brown eyes fell to the floor. Regina sighed and spoke low. "I better go prepare for the trip." She turned around and was about to leave the room when pale fingers grasped her darker wrist.
"Regina, wait." Emma said. Their eyes met and the blonde's hand roamed south, linking itself with Regina's.
"Yes?"
"I wanted to talk with you…" The Mayor waited for Emma to continue. She could notice the other woman didn't know where to start. "… About earlier?" The Savior offered, but Regina honestly didn't have a clue about what Emma was talking. A moment passed, the blonde swallowed and spoke. "You said Henry was all you had and… I wanted to let you know… you have me, too."
Regina could feel her heart jumping up and down inside her chest. She could feel how it started to beat faster and how it seemed to occupy far more space than just seconds before. It had been a long time since she had heard anyone saying that, and even a greater time since she'd believed it.
"I'm here for you."
Emma's words were the most beautiful symphony she had ever listened to. They danced in her ears and the brunette knew she would forever remember this moment. The moment she knew Emma would be hers. Not now, and maybe not in the next twenty-eight years, but someday. Someday Regina would get her happy ending. Someday she, Emma and Henry would all be a family.
The emotions that dashed through Regina's body were stronger than she had expected. And for once, without planning or over-thinking, she imitated the rush inside of her. The brunette threw her figure against the blonde's. Pale arms embraced her at the instant and they weren't timid.
Emma hugged Regina with strength and determination. She could feel the silent tears that were wetting her neck and making her heart break. Yes, maybe she wasn't alone now. But she knew what it felt like. Emma knew what it was to believe no one wanted you. She would never wish it on anybody— even less on her son's mother.
"And I promise you, I'll still be here once we get back home."
Regina cried for the first time since their arrival to Neverland. She let herself be consoled by the Savior. All the worries that had tormented her for the past week were transformed into tears that stuck on the blonde's black turtleneck. Emma, once again, seemed to know her better than anyone else and said the words she needed to hear.
Only in the solitude of her own mind she would admit it, but Regina was scared of their return to Storybrooke. She feared that, once they were back in the small town, things would go back to how they've been the previous years. Regina would only be the feared Mayor/Evil Queen. Henry would be seen as Emma's child and the majority would refuse to acknowledge the fact that she had been the one to raise him into the smart, loyal, caring child he was. She would be forever be the villain and never the hero. Never the one who had someone to have her back.
With the tik-tok of the clock, she became calmer. She could feel fingers between her short locks of hair, and ran her own through golden curls. Regina smiled against Emma's neck and whispered. "Thank you."
Hope you enjoyed it! Part-two will be up around Friday.