The knock startled me, but I welcome the excuse to shut off the news. Story after story about the disasters of my city, many of which I had seen firsthand, didn't exactly make for a relaxing night. There was another knock as I neared the door, but I'm a cop so I paused to check who stood on the other side before I appeased my impatient visitor. I caught sight of him through the peephole. He hid it well, but he was a little nervous and I can't help but smile. I open the door about halfway and lean against it for support. It had been a long day.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. It's not that I wasn't happy to see him, it was just unexpected. He pulled his right hand out from behind his back and opened his fist. My grenade dangled casually from his finger. "So that's where it went." I shot him an unamused look.
"Yeah, I ahh" He looked down sheepishly, and I'd never admit it out loud, but it was kind of adorable. His confident mask fell back into place before he continued though. "I bumped into your desk and it accidentally fell into my pocket. And by the time I got to the parking lot I didn't have time to … to come back in so…" A soft chuckle escaped my lips. He grinned at the sound. "Here I am."
I stepped forward into the gap in the doorway, moving in closer to him.
"This might be the worst excuse a guy has ever used to try to get into my apartment." I knew he could hear the amusement in my voice.
"Here I was expecting a thank you" he replied cheekily. I paused. His big grin and snarky attitude threw me off balance for a second. His 'borrowing' of my grenade had caused a minor freak out earlier that day, but his boyish charm had melted away most of the shitty day's stress and for that I was grateful.
"Thank you" I say softly and I know he could see the sincerity on my face. We were so close, only a couple inches separating our bodies. He moved in slowly but confidently. It was gentle and quick, the way the first second of a first kiss should be. I pulled away and fell back off my toes.
"I have to work so early in the morning." My voice was raspier than usual. I wanted to curse Voight for not giving me the next day off because I wanted him to come inside. But at the same time, I was grateful because I knew what would have happened if he came in that night. He placed my grenade into my hand.
"Yeah. Yeah, sure." I saw the slight disappointment in his eyes, but it was shadowed by an overwhelming joy. "I'll see you around" he said, a gentle smile on his lips. Our eyes remained locked for a moment in the silence. He nodded slightly and retreated slowly.
" 'kay" I hear myself respond. My eyes fall down to gaze at the grenade still in my hand. I don't want him to leave.
"But, I mean, you did," my voice halts his movement and he looks back at me, "come all this way," he turned back towards my door, "and so maybe, just…"
"Yeah." He strides quickly back down the hall to me.
"…one more."
And he was there, right in front of me and I was being pushed back against my doorjamb in the gentlest way someone can be pushed into a hard surface. His hands are on my face and he's strong but safe at the same time. And then his lips are on mine again, but it was harder, firmer, and so much better. I didn't want it to stop.
But it does. He pulls away. He doesn't go far though and as our lips separate our foreheads come together. I don't know what to say.
"Damn" he says gently as he pulls his head far enough away to look deep into my eyes. I stare right back. I can't speak. I don't know what I would say if I could anyways. I just nod until I find my voice. I know he needs to leave because if he doesn't leave now, I don't think I'll let him.
"Goodnight" I whisper. He hovers in front of me, waiting to see if I will change my mind. I want to. But I don't. I smile up at him and he grins back. I find my voice. "Go." My voice is strong but kind. I push him away playfully with a hand on his chest. He nods and turns away. I let him go this time. The door shuts behind me. I'm alone again, but its better this time. I'm alone again, but I'm not lonely.