"How does your life move forward,
When all you want it to do is…
…hold still?"
Summer
Rain drops form at the end of my hair. Droplets fall onto my shoulders, soaking through my camisole and making my skin wet. The landscape I was painting started to melt away as the water streaked down it. Green blurs that were once a hill just added to my misery. My heart pounds so hard I can feel it in my ears. My mom comes up from behind me.
"What a shame the rain ruined it, it was coming along so nicely."
I sighed and turned to face her. She reached over and smudged away some makeup that had been running down my face. Her once bright green eyes were now a shade of sadness, and I knew it was because of me.
She says Alice's name. I start to hum, as crazy as it seems, nothing in particular but something to stop the conversation from happening. I could feel that's what she came out here for. Her intentions were good, but right now I needed to mourn in my own way. I knew humming certainly wasn't the way to go, but right now I'm just not mentally prepared to talked about her.
Something is smashing against my chest- an anchor, gravity. I need to get away. I grab the canvas with the washed out picture and ripped it in half, throwing it on the ground and into the mud. I ran into my house, up the stairs until I found my room. I threw on a random jacket and some boots, and grabbed my keys. Then I'm out the door and into my convertible, and away from my town as I possibly could be.
Again, I'm not crazy.
And so what if I am? I have a remarkably good excuse to be.
I drive until I'm on an unfamiliar street with a bench. I park beside it and sit down. The rain soaks me through my jacket, and I sob. For my loss, and for knowing what damage she has done to me. Oh Alice, why now? You were such a good person, why did life have to treat you like this? Why do the good die young?
Hours I may have been there, I'm not really sure. But at one point, an old balding man sat beside me and asked what was wrong. When I didn't answer, he held out his cell phone and asked if I needed to make a call. I grabbed it and stared at it. Like I was waiting for Alice to be on the other end. I gave it back to him after awhile and he gave me an odd look before boarding the bus that had pulled up.
I remember the old man had called me darling.
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I sleep for the next couple of weeks.
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And for a few more.
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My parents feel the need to go on a vacation. They take me with them. They tell me traveling mends the heart. Bullshit. But I admit that I do enjoy the hiking and sightseeing: Watching the waves roll off the rocks, dense trees and signs welcoming us to towns with populations up to 54. Mom brought her entire 70's music collection, so I'm forced to sit through that. Still, I somehow found that enticing and soon knew the lyrics to every song she played.
We stayed in a cabin most nights, they were mainly made out of wood and bunk beds. Lately I've been tired of sleeping, since nothing good ever comes out of the nightmares, but its still peaceful to listen to the crickets chirping at night.
I'll admit, I even drew some badass hill country landscaping. Maybe when summer's over and school starts up I'll enter them in some competitions. Make myself feel useful.
Painting was Alice's most favorite things to do. That, and shopping of course. And once she got into something, she wouldn't give up learning it until she completely conquered it. I'll be lucky if one day my paintings ever get close to hers. But right now, it still hurts thinking about her, and I'm just not in the mood.
My family and I stay in the hill country the rest of the summer.
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And then, out of nowhere, August rolls around.
I have to go back.
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Authors note:
Well guys I hope you enjoyed the first chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it (: It would mean a lot to me if you reviewed, because the more I get the longer I'll make the next chapter (which by the way will be tons more interesting if you found the first a tad bit boring) Promise things will look up for Bella (:
Happy reading,
~angel~