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"My December"
Nataki ni yotte
"My December"
Songfic by Nataki (Yes, the same Nataki from 'Everlong')
Rated: PG-13 for yaoi hints (3x4), angst, deathfic
Disclaimer: *ahem* No, I do not own Gundam wing or any related characters. yada yada yada... If I did, I would be loved by all...^^;
//This is my December
This is my time of the year//
I walk down the city street, Â blackened slush beneath my shoes. Â I remember last winter. Â It was so wonderful. Â It was never this cold. Â Or, at least...I was never this cold...
//This is my December
This is all so clear//
I remember the little things...kisses and such...but he...Trowa was nothing more than a lover...and it's over. Â Perhaps being apart from him has made me act so much more like him...hostile, in a way. So quiet.
//This is my December
This is my snow covered home//
I pass the building where I used to live, barely even turning my head to glance at it. Â Its walls have forgotten me, so I strive to forget it. Â It's painfully clear that I'll never get over this.
//This is my December
This is me alone//
Saline tears flow from my bloodshot eyes and a breath escapes me, but it does not turn to steam.
//And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed//
When I reach the crosswalk, I step down and begin to make my way to the adjacent curb. Â It happens too fast. Â Blaring horns. Screeching brakes. No use. I cannot run. Paralyzed by fear.
//And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that//
I take the impact with my entire body and fall down onto the icy street. Â I can taste my own blood and feel it streaming from a wound in my head...maybe some others as well.
//And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed//
My eyes flutter closed and I am engulfed in my own self-induced darkness. Â I lay, broken, on the cold surface...everyone staring...no one helping. This city is merciless.
//And I
Take back all the things I said to you//
It seems like an eternity, but, eventually I awake. Â Yellow police tape surrounds the area where I lay. Â I get up and walk away, stepping over the yellow plastic.
//And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to//
I need to get away from this place. Â I need a friend. Â Duo...he's always there for me. Â I jog for a few blocks, turn onto 17th St., and walk in through the open door of his apartment building. Up two flights of stairs. Â He's home. I can hear his television. Â I ring the doorbell...wait...no answer...again...no answer...knock...nothing...
//Give it all away
To have someone to come home to//
I pound on the door with my fists.
"Duo..." I practically sob "Please..."
I stumble back against the wall and move to a seated position, hugging my legs and trembling.
//This is my December
These are my snow-covered dreams//
Why can't he hear me? Â What's happening?
"...can anyone help me?..." I whisper hoarsely. So much fear courses through my body...It's indescribable.
//This is me pretending
This is all I need//
All I want is someone to comfort me and tell me I'm OK...because I can't tell... I don't know.
//And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed//
I feel so empty and torn apart at the seams. I know it doesn't matter, but my blonde hair is dissheveled, and I'm dirty and wet...and crying...
//And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that//
I get up. There's no use in staying here. Â This is a nightmare. I walk back down the stairs...back into the cold night.
//And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed//
Suddenly, I imagine something...against my will I see him...Duo...and Wufei and...and...Trowa... standing in a small group surrounded snow-covered headstones. The snow falls in light, dusty, flakes. Â Feather-light and as white as linen.
//And I
Take back all the things I said to you//
The expression on Trowa's face is beyond comprehension. He blinks a tear from his eye. Â Then all I see is the city again. Â The city doesn't know me anymore so it shuns me away.
//And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to//
Is this what denial is like? I can't think correctly.
//This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear//
I walk some more. The snow becomes ever deeper. A fresh layer has covered the grimy one. Â I look down at my feet, turn around and look at the ground behind me.
//And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to//
Where are my footprints?
 ~Owari~
  Â
"My December"
Nataki ni yotte
"My December"
Songfic by Nataki (Yes, the same Nataki from 'Everlong')
Rated: PG-13 for yaoi hints (3x4), angst, deathfic
Disclaimer: *ahem* No, I do not own Gundam wing or any related characters. yada yada yada... If I did, I would be loved by all...^^;
//This is my December
This is my time of the year//
I walk down the city street, Â blackened slush beneath my shoes. Â I remember last winter. Â It was so wonderful. Â It was never this cold. Â Or, at least...I was never this cold...
//This is my December
This is all so clear//
I remember the little things...kisses and such...but he...Trowa was nothing more than a lover...and it's over. Â Perhaps being apart from him has made me act so much more like him...hostile, in a way. So quiet.
//This is my December
This is my snow covered home//
I pass the building where I used to live, barely even turning my head to glance at it. Â Its walls have forgotten me, so I strive to forget it. Â It's painfully clear that I'll never get over this.
//This is my December
This is me alone//
Saline tears flow from my bloodshot eyes and a breath escapes me, but it does not turn to steam.
//And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed//
When I reach the crosswalk, I step down and begin to make my way to the adjacent curb. Â It happens too fast. Â Blaring horns. Screeching brakes. No use. I cannot run. Paralyzed by fear.
//And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that//
I take the impact with my entire body and fall down onto the icy street. Â I can taste my own blood and feel it streaming from a wound in my head...maybe some others as well.
//And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed//
My eyes flutter closed and I am engulfed in my own self-induced darkness. Â I lay, broken, on the cold surface...everyone staring...no one helping. This city is merciless.
//And I
Take back all the things I said to you//
It seems like an eternity, but, eventually I awake. Â Yellow police tape surrounds the area where I lay. Â I get up and walk away, stepping over the yellow plastic.
//And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to//
I need to get away from this place. Â I need a friend. Â Duo...he's always there for me. Â I jog for a few blocks, turn onto 17th St., and walk in through the open door of his apartment building. Up two flights of stairs. Â He's home. I can hear his television. Â I ring the doorbell...wait...no answer...again...no answer...knock...nothing...
//Give it all away
To have someone to come home to//
I pound on the door with my fists.
"Duo..." I practically sob "Please..."
I stumble back against the wall and move to a seated position, hugging my legs and trembling.
//This is my December
These are my snow-covered dreams//
Why can't he hear me? Â What's happening?
"...can anyone help me?..." I whisper hoarsely. So much fear courses through my body...It's indescribable.
//This is me pretending
This is all I need//
All I want is someone to comfort me and tell me I'm OK...because I can't tell... I don't know.
//And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed//
I feel so empty and torn apart at the seams. I know it doesn't matter, but my blonde hair is dissheveled, and I'm dirty and wet...and crying...
//And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that//
I get up. There's no use in staying here. Â This is a nightmare. I walk back down the stairs...back into the cold night.
//And I
Just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed//
Suddenly, I imagine something...against my will I see him...Duo...and Wufei and...and...Trowa... standing in a small group surrounded snow-covered headstones. The snow falls in light, dusty, flakes. Â Feather-light and as white as linen.
//And I
Take back all the things I said to you//
The expression on Trowa's face is beyond comprehension. He blinks a tear from his eye. Â Then all I see is the city again. Â The city doesn't know me anymore so it shuns me away.
//And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to//
Is this what denial is like? I can't think correctly.
//This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear//
I walk some more. The snow becomes ever deeper. A fresh layer has covered the grimy one. Â I look down at my feet, turn around and look at the ground behind me.
//And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to//
Where are my footprints?
 ~Owari~
  Â