an: in case you were wondering, I've been working on this shitty fanfic for A Long Fucking Time. Re-edited, revamped, hopefully this doesn't suck. Will go through the rest of the chapters when I feel like it.

Up on melancholy hill
There's a plastic tree
Are you here with me
Just looking out on the day
Of another dream

Well you can't get what you want
But you can get me
So let's set out to sea, love,
'Cause you are my medicine
When you're close to me

-Gorillaz

School has started by the time I finished puking my guts out on the side of the road. I thought somehow by leaving an hour early, that I would arrive on time, but I had completely forgotten that everything terrible likes to happen to me in any which way possible. Not only had I had to stop twice to cry, but I also had to refill on gas. And then vomit because I'm an overemotional girl who really just hates life and school and everything.

No one was in the halls when I entered. At my old school, teachers would patrol the hallways looking for students to patronize (and in very few cases help), but here it was silent. It only furthered my bad mood as the sound of my flats tapped and echoed against the grimy tile floors. They were alone. I glanced down at the papers the school mailed me- a school map and a schedule. Never having been good at reading maps, the first paper only confused me, and without knowing where L23 was, my schedule wasn't much help either. I don't even know where the office is!

I started looking around frantically, feeling like I was going to puke again when someone rammed right into me, causing me to stumble and drop my papers on the ground. The other (tall) person didn't even glance behind to see if I was okay. My anxiety switched to anger. "Hey!" I shouted at his back. It was clad in leather and he looked like a dumbass even from behind. He still didn't turn around. "Hey!" I ran after him and grabbed his shoulder.

He spun on his heel with a glare and I almost peed myself with how scary he looked. He had the piercings. And the dyed hair. And the ripped jeans. "What?"

I immediately stepped back several steps. "You-uh, you bumped into me." Wow he's tall and wow I'm short and wow he could beat me up with my own backpack.

"So?"

"I…" I wasn't going to be able to get him to apologize. "Could you at least tell me where class L23 is?"

He gave me a funny look. "Why?"

I felt like I wanted to cry. He put in a set of earphones then proceeded to walk towards the door, flipping me off from behind. I kicked a wall in anguish.

After that whole ordeal I just decided that starting off on a fresh slate would be 500% better and went home to my empty apartment. I kicked off my shoes and threw them on the floor, then stripped out of my skinny jeans. I flopped on my couch like they did in the movies, but instead of falling into a comfy cushion my nose smacked into the hard armrest and started bleeding.

I stayed face planted on my couch until my phone buzzed, accepting that I was ruining the couch with my blood and that my life was awful. I blindly grabbed for my phone.

"Hello?"

"How was school Jayne? Did you make any friends?"

I sat up so fast my head spun and I had to clutch it to keep rooted to the ground. "Auntie. Hi." I could tell by her voice she wasn't too happy.

"The school called me," she continued without accepting my greeting. "they said you didn't show up today so I said that you weren't ready. What's wrong?"

I wiped at my face, trying to get the dried off blood to flake off. "I don't know. Everything I guess?" I signed and flopped back on my sofa. "I thought I could do this but it's a lot harder than I thought. It was so confusing too! And-and-"

"Jayne, sweetie, listen." I could hear her smacking bubblegum through the speaker, but I tried not to let it ruin the emotional mood she was trying to set. "Life sucks. High school sucks especially, but the good thing about high school is that it sucks a smaller amount of time than life, so just hang in there kid."

"Wow. Thanks for that very motivational speech."

"Just be a dear and lie to your parents and tell them you went to school today- I don't want them on my ass about it."

I hung up without replying, then proceeded to lay on the couch for several hours. When my parents finally called I smiled and laughed, hoping they would feel okay with how things were. It wasn't their fault after all.

I arrived two hours early the next day and had to sit outside until they unlocked the front door. Odd enough, it was a teenager around my age with a tie.

"Are you new here?" He had a friendly smile on, but my stomach still twisted.

"Yeah. How could you tell?"

"Really it was a rhetorical question, I looked at your file a week ago." His eyes widened and a blush spread across his nose and down his neck. "I mean, not in a creepy way. I'm the student body president, it's my job to oversee paperwork and help students."

I followed him through a door and after his gesture, continued to through a couple office doors. "I guess you weren't voted for because of your charisma?"

His smile dropped and he suddenly aged into a thirty year old businessman. "I'm incredible efficient and dedicated to my work."

"I-I was joking. It's cool, sorry." Oh god Jayne, when will you learn that you're not funny?

"Oh." He relaxed a little and placed a book bag on a desk. "Oh. Yeah. Anyways…" He turned around really fast, but I could still see a blush forming on the back of his neck. Cute.

He shuffled through papers as I looked around the room. There were typical motivational posters of figures looking out at sunsets, a picture of a kitten, and several college brochures.

"Hmmm…" He said.

"Hmmm…" I replied.

"It seems you weren't here yesterday. That will cause some complications, you may have to complete a few side quests before school starts."

My stomach dropped and I could feel myself start to sweat through my shirt and holy moly if I get pit stains on my first day I will kill myself. "Are you absolutely sure? My aunt called yesterday about it…" He had a weird look on his face, a little scrunched up, like he was trying not to smile. What ? "Are you…kidding?"

He stopped with his weird face. "Uh yeah. Sorry, I forgot I wasn't that funny."

I forced a laugh and wiped my hands on the front of my jeans. "Yeah. Right." Dammit.

"Well, Jayne!" He flashed me a smile and started shuffling through a stack of papers. "Here's your schedule, and a map of the school, and your locker number and combination." I took all the papers from him and folded them in half. He stared at the paper, his eye twitching slightly. "Do you need someone to show you around? I could get-"

"Yes!" I nearly shouted, my mind flashing to the scary guy from the other day. "Yes. Please. It would help a lot and I would appreciate it. A lot."

"Oh, okay. Um," he glanced at his watch. "I guess we should go on and head out then. After you."

Touring the whole school didn't take too terribly long, so I ended up sitting in my first period class an hour early in the dark because I was too nervous to turn the lights on because in my stupid fuck mind I would get yelled at for it. I sat in the back, hoping to avoid student's stares, but as they slowly filed in they avoided sitting next to me. I took out my phone, trying to seem like I had important things to do and like I wasn't lonely. Which I totally was.

"That's my spot."

I froze in place, feeling my heart stop and my throat dry up. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh no. Why do I have the worst luck?

I turned around so fast I heard my neck pop and almost choked up again. It was that asshole from the other day!

I could feel the eyes of my classmates on us, like they were expecting an actual literal fight to break out. "I'm sorry." I quickly hurried with my stuff and tried to shove my phone into my pocket, but it just ended up clattering onto the pavement beside me, dislocating it from its battery. I stared at it in horror.

"Any day now." Came his deep but increasingly annoying voice.

"Could you just hold on a sec?" I said between my teeth, dropping to my knees in an attempt to pick up my phone's pieces. I hate life so much right now.

His cool steel eyes stared me down silently. Where's the damn back piece, it should-

"Here." He kicked a piece of my phone over with his black boot. "Now leave."

"I uh..." I stared at him for a second. "Sorry?"

He rolled his eyes and fell into the seat I had just vacated. I took a few steps back and glanced around the room. There were literally no other spots left except for the one next to him. Wincing at my predicament, I slid into the seat next to him and tried to shrink into myself as best as possible.

He was still glaring at me and I could feel my palms begin to sweat. "Is there anything wrong?"

"You're still at my desk."

"Well." I cleared my throat a bit, which caused even more people to look over. Dammitdammitdammit. "There aren't any other spots open, so I just thought…"

He glared again, but it didn't hold as much hate in it. "Whatever, just don't wake me up." And then he put his head on the desk and fell straight asleep.

I was amazed at the fact that he slept through the whole class. Even when Mrs. Art Teacher came and slammed a text book right next to his head on our desk, he didn't even move. She let him keep sleeping after that because she thought it was impressive.

Only when the bell rang did he lift his head.

"That was amazing." I smiled at him. "I wish I could do that."

He gave me a lazy glance and grunted. One side of his cheek was red and he looked dazed. "What class is this?"

"First."

Castiel groaned. "I hate life. I hate living."

I chuckled and stood, stretching my back a bit in the process. "I guess that makes two of us."

This was it, the most terrible part of not having friends in a new high school- eating lunch alone. There are so many anxieties that come with it; standing out and having people laugh at you, being afraid you sat in someone else's seat who just might beat you up over it and being alone with yourself for twenty whole minutes. I was sweating buckets.

"Heeey." Someone sat their lunch tray next to me. "Would you look at that, Armin! A blue haired person sat at our table!"

I froze and looked up at the guy, but then (slightly) relaxed when I saw the easy and genuine smile on his face. He too happened to have blue hair. "Hello. Um, I can move if you want me-"

"Nope!" He took a seat next to me as a second tray was slammed down. This one belonged to a guy who looked very similar to the other, with the exception of coloring. He looked at me curiously but didn't say anything.

"I think it's fate. I'm Alexy, and you?"

"Jayne." I felt unsteady with his friendliness, like I had actually passed out and was living out a dream.

"Jayne! That's too cute, can I call you Jaynie?"

"Ah, no thanks." I placed the carrot I had been holding down on a napkin and folded my hands in my lap.

Alexy proceeded to take a large bite out of a large hamburger which left a large stain on his face. "So," his mouth was half-full of food and his words sounded weird. "You're new?"

I cast a glance back at the other guy, who was hunched over a PSP. "Yeah, today's my first day."

"Does it suck as much as you expected?" He was now chugging on a water bottle. I finally picked my carrot stuck back up and continued gnawing on it.

"So-so. All schools suck."

Alexy chuckle. "You should with us the rest of the year. Eating lunch with Armin is so boring. All he ever does is play his games or stuff his face with food. It's horrifying and savage and I don't understand how we're related one bit."

"Brothers?"

"Twins actually. Not identical or anything. I'm the handsome one and Armin's the straight one."

Armin looked up. "I'm also the one who has money. Speaking of which, you owe me thirty bucks." He sat his down . "What did I miss?"

"I have a new friend named Jayne, and you need to be her friend too."

He looked at her. Not in an impolite way or in a mean way, just a curious, wide-eyed look. "What's your favorite game?" Armin drawled out the question like he was being cautious.

"Oh." I tapped my nails on the table, thinking. "I could never really afford them, but I like Mario and the Sims."

He nodded, a small smile forming on his face.

"Oh no no no. You're not going to turn my new friend into a nerd! Get that out of your head right now."

"Ever heard of the Legend of Zelda, Jayne?"

The minute school was over I rushed out to my car, shoving people out of the way to get to it. As I was throwing my bag in the trunk of my car, however, I slammed the door on my hand and had to go back inside to the nurses office. I had to get bandages all over my hand, but in the end she gave me a handful of suckers and patted my head. I almost cried at her kindness, but sucked it up and went back home.

When I got home that afternoon I binged on ice cream and started singing really loudly to shitty pop music. It felt sort if like a type of downward spiral into the lonely old woman cliché but I was just so done with life I had to do something and nothing all at once.

My phone started going off right in the middle of my second scoop. I sat down the carton pouting slightly.

"Hello?"

"Hi sweetie."

I breathed a sigh of exhaustion as tears began to flood my eyes. Sudden the past two days seemed entirely too long and too lonely.

"Mom?"

"Um, hi! How are things? How are you feeling?"

"Fine fine fine. I should be asking you that! Look at you, all grown up and living by yourself." In the background I could hear the beeping of machinery. I could tell it wasn't from the hospital, just the regular noises of Mom's treatment. I relaxed immediately. She's fine and they're packing and on their way.

"Yeah, I'm doing good. School's…school. I did make a friend though, maybe two. I haven't finished unpacking yet, but the fridge is well stocked."

She let out a chuckle. "Just make sure you're eating right, okay? I don't want-"

"Yeah yeah."

"Don't give me that sass!"

"Yeah yeah." I smothered my smile into a throw pillow. We were silent for a second and I focused on her breathing short and shallow, frequently accompanied by coughs. I hadn't realized it until recently, but the strange but common thing had become a comfort to me. I had missed it.

"I can't wait till you guys are here. It's so quiet here, I can barely think."

"You know," her fingernails tapped lightly against the phone. "People usually say the opposite."

"Well people are dumb. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Blueberry. I have to go now, but I love you."

"I love you too." I tried not to think about the small tears at the corned of my eye. " Tell Dad to wrap up his job faster!"

"I'll do what I can. Have a good day at school tomorrow!"

Armin and I were sitting together at a courtyard half an hour before school, Alexy MIA. Armin was ignoring me (probably not to be mean), playing a game.

"Sooo." I leaned over his shoulder and glanced at his DS (Really, how many consoles did he have?) "What are you playing?"

"Pokemon. Ever heard of it?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just because I didn't play video games doesn't mean I live under a rock." I watched him mash buttons and battle for several minutes until someone tapped my shoulder.

"Alexy!" He was carrying a cup carrier with three coffees. My jaw dropped. "Did you-?"

"We're friends, and friends buy friends coffee. I didn't know what you liked though so I just got you a latte because it was basic." He handed it to me and I took it, close to tears. It didn't matter that I didn't like coffee- what mattered was that he had thought to include me.

"Oh jeez, are you crying?" His eyes were wide and he frantically tried to give me a hug with one arm and a heavy neon messenger bag at his side. It wasn't a very good hug, but it made me shed a few more tears. "Are you seeing this Armin? She's like a sensitive puppy! Bless." He ruffled my hair and let me go as Armin laughed. I rubbed my face with my free hand, ruining my foundation.

I sat back on the chilly stone bench and sipped on my drink, trying not to think about how jittery it was going to make me in an hour and instead focused on Alexy teasing Armin about video game characters. I let out a short laugh at as one of his jokes made Armin's whole face turn blotchy and red, and he started huffing and packing his stuff up to move away from his brother. It was a little hard to remember the last time my laughs weren't tinged with a bit of sadness.

It was twenty minutes into first period and our teacher was nowhere to be seen. My teeth dug into my bottom lip and my leg bounced furiously up and down, caffeine maximum overdrive in my body and with no distractions. Castiel dozed uselessly next to me, an actual puddle of drool accumulating under his mouth. Attractive.

"Class!" The door banged open so hard that it ricocheted off the opposite wall that the ceiling panels shook. My teeth broke the skin of my lip in surprise and my mouth filled with blood. Castiel didn't stir.

"You would not believe the day I'm having." She paused, like she expected someone to ask her about her Very Important Life, but no one seemed to give a shit. "Anyways, as you kids know, the end of the school year is coming up soon- HEY, SHUT UP! It's not the end of the year yet, you hooligans!" She sighed and ran a hand through her frizzy brown hair. "Long story short, you guys need to a final, but since this is art, it's going to be fun so I finally got done with the prompts for the final projects." Everyone groaned. "AND it's a group project! How fun is that?" The collective groan grew louder and I felt my heart grow heavy. The only person I knew in the class was Castiel, and he didn't seem…group friendly.

Slips of paper were passed out with the guidelines of them and I studied it in disbelief. Recreate your group member without using paper or plaster 3

She was twenty minutes late printing that out? What did that even mean?

Frantically, I turned to Castiel and started shaking his shoulder trying to get him to wake up. All I got was I grunt, so I started yanking on his hair.

He opened an eye to glare at me. "What?"

I offered him a smile which he didn't care to return. I let it drop quickly. "Group final project. I didn't know if you had anyone else you would work with, if you were going to participate."

He sat up and stretched. As he did, I narrowly missed being hit in the face by his arm. "Aw, you were concerned about me? What, do you have a crush on me?"

"Yes." I crumpled and unrumpled the paper, trying to get my energy out of my system. "Can you just tell me if you'll be my partner or not? I need to know if I need to mentally prepare to beg someone to be their buddy for the next month."

He shrugged. "I'm going to be honest with you; if it's a lot of effort I'm going to push it all off on you."

"And I'm going to push it off until last minute and we'll get a C on it." I quipped back, scratching in between my brows with an eraser. Maybe I could make a portrait of him out of garbage. He seems like that type of guy. I automatically felt bad and sat my pencil down.

"As long as I don't have to retake this dumbass class I'm fine."

I have him a small glance. "We are going to have to work together on this."

He stared back at me and gave me a lazy blink. "Waaaaitt. Were you that girl that fucked up her hand with her car yesterday?"

I tugged my sleeve lower over my still-bandaged hand. "Maybe."

"Haha what the fuck?" He didn't really laugh, he actually said 'Ha-ha'. I frowned at him. "Shit. Maybe this will be fun, being partnered with you."

an: leave a review/favorite and I'll either check out and review anything you've written or send you a nice message!