My Band Aid

It started over dinner this time. Mother had made lots of "Ritsuka's" favorites that night and, as usual, when I sat down at the table she was watching me. She'd made hamburger for the main course and there were lots of vegetables. I started with the meat, knowing that was safe for sure.

"Eat your vegetables, Ritsuka." She instructed, picking up her glass of water.

There were carrots, onions, mushrooms and…leeks? That was a new one. I knew the carrots were a negative and the onions were okay even though I didn't like them much myself. The mushrooms were fried shitakes so I ate them too even though I really didn't like them. Mother's "Ritsuka" might have liked fried shitakes but I like them sautéed the way Soubi made for me to try. Hesitant about the leeks, I picked up my bowl of miso soup and ate some of that then I had some steamed rice.

"Ritsuka, have you finished your vegetables?"

If I was in fact done, meaning I'd eaten only what "Ritsuka" liked, I could answer yes and she'd just take the plate away. But those leeks…I couldn't remember if that was clear or not. They smelled good and I felt myself wanting to try them. I've gotten to where I like to try new things, especially the stuff Soubi makes when I go over to his house. Everything Soubi makes is delicious and I can eat all I want without feeling nervous about making a mistake. It's nothing like when I'm sitting at the table with my mother.

Soubi watches me eat but he wants to see me smile when I taste something new; something he made especially for me. It makes him happy to see me enjoying something he's done or made for me, and seeing him smiling at me from cross the table…that makes me happy too.

"Are you finished?" Mother asked again. I was taking too long to decide and that was starting to annoy her.

"…not yet." I answered and picked up one of the leeks in my chopsticks. No sooner had I placed it in my mouth I knew I'd made the wrong move. I suddenly felt wet and I realized she'd thrown her water at me from across the table. Then I heard glass shatter as she threw the empty glass to the floor.

"Ritsuka hates leeks! He hates them!!" Mother began to shriek as she slammed her fists down on the table. I shrunk back into my seat as she began to push the dishes of food in front of her onto the floor. One plate whizzed across the room like a Frisbee to shatter against a wall. Her bowl of miso spilled all over the place and the bowl rolled on its rim through the mess until it finally clattered to rest upside down. "Who are you?! What have you done with my Ritsuka?!!"

I barely ducked in time to avoid having a bowl of rice collide with my face. Instead it struck the wall behind me and shattered. The sound of think porcelain clattering to the floor amidst the mashing of sticky steamed rice made my skin crawl. While I was distracted, Mother got up from her chair and by the time I looking up again all I saw was her open palm striking out at me. The blow to my face knocked my right out of my seat. I didn't make any attempt at moving, knowing that would only upset her more. Instead I kept my head down and tried to calm her down with my words.

"I'm sorry, Mother. It smelled good so I wanted to try it and see if I might like it."

I'd used this plight once before. She'd blanched some asparagus and I asked if I could try it. She'd answered very hollowly that I didn't like it, meaning Ritsuka hadn't liked it, but I'd told her I wanted to try it again, maybe I would like it now. When I told her it tasted good, and I did in fact like it, she looked as though she'd swallowed a bug. But after a few minutes she sort of smiled and said, "Then I'll make it for you more often." Keeping in mind that I'd tried this line before actually eating what I wasn't supposed to, I didn't see what it would hurt to at least try it again in hope of getting myself out of more trouble.

"No!!" She wailed and dropped down on her knees, beating her fists on my back and shaking me, "Ritsuka would never try eating leeks again! He got sick the first time he tried it! He'd never try it again!! You're not him!!"

From there on I had no hope of escape. Mother continued to beat me, slap me, and yell at me until she'd tired herself out. When she was finished she scampered off to her room and locked herself in the dark, leaving me curled up in a heap on the floor. During the beating I'd been pushed towards the wall where the bowl of rice had broken. Shards of porcelain had cut my hands and forearms and grains of rice had gotten matted into my hair. My clothes were also dirty from other foodstuffs she'd knocked over onto me, like the last of the miso I'd been eating. Despite hurting all over I slowly got up and went to work cleaning the mess up. By the time I was done it was a little after midnight.

When I opened my bedroom door I was surprised to see Soubi standing there with one foot inside my balcony door. He was smiling but once he saw how dirty I was with dried food and blood it quickly fell away. He swiftly closed the door behind him and threw his coat onto my bed before carefully ushering me to sit down. I watched as he wordlessly slipped out into the hall and came back moments later with a warm, damp cloth. Next he brought out the first aid kit from under my bed and set to work getting out all the needed materials to treat me.

"What are you doing here, Soubi?" I asked, stilling his hands from their task of digging through the first aid kit.

"I tried calling you several times but you weren't answering." He answered, looking up at me, "You usually give into my persistence so I knew something had to be wrong. I was worried about you."

"And now you're probably thinking it's a good thing you did come even though it's the middle of the night." I scuffed and he smiled with a nod, "You idiot."

"What set her off this time?"

"…leeks."

"Like leaks in the ceiling?" Soubi asked. I knew he was trying to be funny on purpose, which would usually annoy me, but instead I did laugh a little.

"No. She made leeks with dinner." I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. A few grains of dried rice fell out as I did so. "Apparently the 'past Ritsuka' didn't like them."

"She really pisses me off."

"……I know." I sighed and bent forward so that our foreheads were almost touching, "I'm going to take a shower. Don't do anything stupid."

"…very well." Soubi nodded then smiled up at me. "I'll be a good boy until you return."

"Saying that makes you sound like a real pervert." I shook my head and got up to go wash off.

When I returned from taking my shower Soubi was sitting on my bed, his head bowed down, and he was wringing his hands together. I could tell just from looking at him he was tense and I knew exactly what he was thinking about. As I walked over towards him I draped the towel I'd been using to dry my hair over my shoulders then I knelt down in front of him and took his cool dry hands in my own.

"Stop thinking about it."

"I can't help it." Soubi responded, shaking his head as he gave my hands a firm squeeze, "I can't stand seeing you like this, Ritsuka. I know you love your mother despite what she does to you…but I can't forgive her as easily as you can. Emotionally unstable or not…I just can't understand."

"I don't let her do it because I feel like I deserve it…not anymore." I admitted as I stood up and opened his arms wide so I could slip inside them. Soubi straightened up a bit and wrapped his arms around me as I propped myself on his lap. "There are times I even get mad about it and want to fight back…but something in me always makes me stop and just endure it instead."

"Endurance…" Soubi mumbled as he hugged me tight, "No child should have to endure abuse from a parent."

"I know. That fact has been made very clear to me…but for what it's worth I like it when you show up afterwards." I smiled as I snuggled against his chest, "I like it when you take such care of cleaning my wounds and how you hold me like you are now. It puts me at ease and I feel so safe."

"So I'm like a living security blanket?"

"No, more like a band aid." I smiled.