Jack's messed up life
By Scorch-X
Chapter 1: A day in the life of Jack Spicer
In the headquarters of Evil Inc/Chase Young's Dark Dragons Cidital, Jack Spicer was working on his latest invention, the Food Replicator. Just as he was about to test it out, he heared a familier voice
"Spicer!" Tubbimura shouted. Jack frowned.
"What do you want this time?" he asked, exiting his lab, into the main cidital. In the fountain were Tubbimura, Wuya, Katnappe and Chase, using the fountain as a pool. Jack was nearly sick, as he realised Tubbi was wearing a speedo
"Oh my god!" Jack screamed, "Tubbi, what do you want?"
"Pass me a slim fast shake." Tubbi said
"I don't friggin belive you, you interupted me for that?" Jack asked, walking over to the fridge, and pulled out a can of slimfast. He then passed it ot Tubbi
"This is Vanilla Spicer, i only like Chocolate." Tubbi said
"Their's none left Chubby Tubbi." Jack said, smirking
"Well, go to the store and get me some." Tubbi said
"Listen you damn offspring of Mr. Staypuft and Poppin' Fresh, get off your bloated arse, on your feet, and get your own fucking shakes!" Jack snapped
"Fine, i will." Tubbi said, standing up so fast, his speedo ripped.
Everyone screamed, "Oh, sorry about that." Tubbi said, covering his modesty and leaving
"I'm going back to my lab to work on my replicator." Jack said. In his lab, he found a bottle of laxatives, and a spare can of chocolate slimfast. On his left shoulder, a little devil jack appeared
"Go on, you know you want to." the devil jack said. On his right shoulder, an angel jack appeared
"I agree with him this time, Tubbimura's a bastard." Angel Jack said
Jack grinned, "You know what I like about Tubbi? He's just a regular guy, in a regular world." Both Devil Jack and Angel Jack started to laugh
"Keep it down Spicer!" Chase shouted from the pool
"Sorry Chase!" Jack called back, and used one of his inventions to inject the laxatives into the shake. Later that day, Tubbi suddenly jumped out of the pool screaming, and ran towards the toilet.
"I guess that takes care of the big round guy. Wuya will be too busy making moves on Chase, who'll be busy secretly gagging, Katnappe will be off on her prowls soon, Vlad's in Moscow visiting his parents, i guess i'm free to do whatever the hell i want." Jack thought, and found a bottle in a hidden compartment under a table
"Chase's vodka?" he thought, "should i?"
"Just fucking do it!" the angel and devil snapped
Jack picked up the vodka, and took a gulp, "Wa fucking hoo!" he cheared, then hopped into his plane, and took off. Soon, he was smashed out of his skull, and flying like a madman.
In the Xiaolin Temple, Rai, Clay and Omi were chatting
"Kimiko's visiting her pappy, ah guess we've got time for us guys, to be guys." Clay said
"Yeah, let's have some fucking poontang!" Raimundo said
"Poontang?" Omi asked, "What's that?"
"Allright, i don't know what it is, it's mentioned in war movies when the women are gone." Rai sighed. Suddenly, Jack flew by
"Look ma, no hands!" he laughed, controling the plane with his feet
"Look guys, no brain!" Raimundo said, pointing at Jack, who suddenly crashed his plane outside the temple. Jack ejected before impact, and landed. Omi, Clay and Raimundo walked over.
"It's allright guys, i didn't spill the vodka." Jack said
"Vodka?" Raimundo asked.
"Get, some glasses." Jack said. Omi got 4 glasses from the kitchen
"Allright, too the future." Jack said, as the monks downed their shot
"To the fall of Wuya, god i hate her!" Jack said, as everyone downed their shot
"To alcohol, the solution to a lot of trouble, and the cause of a lot more." Clay said
Later, a wasted Jack, Clay, Rai and Omi were singing
"Alltogether now!" Jack said
I put my finger in a woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul,
Take it out. take it out, take it out,
REMOVE IT." the guys all sang. Suddenly, Master Fung exited the temple, upon hearing the noise.
"What the devil?" he asked, seeing the chaos
"Mashter, do you want a drink of this delicious juice?" Omi asked.
"Monks, inside now." Fung said, "Spicer, i shall have Dojo take you back home." Fung said. Dojo picked up Jack, grumbling about babysitting Jack. Later, Jack was home, and Dojo left quickly. The cidital doors opened, and Jack walked in, to see Chase and Wuya still in the fountain
"Hi honey, i'm home." Jack said, then fell down the temple steps and into the fountain
"What have you been doing boy?" Chase asked
"Nothing much, jusht challanged the xiaholin guyhs to a drinking contesht." Jack slured, "Weresh Tubbi?"
"Still on the toilet." Wuya said, "He's been their for hours. I think he's been eating spoiled food again."
Suddenly, Tubbi screamed from the toilets, followed by a farting. Jack walked over to his room, and fell onto his bed
"What a day." he sighed, and passed out.