This fic takes place directly after Clark, Bellamy, Octavia and Jasper awaken at the rock formations on the coastline(S3E13)
"Now what?" Bellamy asked desperately, stealing a glance at Clark and turning his focus back to the sea.
Clark furrows her brow at the question as she, too looks to the sea for answers. Just some indication to where Luna's rig was stationed.
You know what you have to do. She would stop at nothing to save her people.
She broke her gaze with the ocean and began to walk along the shoreline.
"Where are you going?" Octavia called after her, clutching Lincoln's journal, thankful that Luna's clan had the decency to leave it with her.
"I need to think," she snapped back. She began rubbing the tin which holds the flame with the pad of her thumb.
Her feet sank and she struggled to find her footing on the sandy beach; the new terrain proving to be more difficult than originally anticipated. She walked for much longer than she intended, her thoughts racing. They were out of options. If Luna wouldn't cooperate, they didn't stand a chance against Ali. Even with having seen the extent of the AI's capabilities and reach, she still wasn't interested. If anything were to change her mind, it would have been that.
Her mind drifted to Lexa. She remembered her beautiful tan skin and the way her pulse quickened when her blazing green eyes were set on Clark. A silent tear fell down her cheek.
I miss you so much Lexa. I know you know that I was falling for you. I can't do this without you.
The tears began to flow freely as she finally collapsed onto the beach. She clutched the tin box in her hands as she sat, bent over her folded knees beneath her, the reality that she would not be able to save her people setting in. Even worse, she realized then, was that she would never see Lexa again. She always had a small shred of hope that if she were able to pass the flame, she would see some small part of Lexa in someone else and that person could partially fill the void she felt inside. Perhaps not in the same way that Lexa herself could, but having the spirit of Lexa in her life in any way would ease the feeling of heartbreak she currently held.
Clark had no time to process the death of the Commander. She was broken and she was feeling as though she would never feel whole again. Enough time had passed that her legs started to cramp from the position she held. She adjusted her weight and laid on her stomach, her tear stained cheek on the sand.
She watched as the sun began to set over the water. She felt numb.
You must get up, Clark. She heard the thought in Lexa's voice which gave her goosebumps and brought on a whole new wave of emotion.
"How could you leave me?!" She screamed to the abyss. There, of course was no answer. She waited a few minutes before continuing her rant to her dead lover.
"We were in this together. I would have defeated Titus in Polis and you would still be alive," she choked out, "We would be together and we wouldn't be fighting for our lives against a GODDAMN COMPUTER PROGRAM!"
She spat out sand that she inhaled in her sobs, "I hate you for dying," she whispered.
She felt the waves of exhaustion begin to ebb and flow with the waves of the water. The over exertion of emotions finally taking their toll.
She opened her eyes and she was back on the Ark, sitting across from her father, a chess board between them.
"Dad?" She questioned, already vaguely aware she was dreaming.
"Hey, sport! Back to whoop your old man?" He asked smiling, his eyes gleaming with pride.
"I can't believe-" she started, realizing again that this couldn't be real, but having a momentary glimpse of hope, "Is Lexa here?"
"Hmm? Oh, she is not, no, sweetie she's somewhere else," he replied vaguely.
"But I need her, Dad! I need to see her. I need her to tell me what to do; how to fix this," she insisted, standing up from the table.
"I think you already have your answers, Clark. The Commander's spirit has always been with you. She's always been with you," he stated seriously, contemplating his next move in their game.
She sat down again, "It can't be that simple. It doesn't make any sense," she replied, shaking her head, pulling her hands up to her face to massage her temples.
"Love rarely does," he said quietly, looking up from the board and smiling at his daughter.
"Clark, wake up!" Octavia shook her shoulder, startling her. She looked at her friend with concern, "Are you alright?"
Clark ignored the question. She had been speaking with her father and Octavia disturbed them. It seemed he knew exactly what Clark should do. She of course did, too, she just couldn't make sense of it. She knew the moment that she and her friends woke up on the island. She didn't have a choice. Perhaps more time with her father could have answered some of her questions.
She grabbed frantically for the tin box and checked that the flame was still intact inside of it. A wave of relief filled her when she saw the small token.
"Clark, we should get back to the Ark. Raven and the others are waiting," Octavia could tell she was in distress and didn't want to push her, but she was worried about the group they left at their home base.
The blonde avoided eye contact with her friend but started walking in the direction she left the group the day before. They walked in silence until Octavia finally asked, "You loved her didn't you?"
"Don't," Clark snapped as she came to an abrupt halt and stared directly into the eyes of the warrior beside her, her hand itching to grab for her dagger and threaten Octavia by holding it to her throat. She resisted. She knew she was only asking out of concern, but she was currently bubbling over with rage and wished she had a better excuse to let some of it out.
Octavia could see the mixture of emotions in her and her heart ached for the chance to help her. She expected backlash, but she went for it anyway. She grabbed Clark and pulled her into an embrace with both arms wrapping around her. Clark tried to lash and kick at the brunette but still she held her iron grip around her upper body.
"Octavia, get off of me!" She screamed, "I don't want this, it's not FUCKING HELPING!"
She held strong, she said nothing in response. Bellamy and Jasper came running from the commotion but stopped yards away, realizing that this was a private interaction.
She continued her attempts to fight off the warrior's grasp, "Go float yourself, this is bullshit! I don't need a goddamn hug you idiot!"
A silent response that was deafening. The warrior held her tighter still and pressed her face into her shoulder. A few more minutes of lashing out and cursing Octavia continued until Clark finally broke down in tears and her attempts at resistance became weaker and weaker.
"She's not coming back," she cried and inhaled sharply, "I can't take it," Clark sobbed into her shoulder.
"You can," she replied, "You can, Clark. Lexa needs you to push on and defend her people."
Clark let out one last sob before finding her bearings and gaining control again, "I'm so sorry, O," she pulled away slightly to look into her friend's eyes, "I'm sorry about Lincoln."
Octavia looked down and adjusted her footing, still grasping Clark's forearms, "It won't hurt any less as time moves on," Clark furrowed her brow at the comment, silent sobs continuing, "But it does get easier," Octavia looked up again into Clark's eyes as her own filled with tears.
Clark pulled her into one last embrace and whispered into her ear, "I'm so sorry. He was a great man."
They pulled apart and looked into the other's eyes once more, Clark attempting a supporting grin followed by a slight nod from Octavia as they both wiped the tears from their cheeks.
"Let's get back to the Ark," the blonde stated, her friend nodding and took a deep breath to compose herself.
They began walking again and met up with Bellamy and Jasper. Bellamy gave a quick embrace to the two women and they set the pace towards Arkadia.
A few minutes in, Clark stoically stated, "Luna was a dead end. We're out of nightbloods and we're out of options," she continued, "I'm going to take the flame."