Beca's POV:

I can do it, I think to myself. Just make it quick and get it over with. No need to suffer. Actually...I take that back. I deserve to suffer, I tell myself.

I look at my wrists. I look at the many scars all up my left arm...then my right. I feel a sadness in my chest, a sinking feeling. Why am I doing this to myself?

I burst into tears, but sob quietly, not wanting to accidentally alarm someone or draw attention.

I stare off into the ocean bellow. I estimate about a twenty foot drop, and I envision myself plummeting from the bridge, sinking deep into the blue ocean bellow.

The ocean looks like Chloe's eyes, I think. Chloe. I don't deserve her. She is too good, too perfect. I begin crying harder. She will never love me. I'm a broken piece of shit that deserves to die.

I pull the blade from my left pocket, knowing that if I don't die from the fall or from drowning, I will die from blood loss.

I prepare to slice deep into my left wrist, then my right, anticipating the dark blood that will begin to ooze quickly from my pale flesh. I don't intend to hesitate, until I hear a faint voice in the distance. The words sound much like my name, but I can't be sure.

Then I recognize the voice. The voice brings me comfort and warmth, but at the same time brings me sadness and regret, knowing that I have ruined everything that was once good, and knowing that I cannot put the burden of being stuck with me on the person I love most in this world. I absolutely hate myself, and I know I cannot live my life without Chloe. That is why I will no longer live my life at all. That is why I must die. For Chloe.

The voice gets louder, growing closer and closer by the second.

"BECA," I hear being screamed by the most beautiful voice ever.

"BECA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

I squeeze my eyes shut and begin to countdown from 3.

3...

"BECA, PUT DOWN THAT KNIFE DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

2..

"BECA, GODDAMMIT LISTEN TO ME!"

1…

But before I can cut and jump, I feel soft hands grab forcefully at my sides. I want to fight, but I am too weak- too tired -and Chloe is way stronger than me.

She thrusts me back, away from the bridge. I study her face, and I see her beautiful eyes glossed over with tears. Her face is red and she is sweating profusely. Her cheeks are covered in salty tears.

"What the hell are you doing, Beca?! You can't do this to me. You can't," she crys, voice full of pain and anger.

"I'm doing you a favor," I say as if it were blatantly obvious.

"WHAT?!"

"I'm just a burden to everyone around me. And I know that I can't live a life without you, so I was planning on ending it. You shouldn't be stuck with me your whole life just because I'm weak and hopelessly in love with you."

"You-you're...what?"

"I'm in love with you, Chloe. Okay? I have been since the day we met. But that is my problem, not yours."

"It-it's not a problem...not at all…"

Silence.

"I lo-love you too."

I scoff, "Nice try, Chlo. Look, you don't have to lie anymore. It's okay. I'm a piece of shit and I know it. You don't have to protect my feelings anymore."

"No-no, Beca, you don't understand. I-I love you...so much," she says with so much sincerity, but my fucked up brain won't acknowledge it. "I've loved you since the minute I met you. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I thought you would run away. I thought you would leave me because I was in love with you. I never envisioned...this."

I continue to lie on the cement, trying to process what I just heard.

Chloe continues, "Beca...you are the most perfectly imperfect person ever. Your quirks are what I Iove about you. They aren't flaws, trust me. I love how you put on this badass persona, but when you are at home you turn into this sappy, emotional person...at least around me. I love how you will stay up into the wee hours of the morning just to finish a mix that you are feeling really good about. I love you, and I can't picture a future without you. So would you please just...come home. Please. We can cuddle on the couch and watch stupid movies that you like to make fun of, or listen to music on my bed while I braid your hair, or we can even just sit in silence while you process all of this. I just...I need you to come home, Becs." It breaks my heart, hearing how desperate she sounds.

"I…" I have no idea what to say. These voices in my head are tearing me apart from the inside out. Half of me wants to go home at cuddle on the couch with Chloe, while the other half of me wants to just end it all.

I feel I have no control over anything anymore. I never cry, especially not in front of people, even Chloe...at least recently. I begin to sob, and sob hard.

I feel Chloe's arms wrap protectively around me. She just holds me for awhile. When my body begins to shake, she just holds me tighter.

I then hear her begin to whisper things into my ear. "You are so beautiful, Beca." "You are perfect to me." "I love you more than anything or anyone else in this entire world." "You are my everything, Beca."

When she whispers, "I can't lose you," into my ear, I hear her voice catch, shattering my heart to pieces. I then am brought back to reality and begin to think straight.

"I...I'm so sorry Chloe. I-I don't know w-what I w-was thinking. I...take me back h-home. P-please."

She seems overcome with relief, though she still seems deeply hurt.

Chloe helps me stand up, and she allows me to put all of my weight on her. She practically carries me a few blocks down to her car. She helps me in and does my seatbelt for me.

When she gets in her side of the car, she starts the engine and then turns to look at me. She just stares for awhile.

When she doesn't speak for a long time, I decide to speak. "I-I'm so sorry, Chlo. I'll never do th-this to y-you again." I pause. "I wasn't th-thinking clearly. All th-these voices i-in my head telling me I-I'm worthless and ugly and deserve to die. I should have thought about how th-this w-would impact you."

"Beca...I just need you to realize that...if you would have died, I would have had nothing to live for. I mean, I would...but I just know that I would have gotten so depressed over losing you that I would probably end up killing myself as well. You-you can't do this to me again. Ever."

"...I'm so...so sorry, Chlo."

She turns back towards the wheel with nothing more to say. We begin to drive off in silence. I realize that I probably just hurt Chloe really, really, really badly.

I reach out and grab Chloe's hand. It had turned cold. She jumps slightly, due to the contact, still clearly shaken up from the incident. She turns her hand over and grabs my hand with so much strength, it begins to lose blood flow. I realize that she is trying so hard to keep it together, and I realize that, at this point, this is probably much harder on her than it ever was on me.

Now I feel horrible once more, knowing that I hurt Chloe. This is exactly what I was afraid of; hurting the person I love most in this world.

I squeeze her hand in reassurance, and she squeezes mine back. We drive the rest of the way home in silence, holding each other together, occasionally squeezing the others hand.

As I walk into the Bellas house, I am struck by the smell of burnt cookies. Chloe leads the way, pulling me by the hand as we walk silently to wherever she takes us.

We find ourselves in Chloe's bedroom, and she walks me over to her bed. We both sit down and sit in silence for a few moments. Chloe is first to break the silence.

"I accept your apology."

"What?"

"You apologized in the car. And I accept your apology. You just...you can't do that to me...ever. I was worried sick about you. And...I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."

She pauses for a moment, then turns to me, stares me straight in the eyes, and says with the most sincerity, "I can't imagine a future without you in it."

I am at a loss of words, so instead of trying to come up with a sentence that even sort of makes sense, I turn my body towards her more. I scoot even closer to her and reach my hand up and place it on her cheek. Her cheek is so soft. I trace my thumb over her bottom lip, and I look up to find Chloe's eyes glazed over with tears.

"I love you," I hear her whisper.

"I love you, too," I whisper back. "More than anyone."

And with that, I close the space between us, locking our lips in a searing kiss.

Her lips are soft and damp. They taste like vanilla. I trace my tongue across her bottom lip, then I dare to take it between my teeth and suck on it for a moment. I feel her tongue brush against mine, sending butterflies all throughout my body. I shiver slightly and feel Chloe smile against my lips. Our tongues battle for dominance, Chloe clearly winning. I then feel her lips begin to travel down my jaw as she makes her way down to my neck. She leaves light kisses everywhere, filling me up with so much love. I hear her say in between kisses, "You- deserve- so- much- love-." She covers my whole face in kisses before, once more, making her way down to my pulse point.

When she finally gets there, she begins to suck- hard. I arch my back and let out a loud, uncontrolled moan. This causes me to blush profusely. I feel Chloe smile against my skin before continuing.

Eventually, she continues leaving a trail of light kisses all over me. Down my collar bone, down towards my chest. But before she goes farther, she stops and looks me in the eyes. I realize that she is asking my for permission with her eyes.

I merely nod, not able to form words due to the physical and emotional ecstasy that is filling my body. She reaches down for the hem of my burgundy tank top, slowly pulling it up, revealing my black bra. She reaches around my back and unlatches the clasp of my bra. She slowly pulls it off and promptly throws it to the side.

She pauses and takes in the view. I begin feeling self conscious. What if she loses interest. What if she's disappointed. What if she doesn't think I'm beautiful anymore.

"Y-you are so...so beautiful, Beca." Her eyes begin to well with tears of happiness. She smiles, then pulls me into a searing kiss.

When she pulls away, she looks me in the eyes, just inches from my face, and says:

"You are perfect."