Time: 1:30 PM
Date: April 11, 1966
Place: Bikini Bottom Naval Training Center
A bright red crustacean, 21 year old Eugene Krabs, saw a sign in the distance, sprouting in thick red letters "THE NAVY WANTS YOU!" At the time, he wasn't sure whether or not he should sign up.
He already envisioned himself a more entrepreneurial man, even though despite this he was still eager to help others.
After much contemplation, Krabs set foot in the building.
The man at the desk, Gen. Trout (a younger version of the elderly toughness trophy announcer from "Shell of a Man"), watched as Krabs filled out the registration form.
"Alright son, let's see if you've got what it takes to serve in our armed forces. Who knows, you might even take home the annual Trophy of Manly Toughness one day. But don't get your hopes up."
Trout opened a door to the physical fitness room and the training began.
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Place: Navy Physical Fitness Center
Eugene started to think he wasn't cut out for naval fitness after seeing the shape some of the other aspiring sailors were in. He started to leave, but Trout remembered his constant mentioning of money, and that gave him an idea.
The red crab performed almost flawlessly, especially in the running portion of the training because a penny was dropped at the finish line.
After completion two months later, Krabs was introduced to the members of his first platoon, some of which would be his longtime buddies.
Lt. Ernest "Scarfish" Star, 32. A veteran of 12 years in the Navy and a distant ancestor of Patrick.
Ensign Tom Fishkin, 20. A purple-pink fish with a brown head-fin for hair.
Motor Machinist's Mate 1/c Joe Carp, 27. A blue-green fish.
Ensign Ray Prawn, 20. A striped shrimp with extra-sensitive hearing.
Torpedoman's Mate 2/c Bill Burton, 24, who would later be known as Torpedo Belly.
Radioman Jack McMinnow, 26. A rather small yellow anchovie-like fish.
Gunner's Mate 1/c Henry Blowhole, 31. He doesn't need a gun to shoot bullets with.
Gunner's Mate 2/c Stephen Barnacle, 23, who would later be known as Muttonchop.
Motor Machinist's Mate 2/c Squimothy Tentacles, 24, who would later serve as a prison guard.
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Time: 4:30 PM
Date: June 17, 1966
Place: Coast of Riptide Reef
Deep in the murky waters, a small torpedo boat, the BB-152, made its way through the current. On board, Scarfish and his crew were keeping an eye out for enemy ships.
"Men, see any enemy about?"
Prawn heard nothing and McMinnow's radar screen was blank.
"Sir, shouldn't we have been alerted in advance if war were declared?" Fishkin asked.
"Relax, private. This is just war games. We have more than enough ammo on this ship and inside Blowhole."
Burton loaded his torpedoes carefully in anticipation.
Krabs started to grow bored.
"While we're here, why don't we talk. What made all of you want to join the navy? I joined to serve a better cause and make a few bucks while I'm at it."
Burton: "I joined to pay for my college education."
Fishkin: "I was drafted involuntarily. I actually want to open a pretzel shop."
Prawn: "I just want to be somebody."
Blowhole: "I just wanted an excuse to shoot something out of my head-hole."
Everyone stared at him.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time."
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Time: 2:35 AM
Place: foreign waters, unknown coast
The 152 quietly skimmed across the sea, hoping to catch any enemy craft.
Krabs woke up from his nap.
"Man. How long has it been?"
"About ten hours.", replied Scarfish. He turned to his radar tech. "McMinnow, you got anything?"
"Um, we've been sailing in a straight line for ten hours. Don't you think we should've seen someone pass us or something."
Suddenly, the radar let out a beep.
Another ship came up on the screen.
It was an enemy ship.
A real one.
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Time: 2:36 AM
Place: Foreign coast, enemy waters
Scarfish signaled for his men.
"Can you get a look at the ship?"
Blowhole glanced at it. The vessel had strange symbols on it.
"It isn't one of ours. I think that-"
"LOOK OUT!"
A barrage of bullets sprayed the sides and deck of the 152. Fortunately, no one was hit.
"Return fire! RETURN FIRE!"
Burton got ready to fire. A torpedo shot out and made its way toward the destroyer. At the same time, the enemy launched a torpedo of its own.
Miraculously, the torpedoes hit each other, creating a huge explosion right in between the vessels. But it didn't go without effect as a wave formed and expanded. It hit the 152, tossing it about. The crew members desperately hung on for their lives until the waves calmed down and all was still once more.
Fishkin looked at his fellow members and began to get rather frustrated.
"Man, if only I had known there was gonna be a war on, I wouldn't have joined the navy at all!"
Muttonchop offered him a word of advice.
"We need to stay strong and remember our training if we want to make it out of this alive."
"Wait... 'if' we want to make it out alive? You know, I wish you could hear yourself sometime."
Burton heard the commotion from below deck.
"If you don't stop shouting, I'll punch you so hard..."
"BE QUIET!"
Everyone stopped their arguing and looked at Scarfish.
"Thank you. Now that everything's ship-shape, would you mind if I radioed home base and told everyone there's a SWIMMING WAR ON?!"
The lieutenant contacted the base and Gen. Trout signaled the new recruits. All sorts of creatures were there: fish, crustacean, sponge, cephalopod, whale, even plankton.
"Men, I know you just got your uniforms, but right now it seems war has been declared. Are you willing to do what it takes and fight for your country?"
Trout and the recruits saluted each other. They joined older members and piled into their subs and PT boats braced for the danger ahead.
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Time: 3:15 AM
Mission: prepare for war against enemy craft
The 152 was fully loaded, but it was too far away for its fellow boats to meet it. Krabs and his men were alone.
Another beep from the radar screen and another enemy ship appeared over the horizon. This one was a special combat ship, armed with machine gun toting eels, and barrels of toxic chum.
The gunmen of our boat were locked and loaded; the moment the combat vessel was in sight, they opened fire.
A barrage of bullets struck the destroyer; killing some of the enemy, but not before they returned fire, killing Carp and Blowhole. The captain, a bright green crocodile, ordered the barrels of toxic chum to be brought up.
The enemy coated it onto some cannonballs, loaded them into a catapult and flung them at the 152. Scarfish ordered his men to turn around.
One of the balls made its way to one of the torpedo barrels, just as Burton was getting ready for another load. The force was so strong it drove the torpedo deep into his stomach, miraculously missing any vital organs.
Another pile, this one empty, was aimed at the motor. The radioactivity was so strong, it caused the ship to break apart.
Scarfish signaled his men to jump overboard out of the enemy's sight. Prawn rushed to the ammo room to pick up Burton, still struggling with half a torpedo inside him.
The crew managed to abandon ship, seize a lifeboat, and swam away just as the 152 exploded. The enemy ship returned to its home base, leaving our heroes destitute and fighting for survival.
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Time: 3:35 AM
Place: Open waters, inside lifeboat
The crew was lost at sea; Burton was badly hurt from the torpedo in his stomach. Not only that, the lifeboat was in danger of giving way under it.
One by one, they awoke from their sleep.
Scarfish called to make sure everyone was present.
Except for Carp and Blowhole, none of the crew was missing.
The men saw the lifeboat breaking apart under strain.
"I think Burton's torpedo is causing this. If the lifeboat is smashed, he'll drown almost immediately."
Scarfish looked at his men. "Is anyone strong enough to lift a man with a torpedo in his belly?"
Prawn raised his claw.
"Alright. Hold him tight now."
Tentacles interrupted their conversation.
"Excuse me, but does anyone noticed we're in the middle of NOWHERE?!"
Scarfish looked at him, "I do believe we are aware of this, sir. Now, does anyone see any islands about?"
The crew scanned the ocean, but to no avail.
McMinnow, an expert on geography, had an idea.
"Wait a minute, this current's south, right? We made it to foreign waters in just one, two days. Let's see, we started in the South Pacific. That would put a series of islands right there." He pointed east.
Scarfish also looked around.
"But what about any enemy?"
McMinnow pointed in their current direction.
"Well if they came from here," he pointed west, "then that way is our best bet."
The lifeboat broke under the weight, reducing it to shambles. Prawn held Burton in one hand and swam with the other. McMinnow led the expedition.
Tentacles, a known pessimist, complained the whole way, so much that the crew wished they had died in the explosion.
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Meanwhile, a squadron of PT boats and submarines led by Trout were speeding along the enemy-infested waters to battle the reptile Axis navy.
One of the cadets looked back at Trout.
"Hey, you know that PT boat that radioed us. What do you think happened to it?"
Trout put his hat in his hand with a mournful look.
"I'm afraid that... the crew is dead, or at the very least, lost at sea. But we need to focus on the matter at hand, men. This is WAR NOW!"
One by one, the assorted sea creatures stood proud, preparing for the worst.
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Time: 9:30 AM
Date: June 20, 1966
Place: unknown waters
After hours of swimming, the crew made it to a deserted island. They had no provisions with them, save for a few flares, so they had to make the best of what they had.
They used bamboo to build huts to sleep in, gathered coconuts for milk, and eagerly anticipated any attempt by the enemy to track them down.
Scarfish studied the waters, making sure no vessels were coming. Then he turned to his crew.
"Alright, men. Here's how we'll do things. I need one of you to be a lookout each night while everyone else is sleeping."
"Wait a minute!" Tentacles turned to the starfish. "We don't have any weapons. We'll be done for! For all we know, there could be a dozen sea bears lurking around here."
Scarfish remained optimistic. "Fan out and search the island!"
One by one, the crew split up and searched the island, save for Burton, who collapsed due to the torpedo in his stomach.
The lieutenant stayed by him to make sure he would be okay. Then he checked to make sure if the water was drinkable. It just happened to be freshwater.
He called out to his crew members, and one by one, they each reunited with their commander.
"Men, the water here is fresh and drinkable, but we need to have it purified. Does anyone know anything about desalination?"
Prawn and Muttonchop raised their hands.
"Great, the best way is to start a fire. While you do that, me and Krabs will try to find a cave to sleep in."
Tentacles raised his hand again.
"Wait a minute! Shouldn't we build our fire and water supply closer to the cave?"
"Actually, that kind of goes without saying. Good thinking though."
After a few hours, the crew had almost everything they needed: shelter, a fire to keep them warm, a steady supply of food made out of edible berries and grubs, and fresh boiled water.
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Time: 1:45 AM
Place: island's cave
Luckily, the cave was big enough for all seven people to fit in. They stayed awake on their bamboo beds, wondering what would become of them.
McMinnow held a picture of his newlywed wife he had been holding on to.
He wrote a letter to her, put it in a bottle, went out to the edge of the island, and put it in the water before coming back to join his men.
Krabs turned to his lieutenant and asked him if there would be any hope of getting off the island.
Scarfish assured him, "We'll try our best, but for now we need to get some sleep. Good night."
Thanks to the commander's optimism, the crew managed to fall asleep, prepared for any chance of getting closer to home.
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Time: 11:20 AM
Date: June 24, 1966
The crew awoke from their sleep and saw Prawn scanning the outside waters for any sign of the enemy.
"Nothing yet. But I'll keep looking."
They looked at each other, wondering if Prawn, with his phenomenal hearing and insomnia, could actually be the only one they can ask to signal them. They all reached an agreement.
Suddenly, a rustle of leaves startled the group.
Burton was picked up and held like a battering ram, his torpedo belly ready to strike whatever, or whoever, came their way.
They charged at the approaching assailant, and to their surprise, it was only a bunch of friendly natives.
Scarfish chanted and performed a rain dance, something actually completely out of his character despite being a close ancestor of Patrick. The natives sat and looked at each other, wondering if there would now be two people who needed a doctor.
"Relax, sir. We speak English here."
Krabs pondered for a moment if these might also be people stranded on the island. He turned to them, "Excuse me, but have you been on this island long?"
The leader, a pink male fish wearing a sharktooth necklace, replied and said they had been there for twenty years.
"So you had no way of getting off this place, which means we're stranded for as long as you are?"
"I am not saying that's the case. We could've gotten off this island years ago, but then again, it's not like back home was any better."
Fishkin looked at the others and said, "You know what, I think we can let the natives stay in our cave with us."
They argued for a moment, but eventually decided to let them stay.
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The crew managed to build a few extra beds for the natives, complete with cleaned sea bear skins. And that was the last of the wild animals that roamed the place.
"So how did you guys get stranded here?"
Scarfish eagerly told them what happened.
"Well, there we were, surrounded by the enemy. Destroyers, to the left, to the right! They all fired on us, every which way..."
"Ahem." McMinnow interrupted.
"It was only one ship."
"Sorry; force of habit. It's just, I'm so filled with the naval spirit, it's been a lifelong habit of mine. Anyway, our boat exploded, we escaped on a lifeboat, and swam until we reached this place. It's been four days since."
They gave the natives some of their food and water.
"No thanks!", replied the chief. "I'm not a sea-bear type person."
The crew offered some of their non-poisonous berries, and they gladly accepted. The only problem was how to get off the island without being seen by the enemy.
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Later that night, the crew and the natives slept soundly in their beds, when suddenly, they came across an idea.
"I've got it!" McMinnow shouted. "Are there any rocks lying around?"
Tentacles rolled his eyes and replied with a long breath, "Of course there are, what's your point?"
"Well, I'm thinking we can gather as many rocks as we can, write a message, send a flare and wait for any helicopters or rescue boats to save us."
"Yeah, and how would we do that with about a hundred ships waging war on each other without being noticed?!"
The chief looked over at one of their sea-bear skins.
"Leave that to us."
The navy men resumed their sleep, with Prawn on lookout, and waited for their rescue plan to take effect.
Suddenly, Burton collapsed with a loud thud. His shipmates quickly awoke and tended to their friend.
Muttonchop, who had a medical degree, was the first to notice what happened.
"This doesn't look good." Muttonchop exclaimed.
He examined the torpedo.
"I'm afraid he's beginning to show signs of infection. If we don't get our plan across soon, he'll die."
"How long does he have?" Krabs wondered.
"About a week without proper treatment."
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's GO!"
Scarfish signaled his men to move as fast as possible, while Muttonchop stayed behind with Burton. They gathered as much rocks as they could find, lit a fire to signal any rescue ship nearby. Tentacles even attempted to shoot one of their flares before Scarfish stopped him.
Finally, with their message "NAVY CADETS LOST AT SEA. SEND HELP. CREW OF BBPT BOAT 152" in place, all they had to do was wait.
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Time: 1:50 PM
Date: June 26, 1966
Place: wide open sea
Mission: rescue party for Scarfish and his crew
General Trout and his men assembled a small fleet of ships to find the missing crew. At their side were several PT boats to fight off the enemy.
After many hours of searching and bringing as many enemy ships they could to their destruction as well as losing their own members, Trout found pieces of a smashed lifeboat out in the open sea.
He turned to his men with a forlon expression. "Men," he exclaimed...
"I know", one of the privates exclaimed. "The crew of the 152 is dead."
"We need to write letters to the families of our fallen members. Betsy Krabs, mother of Ensign Eugene Krabs, daughter of Captain Redbeard Pincher. Billy Bob Star, his wife, daughter, sister-in-law and granchildren. Reginald and Marie Flounder, parents of Joe Flounder who was gunned down just a few seconds ago..."
"Stop reading the names and just write the letters. Fish-FACE!"
Trout signaled everyone to stop. "Wait a minute, we never found any bodies."
"I know, but as far as we're concerned, they could've died first and the enemy snatched them, tied their feet to shackles and let their bodies..."
"What sense would that make? Even if we did find their bodies, it wouldn't make any difference to them now, would it? Assemble a team of divers! Check to see if there are any enemy shells, because if I know one thing about these reptiles, they shoot first and ask questions later!"
One by one, a team of divers made their way to the bottom of the sea. They searched the floor from left to right, but no shell casings or shrapnel were ever found.
"Wait. Aren't there a series of islands near here?"
"Yes." Trout explained. "But there's no way they could've swam for hours without the enemy knowing. Unless they thought they killed them when the ship was blown up. Remember that wreckage we saw just a few moments before?"
"Well fan out and search the islands. No man or woman gets left behind in the service. Lawrence, continue writing letters to the troops we know for sure have passed on."
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Meanwhile, back on the island, the crew of the 152 planned their escape.
They wondered how the sequence of their plan was going to go, and the natives eventually agreed to get off the island with them.
"I have a question." Tentacles asked. "These waters are still surrounded by enemy ships. Hasn't ANYONE taken that into account yet?"
They thought for a moment and suddenly, they happened to come across the sea-bear skins.
Scarfish got an idea. They would hide in the skin, pose as live sea-bears, and sneak past the enemy.
"Question is, will we have enough skins to hide us all?"
Krabs knew that the sea bears were pretty big, and since there were about six skins, four of them (including the natives) could hide in each one and it would look convincing.
"But first we have to remember, we need not make a sound." He looked at Burton, who was still groaning from the infection caused from his torpedo.
"Quiet! Try to keep calm. We'll tend to your wounds when the time comes."
After hours more of waiting, they heard a coast guard ship coming from the other side of the island. When it passed by, they shot up a flare.
The captain of the vessel, a young lavender fish named Charles, saw the signal, turned around and spotted the message on the island. The ship slowly made it to shore.
"Ahoy. Are you guys all right?"
Scarfish responded, "We got separated from our troops after our enemy tried to kill us. We're at war, so we need to get back home safely."
The captain wondered for a moment how their plan would work. Then after much decision and thinking, he chose to put their plan to action.
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Time: 4:00 PM
Place: enemy waters
Mission: get back home without detection
The trip was going along smoothly when suddenly, the enemy ships came into view. Their guns levered and ready to fire.
The crocodile commander from before signaled the coast guard ship to come into view. From inside their covers, the crew instantly regretted their plan decision.
"Hold it." He signaled his men to hold their fire. "What have you got there?"
"Sea bears, sir." Charles responded. "We're shipping them to the Bikini Bottom Zoo. Turns out the population is plummeting and we need to gather as many as possible."
The crocodile looked catiously at the cargo. He noticed that the ship could hold a lot more than just six sea-bears.
Charles thought for a moment. "Well sir, you see. We've searched the whole sea and this was the only island populated with animals."
"How could one make a population with just six of these?", the captain wondered.
"Well, we figured if at least one of these bears is female, then they could procreate, then we'd have a full population. Sea-bears do have a very high birth count."
The captain signaled his men to let the ship through.
When it passed through, the ship made it safely past their native waters to the naval base.
The crew opened up their sea-bear skins and introduced their fellow men and women to their new friends from the island.
However, they were not out of the woods yet as they saw Burton was turning more green than usual from the torpedo.
He was quickly rushed to the hospital. Fortunately Burton ended up surviving the ordeal.
But unfortunately, the torpedo was so joined together with his muscle tissue that it had to remain in there.
In fact, the doctor upgraded the torpedo so it was able to function with him still attached, albeit with the explosives being disabled from it.
They all gathered around another ship and had their picture taken. And finally, they radioed Trout and his men.
Back in enemy waters, Trout made it down to the bowels of his vessel and was informed that everyone on the ship survived, save two members.
He told Ensign Lawrence to remove the 152 crew from the letters that were to go back home.
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Epilogue:
The Second Battle of Bikini Bottom lasted until December 14, 1968.
Eugene Krabs fought alongside Scarfish for eleven more years. He came home with a severe case of the thousand-yard stare, and after two months he bought a bankrupt retirement home called the Rusty Krab. He later converted it into a restaurant.
Scarfish later became captain of a cargo ship and was involved in yet another mission with Krabs to give sunscreen to yet another group of marooned sailors.
Tom Fishkin was discharged from the navy two days after the incident, due to his refusal to fight in another battle. He became an entrepreneur and later opened up a pretzel shop in 1978, earning him the nickname "Salty Tom".
Bill Burton earned the nickname "Torpedo Belly" and became a very handy man for breaking down doors to enemy strongholds.
Jack McMinnow was later killed in action two days before the war ended.
Stephen "Muttonchop" Barnacle was captured by hostile natives from another island and was scalped. He ended up surviving his capture.
Squimothy Tentacles served in the navy for five years and later met up with Krabs and Scarfish after Krabs was imprisoned on the S.S. Gourmet for making cherries jubilee instead of the usual slop required.