TITLE: My Life, My Heaven
AUTHOR: Mizu Hitomi
DISCLAIMER: don't own a thing…got it?
WARNING: shounen ai, angst, timeline
Ai…what is it? How is it created? The meaning…of true ai, does anyone know? Maybe Sora can tell me; she does have the Crest of Love. But…will she understand? Does anyone really understand? Have anyone truly experienced it before? And friendship? I have the Crest of Friendship and still, I don't truly know the meaning behind that word. It's ironic…I am the coldest one in the group, the loner, and yet, I held the Crest of Friendship. Why is that? Why me?
But through the experience from that one summer vacation and over the years that followed, I developed a sense of friendship, true friendship. I have grown close and used to their presence, so calming and comfortable. As I look back, I am amazed of the tremendous changes I have been through. Back then, I would be the loner boy, so cold and no friends; the only thing that would matter would be my brother, Takeru. But now, instead of the overprotection brother, Takeru and I are now just good friends and good brothers; I love him, and I know he does, too. I also have friends, not just from the group but in school too. I even have a horde of admirers who admire me, adore me. I even have a band now; one can say they are a few of my closest friends.
Well…besides Taichi. He is the best friend anyone can ask for, and I am lucky he is mine. Anyone who had known us before would find it strange that two people who fight constantly in their childhood are now best friends, who agree on almost anything. Yes, true, we are best friends but…I want…more. I mean who wouldn't? To fall for their best friend whom is handsome, kind, and so…athletic? But…what is this feeling? This feeling that makes my stomach flutter with nervousness and delight when I see him? What is this reaction? This reaction that makes my cheeks crimson as he gives me that wonderful smile? And when I see him play soccer, his muscles so well tone, I have thoughts that should be forbidden from male to another male. Why do I have these thoughts? These guilty thoughts that burns my body and freeze at the same time, making me feel both fire and ice? How is this possible? How can a mere boy make me feel so many things? Is this love? Is this truly love? Is this what human kind is searching for? Had I been the first one to find it? Had I finally found it from him?
I believe so, and if this is true…
…Taichi Yagami… I, Yamato Ishida, has fallen hard for you.
The Beginning…
Years has passed by since that wonderful summer day, the day when we met our partners, the day when we were destined to save the world, the day…I met him. I can't lie; the first time I met him, I didn't really like him. Probably because it was his hair, so big and…well, big, and those stupid goggles that he wears. Just his whole image annoyed me to death, but then again, I would have to say there was this lingering thought buried deep within my heart that I like him a lot. Once we entered the digital world, when he volunteered to guide the group, I knew immediately he was a natural, a true leader. Though I do argue with him a lot, it was only because I was jealous of him. Jealous of his leadership quality, jealous of the way he can open up to people, jealous…that he wasn't paying attention to me.
Sora was always by his side, well, at least at the beginning; they were best friends, childhood friends! Why wouldn't they be together? It's quite common to see childhood friends of the opposite sex falling for each other so it really wasn't any big surprise. But towards the end of our so- called adventure, I did notice her glancing more my way and blushing slightly every time I caught her eyes. It was a bit unnerving yet comfortable; I was glad someone actually noticed me. Even if it wasn't Taichi.
At that time, I didn't know what I want from Taichi; I just knew that I enjoy the times we were fighting because his attention was on me, only me and not anyone else. Eventually I admitted to him as to how much his friendship, his friendship alone, means so much to me. And of course, we became best of friends, buddies, partners; I wasn't so depressed nor lonely anymore; Taichi had filled that emptiness that I had felt all my life. Taichi was by my side and I to him. Nothing could defeat us; nothing could break us apart. We were unbeatable.
After the final battle, we kept in close touch. Not only Taichi and I, but the whole gang as well. At first we would hang out together every so often; we would talk about our memories, our school, our digimons. We were tight; we shared the same experience like no other 11-year-olds had. There was a connection among us that held us together through tough, rough times and would continue for the rest of our lives. Yeah, right. I'm only kidding myself; high school came and we went our separate ways. Mimi left for America and Joey pursued his career as a doctor in a different school. Only Taichi, Sora, Izzy, and I were left, though I do see Takeru now and then, and sometimes Hikari, too.
But as high school started, we were all busy. I found my band; Taichi found his soccer team and is now star player in our school. Sora has changed courses and is now playing tennis. Izzy…well, Izzy is still a computer whiz. A new group of digidestined were formed; Daisuke, a Taichi- look alike, is the leader of the group. He plays soccer like Taichi and truly idolized Taichi; he also has crush on Hikari. He receives both the Crest of Courage from Taichi and my crest, the Crest of Friendship. Miyako…she lives at Takeru's apartment building; in a way, she is a computer whiz like Izzy. I'm not surprised she admires him. She receives the Crest of Serenity and the Crest of Love. Iori, he's the youngest of them all but he is wise. He receives the Crest of Reliability. And there is Takeru with his Crest of Hope and Hikari with her Crest of Light to guide the way.
Last but not least, there is Ken Ichijouji, boy genius, who received a crest that none of the original had: the Crest of Kindness. I can see why, though once upon a time he was the Digimon Kaizer. After he has recovered from his Kaizer phase, one sees a truly opposite of the Kaizer. While the Kaizer was cold and mean, Ken is kind and sweet, not to mention fragile. I guess it's the way he pushes people away that reminds me of myself at his age. I can understand that he doesn't want to hurt anyone; everyone understood that. But though that is what he claims to be his reason, I know that really, he is trying to not hurt himself. I know cause that was exactly how I was. And it seems that Daisuke seems to understand Ken, too: better than himself actually. Kinds of reminds me of Taichi. Taichi always seems to understand me better than I know myself; he is able to pull me out of my depressions and bring me to the light. Daisuke does the same to Ken and I'm glad he does.
Nonetheless, the new digidestined proved themselves worthy of us older kids praise. They were excellent at their decision making and even the first time Taichi and I worked with them, we were amazed of the extreme power they held within themselves. And thus, their defeat against Miyotismon ended the battles of peace and began a new era of peace.
Or is it?
The Peace That Never Lasts…
(Preview)
"Yamato-san, there is something I want to talk to you about…"
"What is it, Sora?"
"Yamato-san…I love you…"
-----
[Yamato's bedroom illuminated with light. Nighttime.]
[Yamato sitting on edge of his bed, holding his head]
[Takeru stands before him with a gentle look]
[Zooms in Yama, teary angst eyes]
"How can I tell him, Takeru? I love him but he loves her."
"Tell him about your feelings, Onii-chan."
"I can't…I can't…I just can't…" (in choked teary soft tone)
-----
Gasps. "Onii-san, did you see that?"
"What? Did you see something, Hikari?"
"The alley, I swore I saw a shadow of…a Digimon…"
-----
"Congratulations, Yamato. I hope you and Sora are happy together."
"Taichi…I…[turns head away]…I didn't meant for this to happen."
[Hands upon Yama's shoulder] "Hey, don't worry about it. As long as you are happy and Sora, too…"
[Zoom in on Yamato's misty blue eyes]
-----
"What's this…."
[Computer screen displays a newfound Digimon]
[Izumi skims through the report as his eyes widen in horror]
"Oh…Kami-sama…There's danger in the digital world!!"
-----
[Soccer field in Odaiba]
[Ken in soccer gear with Daisuke]
[Both sitting on grass as Ken's eyes are wide with fear]
[Daisuke kneels besides Ken worried, arms around shoulder]
"Ken! What's wrong?"
"Daisuke…the digital world…"
"Ken…"
"…something's wrong…"
-----
[Zooms side view of Yamato and Taichi in Izumi's room with others]
[Computer screen in front with foreign Digimon picture]
"Oh dear God…" (Yamato-whispers)
"…What is that thing?!" (Taichi)
(end preview)
The Peace That Never Lasts…coming up soon...
TITLE: My Life, My Heaven
AUTHOR: Mizu Hitmoi
DISCLAIMERS: Digital Adventures don't belong to me.
WARNINGS: shounen ai, angst, timeline
PAIRINGS: Sorato [minor], Taito [MAIN], Daiken [2nd], Takeru/Hikari [minor]
The Peace That Never Lasts…
I can't understand how others can say that their life is so boring. I can understand but it's so peaceful and there is no worry about if there is yesterday or about whether you will be able to survive till the next day. This is definitely peace; finally, we can be regular kids, worrying only about school, friends, and love-life…well, in my case, I wouldn't say it's that regular…
School had just ended for the night; bodies of students go their separate ways. Everyone seems to be in some type of hurry but I'm not. I slowly take my time as I headed towards the auditorium where band practice will take place, for I am not eager to go. Who knows what unexpected tragic event will happen today?
Yeah, yeah, I know. You're probably wondering what is he TALKING about? Well, let me tell you.
Ever since I woke up this morning, I had an uneasy feeling that after today, my life will take a dramatic change of course. Nothing had happened so far, but I had been so paranoid all day: casting glances to my left and right, jumping when someone unexpected taps my shoulder, walking carefully down the stairs, and carefully examining the food. But nothing happened…yet.
"Oi! Yamato!"
I turn around and am greeted by Taichi; despite the whole paranoid business, everything seems to be brightening at the sight of his smile. He has that affect on me.
"Taichi! I thought you have soccer practice," I comment as he runs to stand next to me.
"I do," he pants slightly. "I had to stay back for something and now I'm going to be late to practice." He then turns to look at me with his warm brown eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"Band practice." Slightly, I tilt my head to one side as I look at him, feeling the soft strands of silky hair, caressing against my cheek. "Remember?"
"Oh, yeah! You and your band!" he exclaims as this goofy expression takes over his face. "No wonder I don't see you around anymore. I miss you," he concludes as his tone is replaced with seriousness.
I can feel the heat rising from my cheeks. Does he really miss me? Or is he just saying that as a friend is suppose to say?
"Yamato?" I blink to see Taichi right in front of me with an unfamiliar concern look etch upon his face. "You okay? You kinda spaced out for a minute there. Something you want to talk about?"
"Ah...no. I was just…thinking," I reply. I blush, as his concern does not waver; his eyes are so intense as they eye at me, as like he could slowly unravel the tangles of my soul, revealing my deepest secret…my deepest desire…my worst nightmare.
"Oh?" he questions with sudden interest. Damn… "Of what?"
"Nothing of importance," I mutter. I am stupid to not notice that he will be of sudden interest.
"You sure?" he asks again.
"Of course!" I snap back, a bit irritated by his questioning. I immediately feel guilty as hurt show through his deep chocolate eyes; I cannot help it. I mean, think about it! Here is your best friend, your deepest desire since…who knows when! Worrying about you and actually showing his concern for you?! I am a bit uncomfortable with the situation; it makes him seem to care more about me than just a friend. But obviously, he is just concern for a friend, best friend might I add. And nothing more. Sort of depressing and just thinking about it brings down my spirit once more.
"Shimimasen, Taichi," I apologize sincerely as I ashamedly observe the floor, avoiding his eyes.
Warmth radiates through my body as his hand descends upon my shoulder and gives a tiny squeeze. I lift my gaze, wondering. "Hey, don't worry about it. No harm taken!"
He smiles; I melt. Kami, his smile is addictive. No wonder he gathers as much fans as I do; his body is so well shaped and his carefree attitude is so comfortable that I'm sure anyone that he is around, would like him on first sight. Well…except for me, but hey, I was denying it back then. It was there; I just didn't see it because my eyes weren't trained to see those things. I mean, hell! I was only what? Eleven years old? Most of us were still in training as to how to cross the street!
"Don't you have a practice that you have to get to?" I ask, starting to feel the heat rising from my cheeks as the longer he stare, the more uncomfortable I become. It is a bit unnerving to have all his attention so sudden. As much as I want it before, this is just too much.
"Practice?" he asks, confusion shown in his eyes.
I stare at him with incredulous eyes. Has he forgotten about it ALREADY? "Remember soccer practice? If I remember correctly, you said you were late?"
Standing there for a few seconds, he absorbs my words as his eyes widen in horror when he finally decipher my message. I observe with an amused expression as I watch the change of face.
"Oh, shit! I'm late! Coach is going to kill me!" he curses. He starts to run past me in a fury but skids to a halt, few feet before he turns around and glance at me, eyes warm, soft, and…something. I give him a questioning look; he opens his mouth as to say something, but shakes his head and waves. "See you tomorrow, Yama!" And off he goes.
I blink as the figure disappear. That was weird. Taichi seems to want to say something but didn't. Oh, well. I got band practice to attend to and I'm already late as it is. I have time after to muse and between rehearsal as well.
Shrugging the guitar case on my shoulder, I make my way down the hallway and out to the auditorium.
Each step as I take, I cannot help the feeling of dread and tragedy before me.
"Okay, guys!" I exclaim as the last chord dies away. Slipping the guitar off my shoulder, I drop on the nearest chair. "I'm finished for the day."
They all sigh in relief as they all sit on the nearest chair obviously exhausted. I cannot help but smirk as I observe my friends. I had brought a new piece to practice tonight and we had practically spent…four hours getting the chords, the synchronization, the true melody…the mood…the softness, the romance, and the sorrow of this piece that I had written to my one and only beloved. I had written it when I was really depressed; it felt like the whole world was going against me. Out of desperation and for relief, I took a pencil and some papers and started writing and writing and writing and writing…Before I knew, I had started a piece…lyrics which contain my soul, my desire, my fear, my loneness…my love. Then I started with the piano…trying to set the words to a melody, and I found it: eerie yet enchanting, melancholy yet pleasing, passionate yet loathing, tame yet wild…It describes everything from the beginning to present to the possible future. And I just had to try it out.
"Hey, Yamato-san?" I turn my attention from polishing my guitar to the oldest member of the Teenage Wolf band, Seikyou. He isn't looking at me; instead, his gaze is upon the drink within his hand, observing the swirls of liquid gently splashing against the sides.
"What?"
"Where…how did you came up with it?" he asks quietly; I can hear a bit of hesitation in his voice, like he's scared of what he's asking.
"What are you talking about?" I'm confuse as to what 'it' is, but I think I have a pretty good idea as to what he is referring to…my inspiration.
He finally breaks away from his drink and gaze at me with his eyes, so curious and intense. "The song we had been practicing for the last four hours, that's what I'm talking about. Where in heck did you come up with such a…a…"
"Inspiration?" finish Kouji helpfully.
"Hey, I know that!" exclaim Seikyou as he mock glare at Kouji. Then he averts his eyes at me, waiting…expecting an answer from me.
I never really thought about the inspiration. Come to think of it, I don't even now when I wrote this piece! Yes, I was depressed and as to deal with this depression, I wrote it. Well, maybe I do have a tiny idea as to where this inspiration came from.
"I…" I stop, trying to find the words that can express my thoughts properly. Slowly, I turn away and stare intensely at my guitar; how am I to say that the inspiration is from the deepest of my soul? Deep within the shadow of my heart of my greatest desire, who happens to be my best friend?
"I'm not really sure where or even how I came about writing," I start. My eyebrows screw in intense concentration as I try my best to remember the feelings of that day, that rainy stormy day. "I was…depressed…"
"Depressed?" questions Mavi, I believe. I can kinda tell by the concern tone that is so like him though he rarely show his true feelings.
"Hai…depressed of what, I can't really remember." Huh, what a lie; I know exactly the reason as to why I was depressed. It has always been him and probably will always be him. But I will not say; they will hate me, but if they are true friends, they would accept me as who I am, not what I am. Taichi has…well has accepted all that I had revealed to him.
"But I know it has to do something with a person, a special person, a person that I admire, desire beyond all things. That person is so close and yet…" I lift my hand and expose my palm. "…So far away." I close my hand for emphasis.
Sighing, I drop my hand and whisper softly, "Those lyrics, the melody…it expresses the feelings I felt that day…feelings that I had buried from the beginning of my life and finally couldn't contain anymore, dump them all on a piece of paper for all who listen to interpret. Especially that special person; hopefully when the music reaches his [1] ear, he can understand and not leave."
My speech has ended and no one moves nor says anything; I know I had shocked them or maybe worse…frightened them. But they should be grateful; I did not tell them everything, every true reason behind it.
"Yama—"
A knock interrupts our… 'conversation' and personally, I am glad for it because I am not ready to answer any questions from them, mostly because I'm scared of the type of questions they are going to ask.
Seikyou lazily stands from his resting spot and walk towards the door. A knock but more urgent sounding. Chee…wonder who it is?
"I'm coming! Don't knock down the door!" shouts Seikyou as he reaches for the door and opens it. I can't see who it is, for Seikyou is blocking my view, but I don't really care; I already had begun polishing my guitar when the first knock took place.
I can't believe I actually told them! All of…crap! I did not have to show them that side of me, that sensitive side and now they know! Stupid Yamato! Yamato no baka!! I should have NEVER…
"Yamato-san?"
My hands stop polishing and I stop my ranting; that voice…I know that voice…yes…what is she doing here? I lift my eyes slowly to see Sora, Crest of Love, standing before me in our school uniform, green long sleeve shirt and short skirt. Her is longer than before, the ends gently brushing against her shoulder blades as she moves her head.
"Sora? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to go home with Taichi? His practice ended…" I glance down at my watch…whoa…I did not know it is this late. Taichi's soccer practice should have ended at 7:00, and right now, my watch indicates that that was three hours ago.
"I know," replies Sora. Her voice…it sounds different tonight, more warm and gentle than before. I wonder why? "Umm…can I talk to you?" Then she sent nervous glances at the others that are listening to our conversation. "Alone, please?"
I slightly pull back in surprise. Alone? The first thing that comes to my mind is…the digital world. Has something happened to Gabumon that I don't know about? Has a new threat descend upon the digital world? And so soon?
"Yeah, sure," I answer. Slipping my guitar strap over my head, I gently place it by the couch before following Sora outside. "Don't touch my guitar," I warn my friends before closing the door behind me.
Outside is warm though the sun has already set; there is a gentle breeze that seems to caress my soul, calming me from the busy life I hold. The crickets sing in joyful bliss, surrounding me with peace. I steal a glance at Sora from the corner of eyes; she is quiet tonight…too quiet. Usually she will be talking for hours and hours non-stop but tonight she seems different. There is this new aura around her that was never there before, that seems to brighten her as a whole. Almost reminds me of…me when I see myself in the mirror sometimes, but only because I had discovered I'm in love with Taichi.
My eyes widen and I stop walking. Heck, my heart even stop pounding. Could it be? Could it be that…I know that she and Taichi had gone way back in childhood; they knew each longer than I had known Taichi. It's obvious they two will eventually become closer than friends but…it can't be, can it? I had seen the affection, the interest she has shown but I thought it was just a crush. What would Taichi think? I love Taichi but…
"Yamato-san? Are you alright?" she asks. She is before me gazing at me with such concern, concern that I only want my Taichi to shower me with, and not anyone else.
I smile. "Yeah, I'm fine, Sora. Don't you think we are far out enough? I don't think my friends will hear what you are going to say."
She blushes; I can see her face darken on the cheeks. She tore her eyes from mine and is suddenly fidgeting with her shirt.
"Ya--Yamato-san, there is something I need to tell you," she starts shyly.
I only smile. "What is it, Sora?"
She bites her bottom lip and I wait. Everything seems to slow down; the crickets' chirps are louder than ever. The gentle breeze is suddenly no longer a gentle one but rougher, blowing against the trees, making the leaves rustle and drift onto the pavement. And my heart is sudden thumping against my ears.
"Yamato-san…I love you…"
…
I can only smile.
"Onii-chan? Can I come in?" I do not bother to reply; Takeru always comes in whether I tell him no or yes. It makes no difference.
From where I'm lying on my bed, I can hear the door creak as it opens and the soft footstep of ototo as he makes his way into the room. I can feel his eyes penetrating through my back; I know he is worried about me but right now, I really want to be alone.
"Go away, Takeru," I mutter. The bed creaks as his weight settles besides me.
"Onii-chan, onegai. Turn around and talk to me," he whispers. "Tell me what you feel. Don't keep it all bolted up inside. It's not healthy. Please, Onii-chan!"
His hand is upon my shoulder…so full of warmth and brotherly love. I turn around just to see him…Takeru with tears bordering his eyes.
"Takeru…" I sit up and turn to face him completely, and immediately, I wrap my arms around my brother, feeling guilty of placing those tears there. "Takeru, please don't cry. Please, not for me. I'm fine really…" My voice flatter at that line; what a lie. Me? Fine? I was never fine from the first time I met Taichi, and just this evening, Sora made it even worse.
Even my little brother knows I'm lying; he pulls away from me and gives me a glare. I try, I really try to put on an innocent face but he does not buy it.
"Put that face away, Onii-chan," he warns. I look away; Takeru knows me too well, and I should have known it. But I guess I'm too stubborn to see it or acknowledge that fact, just like how I was stubborn before of not acknowledging my love.
"Onii-chan…" His face has lost its glare and is now replaced by a gentle look; I can tell by the tone of his voice. "For the last time, tell me what happened." It's more of a command than a request but he knows that I will tell him if I feel the time is right. He will wait but he'll never forget, never lose the hope and that's what makes him Takeru, my ototo, the digidestined with Crest of Hope.
Silence…I can hear the cars outside the apartment, roaring down the street. Even though it's late at night, the streets are still busy with life and activity. I can hear the gentle buzzing of the lamp by my bedside and the tranquil breathing of my brother and mine. Maybe…maybe I should tell him; I mean like I said I would have to tell him eventually. So why not now and get it over with? Maybe he can help me…maybe he can tell me what to do. I feel so helpless and hopeless…maybe he can help me find that hope…maybe…
"Takeru…" My voice seems loud in the silence; I still will not look at him but I know I have his attention.
"Hai?"
"Takeru…Sora…Sora came today…tonight to band practice…"
"Onii-chan?" I smile at the confusion in his voice.
"She wanted to see me…to tell me something important…" I finally glance at my brother and smile sadly. "Do you know what she wanted to tell me?"
Takeru only shakes his head. I turned my gaze away from him again and stare straight ahead; I suddenly feel small and cold and lonely. Cautiously, I pulled my knees against my chest and rest my chin on my knees, wrapping my arms tightly around as I rock back and forth gently. My mind replay the event over and over again…non-stop. The crickets…the wind…the trees rustling against the wind…the leaves…the leaves falling…falling around us, dancing, mocking me…and Sora's voice…her voice looms above all the noises…
"Onii—"
"She loves me," I state, so simple…so plain.
"Wha—" Takeru's startle by this statement. "She…loves you? I thought…I thought Sora and Taichi…"
"Same here, Takeru," I interrupt gently. I eye him sadly. "I thought so, too."
Takeru's eyes mirrors worry and his eyebrows are frowning. "What are you going to say to her?"
"I'm not worried about what I'm going to say to her," I explain. Glancing at my bed sheets, I add softly, "It's Taichi that I'm worried about."
"Taichi?" he exclaims slightly.
I only nod. "Hai. What will I tell him? I can't obviously tell him that I don't love Sora; he wouldn't believe me!"
"Onii-chan…"
Suddenly, my heart feels heavy, dragging me down with it. I bury my hands into my blond hair, gripping onto it like it's my only life line; otherwise, I would drown in the deepness of my sorrow.
"How can I tell him, Takeru? I love him but he loves her," I ask desperately. I'm so lost…I'm so depress. Why do have to hurt him when I don't want to? Even if I do tell him that, how will he believe me? I can't possibly tell Taichi my love for him is endless. He'll freak!
"Tell him your feelings, Onii-chan," replies Takeru as he places his hand on one of my shoulders.
"I can't…I just can't…" I choke softly. "I'm sorry, Taichi…Gomen nasai…"
"Onii-chan…" Then he pulls me into a tight embrace and I turn and lie my head upon his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Taichi will understand."
I hope so…I really do.
TITLE: My Life, My Heaven
AUTHOR: Mizu Hitomi
WARNINGS: shounen ai, timeline, angst
PAIRINGS: Sorato[one-side minor], Taito [major], Daiken [2nd], Takeru/Hikari[?], Takori[?]
Part 2 The Peace That Never Lasts…
AUTHOR: Mizu Hitomi
DISCLAIMER: don't own a thing…got it?
WARNING: shounen ai, angst, timeline
Ai…what is it? How is it created? The meaning…of true ai, does anyone know? Maybe Sora can tell me; she does have the Crest of Love. But…will she understand? Does anyone really understand? Have anyone truly experienced it before? And friendship? I have the Crest of Friendship and still, I don't truly know the meaning behind that word. It's ironic…I am the coldest one in the group, the loner, and yet, I held the Crest of Friendship. Why is that? Why me?
But through the experience from that one summer vacation and over the years that followed, I developed a sense of friendship, true friendship. I have grown close and used to their presence, so calming and comfortable. As I look back, I am amazed of the tremendous changes I have been through. Back then, I would be the loner boy, so cold and no friends; the only thing that would matter would be my brother, Takeru. But now, instead of the overprotection brother, Takeru and I are now just good friends and good brothers; I love him, and I know he does, too. I also have friends, not just from the group but in school too. I even have a horde of admirers who admire me, adore me. I even have a band now; one can say they are a few of my closest friends.
Well…besides Taichi. He is the best friend anyone can ask for, and I am lucky he is mine. Anyone who had known us before would find it strange that two people who fight constantly in their childhood are now best friends, who agree on almost anything. Yes, true, we are best friends but…I want…more. I mean who wouldn't? To fall for their best friend whom is handsome, kind, and so…athletic? But…what is this feeling? This feeling that makes my stomach flutter with nervousness and delight when I see him? What is this reaction? This reaction that makes my cheeks crimson as he gives me that wonderful smile? And when I see him play soccer, his muscles so well tone, I have thoughts that should be forbidden from male to another male. Why do I have these thoughts? These guilty thoughts that burns my body and freeze at the same time, making me feel both fire and ice? How is this possible? How can a mere boy make me feel so many things? Is this love? Is this truly love? Is this what human kind is searching for? Had I been the first one to find it? Had I finally found it from him?
I believe so, and if this is true…
…Taichi Yagami… I, Yamato Ishida, has fallen hard for you.
The Beginning…
Years has passed by since that wonderful summer day, the day when we met our partners, the day when we were destined to save the world, the day…I met him. I can't lie; the first time I met him, I didn't really like him. Probably because it was his hair, so big and…well, big, and those stupid goggles that he wears. Just his whole image annoyed me to death, but then again, I would have to say there was this lingering thought buried deep within my heart that I like him a lot. Once we entered the digital world, when he volunteered to guide the group, I knew immediately he was a natural, a true leader. Though I do argue with him a lot, it was only because I was jealous of him. Jealous of his leadership quality, jealous of the way he can open up to people, jealous…that he wasn't paying attention to me.
Sora was always by his side, well, at least at the beginning; they were best friends, childhood friends! Why wouldn't they be together? It's quite common to see childhood friends of the opposite sex falling for each other so it really wasn't any big surprise. But towards the end of our so- called adventure, I did notice her glancing more my way and blushing slightly every time I caught her eyes. It was a bit unnerving yet comfortable; I was glad someone actually noticed me. Even if it wasn't Taichi.
At that time, I didn't know what I want from Taichi; I just knew that I enjoy the times we were fighting because his attention was on me, only me and not anyone else. Eventually I admitted to him as to how much his friendship, his friendship alone, means so much to me. And of course, we became best of friends, buddies, partners; I wasn't so depressed nor lonely anymore; Taichi had filled that emptiness that I had felt all my life. Taichi was by my side and I to him. Nothing could defeat us; nothing could break us apart. We were unbeatable.
After the final battle, we kept in close touch. Not only Taichi and I, but the whole gang as well. At first we would hang out together every so often; we would talk about our memories, our school, our digimons. We were tight; we shared the same experience like no other 11-year-olds had. There was a connection among us that held us together through tough, rough times and would continue for the rest of our lives. Yeah, right. I'm only kidding myself; high school came and we went our separate ways. Mimi left for America and Joey pursued his career as a doctor in a different school. Only Taichi, Sora, Izzy, and I were left, though I do see Takeru now and then, and sometimes Hikari, too.
But as high school started, we were all busy. I found my band; Taichi found his soccer team and is now star player in our school. Sora has changed courses and is now playing tennis. Izzy…well, Izzy is still a computer whiz. A new group of digidestined were formed; Daisuke, a Taichi- look alike, is the leader of the group. He plays soccer like Taichi and truly idolized Taichi; he also has crush on Hikari. He receives both the Crest of Courage from Taichi and my crest, the Crest of Friendship. Miyako…she lives at Takeru's apartment building; in a way, she is a computer whiz like Izzy. I'm not surprised she admires him. She receives the Crest of Serenity and the Crest of Love. Iori, he's the youngest of them all but he is wise. He receives the Crest of Reliability. And there is Takeru with his Crest of Hope and Hikari with her Crest of Light to guide the way.
Last but not least, there is Ken Ichijouji, boy genius, who received a crest that none of the original had: the Crest of Kindness. I can see why, though once upon a time he was the Digimon Kaizer. After he has recovered from his Kaizer phase, one sees a truly opposite of the Kaizer. While the Kaizer was cold and mean, Ken is kind and sweet, not to mention fragile. I guess it's the way he pushes people away that reminds me of myself at his age. I can understand that he doesn't want to hurt anyone; everyone understood that. But though that is what he claims to be his reason, I know that really, he is trying to not hurt himself. I know cause that was exactly how I was. And it seems that Daisuke seems to understand Ken, too: better than himself actually. Kinds of reminds me of Taichi. Taichi always seems to understand me better than I know myself; he is able to pull me out of my depressions and bring me to the light. Daisuke does the same to Ken and I'm glad he does.
Nonetheless, the new digidestined proved themselves worthy of us older kids praise. They were excellent at their decision making and even the first time Taichi and I worked with them, we were amazed of the extreme power they held within themselves. And thus, their defeat against Miyotismon ended the battles of peace and began a new era of peace.
Or is it?
The Peace That Never Lasts…
(Preview)
"Yamato-san, there is something I want to talk to you about…"
"What is it, Sora?"
"Yamato-san…I love you…"
-----
[Yamato's bedroom illuminated with light. Nighttime.]
[Yamato sitting on edge of his bed, holding his head]
[Takeru stands before him with a gentle look]
[Zooms in Yama, teary angst eyes]
"How can I tell him, Takeru? I love him but he loves her."
"Tell him about your feelings, Onii-chan."
"I can't…I can't…I just can't…" (in choked teary soft tone)
-----
Gasps. "Onii-san, did you see that?"
"What? Did you see something, Hikari?"
"The alley, I swore I saw a shadow of…a Digimon…"
-----
"Congratulations, Yamato. I hope you and Sora are happy together."
"Taichi…I…[turns head away]…I didn't meant for this to happen."
[Hands upon Yama's shoulder] "Hey, don't worry about it. As long as you are happy and Sora, too…"
[Zoom in on Yamato's misty blue eyes]
-----
"What's this…."
[Computer screen displays a newfound Digimon]
[Izumi skims through the report as his eyes widen in horror]
"Oh…Kami-sama…There's danger in the digital world!!"
-----
[Soccer field in Odaiba]
[Ken in soccer gear with Daisuke]
[Both sitting on grass as Ken's eyes are wide with fear]
[Daisuke kneels besides Ken worried, arms around shoulder]
"Ken! What's wrong?"
"Daisuke…the digital world…"
"Ken…"
"…something's wrong…"
-----
[Zooms side view of Yamato and Taichi in Izumi's room with others]
[Computer screen in front with foreign Digimon picture]
"Oh dear God…" (Yamato-whispers)
"…What is that thing?!" (Taichi)
(end preview)
The Peace That Never Lasts…coming up soon...
TITLE: My Life, My Heaven
AUTHOR: Mizu Hitmoi
DISCLAIMERS: Digital Adventures don't belong to me.
WARNINGS: shounen ai, angst, timeline
PAIRINGS: Sorato [minor], Taito [MAIN], Daiken [2nd], Takeru/Hikari [minor]
The Peace That Never Lasts…
I can't understand how others can say that their life is so boring. I can understand but it's so peaceful and there is no worry about if there is yesterday or about whether you will be able to survive till the next day. This is definitely peace; finally, we can be regular kids, worrying only about school, friends, and love-life…well, in my case, I wouldn't say it's that regular…
School had just ended for the night; bodies of students go their separate ways. Everyone seems to be in some type of hurry but I'm not. I slowly take my time as I headed towards the auditorium where band practice will take place, for I am not eager to go. Who knows what unexpected tragic event will happen today?
Yeah, yeah, I know. You're probably wondering what is he TALKING about? Well, let me tell you.
Ever since I woke up this morning, I had an uneasy feeling that after today, my life will take a dramatic change of course. Nothing had happened so far, but I had been so paranoid all day: casting glances to my left and right, jumping when someone unexpected taps my shoulder, walking carefully down the stairs, and carefully examining the food. But nothing happened…yet.
"Oi! Yamato!"
I turn around and am greeted by Taichi; despite the whole paranoid business, everything seems to be brightening at the sight of his smile. He has that affect on me.
"Taichi! I thought you have soccer practice," I comment as he runs to stand next to me.
"I do," he pants slightly. "I had to stay back for something and now I'm going to be late to practice." He then turns to look at me with his warm brown eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"Band practice." Slightly, I tilt my head to one side as I look at him, feeling the soft strands of silky hair, caressing against my cheek. "Remember?"
"Oh, yeah! You and your band!" he exclaims as this goofy expression takes over his face. "No wonder I don't see you around anymore. I miss you," he concludes as his tone is replaced with seriousness.
I can feel the heat rising from my cheeks. Does he really miss me? Or is he just saying that as a friend is suppose to say?
"Yamato?" I blink to see Taichi right in front of me with an unfamiliar concern look etch upon his face. "You okay? You kinda spaced out for a minute there. Something you want to talk about?"
"Ah...no. I was just…thinking," I reply. I blush, as his concern does not waver; his eyes are so intense as they eye at me, as like he could slowly unravel the tangles of my soul, revealing my deepest secret…my deepest desire…my worst nightmare.
"Oh?" he questions with sudden interest. Damn… "Of what?"
"Nothing of importance," I mutter. I am stupid to not notice that he will be of sudden interest.
"You sure?" he asks again.
"Of course!" I snap back, a bit irritated by his questioning. I immediately feel guilty as hurt show through his deep chocolate eyes; I cannot help it. I mean, think about it! Here is your best friend, your deepest desire since…who knows when! Worrying about you and actually showing his concern for you?! I am a bit uncomfortable with the situation; it makes him seem to care more about me than just a friend. But obviously, he is just concern for a friend, best friend might I add. And nothing more. Sort of depressing and just thinking about it brings down my spirit once more.
"Shimimasen, Taichi," I apologize sincerely as I ashamedly observe the floor, avoiding his eyes.
Warmth radiates through my body as his hand descends upon my shoulder and gives a tiny squeeze. I lift my gaze, wondering. "Hey, don't worry about it. No harm taken!"
He smiles; I melt. Kami, his smile is addictive. No wonder he gathers as much fans as I do; his body is so well shaped and his carefree attitude is so comfortable that I'm sure anyone that he is around, would like him on first sight. Well…except for me, but hey, I was denying it back then. It was there; I just didn't see it because my eyes weren't trained to see those things. I mean, hell! I was only what? Eleven years old? Most of us were still in training as to how to cross the street!
"Don't you have a practice that you have to get to?" I ask, starting to feel the heat rising from my cheeks as the longer he stare, the more uncomfortable I become. It is a bit unnerving to have all his attention so sudden. As much as I want it before, this is just too much.
"Practice?" he asks, confusion shown in his eyes.
I stare at him with incredulous eyes. Has he forgotten about it ALREADY? "Remember soccer practice? If I remember correctly, you said you were late?"
Standing there for a few seconds, he absorbs my words as his eyes widen in horror when he finally decipher my message. I observe with an amused expression as I watch the change of face.
"Oh, shit! I'm late! Coach is going to kill me!" he curses. He starts to run past me in a fury but skids to a halt, few feet before he turns around and glance at me, eyes warm, soft, and…something. I give him a questioning look; he opens his mouth as to say something, but shakes his head and waves. "See you tomorrow, Yama!" And off he goes.
I blink as the figure disappear. That was weird. Taichi seems to want to say something but didn't. Oh, well. I got band practice to attend to and I'm already late as it is. I have time after to muse and between rehearsal as well.
Shrugging the guitar case on my shoulder, I make my way down the hallway and out to the auditorium.
Each step as I take, I cannot help the feeling of dread and tragedy before me.
"Okay, guys!" I exclaim as the last chord dies away. Slipping the guitar off my shoulder, I drop on the nearest chair. "I'm finished for the day."
They all sigh in relief as they all sit on the nearest chair obviously exhausted. I cannot help but smirk as I observe my friends. I had brought a new piece to practice tonight and we had practically spent…four hours getting the chords, the synchronization, the true melody…the mood…the softness, the romance, and the sorrow of this piece that I had written to my one and only beloved. I had written it when I was really depressed; it felt like the whole world was going against me. Out of desperation and for relief, I took a pencil and some papers and started writing and writing and writing and writing…Before I knew, I had started a piece…lyrics which contain my soul, my desire, my fear, my loneness…my love. Then I started with the piano…trying to set the words to a melody, and I found it: eerie yet enchanting, melancholy yet pleasing, passionate yet loathing, tame yet wild…It describes everything from the beginning to present to the possible future. And I just had to try it out.
"Hey, Yamato-san?" I turn my attention from polishing my guitar to the oldest member of the Teenage Wolf band, Seikyou. He isn't looking at me; instead, his gaze is upon the drink within his hand, observing the swirls of liquid gently splashing against the sides.
"What?"
"Where…how did you came up with it?" he asks quietly; I can hear a bit of hesitation in his voice, like he's scared of what he's asking.
"What are you talking about?" I'm confuse as to what 'it' is, but I think I have a pretty good idea as to what he is referring to…my inspiration.
He finally breaks away from his drink and gaze at me with his eyes, so curious and intense. "The song we had been practicing for the last four hours, that's what I'm talking about. Where in heck did you come up with such a…a…"
"Inspiration?" finish Kouji helpfully.
"Hey, I know that!" exclaim Seikyou as he mock glare at Kouji. Then he averts his eyes at me, waiting…expecting an answer from me.
I never really thought about the inspiration. Come to think of it, I don't even now when I wrote this piece! Yes, I was depressed and as to deal with this depression, I wrote it. Well, maybe I do have a tiny idea as to where this inspiration came from.
"I…" I stop, trying to find the words that can express my thoughts properly. Slowly, I turn away and stare intensely at my guitar; how am I to say that the inspiration is from the deepest of my soul? Deep within the shadow of my heart of my greatest desire, who happens to be my best friend?
"I'm not really sure where or even how I came about writing," I start. My eyebrows screw in intense concentration as I try my best to remember the feelings of that day, that rainy stormy day. "I was…depressed…"
"Depressed?" questions Mavi, I believe. I can kinda tell by the concern tone that is so like him though he rarely show his true feelings.
"Hai…depressed of what, I can't really remember." Huh, what a lie; I know exactly the reason as to why I was depressed. It has always been him and probably will always be him. But I will not say; they will hate me, but if they are true friends, they would accept me as who I am, not what I am. Taichi has…well has accepted all that I had revealed to him.
"But I know it has to do something with a person, a special person, a person that I admire, desire beyond all things. That person is so close and yet…" I lift my hand and expose my palm. "…So far away." I close my hand for emphasis.
Sighing, I drop my hand and whisper softly, "Those lyrics, the melody…it expresses the feelings I felt that day…feelings that I had buried from the beginning of my life and finally couldn't contain anymore, dump them all on a piece of paper for all who listen to interpret. Especially that special person; hopefully when the music reaches his [1] ear, he can understand and not leave."
My speech has ended and no one moves nor says anything; I know I had shocked them or maybe worse…frightened them. But they should be grateful; I did not tell them everything, every true reason behind it.
"Yama—"
A knock interrupts our… 'conversation' and personally, I am glad for it because I am not ready to answer any questions from them, mostly because I'm scared of the type of questions they are going to ask.
Seikyou lazily stands from his resting spot and walk towards the door. A knock but more urgent sounding. Chee…wonder who it is?
"I'm coming! Don't knock down the door!" shouts Seikyou as he reaches for the door and opens it. I can't see who it is, for Seikyou is blocking my view, but I don't really care; I already had begun polishing my guitar when the first knock took place.
I can't believe I actually told them! All of…crap! I did not have to show them that side of me, that sensitive side and now they know! Stupid Yamato! Yamato no baka!! I should have NEVER…
"Yamato-san?"
My hands stop polishing and I stop my ranting; that voice…I know that voice…yes…what is she doing here? I lift my eyes slowly to see Sora, Crest of Love, standing before me in our school uniform, green long sleeve shirt and short skirt. Her is longer than before, the ends gently brushing against her shoulder blades as she moves her head.
"Sora? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to go home with Taichi? His practice ended…" I glance down at my watch…whoa…I did not know it is this late. Taichi's soccer practice should have ended at 7:00, and right now, my watch indicates that that was three hours ago.
"I know," replies Sora. Her voice…it sounds different tonight, more warm and gentle than before. I wonder why? "Umm…can I talk to you?" Then she sent nervous glances at the others that are listening to our conversation. "Alone, please?"
I slightly pull back in surprise. Alone? The first thing that comes to my mind is…the digital world. Has something happened to Gabumon that I don't know about? Has a new threat descend upon the digital world? And so soon?
"Yeah, sure," I answer. Slipping my guitar strap over my head, I gently place it by the couch before following Sora outside. "Don't touch my guitar," I warn my friends before closing the door behind me.
Outside is warm though the sun has already set; there is a gentle breeze that seems to caress my soul, calming me from the busy life I hold. The crickets sing in joyful bliss, surrounding me with peace. I steal a glance at Sora from the corner of eyes; she is quiet tonight…too quiet. Usually she will be talking for hours and hours non-stop but tonight she seems different. There is this new aura around her that was never there before, that seems to brighten her as a whole. Almost reminds me of…me when I see myself in the mirror sometimes, but only because I had discovered I'm in love with Taichi.
My eyes widen and I stop walking. Heck, my heart even stop pounding. Could it be? Could it be that…I know that she and Taichi had gone way back in childhood; they knew each longer than I had known Taichi. It's obvious they two will eventually become closer than friends but…it can't be, can it? I had seen the affection, the interest she has shown but I thought it was just a crush. What would Taichi think? I love Taichi but…
"Yamato-san? Are you alright?" she asks. She is before me gazing at me with such concern, concern that I only want my Taichi to shower me with, and not anyone else.
I smile. "Yeah, I'm fine, Sora. Don't you think we are far out enough? I don't think my friends will hear what you are going to say."
She blushes; I can see her face darken on the cheeks. She tore her eyes from mine and is suddenly fidgeting with her shirt.
"Ya--Yamato-san, there is something I need to tell you," she starts shyly.
I only smile. "What is it, Sora?"
She bites her bottom lip and I wait. Everything seems to slow down; the crickets' chirps are louder than ever. The gentle breeze is suddenly no longer a gentle one but rougher, blowing against the trees, making the leaves rustle and drift onto the pavement. And my heart is sudden thumping against my ears.
"Yamato-san…I love you…"
…
I can only smile.
"Onii-chan? Can I come in?" I do not bother to reply; Takeru always comes in whether I tell him no or yes. It makes no difference.
From where I'm lying on my bed, I can hear the door creak as it opens and the soft footstep of ototo as he makes his way into the room. I can feel his eyes penetrating through my back; I know he is worried about me but right now, I really want to be alone.
"Go away, Takeru," I mutter. The bed creaks as his weight settles besides me.
"Onii-chan, onegai. Turn around and talk to me," he whispers. "Tell me what you feel. Don't keep it all bolted up inside. It's not healthy. Please, Onii-chan!"
His hand is upon my shoulder…so full of warmth and brotherly love. I turn around just to see him…Takeru with tears bordering his eyes.
"Takeru…" I sit up and turn to face him completely, and immediately, I wrap my arms around my brother, feeling guilty of placing those tears there. "Takeru, please don't cry. Please, not for me. I'm fine really…" My voice flatter at that line; what a lie. Me? Fine? I was never fine from the first time I met Taichi, and just this evening, Sora made it even worse.
Even my little brother knows I'm lying; he pulls away from me and gives me a glare. I try, I really try to put on an innocent face but he does not buy it.
"Put that face away, Onii-chan," he warns. I look away; Takeru knows me too well, and I should have known it. But I guess I'm too stubborn to see it or acknowledge that fact, just like how I was stubborn before of not acknowledging my love.
"Onii-chan…" His face has lost its glare and is now replaced by a gentle look; I can tell by the tone of his voice. "For the last time, tell me what happened." It's more of a command than a request but he knows that I will tell him if I feel the time is right. He will wait but he'll never forget, never lose the hope and that's what makes him Takeru, my ototo, the digidestined with Crest of Hope.
Silence…I can hear the cars outside the apartment, roaring down the street. Even though it's late at night, the streets are still busy with life and activity. I can hear the gentle buzzing of the lamp by my bedside and the tranquil breathing of my brother and mine. Maybe…maybe I should tell him; I mean like I said I would have to tell him eventually. So why not now and get it over with? Maybe he can help me…maybe he can tell me what to do. I feel so helpless and hopeless…maybe he can help me find that hope…maybe…
"Takeru…" My voice seems loud in the silence; I still will not look at him but I know I have his attention.
"Hai?"
"Takeru…Sora…Sora came today…tonight to band practice…"
"Onii-chan?" I smile at the confusion in his voice.
"She wanted to see me…to tell me something important…" I finally glance at my brother and smile sadly. "Do you know what she wanted to tell me?"
Takeru only shakes his head. I turned my gaze away from him again and stare straight ahead; I suddenly feel small and cold and lonely. Cautiously, I pulled my knees against my chest and rest my chin on my knees, wrapping my arms tightly around as I rock back and forth gently. My mind replay the event over and over again…non-stop. The crickets…the wind…the trees rustling against the wind…the leaves…the leaves falling…falling around us, dancing, mocking me…and Sora's voice…her voice looms above all the noises…
"Onii—"
"She loves me," I state, so simple…so plain.
"Wha—" Takeru's startle by this statement. "She…loves you? I thought…I thought Sora and Taichi…"
"Same here, Takeru," I interrupt gently. I eye him sadly. "I thought so, too."
Takeru's eyes mirrors worry and his eyebrows are frowning. "What are you going to say to her?"
"I'm not worried about what I'm going to say to her," I explain. Glancing at my bed sheets, I add softly, "It's Taichi that I'm worried about."
"Taichi?" he exclaims slightly.
I only nod. "Hai. What will I tell him? I can't obviously tell him that I don't love Sora; he wouldn't believe me!"
"Onii-chan…"
Suddenly, my heart feels heavy, dragging me down with it. I bury my hands into my blond hair, gripping onto it like it's my only life line; otherwise, I would drown in the deepness of my sorrow.
"How can I tell him, Takeru? I love him but he loves her," I ask desperately. I'm so lost…I'm so depress. Why do have to hurt him when I don't want to? Even if I do tell him that, how will he believe me? I can't possibly tell Taichi my love for him is endless. He'll freak!
"Tell him your feelings, Onii-chan," replies Takeru as he places his hand on one of my shoulders.
"I can't…I just can't…" I choke softly. "I'm sorry, Taichi…Gomen nasai…"
"Onii-chan…" Then he pulls me into a tight embrace and I turn and lie my head upon his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Taichi will understand."
I hope so…I really do.
TITLE: My Life, My Heaven
AUTHOR: Mizu Hitomi
WARNINGS: shounen ai, timeline, angst
PAIRINGS: Sorato[one-side minor], Taito [major], Daiken [2nd], Takeru/Hikari[?], Takori[?]
Part 2 The Peace That Never Lasts…