Disclaimer: I don't own Code Lyoko
For The Love Of A Princess
Chapter 1
(Jeremie's POV)
I liked autumn most of all I think. It wasn't just because the temperature was cooler. I think it had something to do with how slow and thoughtful everything seemed. Because that was just like me. Unfortunately, it wasn't really much help during gym class. And today wasn't any different.
Swallowing hard I leaned up slowly on my elbows. Feeling for my glasses I fumbled blind until I saw the blurry image of my gym teacher standing over me. Mr. Reeds. Kneeling down next to me he sat my glasses on my nose. "You okay Jeremie?" He asked as I stood and started brushing myself off.
"Yes sir, I think so."
He smiled a little as he patted me on the back. "Want to give it another try?"
I looked down for a second before adjusting my glasses and swallowing again. "I should probably sit this one out sir…"
Mr. Reeds was usually the nicest person at my school, so it wasn't easy to see him look so disappointed in me when I said that. But truthfully giving up was probably better than failing again. So slowly I shuffled over to the bench as I ignored the usual smirks and chuckles from the other students.
It was a typical day. But I didn't mind. It was okay even if things never changed.
That's what I'd thought that day and about all of the ones before it. It was okay if nothing ever changed. But they did change, and when it did, well it proved me wrong about everything.
She proved me wrong about everything…
Two months later I was transferred to Kadic Academy, and well...I guess the rest is history. It was a story I would have never believed, but I lived it so…
"Jeremie?"
I snapped my head up suddenly at the sound of her voice. I felt my glasses slipping awkwardly down my nose as I peered across the table at her.
"A-Aelita?"
She just smiled warmly across from me. I felt my jaw clench a little as my pulse sped up. "Are you alright, you seemed pretty far away just now?"
Pushing my glass frames back in place I nodded nervously. "Yes, I…" I grinned shyly over at her. "I was just thinking about before we met."
"Oh?" She said simply before taking a sip of her hot chocolate.
I nodded slowly. "Yes, the fall always reminds me."
She smiled wider. It's my favorite too… The earth is changing so that everything is new and different by spring."
I nodded again. "Yes, that's kind of what I mean." I wrapped my hands around the hot mug as I stared into the ripples. "Are...are we a little different now too?" I looked back up at her. "Since graduation I mean?"
She leaned into her hand and gazed at me for a few seconds without saying anything. "Do you feel different Jeremie?"
I frowned in thought. The truth was I really didn't. And now without Lyoko or Kadic, I also felt a little lost. Confused.
"No…" I admitted as I looked back down. "But I sort of think I should… I'm not sure anymore."
Aelita smiled sympathetically at me. "I miss everything too… But," Then her green eyes sharpened hopefully and focused on me. "That doesn't mean the future can't be just as good, or even better. What really matters is how we choose to spend right now."
"Besides," she added slowly. "I think that not even an evening spent in a coffee shop is wasted." She smiled. "Not if you get to spend it with friends."
I felt my hands tighten around my mug as my stomach flipped slightly. All the years hadn't changed how easily she made me feel nervous. How easily she… I looked down and to the side of our table as I felt heat rushing to my face. I was still in love with her. But I wasn't sure if she realized it. I mean when we were younger she must have but… But just like she'd taught me… Things do change.
I was afraid that she might be one of those things… That we might be one of those things. Not that there had ever really been an us. I tried to steady myself and regain my composure. We weren't kids anymore so… So I was afraid of what that meant. It would be better to at least be her friend than to try and be anything else and… And it not work out. She was so beautiful, too beautiful for me. And not just her face, but her heart most of all.
So even though we'd talk a lot on the phone, and even meet here for coffee all the time... Well I always left out the words I wanted to say most of all. I figured it was safer that way. But… But it also just left me feeling empty mostly.
Out of the corner of my eye I glanced the couple sitting across from us. They were holding hands and laughing. I guess it felt a little silly to admit...but I wanted that too. I wanted it, but I didn't have much faith I'd ever have it. Because if I really wasn't good enough for Aelita then... Then I didn't want anyone else. Ever…
"Jeremie…?" She said as she gently reached to touch the top of my hand that was still clutching my drink.
I snapped back to attention now more than a little embarrassed. "Sorry I-"
She smiled a little weakly. It was a look that seemed to see right through me. So much so I worried she knew exactly what I was thinking...what I was feeling…
Then hesitantly she slid slowly out of her seat. And she just stood there without saying anything for a few moments before she hesitantly spoke. "It's getting late I guess…" Then she smiled a little more cheerfully. "Try not to worry so much, okay?"
I nodded meekly. "I'll try anyway…"
Her smile widened for a few moments before I watched it slowly shrink. Shrink until I wasn't sure what she was thinking at all… I watched her lips tremble for words before she stopped and seemed to decide against whatever she was thinking. Then slowly she knelt down next to my chair until we were at eye level.
"Jeremie…" She whispered softly. And again it looked like she was at war with herself. I wondered what she was struggling to say, or not to say. Had she really saw through me…?
Was she trying to tell me exactly what I already knew… If so I could see why it was so hard on her. She'd never want to hurt me, so she wouldn't know how to put it softly… So I decided to give her a way out of it all.
"Goodnight Aelita." I said softly with the most honest smile I could muster. Though really I knew any smile right now was a lie…
She seemed a little taken aback by that, but after a second she just smiled back and slowly stood again. "Goodnight Jeremie." She added before she hesitated and walked away.
I waited. I waited until I heard her footsteps disappear out the door. Before I… Before I let the tears drift down my face. Before I clenched and did my best to keep my sobs from making any sound at all…
(Aelita's POV)
I let myself think about him on the drive home that night. I let myself because so many times I didn't. Because I couldn't always be thinking about him. I couldn't let myself always think about a future that might not really come at all. But that night I did think about it. I thought about how hard it had been to not tell him. How hard it had been to just tell him goodnight...and not I love you.
When I reached my apartment I just let myself sit in the car for a while. Leaning my head back I pictured him still probably sitting alone in that coffee shop. I didn't think he wanted it that way… I thought he must actually feel the same way I did. But then why was he always the first one to push me away…? Was he afraid…? But of what? Of me? Of what I'd say, what I'd think about him?
I had half a mind to just go back and tell him. But… That was one thing I didn't let myself. I wanted him to be the one to say it first… I thought he needed to be the one to say it first. Not for me, but for him. He needed to love himself enough to reach for his own happiness. He needed to love himself enough to trust that I'd feel the same way. But for everything I loved about Jeremie, I hated that he never valued himself. He was so selfless and kind to everyone else. But he was almost cruel with himself.
Rubbing at my forehead I frowned bitterly. He'd never guess in a million years that all I wanted, all I'd ever wanted, was to spend my whole life with him. To spend the life he'd given me back… Regardless of what he thought, I knew that he deserved to be loved. I just hoped I was right, and that he wanted to spend his life with me too.
But all I could do was wait…
And hope, and pray, that one day soon he'd take the risk. That he'd be willing to make the best mistake of his life. I stepped out of the car before slowly looking up the starry sky above me. Because I was lonely. And I felt a little lost now that school was over too… It was like Lyoko and Kadic had been two of the things binding us all together. And with both of them gone… Well I worried that we might drift apart or… Or stay just far enough apart to never progress toward the future we both wanted.
I couldn't help but wonder just what we'd lose if we never were truly honest with each other. What was waiting in that future I'd only dreamed about? What would it feel like to dance with him at our wedding? Would we ever have children? Would they look mostly like him? I hoped so... I smiled softly even as I felt a tear streaming down my face.
I wanted that future… I needed that future. So I'd never give up. I'd never stop waiting, even if it took forever.
Because he… My Jeremie…
He was worth the wait. He always had been… No matter how many more lonely days were ahead of me… I knew… I knew that an eternity with him was worth so much. He was worth so much more than the time that kept us apart…
He was worth everything…