Author's Note: I finally tried one of those games where you take characters and put them in a list, then pair them together randomly. When this pairing came up I couldn't resist, so this is my first crack!fic! Hope you like!
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The case was over, and the CSI team from New York was getting ready to go back home. They had all flown to Washington, D.C. to participate in a huge case that had spanned the jurisdiction of the NYPD, the FBI and NCIS, for some reason. The CSIs and the NCIS agents were all saying their goodbyes in the bullpen.
Mac Taylor and Leroy Jethro Gibbs were next to Gibbs' desk as the New York detective finished signing the last of the paperwork, somehow understanding that the other's characteristic stony expressions were actually mating rituals. Tony was saying his goodbyes to Danny Messer; the two had become very close during the case. Ziva David and Don Flack were standing close together and talking behind the Mossad officer's desk. Lindsay and McGee had struck up a quick friendship and were trading mixed CD's, while in Abby's lab, the Goth was making blood spatter murals with Adam Ross.
The elevator opened with a ding, and the occupants of the large room glanced over before returning to their conversations. Then, they did a double take.
Stella Bonasera had exited the elevator, giggling as Tobias Fornell tickled her neck. He pulled the taller woman back toward him with a grin, and they kissed passionately for a moment before noticing the sudden silence in the bullpen.
"Stella? What's going on?" Mac asked, monotone and unfeeling as always.
Flack shoved Ziva aside and stormed around the cubicle toward the happy couple. "Yeah Stel, I thought we were-" He cut off, looking behind him guiltily.
Danny immediately started crying upon hearing Flack's words and threw Tony's sub at the detective. "I knew you were cheating on me Donny, I knew it!" He ran from the bullpen sobbing.
"What's the matter with you, Flack?!" Tony shouted. "Can't you see he's a beautiful, delicate hummingbird?!" Tony ran out of the bullpen after Danny.
"Tony?" Ziva called confusedly after her fiancé. "I will kill him with a blade of grass!" She muttered under her breath. Gibbs, hearing the sentiment, slowly backed himself out of the bullpen toward the elevator on the other side of the bullpen. He pulled along Mac, who seemed absolutely unmoved by the proceedings.
"What's going on?" McGee whispered to Lindsay.
"Flack was cheating on Danny with Stella, who was dating Mac," Lindsay explained to the clueless computer geek, her curly brown hair shimmering in the light of the bullpen and captivating McGee. "But Danny guessed, so he started going out with Tony."
McGee nodded, trying to clear his head of the angels he heard singing when he looked at Lindsay. "It's a good thing our office isn't messed up like that. I feel bad for you guys. Inter-office relationships only lead to heartbreak." McGee committed the scene to memory for his next novel.
"I totally agree," Lindsay mentioned, licking her lips and gazing at McGee lustfully. "Let's go discuss that in the empty conference room I noticed earlier."
McGee, totally oblivious to her sexual intent, followed behind the CSI, ecstatic that a woman had finally given him the time of day.
"I have great news, everyone!" Stella announced, far too caught up with her new beaux to notice that most of the people in the room had left to romance each other. "Toby and I are pregnant!"
Tobias Fornell, who was actually quite a charming, intelligent and good-hearted guy, even if the NCIS team was way too self-centered to ever notice, finished signing a check to a children's orphanage and stuffed it into his pocket before giving his girlfriend a hug.
"I hope there are no hard feelings, Don," he said, flashing the stupefied detective an incredibly handsome smile. "But Stel-bear and I are soul mates, and we're going to live happily ever after on the coast of the Mediterranean and teach our beautiful daughter all about her cultural roots."
"But Stella, I thought we had something special!" Flack whispered, heartbroken, his beautiful blue eyes filling with tears.
Stella shook her head in pity. "Don, I was just using you for sex because Mac was so afraid of a real relationship. But now that I've found Toby, I just don't need you anymore. Have a great life!"
Tobias and Stella left the building, sharing gooey true-love kisses every few steps, seriously grossing out the extra NCIS agents who happened to be passing through the halls even though they served no important role in the show and were really only there to make the set look more realistic.
Flack collapsed on the floor and started sobbing. Ziva's compassion, though nearly unused because of her Mossad training and general inability to make emotional connections, tugged at her heartstrings and encouraged her to sit down next to the detective and wrap him in her arms.
"Do not cry, Donald. I believe that what that woman with the incredibly frizzy hair did to you was quite cruel, and if you wish, I shall murder her and her new boyfriend for revenge."
Flack looked up, suddenly a lot happier. "Would you really do that for me?"
Ziva smiled. "Of course. I felt little remorse for shooting my own half-brother in the head, I would feel absolutely none for killing a pregnant woman and her FBI agent true love."
Flack smiled in awe. "You're so amazing, Ziva!"
"I know," she said, and kissed him. They proceeded to have sex on the floor of the bullpen, as well as on several of the desks, but nobody got mad at them because they were all too busy having sex as well.
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Yeah, I have no idea where this came from. Please tell me what you think, so I can decide if I want to write more like this, or pretend I was high on chocolate when I wrote this.