A/N: My first shot at any fandom with real people acting, so I'm not too sure how I did. I'm sure it's pretty easy to tell what song inspired this.

I do not own, rent or lease any rights to Star Trek, though I covet those teddy bears strongly.

At first it had been just one small blip on the ship's radar. The sensors had barely even registered it, and for a moment, no one thought it was any more than a slight malfunction. Kirk had waved it off as normal space debris, advising Spock to simply ignore it.

It appeared moments later as a bright red spot on the view screen. If nothing else, it was an interesting distraction from the general emptiness and monotony of this sector. The only reason the Enterprise was even out there was to study what was out in the middle of nothing. They had welcomed the little red spot, following it with their eyes across the viewer until it apparently clung to the ship right on the screen. Leave it, Kirk had ordered, it's not doing any harm. It was just attracted to the ship by the relative gravity and would slide off when they had to move again.

Then the second one came, and a third, and a forth.

The little red spots were getting less and less amusing as they piled up one on top of the other.

Kirk put the Enterprise on yellow alert.

"Dammit, Spock, don't you have those readings yet?" Kirk demanded, every inch of the view screen red with whatever it was that was trying to take over his ship.

"They are so small as to not register on the sensors, Captain," Spock reminded him. "It will take a while for the computer to gather the data."

"Well, make it gather faster!" He wouldn't have been so testy if he knew just what these things were. Were they some kind of space barnacle? Were they some new alien life trying to sneak onto the ship? Or worse: were they trying to eat the ship? "Uhura, have you been able to establish communications?"

"No, sir. No response on any known frequencies."

"Captain—" Kirk spun around in his chair so fast he nearly fell out. "—I have the readings from the computer."

Kirk waited a moment for the rest of the information, but it seemed the half-Vulcan was in no hurry. "Well, out with it, Spock. What are these things?"

"They are malleable containers approximately 30 centimeters in diameter and twenty centimeters high filled with helium gas comprised of rubber, red pigment, and negligible trace elements, sealed with and trailing a thin cotton string." Kirk stared at Spock blankly, not sure if he was hearing all this right. "I believe they are called balloons."

"Balloons," Kirk sank into his chair, agitated, but relieved. The Enterprise was put on yellow alert for being attacked by balloons. "Just how many are there?"

"Judging by the density and area taken, it seems there are ninety-nine."

The Enterprise was under attack by 99 stupid red balloons.

"Ensign O'Hara, suit up and clear those things from the view screen."

"Aye, sir."

There was a silence while Kirk rubbed his forehead with his hand. "Is there anything left out there that hasn't attacked us?"

Spock faced his captain dutifully. "The Enterprise has yet to be attacked by Vulcans, Terran mammals, senior citizens, items known as junk food, winter wear, battery packs, beings with mass equal to or greater than a small planet—"

"Spock."

"Yes, Captain?"

"That was a rhetorical question."

A/N: I wasn't sure whether to end with the 99 balloons line, or to keep it as long as it was, so I just left it on. Reviews are helpful; they let me know if I should just stay in my corner or not.