feeling insecure is the worst thing ever. feeling like you're second best no matter what. feeling like someone's just settled with you because they couldn't have their number one. and yet, even though you know, you can't walk away. because you're afraid. you're afraid that no one else will like you the same. because even though he has settled with you, his second, or third, or fourth best, you're still the happiest you've ever been. he's loved you more than anyone else ever has. but you know he's pinning for someone else or many elses and you know that someone else is pinning for him too. but still you just can't walk away. you make excuses to yourself, you force yourself to believe them. but you know. you found those emails. you shouldn't have been snooping but you did. because you already knew deep inside, because you already suspected that he had someone else. all the little details had accumulated into something you couldn't ignore. so you looked. and you found what you were looking for but wished you would never find. the i love yous. the we should be togethers. the we'll be together somedays. the i miss yous. the banter that only two people who have been in love can have. the banter you wish you had with him. and you see the pictures. she's beautiful. more beautiful than you could ever hope to be. you, with your small eyes, your broken nose, your big ears, your small breasts, your jiggly thighs. you could never hope to be as breathtaking a creature as her. she's perfect. the perfect face, the perfect body. you can understand why he loves her. and you knew it from the start. it was too good to be true. he was too good for you. you knew. but you lied to yourself. you've been lying to yourself. all this time, all these years. and you'll keep lying to yourself. you'll take into account every loving thing he does for you and you'll multiply it by the thousands. you'll convince yourself that he really does love you. more than he loves her or has ever loved her. but no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to completely silence that gnawing voice in the back of your head telling you that your just second best. he's just settled with you because he couldn't have her. and because of that, when your feeling your lowest, you'll look for the things you wish didn't exist. you'll snoop again and find the emails, the pictures. but still you won't be able to walk away. because you believe that you're not good enough to have someone who only loves you. someone who thinks you are the best. his first pick. and so you'll stay. even when he proposes to you with the ring you know was intended for her. you'll say yes. or will you? will you risk giving up your place as second best for the nearly non-existent possibility to be the first pick?