I'm in deep thought when I feel a touch on my shoulder and without even turning around I know who it is. "Ezra, are you ok?" I hear Sabine ask sounding concerned. Truly I'm not but it's not best to give her the truth right now.
"I'm fine." I say before looking away not really sure of what else to say.
"No your not. I know your not. Tell me what's wrong."
"Something's wrong something's changed. I...I can't really explain...I don't really want to..."
"Hey talk to me it's ok I'm here I'm listening."
"I'm sorry my minds just a little preoccupied. I've got a lot to think about."
"I understand I just really want to make sure that you're ok. You've been seeing things lately so I'm just worried for you that's all." She looks at me for a long silent moment as if she's searching my eyes for something specific, important. Suddenly she frowns before she seems to make up her mind about something as her frown turns into determination.
"You're going to...I'm coming with you. Unless you want Hera locking you in your room for the rest of your life I suggest you listen to me when I say I know you well enough to know what you will do if things reach a certain point. And when that time comes I'm not letting you go alone." Sabine says determined. I can't let her though. She can't come I...
"I'm sorry Sabine but I can't let you. Tell Hera if you want but I will find a way out. I'm not letting any of you put your lives at risk for me. I know what I have to do and I'm not going to let you die when it won't change anything except making Hera and everyone else have to deal with two more losses. We all just lost Kanan the least you could do is make it so she doesn't have to loose you too." I say and regret my words as I see her determined expression quickly melt into pain and sadness. I'm about to say more when she cuts me off.
"But I can't loose you! I can't deal with loosing you After already loosing Kanan!"
"Sabine loss is hard trust me I know I've lost lots of people I care about but I know you're strong enough to get through it and help the others."
"But what if I'm not. What if I'm the one who breaks down and causes everyone else to break. What if I can't be the strong one?"
"I know you can. Your Sabine Wren. And I know that Sabine Wren is strong enough to fight through this. No matter what happens I will always be with you helping you get through this." She still looks doubtful as she looks down at her hands which are trembling. I see her face twist up as if she's trying to hold back emotions that I'm also struggling to suppress for her sake.
"I-I I'm sorry it's just...I wanted to always be there for you. Especially after you came when Thrawn ambushed Attalon and I realized that you all could have died and I wouldn't have been there and couldn't have done anything. I hadn't been there for you all then. I made up my mind that I wasn't going to risk letting that happen again. That's why I'm here now. And now your asking me to just stand around and let you walk to your death while I'm doing nothing. I just...I can't...I won't let that happen again where I'm not there when you need me." She says.
I stare at her sympathetically trying to think of something to say. Her hands and body continue to tremble. I don't know what to say how am I supposed to make things better? What would Kanan have done if he was in this situation with Hera? But also I'm not Kanan and I've never been good with these conversations anyway.
"Please I just can't let you go alone. I can't loose you and know that I did nothing to try and stop it." Sabine says letting out a few shaky breaths as I see a couple tears run down her face. That's what breaks me. I don't ever really see her cry so when I do it's hard not to break. I still manage to hold back my emotions. Even if I know I won't let this be the situation I have to give her something to hold onto.
"Ok...if it comes down to it and I have to go...you can come with me if you want. But just know that it's not what I want and I would much rather have you stay with Hera, Zeb, and Chopper. But it's your choice. I shouldn't stand in the way of what you want to do. I know I can always count on you. And I can also count on you when I know that you will make the right decision. Whichever path you choose to take." I say.
The tears continue to run down her face but a small smile also crosses her lips. Suddenly she lunges forward and wraps her arms around me pulling me into a tight embrace. I gratefully return the gesture pulling her close as this may be one if the last moments we get together.
"Thank you." She whispers as she continues to cry.
I don't know what is gong to happen but I know that whatever does happen I will never stop trying to make things right and protect my family. And when it comes down to it I know she'll make the right choice.