A/N: I started writing this two weeks ago right after I watched Insurgent for the fourth time but I only finished it now. This was inspired by the Amity scene where Tobias sees Tris's new haircut for the first time. I found some fan edits on tumblr which helped with the accuracy of the lines they exchanged from that scene. I reblogged if you want to check it out. New tumblr account, btw - ourblue-eyedheroine. Hope you enjoy this! :)
Go with happiness.
Tris can no longer count the number of times she had heard that same phrase this morning. It grates on her nerves the sheer cheerfulness with which everyone says it like it's the only truth that matters. Maybe for the Amity that fact hold; they're all about peace, love and kindness after all, but not her. Tris knows she cannot live a life like that, one of complicit passivity and unquestioning acceptance especially not after what she had seen and done. War changes people.
The bucket feels heavy in her hand, makes her arm ache. This is already her second trip to the well and it's a great distance from the broken, old bridge where she will later lead the horses down to graze and drink, a task she shares with Tobias. It's part of the deal Tobias brokered with Johanna, Amity's spokesperson, participate in everyday chores; the other half of the bargain being nonviolence. They surrendered all of their weapons.
She tightens her grip on the bucket's handle willing herself to walk a couple more feet towards her destination, sloshing water on her boots in the process. Tris immediately spots Tobias. Through everything, he has emerged as a leader. It was something that she long knew about him. He's selfless, strong and analytical, all his moves carefully thought out and planned, putting everyone else before himself. The past week have been difficult for him as well so seeing him smiling and playing with the Amity children is one sight she's grateful to see.
"Higher, higher," the boy on the swing crows with palpable joy. She watches as Tobias pushes him with one hand, the gripping the legs of another kid perched on his shoulders. They could have this, a part of her says. In a future where the fighting has stopped and everyone can live their lives without being hunted for what they are, they could she and Tobias could have this – a small, simple home, maybe a kid or two – a peaceful life they can share together. After everything they've been through, they both deserve it.
A bigger, louder part, however, screams the opposite. She killed Will, her own friend, shaggy-haired Will with the celery green eyes who helped cheer her up when the Erudite started writing false reports about her father, the one who shielded her from Al after he helped Peter and Drew attack her. And with the way they died protecting her, Tris is convinced she lead her parents to their deaths. Good things only happen to good people, she deserves every bit of pain she is feeling right now. She could never forgive herself.
"Hey," Tobias greets her. She gives him a smile in return, passing by him and the kids to the tub-like water container. His eyes follow her, she feels his stare as though it were a physical touch. Tris knows it's her hair.
A woman calls the children and they all run towards her leaving both of them alone. Tobias walks towards where she's standing, a curious look on his face. Tris looks down at the ground.
"I wanted something different," she explains to him. He takes another step closer to her, one hand going to the piece of cloth that she has wrapped around her head so as to not make her newly cut hair noticeable. Tobias slowly removes it like he is unraveling some sort of surprise, maybe he really is. She isn't sure. A half smile lifts one corner of his mouth.
"You don't like it," she says flatly, definitively.
"No," a short laugh escapes his lips."I like it. I like it a lot."
Tobias draws her by the waist and her arms hook around his neck on its own accord. She looks up at him
"What's going on, Tris?"
"Nothing." Tris disentangles herself from Tobias and takes a step back. "I'm fine."
"Still having those nightmares?"
"No," she looks away afraid he'll read into her lies. She doesn't want to add herself into his burdens.
"We're good," Tobias reaches for her then, his hand cupping the back of her neck, fingers playing with the ends of her short hair. "You and me. I know nothing else is, but we are." She wants to look away but his gaze is so intent, so focused on her the it makes her feel like melting. It makes her feel like if she tried hard enough they could fix things and be alright. It makes Tris believe in a future.
Not wanting to break the moment, she only responds with a smile. They may not have tomorrow but they have today, and right now, it would have to suffice. She would rather have this small piece of happiness with Tobias than nothing at all.