Hey guys ! It's me again !
As usual the title is inspired by a song, this time by Kodaline !
I once again apologize for any English mistake and I hope you enjoy this !
Alec hadn't felt anything for him at first. Of course not, he was obsessed by Jace. His parabatai was everything to him at the time. He was also his first love, even though he wasn't aware of that. The blonde shadowhunter was nice and he cared about him. He was also very handsome no one could deny it. Alec had thought he could be the love of his life, if only he could have shared his feelings.
Now he knew that what he had thought being love wasn't at all. He had something to compare with now and what he felt was very different from his feelings for Jace. He was his brother and they obviously cared about each other. Alec had affection for him but nothing more. No, love was quite different.
When the shadowhunter had met Magnus Bane for the first time he had thought he was weird. Not a bad kind of weird. He was just exuberant. But he had thought he wasn't someone for him, someone he could love... Admitting that he had known he wasn't in love with his parabatai. He had seen the beauty in the man though, he was as handsome as Jace. Even more, Alec could see that now. But he hadn't even been attracted to him. He was just another warlock -not that he knew many of them. But when Magnus had started hitting on him he had had to admit that he liked it. Hell, he had loved hearing him calling him 'pretty boy'. He had been used to being unnoticed compared to Jace. Everyone loved Jace. Alec was the kind-of-shy-not-so-friendly-and-introverted guy who always ended up in the shadows. But it had changed from the moment the downworlder had entered his life. Each time the golden cat eyes had been on him he had felt different. That was still true, Magnus's look on him made him confident. And loved.
He had been loved before the warlock got into his life. His sister loved him as much as he did, he had always known that. But the look in Isabelle's eyes was different from Magnus's. He set his eyes on him like he was a treasure, his most precious possession. It made Alec shiver each time he caught his gaze on him.
Magnus was a charmer. Alec knew it but he had still felt special each time the warlock had complimented him. Something had told him he was being honest. However, the shadowhunter didn't trust many people. And he had needed some time before giving in. At first he had thought it was just a game for the downworlder. After all, he was hundreds of years old, he must have had many lovers. And when you lived that long was love something you could still believe in ? Alec had thought he was one more distraction for him, that he would stop paying attention to him once he had had what he desired. Actually he had decided he would never allow him to win. Even though he wouldn't have admitted it aloud Alec had been totally inexperienced with all of this and he had been afraid of wasting his first experience of love with someone who didn't care enough about his feelings. He had never been so wrong in his life. On the night he had drank cocktails at Magnus's place he had quite understood this, even though he had stayed cautious with him. For all that, it had been nice spending the night talking and laughing with the warlock. He had relaxed after that, impatiently waiting for them to see each other again. Each time Magnus had visited the Institute, Alec had been keen on seeing him. He had stayed discreet, though. He wasn't even sure he had been aware of his desire to talk to - or even just catch a glimpse of - the downworlder. However he understood now that he had almost been ready to give his heart to Magnus, no matter the consequences.
And then Lydia had arrived. And his parents. Everything had been different from there on. He had found himself forced to follow his family decisions and he had drifted away from Magnus who had yet succeeded on winning his heart over. He had shut himself from the feeling he had been starting to accept and he had rejected any attempt the man he was attracted to had make to approach him again. It had taken everything he had to avoid him as much as possible, trying to ignore the fact that he knew he was right. He had not wanted to believe that following his heart was the best decision he could make. He had lost himself between his thoughts and remorse caused by the other man and the decisions he had made for himself and his family. All he had wanted back then was to follow his duty, to please his mother. That's why he had proposed to the young woman from Idris. His mother had been so proud of him when they had told her they were going to get married. Nothing could have had pleased her more than this. Alec had forgot about the warlock for a few hours, happy that he had finally succeeded in satisfying her. But he had soon understood that he was fooling himself. As soon as the downworlder had started insisting and being colder with him, he had had to resist the urge to cancel everything, to let Lydia down. But he was stubborn and he had stood by the decisions he had made.
What he had done was worse than canceling a wedding a few days before it took place. He knew his former fiancee wasn't mad about it, that she understood. It even made the shadowhunter smile when he thought about it. It was the best choice he could have made anyway. However, a few month later he could finally understand why his mother had been so disappointed in him. Well, maybe not understand it. But he accepted the fact that she was colder now and that she still looked at him like he had ruined the family honor. Maybe he had in a way. People at Idris probably looked differently at his parents and his younger brother. He had kissed a guy in front of every important people in the shadowhunter world and this wasn't an acceptable thing. He couldn't understand why everybody was so traditional and closed-minded. That was also why he liked Magnus so much. He had made him understand he could live differently than what his clan taught him. Being in love with another man was okay and choosing to stand out of the crowd could sometimes be a good thing. Alec who had been so discreet before wasn't used to be noticed. He was still discreet to be honest. But Magnus loved attracting attention and he was good teacher. The young shadowhunter was less worried about what people could think and he was happier. Way happier.
Thinking about his lover made him smile. He had promised himself not to fall in love with Magnus. But there he was, smiling like an idiot each time his name was mentioned. He actually spent more time at the warlock's place than at the Institute. He didn't belong there anymore. Not for now. He felt more relaxed in Brooklyn when he could be with the man he liked, alone. His heart beat faster and he lost his breath every time he saw him, every time he heard him pronouncing his name. God, this was the best feeling ever. He loved the way Magnus called him by his entire name. He had always preferred people to call him Alec. But the way the downworlder said it changed his whole feeling about it.
Alec had thought his feelings for Jace would be the strongest he ever felt for someone. The one he had for Magnus were way beyond them. The symptoms of love were something he couldn't ever get tired of.
Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he would be the death of him.