just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
a/n: Please listen to the amazing song "Ever the Same" by Rob Thomas while you read
Pain.
That was all he felt.
Pain and rage.
It had been almost a week since the death and destruction. Almost a week since he watched his brother die right in front of him.
Now he was seated at the bar, ordering shot after shot and knocking them back like there was no tomorrow. He didn't really care either way because in his mind, there was no tomorrow.
He felt the stool beside him shift and a body took place in it. The aroma of blueberries and vanilla tickled his nose.
"Bourban on the rocks, please."
"Yes, ma'am," answered the bartender.
He waited until the bartender had busied himself with making the drink that he finally spoke.
"What the hell are you doing here, Blondie?" he murmurs as he swallows more Scotch.
"Can't a girl go out for a drink?" she shoots back, not looking his way.
He inwardly winces, already knowing what was going through her head.
"You can save yourself the trouble, Barbie. I'm fine."
"And you're also full of shit," says Caroline, smiling her thanks to the bartender as he places the drink in front of her.
He rolls his eyes before knocking back the rest of the alcohol in front of him. It burns his throat and makes him grit his teeth as he swallows but otherwise, it's an excellent high to be on. A high that he has enjoyed time and time again in his too long of a life. It was almost better than blood.
Almost.
They remain like that for the next time minutes, taking sips from the glasses at their hands and taking unnecessary breaths. And then, it's all over when she gets up from her stool and leaves the bar.
He watches her go, bewildered out of what is left of his mind before he throws some bills on the table and follows her out of the bar.
"What the hell was that?!" he shouts after her, catching up with her in the parking lot.
She turns, her sapphire eyes wide. "What do you mean?" she says, all too innocently.
"That show you put on in there!" he barks, feeling something strange rising up in his throat. Something that he is unsure of.
Caroline just sighs. "I just wanted a drink, Damon. Nothing more."
And with that, she's gone.
And he can still smell the familiar aroma of her perfume.
. X .
He doesn't try to follow her. And she doesn't try to find him.
He has slowly lost himself in the stupor of liquor, loving and hating the way it makes him feel. It can almost numb that pain but then with one quick thought about the color of his brother's eyes or the way his forehead would brood would bring it all back up again.
He wanted to end it.
That was all there was too it. He had to end it.
It was November.
It was cold, clear, and crisp.
And it was the eve of his brother's birthday when Damon Salvatore decided to take his own life.
. . .
He was standing on the edge of Wickery Bridge.
The place where it had all went down.
The sky was clear of clouds and dancing with millions of stars.
It was all so close that he felt like he could reach out and touch them.
Stefan had always loved the stars. He had told him one time that when he did finally die, he just wanted to rest on a bright shining comet for the rest of eternity.
Damon took a giant swig from the bottle in his hand, letting the alcohol burn his throat once again. He felt pleasure at that pain. It felt too damn good.
"So this is it? You're going to end it all?"
Her voice almost made him fall off the edge.
"What the hell-?"
She was leaning against the railing, her arms crossed and her hair hanging down her back. She wore a pair of jeans and a thick jacket that he recognized as Stefan's. One that he had given her many moons ago.
"What's it to you, Blondie?"
"So what are you going to do?" she asked him. "Are you going to throw yourself off of this bridge? And then what, Damon?"
He answered her by yanking off his ring, holding it up in the moonlight. The gentle rays danced off the giant stone, making it shine.
"You're a coward, Damon Salvatore."
That did it.
"Excuse me?" His voice was laced with malice and he was sorely tempted to reach a hand into her chest and yank out her heart. Maybe killing another vampire would dull the ache in his own heart.
"You. Are. A. Coward," she repeated. "You're going to end it all, just like that? You are going to allow Stefan's sacrifice to be in vain?"
"I couldn't save him!" His sudden burst made her jump slightly. "I was supposed to save him! I was supposed to get there in time and save him!"
"But you didn't, did you?" She shot back. "And how the hell does that make it your fault?"
"Barbie, I think the color of your hair is sinking into your brain."
"Don't be a moron, Damon. How does that make it your fault? Do you think Stefan would blame you? Do you think anyone blames you? Nobody blames you. It was something that happened and it wasn't anybody's fault!"
He tried to block out her words and couldn't. He turned slightly to find her eyes in the darkness. She looked back at him and he saw something that he had never seen before.
Forgiveness.
"I miss him so much, Caroline," he whispered brokenly.
She took a step towards him. "I know."
"It was supposed to be an eternity of misery, remember?" He sounded so young and he hated it.
"I know," she murmured again, stepping even closer.
"He wasn't supposed to die on me. I was supposed to hate him and love him forever."
A delicate hand was reaching up. "I know," she whispered one final time. "You can still do that."
And then, there were soft arms around him, pulling him back from the abyss. Arms that he didn't ever expect to feel again. But she pulled him even closer into her arms. And that was when he finally let the tears come.
She didn't try to shush him or say that lameass comfort of 'it's okay'. She kept her arms around him, never letting him go. And they started to sink to the ground, both sobbing for their loss.
. X .
It had never been Elena. He thought it had been but it never had.
For as long as he could remember, he was always the second choice. He was never the one.
Except in her eyes.
She had forgiven him years ago for everything that had happened. But he would never stop hating himself for the pain he had caused her.
It had been one hundred years since that one night. One hundred years since he had had his baby brother ripped from his arms and had felt himself rip apart as well.
And for those one hundred years, she had been there with him. Right there.
He had so much to be thankful for.
. X .
"I love you, you know that?"
She cast him a gentle smile. "You better."
And somewhere in the distance, he could see his brother smiling.
I don't know if this is just too mushy or what. But it just came out and I had to get it out on paper.
I do hope you will grace me with reviews because I love them. Also, feel free to check out my Hunger Games themed story where Caroline and Damon take the places of Katniss and Peeta. Would love to hear what you thought there too!