Quentin Lance is my favorite character in "Arrow". It's obvious that his daughters are his everything. So the mere thought that he had to suffer seeing his two daughters die three or four times (I lost count) makes me feel bad for him. I wanted to make it another absurd and black humor fic, but honestly it turned out to be the saddest story I've ever written to this fandom and there is nothing to laugh about.

I didn't watch neither 4x18, nor 4x19, except for some bits and only read some reviews of the episodes, so the story follows only the general outline of the plot. A part is also based on some speculations and spoilers (that would be "Flash" 2x22).

Many thanks to supercode for beta. :)

A Vicious Circle

Looking from time's perspective Quentin Lance's life was perfectly normal and ordered up to a certain point. Despite the fact that he was a policeman in a city where the cops got shot for living. But he had something to come back to—a wife he loved dearly and two beautiful, smart daughters.

He had no idea what fate had kept in store for him. How unpredictable life truly was and how very cruel it could be. He'd thought as a cop he had seen the worst. But the worst came when he was struck by a personal tragedy. Everything was shattered to pieces when he learned that Sara had went off on that damn boat with Queen. And that she was one of the victims of the Queen's Gambit catastrophe.

Quentin couldn't cope with that loss. His daughters were his everything. The thought that his youngest died somewhere in the middle of an ocean, swallowed up by its cold waters, alone and scared, kept haunting him and drove him mad. He buried himself in his work, then succumbed to alcoholism to dull his senses and memories. To not think about what had happened to Sara. Dinah left, overcome with grief and guilt. What escaped their notice was that they both neglected their living daughter.

Then Sara was miraculously returned to him. He couldn't believe that she was back. She'd changed, so much that he barely recognized his baby girl in her. She was a trained assassin, reluctant to share what she truly went through in order to survive. Eventually she became another vigilante, working with the Arrow. Her life was under a constant threat—some bad people from a very shadowy organization, called a League of something, were after her. But she was alive—that was the only thing that mattered.

But this bitter happiness didn't last long. It came to a sudden end when Sara died.

Again.

And Laurel didn't tell him about that. Lied to him for months, even pretended to be Sara in a Canary disguise to deceive him. Explained that she was worried for him because of his heart condition. Nothing could hurt his heart more than knowing that his youngest was dead for months (again) and his remaining daughter lied to him about that all the time without batting an eye. It brought him to another very dark place. Laurel distanced herself from him and, to his frustration, wanted to take on Sara's mantle, putting herself in harm's way. Quentin was terrified that he would lose her as well. He was ready to lock up Laurel in a prison if it would only make her come to her senses and give up that crazy vigilante life.

Eventually Laurel succeeded in fulfilling her goal. She became the Black Canary, and Quentin could either accept that or lose her for good. He choose the former. After all, she was his only living daughter...

Then Sara came back from the grave. Literally. This time it was beyond his comprehension. He was always s so down-to-earth man. Raising up the dead, restoring the soul... His mind was simply not able to process that. This time he didn't even pretend to understand what was going on.

Only the result counted. Sara was returned to him one more time. And for a very short moment he felt complete again.

But before long another unimaginable tragedy struck him. Laurel, his little girl, was murdered by Damien Darhk. He had threatened Quentin that he would do this if Lance ever betrayed him. And he kept his promise.

Quentin had no idea how he survived that loss. He had only very vague and hazy memories of the weeks after Laurel's funeral. All this time he was on psychiatric medications. They dulled the pain. A bit. Because he felt as if his heart was ripped out from his chest and only an empty, aching hole was left.

He was aware that Dinah was there for him, providing much needed support. She was stronger than him, he wouldn't be able to go through this if he didn't had her by his side.

He also remembered begging Nyssa al Ghul to bring Laurel back to life in the same way Sara had been resurrected. But she answered with deep sadness in her voice that it could not be—the Lazarus Pit was destroyed, ironically, by her own hand. Oh, how he hated her when she revealed that. He lashed out his anger and frustration at her, and Queen had to drag him back until he calmed down and fell into apathy again.

Why, why was it that damn magic, or time travel, or whatever powers there were on this earth, that he was not able—and he didn't even try—to understand, couldn't bring his dearest daughter back to life?

His only goal, which kept him living from day to day, was taking down that son of a bitch who took away Laurel from him. Finally, he himself put a bullet into that bastard's head. And emptied the whole clip into his chest just to be sure that he was dead. He had no idea what expression his face bore in that exact moment. But when his raised up his gaze and it met with Green Arrow's eyes, he noticed how shocked the other man was after what he had witnessed. If something was able stir that emotion in the vigilante who was used to murdering their opponents in cold blood, it meant that Quentin was definitely not okay. But he didn't care. Lance only shot a glance at the quiver on Queen's back—it appeared to still be full of arrows. Quentin doubted if he shot any of them and bitterly thought that he would never have believed that he would miss the Arrow one day. He turned away and walked off from Darhk's apartment without saying a word. Getting rid of that fucking son of a bitch and saving the city (again, ironically—it was May) didn't make him feel much better. He was dead inside.

Then some weeks later this... another Laurel appeared. She looked exactly like his little girl, but glanced at him blankly when they had met the first time—only by accident, because Queen obviously kept the fact that there was some alternative reality, or another earth, or whatever craziness there was in the universe, secret from him. She didn't recognize him and didn't respond when he called her by Laurel's name. Seeing someone so confusingly similar to his daughter and it not being her was like rubbing salt into wounds. She was a meta-human with a very shadowy agenda to say the least. Despite all his reasoning, he tried to search for similarities to Laurel in her. Any signs that she shared at least some features with his daughter, who was kind and passionate in everything she did, and strongly believed that she could save the world. There was too many people who were thinking only about themselves, and Laurel always wanted to change that. To help others. She did it both as a lawyer and as a vigilante. But slowly, the painful realization started to sink in—this woman, despite having the same look as his daughter, couldn't replace her.

He knew that Oliver and that... other Laurel had an affair, although they tried to hide it from him. He despised Queen for that. He had never treated Laurel as an equal, but jumped into bed with her copycat shortly after his relationship with Felicity ended for good. It was disgusting.

He distanced himself from Queen and that "false Laurel", as he had called her. His path crossed with Green Arrow and the false Black Canary's (he had no damn idea why she took on that name, instead of keeping that "Black Siren" moniker) from time to time, but overall, he didn't want to have anything to do with the pair of vigilantes.

After he was fired from the force he had become a private detective. And tried to continue on with living. Somehow. Even though his life made no sense. He had lost everything.

But even the worst wounds heal over time. And slowly, very slowly, Quentin also started to heal.

And then something unexpected happened. Again. Roughly two years after Laurel's death, when Quentin finally was at peace with himself, Oliver mentioned that he has something very important to tell him. He came to his office that evening and shot him a disturbed glance, which instantly made Quentin's suspicious and wary, because he knew that look all too well. Then Oliver said that there was no good way to pass this one, so he would make it as short as possible. And he told him a very peculiar story. Afterward, Lance only remembered some detached words. Rip Hunter, time travel, Sara insisted, pulled out of time, Lazarus Pit before it was destroyed and...

Laurel was back. Alive.

Honestly, Quentin had no idea what happened later. He remembered only that he started to laugh hysterically and cry at the same time.

Then he ended up in St. Walker's in a locked ward. They put him on meds, saying that they would do everything within their power to help him.

"Everything will be all right, Quentin," Doctor Pressnall, his therapist, assured him when he was stabilized and became responsive again after the mental breakdown he had suffered.

"No, like hell, it won't," uttered Quentin, and he hid his face in his hands.

He understood now. He was cursed. Locked in some endless, vicious circle, forced to watch his daughters die and come back to life.

Again and again, and again.

The End

A/N: So, that was rather depressing. Depending on how many season they plan Quentin has "good chances" to watch his daughers die some more times.

Doctor Pressnall of course had to made an appearance in this one. If you don't remember her, she is a psychiatrist, who had one short scene in 3x07 "Draw Back Your Bow" and advised Oliver that he could use a little therapy due to the fact that he wears a mask and Robin Hood costume. She is an important character in mu story "A Professional Observation", so check it out if you have ever wondered what Oliver's psychological make-up is.

But back to the topic—I have no idea how Quentin could survive the loss of Laurel due to his heart condition and the fact that Darhk killed her to punish him for his betrayal. So many things don't make sense even within the universe they set, that I wanted to point it out in the story (time travel, magic etc. and yet one death is supposed to stay pernament? Not very likely...). Don't think that they'll bring back Laurel Because of the Reasons and #screwlogic, but it's not the point. The point is that it's too cruel to have Quentin suffer losing a daughter four times. And he has only two of them... (and "a false Laurel" of course). Poor guy.