No Bandage or Words
"When anyone asksme how I can best describe my experiences in nearly forty years at sea, I merely say, uneventful. Of course there have been winter gales, and storms and fog and the like, but in all my experience I have never been in any accident of any sort worth speaking about. I never saw a wreck and have never been wrecked, nor was I ever in any predicament that threatened to end in disaster of any sort….Modern shipbuilding has gone beyond that." –Edward J. Smith
Chapter 1: Thursday, April 10th
—11:17 am—
Lydia did her best not to sneeze, squinting in the bright morning light as she gazed at the ship. After weeks of hearing of little else, the day had finally arrived. The maiden voyage of Titanic was upon them and the Hayses had exclusive first class tickets. It had been the talk of society and newspapers for months. But as governess to the little Hays girl, Lydia had been unsure of her invite until a week ago.
Governesses were a dime a dozen, and Lydia knew the Hays could secure one easily upon arrival in New York. They had no obligation to pay her way across the Atlantic. Yet when they presented her with a ticket and instructions to oversee Emily's preparations for the trip, Lydia had been immensely relieved. The Hays' had been most gracious to take her in for the position four years ago, and Lydia wasn't sure what she would do if they dismissed her now.
Secretly, Lydia was giddy to see the Titanic up close. She always strained her ears whenever talk of the ship's appointments dominated the conversation. Her father had designed ships for a living, always making an effort to point out the refinements and trappings to his only daughter. Lydia almost regretted she hadn't paid more attention when she was younger. It was only after her parents' death that she had taken to books to relearn all that her father had showed her over the years.
But from what Lydia was seeing out the car window, all the news clippings and fragmented conversations of the past weeks paled in comparison. The Titanic was truly remarkable from stem to stern, shining and bright in the Southampton morning sun. She couldn't help the smile on her face as the car came to a gentle stop in the crowded thoroughfare, and she started to gather the few parcels in her care.
"You have Miss Emily's things in order?" Ms. Ann, Mrs. Hays' long time house keeper, maid and servant squinted at Lydia over her birdlike nose.
"Of course Ms. Ann, with her coat on top in case the harbor breeze bothers her."
"Good girl. Mrs. Hays would expect nothing less." The car door clicked open, ushering in the busy cacophony of the harbor, the smell of salty air.
"Ms. Ann?" Gregory Sinclair, Mr. Hay's man, held his hand for the elderly though spry woman as she crawled out from the backseat. Lydia followed, her eyes narrowing to a squint as she shifted her parcels.
"Quite somethin' eh?" Gregory's thick Scottish brogue had always been pleasant to the ear.
"Quite." She drew in her smile to glance around at the crowd with pursed lips. She felt a tickle creep to her nose, the early warnings of a sneezing fit, longing for her tinted glasses. Eventually her eyes settled on the car in front of her, where Proctor was conversing with Mr. Charles Hays while holding his hand out for other occupants in the car.
Mrs. Clara Hays, resplendent for a woman her age and size, in an impeccable forest green gown and wide brimmed matching hat, complete with lace bow, emerged from the vehicle. She looked as pleasantly proud as ever, slipping her arm around her husband's, taking in the sights before turning to her servant.
"Ms. Ann, is everything in order?" She called out cooingly, gently waving a hand in the air.
"But of course ma'am," Ann rigidly answered, eyes flitting to Lydia for the briefest of moments, "nothing is amiss to ruin your day."
"Simply splendid." Mrs. Hays' smile widened on her words as Lydia kept her guarded expression frozen, observing around the harbor, not paying the exchange of servant and mistress any mind. Ms. Ann had overseen every aspect of the Hays household until Lydia was brought on board to help manage the daughter, Emily. Lydia was all too aware Ann perceived her as a threat and worked doubly hard to prove her worth to the Hayses. However, if it came down to the Hayses keeping Lydia or Ann, she knew Ann would always win.
"Lydia?" She snapped from her thoughts, eyes locking to Ann's. "Don't dawdle now. You'll ruin the big day." Silently, Lydia fell into step behind Ann and Gregory, eyes involuntarily meeting the third occupant of the Hays' car.
Due to her last minute invitation, Lydia was not prepared for so much time around Jonathon Hays. He was equal to her in age, and never failed to turn her head. He was every bit handsome, from his perfectly coiffed hair to mesmerizing chocolate eyes, and his exquisitely tailored suits cut his body in sharp, fine lines that Lydia couldn't ignore. She kicked herself mentally for not better steeling her mind against his charms. She didn't need to be caught fawning over her employer's son.
His attention, for the moment, was directed to the fourth occupant of the car. Miss Emily herself emerged in the bright sun, a displeased smile on her face.
"It smells." She near whined, looking around almost disgusted.
"Oh a little bracing sea air will do wonders for you," Jonathon's smooth tenor tone reached Lydia's ears, "that's the scent of fish, sea, and adventure, Em."
"Jonathon," Mrs. Hays' scolding voice cut through the din, "how many times must I tell you, your sister's name is Emily. Your shortened version is downright vile."
"But of course," the younger Hays man dutifully answered, "I apologize for the slip of my tongue, mother."
"Jonathon," Mr. Hays suddenly appeared, something of a stern look to his face, "I'd hate to think it is you delaying our boarding." Mrs. Hays replaced her arm around her husband's and they sauntered on towards the first class gangway.
"Come on Lydia!" Emily urged, her brother momentarily forgotten as she brushed over to Lydia's side. She smiled as Emily slipped her hand in her free one, looking up to unexpectedly meet Jonathon's crisp green eyes.
"Why Lydia, how lovely to see you again." He flashed her a knee-weakening smile as she kept her own guarded, acknowledging his comment with a polite nod of her head.
"And you, Mr. Hays. It has been some time."
"How many times must I remind you, Lydia, its Jonathon." He implored, casting a quick glance towards his parents and their loyal servants moving through the crowd, recognizing the need to follow.
"Please sir, after you." Lydia said with a nod to Jonathon, holding back the child.
"Nonsense, after you." He stepped aside with a gentle sweep of his arm.
"No sir, please." She met his surprised smile with a firm nod.
"If you insist." His words followed with a tip of his head before moving to follow his parents. Lydia fell into step with Emily close to her side.
"Can we go on deck Lydia? Please! I want to see everyone!" Emily bounced in her steps, eyes wide with excitement.
"Once we board, I will most certainly ask your parents," Lydia cast a promising smile down to Emily, "I should most like to go topside as well."
"Young man! You—sailor! You should see to having the gangway fixed. My wife here nearly broke her ankle on that step." Mr. Charles Hays was scolding a terrified young man in uniform by the time Lydia caught up. She sent the young man an apologetic smile as he helped her cross up the step to the first class gangway, not finding it as life threatening as Mr. Hays played it up to be. But Lydia knew the Hayses to have little tolerance for imperfection, and even the smallest of inconveniences became great dramas.
Her eyes settled once again to the magnificent ship as she neared it. The smile on her face grew, looking forward to having six days in which to explore the Titanic. Not that she as a passenger could get very far without getting into some sort of trouble though. And her role as governess would occupy most of her time, but Lydia vowed to spend her free time studying the ship as much as she was able. She knew it made her father smile from his cloud in heaven, while her mother looked on with a disapproving, though loving smile. Lydia usually made a point not to think about her parents, still missing them dearly even fifteen years later, but ships had always brought back a torrent of memories.
"My dress itches." The child's offhand comment stole Lydia's attention as they crossed the gangway setting foot in the first class boarding hallway.
"You have never said such things about this dress before Emily."
"But I'm all hot and sticky. It makes my dress itch." The breeze had died as they worked their way through the hot crowd, and even Lydia had to confess to being a bit uncomfortably warm. But her long, slim fitting black dress was a stark contrast to the light blue lace of the little girl's at her side.
"We'll go topside once we visit the stateroom and catch a nice cool breeze off the ocean."
"The ocean!" The little girl squealed over the quiet conversation of the officers and Mr. Hays as tickets were produced and checked. "I'll finally get to see the ocean, Lydia!"
"Emily, lower your voice please. And of course you'll get to see the ocean. This will be your first trip across the ocean."
"We'll get to come back?" Emily's face quirked in confusion as she walked with Lydia through a bright white hallway.
"I'm sure you will come back. England will always be your home. We're just visiting New York for the season." As simple as it sounded, Lydia couldn't help but wonder just how long they really would be stateside. Either way, the voyage over certainly promised a return trip home eventually, and Lydia could only hope the Hayses would again choose the Titanic. For just at first glance, she was every bit as marvelous as Lydia had read, and the excitement in the air, tinged with fresh wood oil and paint, certainly promised to make it a voyage to remember.
—2:38 pm—
Mercifully, the sun had retreated behind a welcome cloud. Lydia knew it wouldn't last, but it was certainly pleasant now as they stood on the deck.
"Bye-bye England!" Emily stuck her small arm through the railing, waving at the shrinking harbor.
Yes, bye-bye England indeed. Lydia told herself she was indifferent to such a trip. After her parents died, her selfish grandmother dumped her in a charity school for girls and never returned. She remembered having an aunt, maybe an uncle, but she didn't even know their names to claim them as family. Having no family or friends to leave behind made it seem easier for her to just leave for so long. But would she still miss home nonetheless?
"Having second thought?" She turned towards the warm voice, holding back a smile. "It's a long swim back to Southampton."
"No sir, Mr. Hays," she let her eyes settle to Jonathon's as Emily hugged his knee, "no second thoughts."
"But it has to be different for you. My parents and I chose this trip. But as a servant, you weren't given a choice."
"That's usually the way of it, sir." She turned back to overlook the water, trying not to dwell on the truth that was her life.
"Jonathon, can we go play?" Emily's voice cut through Lydia's thoughts.
"If Miss Lydia approves, Em." She felt Jonathon's eyes settle to her before turning back to face him.
"Miss Emily has her studies to attend to shortly, sir. I would request you leave her in my care, but I will defer should you wish to entertain her."
"I'm sorry my dear sister, but Lydia advises your schooling's more important."
"No Lydia, I want to play!" Emily whined, clinging harder to Jonathon's leg.
"Emily, you know your studies are every afternoon. You can play afterwards."
"But I want to play now." The child pouted, Jonathon lowering a hand to rest on her head.
"I will be ready and waiting the minute Lydia releases you, Em." He reassured her.
"You promise?" Her green eyes widened with excited hope as she looked up at him.
"Of course." The sun moved out from behind the cloud on his words, Lydia's face scrunching to a squint, her nose wrinkling.
"Lydia, are you alright?" Jonathon looked at her curiously, as her face evened out, nose still twitching as she raised a hand to brush at it. "You look like you're about to sneeze."
"I feel like I might sir."
"Well that would be exciting." She forgot all about the tickle in her nose, turning to him with a startled, unsure look.
"I don't think so sir."
"It would be the most unguarded I have ever seen you." His eyes, locked to hers, sent a shiver racing down her spine, threatening her composure.
"And why should you care about that sir?"
"Jonathon, remember?"
"I do, yes." Her heart started racing as his smile widened, feeling her cheeks flush, wanting nothing more than to shrink away from him.
"Just say it Lydia." His voice softened, the words a tender request, watching her steadily hold his gaze despite her unease.
"Jonathon." The name was smooth on her tongue, a small smile coming to her face.
"Thank you Lydia. We'll have to work on that." He turned from her down to his sister, his smile never faltering. "And I shall see you soon, my sweet Em."
"Don't you dare forget!" She instructed, letting go her brother's leg as she took a step back.
"I wouldn't dream of it sister dear," he bent in a slight bow before righting, "adieu ladies." He touched the brim of his hat in farewell before turning and continuing his stroll. Lydia let go the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. No exchange with Jonathon Hays had ever flustered her so, nor had he ever so pushed her use of his first name. She felt downright scandalous addressing him—a gentlemen and her employer's son no less—so informally in public. A silent laugh bubbled up in her throat, quickly biting her lip to hold back her smile at the liberating feeling.
"Why don't you call him Jonathon? I call you Lydia." Emily asked quietly, curiously.
"It is not my job to associate with your bother on such an informal level. My job is to tend to you and your studies." Lydia turned her attention down to the girl, enclosing her small hand in hers as they started across the deck. "Which the sooner we get started, the sooner you can meet your brother again."
"But that's not soon enough," Emily's voice threatened a whine, "I still wanna play."
"And you will in time. Lower you voice Emily." Lydia's voice held a scolding edge as they neared the lounge.
"But I wanna play now!" She jerked against Lydia's handhold, pulling away and crashing into a passing man in a black suit.
"Oh! Oh excuse me, sir. Emily!" Lydia hissed, turning a sharp glare down to her charge.
"It's quite alright, ladies. No harm done." The man was obviously a member of the ship's crew in his crisp uniform, a slight Scottish lilt on his voice, sharp blue eyes peering out from beneath the brim of his hat.
"Emily, what do you say to Mr.…?" Lydia trailed off, looking to the man curiously.
"Murdoch. William Murdoch." She gave a small nod of her head, her smile unwittingly growing as she met his eyes straight on. Quickly she snapped from him, down to the pout wrinkling Emily Hays' face
"Emily, you owe Mr. Murdoch an apology." Lydia's voice lost its cordial edge, reverting to that of a teacher.
"I'm sorry sir." The child's voice held no remorse as she forced the words together, glaring up at him over perfectly crinkled eyebrows.
"Apology accepted Miss Emily," Murdoch fixed her with a small smile, "though if I may, what has happened to make you so upset this afternoon?"
"I want to play. Lydia's not letting me. She's making me go inside to learn."
"Your studies are a noble endeavor, Miss Emily. You shouldn't be so quick to discount your guardian's plans."
"I am merely a governess, sir," Lydia quickly corrected, "servant to all, yourself included."
"On the contrary, Miss—?" He paused for her to supply her name.
"Marsden. Lydia Marsden."
"On the contrary Miss Marsden, my capacity as first officer is not only to serve the ship but her passengers as well, yourself included." He watched her eyes light up with excited curiosity, her face maintaining its reserved smile.
"Are you really the first officer?"
"Indeed miss." He inclined his head politely, biting back a more scathing comment. "At your service."
"If you could spare a moment sir? I read in the papers a while back that the mattresses onboard Titanic's sister ship Olympic were deemed too soft because the engine vibrations could be felt through them. So is it true the Titanic's mattresses are firmer to prevent that discomfort?" A soft chuckle escaped Murdoch, surprised to find himself so drawn in by this woman's question and restrained enthusiasm.
"Wherever did you hear such a thing?" He asked, chiding himself for the amusement that laced his words.
"I believe the paper quoted J.B. Ismay."
"But of course. This ship belongs to Mr. Ismay's company and no expense was spared to make her the floating palace she is. As such, I do not doubt the mattresses onboard are the finest available to reduce vibrations, though I must say from my time on Olympic, I noted no such discomfort."
"But as an officer, sir, I would wager you are more accustomed to the motions of an underway ship than the casual passenger." Lydia broke from his small smile, glancing down to Emily who stood quietly as if grateful for the delay of her studies. "Well I find the appointments of this ship to be most fascinating, and I look forward to learning more over the voyage. Thank you for your time Mr. Murdoch. I hope I have not kept you from your duties."
"Not at all Miss Marsden. Assisting passengers is part of the job. I wonder if you would be interested in a tour of the ship perhaps later?"
"Would I?" Her smile widened on her words before she instantly dropped her gaze to her charge. "I would—." Murdoch couldn't help the surprising pang of disappointment as her smile fell away, face resuming the neutral look from earlier. "I would indeed enjoy it, sir, but for the moment I have my charge to consider."
"And I, my rounds to finish miss. Perhaps if you could join me later?" He couldn't believe he was pressing the matter. But something in her brief smile made him want to see more, despite his better judgment.
"It would be my pleasure, sir," she said quietly, with a small nod of her head, "Miss Emily here takes tea with her mother over the four o'clock hour, if you would be available."
"Splendid. Shall l meet you atop the Grand Staircase then?"
"I look forward to it sir."
"As do I miss," he allowed a quick smile to flash across his features with a bow of his head before settling on the little girl holding Lydia's hand, "good day Miss Emily." He tipped his head with a salute to his hat brim before continuing his straight, purposeful walk along the deck.
"Is he going to kiss you?" Lydia instantly felt her cheeks flush as Emily's question stole her attention away from the svelte officer.
"Gentlemen do not go around just kissing ladies, Emily." Lydia attempted to scold, but found herself flustered by such a question.
"He said this was a palace and princes always kiss the princess." Emily said dreamily.
"And am I a princess?" Emily quirked her lips in thought.
"Well he looks like a prince." An image of Officer Murdoch sprung unbidden to Lydia's mind—his smart eyes, pleasant smile, pressed uniform with gleaming brass buttons—making her unaware of the smile growing on her face.
"Yes he does."