Just One Kiss
"Gray-Sama!"
Gray grunted at the high pitched voice of his admirer calling out to him. He had just about had enough of hearing it in such an annoying manner. He sighed, turning around to face the blue haired woman making her way towards him. "Hello, Juvia."
Juvia's heart fluttered at the sound of his voice speaking her name, and she smiled wide. "Juvia brought you a gift!" She beamed.
"Oh?" The ice mage tilted his head. His mind went through a short list of holidays and events that he may have forgotten about. It wasn't Christmas, it wasn't his birthday...ad it couldn't be valentines day because Mira wasn't scurring around trying to set her guild memebers up on dates. What could it be? "A gift you say?"
The water user nodded, and Gray then noticed her hands behind her back. "Juvia made it herself, so its very special."
"Well its not Christmas... and its not my birthday..." Gray said, scratching the back of his neck. "So, why are you giving me something? It is not necessary."
"Juvia knows..." A blush took over her face and she shuffled her feet. Her eyes trained on the ground and she gave a small smile. "But Juvia really loves you a lot... and since you might have feelings for her too..."
Gray opened his mouth to protest, but was interupted by Juvia shoving a small, beautifully wrapped box against his chest. He took it, furrowing his eyebrows. The girl before him just couldn't seem to meet his gaze, afraid she would turn into a puddle of hot water at the sight of his dark and beautiful eyes.
"Open it, please. Juvia has been waiting forever for the right moment to give it to you." She gushed.
Just his very presence made her heart race and her stomach erupt with butterflies. The sound of his deep and husky voice always triggered a blush, and his body always made her drool quite a lot. He was always saving her life, protecting her and making sure she was alright. And when he smiled, the room would light up and her entire boyd would burst into a frenzy of tingles and happy feelings. He took the rain away, and she would forever be grateful to him.
The ice maker huffed. He really didn't have the time for this kind of stuff. He had missions to go on and a fire dragon slayer to beat up.
But he didn't want to be overly rude, so her carefully opened the small box. Inside was a silver chain, much like his own, but instead of a cross there was a heart attached. On the heart, their names were carefully engraved along with another, small heart.
As he stared down at the gift, unsure of what to say or do for the time being, she spoke up. "Juvia made it, with a little help from Gajeel of course." She giggled. "He didn't want to help, but he gave in afterwards... There is a lot of love put into it... All of Juvia's feelings for you. Gray-Sama has saved Juvia's life many times so it is only fair to give a little something back.."
As she babbled on and on, Gray couldn't help but rub his temples. This was getting out of hand. Did she not realize that he didn't want these gifts from her? Did she not realize that he didn't want all the attention she was giving him? Did she not realize that he just didn't return her feelings?
"Juvia, take this back," he spoke up, interupted her nervous chatter. "And stop giving me random gifts."
The girl in front of him suddenly looked slightly hurt, like she had pricked her finger or gotten a paper cut. She bit her lip. "Do you not like it? Juvia can make you another one if you want! Or something else entirely!"
Gray shook his head, closing the box and handing it back to her. While her heart jumped when their fingers brushed, he thought nothing of it. "No, Juvia. I just don't want it. I've had enough of this attention. I don't want it."
"But Gray-"
"No buts, Juvia. I'm sorry, but this is getting old and extremely annoying." He spoke firmly. "I really don't want to be harsh, and I really don't want to have to tell you this, but you obviously don't get the idea. I don't have any feelings for you. I'm tired of this, tired of Mira trying to push me to being with you and tired of getting all of your attention. I see you as a friend, a good friend, and nothing more than that. I save your life because you are a fellow guild member and because I never like to see people dying or getting hurt when I know I can do something. You're very important to me, but I don't want that kind of relationship. Not with you, not with anyone."
Every sentence was like a knife to her chest, and every word made each metaphorical knife twist deeper and painfully slowly. She could see the irritation on his face and the very faint trace of guilt in his eyes...or was it something else...? All she could hear then was her heart beating loudlyin her ears, like her own body was refusing to listen to the voice she loved so much speaks words that only deep, deep down, she believed he would say. His beautiful lips moved, but she just couldn't hear. She had always had hope, always believed that he felt just a little more for her, and that she had a chance. She had always thought that he was just being oblivious to what his own heart was telling him. But as it turns out, she was dead wrong. Her vision started to blur from tears that threatened to spill, but she refused to let them. She would not let him see just how much it hurt.
How could she not have realized it before? Her infatuation and un dying love for him had completely taken over, preventing her from knowing and seein how he really felt about her until now, when she was in way to deep to reach the surface again. She had been a burden to him; a weight on his shoulders and a chain around his ankle. She had been so foolish, so naive believing she had a chance with him when all she did was annoy him.
She couldn't even begin to describe the guilt, the shame, and the embarrassment she felt.
All of her emotions weighed heavily down on her chest, and she could hardly manage to speak. "Oh..." She croaked. It was all she could muster.
"I'm so sorry, Juvia. I never want to hurt your feelings but I just had to tell you. I couldn't hold it back anymore..." Gray sighed.
He knew she was hurt, that she was upset. Who wouldn't be, though, after the one they love flat out rejected them and returned nothing except unrequited love? He could see it in her eyes, how they brimmed with tears and on her face, how all the colour had drained from her cheeks. He knew because out of the corner of his eye he could see rain clouds start to form in the sky. He knew because, once again, who wouldn't be?
There was a tense silence between the two for many moments, her eyes on the ground and his on the darkening sky outside. Nobody else noticed. They were all too busy drinking and laughing and bickering.
"I'm sorry, Gray-Sama." Juvia finally broke the silence, struggling to keep her voice from cracking.
Gray looked at her, tilting his head. "Why are you apologizing, exactly?"
"Because I was very annoying to you. io have been pestering you and constantly trying to win your affections." The rain woman spoke, suddenly dropping her speaking habit. It almost went un noticed by him.
"I should have realized sooner that there was no hope for me. I shouldn't have needed you to tell me how you felt, after all this time. But I was obviously too blind with love to notice that you weren't interested at all." Her hand clutched the gift she had made for him. "I've been a weight on your shoulders ever since I joined the guild, and I'm sorry." She pushed the gift then, back into his hands.
"Juvia, I already told you I don't want it." Gray couldn't help but groan, but he didn't let go of the box.
"I know, but just take it as part of my apology." She forced a little smile on her face and finally looked up at him. Her eyes gleamed with tears. "You can do whatever you wanr with it after, but at least take it off my hands."
The ice maker sighed for the millionth time that day, before shoving the box into his pocket. "Fine. I'll keep it."
"Thank you." Juvia forced a bit of a cheerful voice, hoping it would have some effect on her own mood. "Juvia will be off now." And with that, the blue haired woman turned on her heels and started walking away.
But something stopped her. An idea, to be exact. She should get somethng from him right? A gift of some sort, like her own? Not that she wanted to be selfish or anything, but it would be just to be fair. Plus, she just really wanted SOMETHING from him, no matter what it was. She once again let her lovestruck, naive mind to take over.
She twisted around again, catching him before he could walk away with his new mission in hand. "Gray-Sama, wait."
Gray looked at her. Gosh, couldn't she just let him be? "Yes, Juvia?"
The rain woman stepped towards him again, blushing brightly. "Well... Juvia was wondering... If you could give her something in return...?"
"...Uh, why?"
"You know... Just to be fair and to make me feel better..." She shuffled her feet. Hearing herself say it out lud immediately made her regret turning around. But she couldn't go back now.
Gray just stared at her. She seriously wanted somethng in return? What did she want? Did she want him to go out and buy her something? Make her something? Give her a piece of lint from his pocket?
Moments later, he sighed and gave into the almost pleading look she was giving him. It couldn't hurt, right? He did just break her heart...
When did his become so... so... whatever he was at that moment.
"What do you want in return, exactly? Or do you not know yet?"
The girl thought hard. Why didn't she wait until she could think of something he could give her? As she stood there, staring at his chest in silence, she felt another wave of pure, white hot embarrassment.
Suddenly a very risky, stupid, but wonderful idea popped into her head. A part of her screamed no, that she was being an idiot, that he would refuse her right away. But there was no harm in trying, right?
"Juvia... Juvia wants... a kiss."
At that, Gray paled and his eyes widened. Was she serious? He just told her how he felt, he just turned her down and she wanted a bloody kiss? This woman was getting crazier and crazier!
"Oh, hell no!" He exclaimed, not meaning to sound so loud. He took a step away from her. "Juvia, has it still not gotten to your head? I don't like you in that way! I'm not going to kiss a friend! Jesus woman is there something wrong with you? You're crazy! A kiss? What makes you th-" He was interupted by a broken sob escaping the girl in front of him and he stopped.
A few tears had managed to slip down her cheeks. She had been expecting him to say no, but it still stung like a thousand killer bees. Was he insulting her now? Hadn't he realized that she was in love, naive, and hurting enough?
Juvia sniffled and cleared her throat. No. She would not give up. She would get that kiss, and that would be it. She would get that one opportunity to know what it feels like to kiss him, to get some sort of knowledge about what she was hoping for. Wiping her eyes, she spoke again.
"I know, I know. It's crazy. I'm crazy, and I have problems." She cleared her throat. "But I really mean it... It's the least you can do for me. I have tried so hard for a long time to get something from you, and now I can take advantage of it. I know it is wrong, i know it is an extremely silly and selfish move, but I really want this. I want something from you. Please Gray." She was basically begging, holding back her desperate cries. "Please. Just one kiss and I will leave you alone. I won't bug you anymore. I won't lunge myself at you. I won't give you unecessary gifts anymore. I will treat you like a friend and only a friend. Please... Just one, tiny kiss and this will all be over. I promise."
The ice maker, being the type of person that he was and what he wanted, then found it very hard to say no. She was right about it being wrong. He agreed with that fact and had originally planned on just walking away. But after seeing her cry, he couldn't find it in his heart. He hated seeing his friend's cry and seeing girls in general cry. Especially when it was his fault.
"I'm not asking for a make out session. Just a few seconds of kissing. We don't even have to part our lips or anything..." Juvia blabbered on. "Just one kiss and I swear on my life that I will leave you alone."
She continued to speak, not in third person like she normally did. She looked so sad and desperate, making promises that sounded so tempting to him.
He had always wondered how Juvia's lips felt. Not because he liked her, but because he was just curious. He watched her lips move as she spoke to him, continuously vowing to leave him alone.
When he couldn't handle anymore of her talking, he reached for her. He pulled her up against him, one hand on her waist and the other on the back of her neck. He tilted his head, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers.
Juvia's eyes widened in surprise, her hands instinctively on his hard chest. He was doing it. He was really kissing her. Her heart started to race, her lips tingling and her cheeks flushing pink. She just couldn't believe it. It was finally happening.
And soon, her shock finally wore off and she was kissing him back. With her eyes closed and the kiss itself being slightly deeper than she was expecting, she poured all her heart and soul into kissing him. His lips were just as soft as she had imagined, and they moved expertly against hers. His hand pressed into the small of her back while the other gently cradled her head. It was absolutely magical.
But, there was a huge difference. She had always imagined their first kiss to be spontaneous, always imagined it would happen on a date or while they cuddled. She had always dreamed that he would be the one to make the first move, or simply kiss her unexpectedly just because he really wanted to kiss her. She had always imagined it to be gentle and beautiful, imagined that he would show so much care for her.
But instead, while Juvia kissed him with all the love and desire and care she had or him, he kissed with nothing. There was no love in his kiss, no passion or care or desire for her. He was doing this because she desperatelty asked for it, and because he probably felt bad for her.
And that is what shattered her heart completely.
As expected, Gray was the one to pull away first, theirs lips seperating with a quiet pop. Their eyes met, and Juvia could see just a little emotion in his eyes. Only a little look of guilt, or some emotion she could only wish meant something good. While her eyes absently twinkled with adoration for him, his eyes looked like he was just looking at some random stranger on the street.
It was nothing like in her dreams, and she wished she didn't ask for it in the end. Because now, she realized her mistake. She really felt broken, shattered, and torn apart. Her dreams were crushed to the dirt, and the little sliver of hope that had taken residence in her heart was gone for good.
He let go of her and shoved his hands into his pockets. "There. Are you happy with that? Because I'm not doing it again."
Juvia could onlu nod, a lump forming in her throat without her consent. "Yes... thank you, Gray-Sam... Gray." With a sniffle, she turned away. "Juvia will be going now. Good bye."
And with that, the water mage sprinted towards the doors. She didn't want to cry in front of everybody, not again. They all seen her as happy and cheerful and determined. never as a heart broken, selfish, foolish girl who couldn't hold back tears.
"Hey Juvia! I seen you and Gray... kissing..." The beautiful Mira Jane beamed, grabbing Juvia's arm to stop her. "Are you two finally together?"
"Gray doesn't want Juvia!" The bluenette cried, tugging her arm away and pushing through the doors and out into the pouring rain that she had caused.
Gray watched her go until she was completely out of sight. Did he feel guilty? Yes. He didn't like hurting his friends and guild mates. Did he feel regret? No, because now she could finally leave him alone and move on to find somebody who would really love and care for her.
"Oh Juvia..." He sighed heavily, shaking his head as he turned to head to the bar. He hoped to Mavis that nobody has seen that kiss.
The moment Juvia reached her apartment, soaked to the bone, she fell to her knees and finally broke down. Hard.
Her tears burned her eyes, blurring her vision completely and pouring down her cheeks like tiny waterfalls. Her body shook with ugly, uncontrollable sobs and she clutched the skirt of her dress tightly.
She wanted more. She wanted much more. She wanted to kiss him again. She wanted to hold him and hug him without him squirming and begging to be released. She wanted to come home to him and wake up next to him. She wanted to hold his hand in public and make snow angels amd have snowball fights with him in the winter. She wanted to snuggle up with him on chilly, rainy days. She wanted to pla with his hair and fix his clothes for him. She wanted to laugh with him, cry with him, and grow old with him. She wanted him to feel how she about him. She wanted to be loved by him, to be his one and only, his everything.
She shouldn't have asked for a kiss. How stupid was she, really? She couldn't believe she thought that getting one kiss from him would make her feel better. Only idiots believed in stuff like that. It was a more foolish thing to do than it was to fall for him in the first place.
That night, while Gray drank and laughed and partied with his friends, forgetting all about the day, Juvia cried herself to sleep on her living room floor. She spoke only one short phrase before falling into her dark and dreamless sleep...
"I love you, Gray."
The End