"This is yer fault," Hattori Heiji said into the small, dark space. Or perhaps more into Saguru's chest because that was what he was currently plastered against.
Saguru didn't have to ask who he meant of the three of them currently occupying this space; Saguru was the only one Hattori seemed to take that particular irritated tone of voice with. "And how, pray tell," Saguru said, trying to shift to get a bit more space between their bodies, "is this my fault? Am I the one who ran straight into an obvious trap?"
"Not so obvious or you wouldn't be here," Hattori grumbled.
"I think you'll find this is all Kid's fault," Saguru said, nudging at the third occupant of the tiny closet they were locked in. Storage closet; thankfully full of mostly toilet paper and paper towel rolls and two mops digging into Saguru's back rather than a collection of dangerous chemicals. It was less than a square meter with the shelves taking up space.
"Kid innit the one that closed the damn door," Hattori muttered.
"And you weren't the one to drag us all in here?"
"Who was the one that shouted ta grab the damn thief?!"
"I didn't mean tackle him into the nearest room!" Saguru felt all the strong muscle of Hattori's torso bunch and shift against him as he levered himself close enough to snarl right in Saguru's face. When backed in a corner, he would snarl right back, propriety be damned. "And of course you couldn't even grab him properly."
"He's like a greased eel!" Hattori yelled right back, way too loud for the space they were in. "You're the idiot who tripped and hit the door trying to stop him."
"How was I supposed to know it was a hydraulic door hinge?"
"Well if it was so obviously a trap ya'd think you'd've noticed before ya freaking tripped it literally."
"Boys," Kid said from near their hips, having had the dubious fortune of getting squashed mostly into a stack of toilet paper rolls instead of the wall shelves (Hattori) or a door and mop combo (Saguru). "You're both at fault, so if you could act like gentlemen, maybe we could get out of here."
"It's your fault!" Hattori and Saguru said in unison, the only thing they would agree on in this. "If ya weren't stealing things—" "If you hadn't dived for a closet—" They both paused, words running over each other.
Saguru could feel Hattori's breathing now, still too fast from running and then anger. Saguru would admit his own wasn't much better, but it was disconcerting to feel breath on his cheek and another body pressed against him, let alone having Kid pressed against his legs. ...Focus on the legs, not where else he was pressed.
"Fine," Kid huffed, "we're all at fault. Now if someone could let me get closer to the door..." He shifted and suddenly Saguru had Kid's head and torso pressing toward places he wasn't prepared for.
Saguru slammed back into the door and mops, sending Hattori sliding down his collar bone and leaving Kid's questing hand on his upper thigh instead of somewhere a bit more personal.
"Fuck!" Hattori grunted. "Don't move so fast!"
"Tell that to Kid!"
"Huh." Kid groped Saguru's thigh casually. Saguru twitched and squeaked as that hand went around the side to find his ass, squeezed, then left to find the door. Kid's face was pressed up against Saguru's hip and Hattori's thigh and this might truly be the most compromising position Saguru had ever found himself in. "Do you think any of these cleaning supplies would help with your dirty mind, Detective?" Kid drawled. Saguru twitched again, Kid's breath warm against skin where his shirt had been rucked up.
"Dirty...?" Hattori muttered before he too tried to flinch back with nowhere to go. His legs tangled with Kid's and one of Saguru's and almost brought them crashing down another direction. "What the hell?!"
"Please stop moving," Saguru said, face burning. And yet there was no way for Hattori to not be pressed against him from thigh to shoulder, no way for Kid to stop pressing against their sides either. "And stop fondling my ass, Kid!"
"I'm looking for a door handle," Kid said.
"That is the wrong direction to find a door handle!" Saguru paused, realizing something. "And I don't think there is a handle inside here. If there was, it would be digging into my kidney right now, but there's only the mop handles."
Both Kid and Hattori froze.
"Well shit," Kid said.
"You don't say," Saguru snapped back. His head thumped against the door. "I don't suppose you can tell if there are hinges inside the door?"
"Mm. Gimme a sec."
Kid's hair tickled Saguru's stomach and beside him Hattori grunted in surprise as Kid used both of them for support as he stretched.
"...Not feeling anything down here. Either of you feel anything up there?"
It took a moment to raise an arm without accidentally elbowing anyone. He slapped one side of the doorframe, up and down. After a second, he felt Hattori's arm wiggle behind him to check the other side of the frame.
"Nothin'," Hattori said.
"Nothing over here either."
"Well shit," Kid repeated.
"Who the hell designed this closet?!" Hattori grumbled. "It's cleaning supplies, not a damn safe."
"It would be easier if it was a safe," Kuroba said. "I could try to shove something between the lock, but it might be a bit tricky with how the frame is built."
"If it gets us out, do it." Saguru wasn't claustrophobic, never had been, but having two people very close in the dark with nowhere to move and objects digging into his back, he was very much out of his comfort zone.
"I'll get right on that," Kid muttered. "Just..." He leaned and both detectives hissed as he started to try to worm between where they pressed against each other. "...yeah, figured that might be an issue."
"Can ya not invade our crotch space?" Hattori said, sounding a bit like he was on the edge of hysteria.
Saguru didn't blame him. Saguru was well on his way to the same emotional plane. Of all the things he could come to an agreement on with Hattori Heiji, being alarmed at Kid shoving himself at his crotch was not one he had ever expected to make the list. Simply because he never anticipated that this could possibly be something that would happen, let alone be a problem.
"Well since the doorknob and lock are on that side of the door," Kuroba said in a false-pleasant tone, "yes, I kind of do have to invade your personal space to reach it."
"...We can try shifting first?" Hattori suggested.
"Or we can try that." Look, another thing they agreed on. Lovely. Saguru was 90% sure this wasn't what people meant by two individuals needing to be locked in a small space together to work through their differences. "Let me just..." He tried scooting to the right, Kid and Hattori attempting to shuffle with him. His foot hit the mop bucket almost immediately and his hand brushed against a broom on a wall rack that must have held at least one of the mops. Said mops shifted behind his back as ha moved and—
"Ow!" Hattori hissed.
They all froze, Kid leaning as far away as he could, legs still tangled with theirs and Hattori still balancing one hand on Saguru's chest.
"All right?" Kid ventured.
"I just had a mop handle smack me in the eye, so no, I'm not alright," Hattori grumbled. He pushed the mop away, which had the unfortunate effect of making it smack Saguru, which in turn had him trying to move out of the way, getting tangled with Kid's knee and the mop bucket, and crashing toward the other set of shelves.
"Damn!" Saguru said. He caught himself half on Hattori, half on the hard edge of a shelf, and in the stinging aftermath of that, he was aware of Kid's heat against his inner thigh again.
"Well," Kid said, patting Saguru's leg far too close to private areas, "I think we moved a bit. Good job guys. Let's do this ten more times and we might get there."
"Shut up, Kid." Saguru resigned himself to the embarrassment of having Kid in his private space. At least it had to be just as awkward for Kid. The touching was probably him asserting some sort of control over the situation. "Can you stand up?"
"Is there room to stand up?"
"It would be tight, but I imagine we could move better without your legs taking up so much space."
"Y'know I don't think I like small dark spaces anymore," Hattori said.
Kid snorted. Saguru's knee twitched. "Don't hit me if I touch somewhere I shouldn't. I can't see any more than either of you can."
Bracing himself for the worst, Saguru held very still as Kid used his thigh as leverage. There was the uncomfortable moment when trying to free his legs made Saguru and Hattori wobble, but with Saguru braced against the shelf and Hattori leaning against the door now, there was a bit more stability than there had been.
"Excuse me," Kid said under his breath as he slid up between Saguru's legs. The hand on his thigh moved up to his hip. Hattori made an uncomfortable sound as Kid must have grabbed him somewhere too. His shoulders wedged against Saguru's chest and the shelf before he twisted and then they were all in an awkward bunch, shoulders squishing shoulders. Kid still had one leg between Saguru's, practically straddling Saguru's thigh at the awkward angle they were at. Saguru could feel Kid breathing against his neck, too close. Kid against his front and side, sandwiched between him and Hattori, with Saguru still bracing against Hattori, and Hattori ran so warm under Saguru's hand.
This was the absolute worst time for his brain to remind him that he was bi.
"Please tell me yer closer to getting us out," Hattori said.
"I'm one small step closer," Kid said. "And I'll be even closer if I can just..." He tried to wiggle in between them, but with nowhere to go, he just ended up squished between them. "Well," he said against Saguru's ear, plastered along Saguru's side. "This is awkward." Kid's mouth was brushing right below Saguru's earlobe and it was all Saguru could do not to whimper.
"Kid, get your ass off of me," Hattori said.
"I would but I'm wedged against Hakuba's thigh."
Saguru actually did whine in the back of his throat when Kid tried to re-distribute his weigh forward into him. Kid went very very still.
"Shut up," Saguru hissed before anyone could comment. "Just get us the hell out of here and we'll pretend this never happened."
"What the hell, Hakuba?" Hattori yelped. "Are you into this?" There was a tiny bit more breathing room as he tried to flatten himself back.
"Well this makes some interesting leverage," Kid muttered.
"Oh shut up! Your thigh keeps creeping up my inseam and you're practically straddling my hip."
"If ya start doing anythin' weird, I'm gonna find a way ta whack someone with one've these mops."
"I'm hardly going to try to—to—sex up Kid in a broom closet, Hattori!"
"Ya could fool me, what between him gropin' and ya bein' into it..."
"Wow, this is all kinds of nope," Kid said under his breath. "Just...move!" With one last awkward wiggle, he managed to squeeze past them both.
Saguru and Hattori fell back against the shelves and each other in a tangle of limbs.
"Honestly," Kid said. "It is not that hard."
"Somethin' in here's hard," Hattori grumbled.
"Shut up," Saguru repeated. He wasn't living this down. At least Hattori made a somewhat comfortable object to repeatedly smack his head against. Muscle was a lot softer than the shelves and less likely to actually cause brain damage.
"Relax," Hattori said. "Embarrassment never killed anyone."
"It feels like a lie."
Hattori laughed. It might be the only time he'd laughed in Saguru's presence and it would have been a better moment if he hadn't been laughing at Saguru.
"Oh so now you can get along," Kid said.
Saguru poked him on the back of his hip, hard. "Are you done?"
"I did say the door frame was tricky...ah. There." Kid shouldered the door, and lo and behold, it opened. They tumbled out of the closet in a heap.
"Oh thank god," Hattori groaned.
The hallway was empty, no sign of Nakamori or the police force at all. Knowing Kid, he'd probably set a decoy before the heist and they were all off chasing that. Speaking of Kid... Kid had freed himself from the tangle and was edging away.
"Kid."
Kid straightened like he hadn't been inching away and gave a dramatic little flourish. "Yes, detectives?"
...Too much effort to chase. Too much effort and the memory of Kid between his legs too recent; if Saguru managed to tackle him now, he'd only end up embarrassing himself further. "Next time," Saguru said. "We'll definitely catch you. Next time."
"What he said," Hattori said. He hadn't moved from his sprawl on the ground. He didn't seem too bothered by the fact that one leg was still thrown over one of Saguru's.
"You're not chasing?" Kid took a moment to blink at them.
"I think we all were way too up close'n personal tonight," Hattori grumbled. "And ya probably picked our pockets ten times over in there anyway."
Saguru patted his front pocket. The pocket watch was still there. He should probably check for his wallet too, but, well, the watch was the only thing irreplaceable on him.
"Huh." Kid tipped his head to one side. "If all it took was locking you guys in a closet to get along, someone should have done that a long time ago."
Hattori and Saguru sputtered.
"Who's getting along?" Hattori pulled all his limbs back into his own space.
Kid laughed and dropped a smoke bomb. By the time it cleared, the hallway was empty. Saguru let his head thunk back against the cold tile floor.
"So," Hattori drawled into the silence. "You and Kid?"
"We're never speaking of this again," Saguru said.
Hattori started laughing.
"Never. Again."
"Kid's fault?" Hattori offered.
"Kid's fault," Saguru agreed.
"We'll get him next time."
A truce made in face of a common enemy. They'd see how long that would work in reducing personality clashes. After Saguru found Nakamori-keibu, he was going to write a very long letter to the building manager about supply closets and proper safety procedures. Then he would analyze the evening for anything he could glean about Kid and wipe the last half hour from his memory.