Penname:Addicted to Edward
Title: Mistletoe Confessions
Rating:T
Summary: Jasper is secretly in love with his best friend's brother. When they meet under the mistletoe, will it be a dream come true or his worst nightmare?
Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight; all respective characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
A/N: This is my entry for the Under the Mistletoe contest at My Precious Fandom. A huge thank you to HollettLA for beta'ing this super-quickly, and also to SayGoodbyeAgain, jfka06, and GreatChemistry for the help with the title.
"You're coming to the party tonight, right?" Emmett claps his hand on my shoulder, leaving a huge print of snow left over from the snowballs he was throwing. Ick. I brush them off, both his hand and the snow.
"I said I was, didn't I?" I reply for what feels like the hundredth time. I glance sideways at Emmett's brother; that was a mistake. His cheeks are flushed slightly from the cold, a beautiful touch of color to his usually pale skin.
Eyes forward, Whitlock!
I keep my eyes carefully on the ground, under the guise that I don't want to slip on the ice as we walk through the school parking lot, as I address him. "Will you be there, Edward?"
"I don't have much choice in the matter." He sounds bitter.
"Damn right, he'll be there!" Emmett cuts in, turning toward him. "You need something to get you out of your funk."
I look up to see Edward rolling his eyes. "Whatever."
So it isn't just my imagination. Edward has been down lately. He's always been quiet and keeps to himself much of the time, but lately he's seemed even moodier than usual. Inside I'm smiling, happy that I noticed it on my own even though we haven't spent much time together.
Obsess much?
We've reached our cars, parked right next to each other. Tiny Alice Cullen is already leaning against the silver Volvo, waiting for her older brothers. "Hi, Jasper!" she says brightly when she sees me.
I smile politely at her. "Hey."
"I'll see you tonight!" she calls as she hops into the car. I can't help but chuckle at her enthusiasm, though I do feel bad that her affections are misplaced.
Alice hasn't made her crush on me a secret, just as the fact that I'm gay isn't a secret. But even if I were straight, I couldn't date Alice. She's my best friend's baby sister.
Doesn't stop you from lusting over his younger brother.
I justify it to myself because Edward is only a year younger. He, Emmett, and I are on the verge of adulthood; Alice is still a child. In my mind, she's forever the twelve-year-old little girl that stared at me with wide eyes the first time I went to Emmett's house two years ago.
My crush on Edward, however, is my most closely guarded secret. My high school in Texas was huge; I was far from the only gay student, which made things easier. Coming out at Forks High School, where I'm the only openly gay student, was much scarier. Aside from a few closed-minded families in the tiny town, I'm accepted as much as anyone else is. I had worried about Emmett's reaction the most, but he'd just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't really care whose dick you want to get action on as long as it's not mine," which sounds much worse than it really is. That's just Emmett.
Wonder how he'd feel if he knew it was his brother's dick you wanted?
As I pull into my driveway, I realize I'm actually excited for tonight. It's the last day of school before winter break, Christmas is just days away, and Emmett's parties are always fun. What's not to be excited about?
~o~
As soon as I step into the Cullens' house, I understand why Alice had been so excited. Now that she's in high school too, her parents allow her to attend her brother's parties rather than go to a friend's house and miss out on the "big kid" fun. Her presence is evident everywhere. Emmett had never decorated for his parties before; tonight, the house has been transformed into a winter wonderland. There are poinsettias, snowmen, twinkling lights, snowflakes, and other winter-themed icons sprinkled everywhere, and yet somehow it doesn't look tacky. Alice really has a knack for this kind of thing.
"Hello, Jasper," Mrs. Cullen greets me. I give her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. I'm over at Emmett's so often, she's practically a second mother to me. "Let me take your coat for you. I'm on my way upstairs anyway. Can't take all this noise you kids seem to love so much."
I laugh with her. The state-of-the-art stereo system is already blasting away. Emmett knows how lucky he is to have such cool parents. They'll come down every now and then to check on everyone, but for the most part, they trust Emmett's friends to keep things from getting out of hand.
The couches in the large, open living room are against the wall, and the tables have been relocated. There are already couples making out everywhere. Emmett is twirling around the room with his girlfriend Rosalie, squeezing in between everyone else and stopping to kiss her every now and then. It's such a non-Emmett thing to do that I wonder what's gotten into him. Then I notice the mistletoe; there are sprigs of it hanging from the ceiling in several locations.
I turn around, and that's when I see him. He's sitting on the floor in a dark corner with his knees bent almost against his chest and his arms folded across them. He looks lost in thought but not in a good way. Whatever has been bothering him the last few weeks has clearly not given him a long enough reprieve to enjoy the party.
I want to go to him and put my arm around his shoulders. Let him rest his head against me. Stroke my fingers through his hair. Assure him that no matter what's weighing on him so heavily, he'll do the right thing.
He looks like he needs a friend. I take a deep breath and another long drink of punch, not that there's any liquid courage there; Dr. and Mrs. Cullen aren't that cool.
I walk toward him before I can talk myself out of it. When I sit down next to him, my heart is pounding so hard, I wonder if he can hear it. "Hi."
"Hey, Jasper," he replies, though he doesn't look at me.
"If you'd rather… I mean, if I'm bothering you… if you want me to leave…" I can't even get the words out in a complete sentence.
He turns to me, quirking an eyebrow and giving me his classic Edward crooked smile that makes my heart stop for a moment. "No, you don't have to go."
"Oh," is all I can think to say. What an idiot.
We sit in silence for several minutes, watching our friends dance and mingle. Our bodies are so close that I can practically feel him next to me, even though we aren't actually touching. I can hear every breath he takes. I stuff my hands in my pockets; it's just too tempting to touch him otherwise. It's exhilarating and yet terrifying to be so close to him.
I dare to look at him. He's facing strictly forward, as if he's avoiding looking at me. "You know, Edward, if you want to talk, I'm here. You can talk to me about anything."
Could you be any cornier? Maybe you should just shut the hell up.
"Thanks."
He doesn't continue after that, leaving us in silence again for another minute or two. I consider getting up and leaving him to his thoughts, when he finally speaks up again.
"It's just that…I feel somewhat weird talking to you about this. You're so brave and confident."
He turns to look at me again, and our eyes lock. I can't breathe. I'm shocked to hear this, considering that I seem to melt into goo whenever I'm near him. I'm not sure what to say, so I don't say anything.
"It must have been difficult for you," he continues when he realizes I'm not going to speak. "Coming out, I mean."
My heart is pounding again. I didn't expect the conversation to go this direction. I try to find my voice. "It was scary," I admit, "but what was the alternative? Not being true to myself?"
"I really admire that about you, Jasper. I'm such a coward."
My mind is racing. Is he saying what I think he's saying? As much as I hate to, I have to break eye contact with him before I truly stop breathing altogether. I lean back, rolling my head around my shoulders to stretch my neck muscles. That's when I notice where we're sitting: directly underneath a sprig of mistletoe.
When I face toward him again, I lean in closer. "What are you afraid of?" My voice is barely above a whisper. It's a wonder he can hear me over the music, but it's as if we're in our own world now.
He looks down at his lap. "Rejection, I suppose." He raises his eyes, looking up at me through his lashes. He's leaned in a little closer, too.
Holy crap. Edward Cullen is about to come out. To me. Under the mistletoe. It's my greatest fantasy multiplied by a hundred.
"You won't be rejected," I promise him.
"How can you be so sure?" His voice is as low as a whisper now, too, and I feel his breath blow across my face.
"A little bird told me," I reply with a wink. I can't believe I'm flirting with Edward Cullen.
He chuckles. He even smiles. I did that. I made him happy. I return his smile, feeling like I'm about to burst.
"So you think I should stop hiding my feelings? Go after what I want?" His tongue peeks out between his lips to lightly moisten them. I'm mesmerized.
"Yes." It comes out more like a breath than a spoken word. I can't take my eyes off his plump, red lips.
I lean closer still, my eyes slowly closing. Through just the sliver between my eyelids, I see Edward turn away. My eyes snap open.
He stands up.
He walks away.
To Bella, the new girl with long brown hair, just twenty feet away from me.
I watch as he startles her and she drops her phone. He picks it up and gives it back to her. I don't miss the way his fingers brush ever so lightly against her hand.
Again, I can't breathe, only this time it's because I've been punched in the gut.
I don't even notice anyone near me until I feel a pair of lips press against my cheek. Alice gracefully crosses her legs to sit next to me. Before I can say a word, she holds up a hand.
"I know, I know. I'm not your type." She grins and points above us. "Mistletoe."
"Alice –"
"I'm sorry."
It hits me then. I don't know why it took me so long. If she feels even half as badly as I do right now… "No, Alice, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be."
"I'm not sorry about the kiss, silly. Friends can kiss under the mistletoe, after all," she teases. She pauses, and then her voice gets serious. "I'm sorry about him. About them." She tilts her head towards Edward and Bella. His entire face is lit up in a smile. It's beautiful. But it's not a smile for me.
I sigh. "You know?"
She gives me a "duh" look.
"Oh god," I groan as I cover my now burning face. "Does everyone know? Does" – swallow – "he know?"
"No, I don't think so. I just know things, and I'm usually right." She shrugs. "I knew how he felt about Bella, too."
I think back over the last few weeks, since Bella has moved here. Did I miss something obvious? "He's hardly even spoken to her since she moved here."
She laughs. "That's how I knew. He went so out of his way to completely ignore her."
I don't respond. I feel like a complete ass for even thinking he wanted me.
"It hurts so bad 'cause you thought you had a chance with him. It'll get easier. Just takes time."
I just look dumbly at her.
"You're not the first person to have thought he might be gay. Every girl at Forks High in the last two years has practically thrown herself at him at one point or another. He's just never been interested. Until now."
I try to ignore the gaping hole in my chest, but it hurts every time I take a breath. "How do you stand it?"
She shrugs, but looks at me sadly, understanding what I'm asking. "I know there will never be an 'us.' Ever. But that doesn't stop me from thinking that you're an amazing person."
I blush again.
Suddenly, she jumps up. She tugs on my hand, trying to pull me up with her. "Let's dance."
"I don't really think that's a good idea –"
"Oh, come on. It's a party, after all. You should be having fun!"
She tugs again, and this time, I stand. I let her drag me further into the room, closer to the rest of the crowd. At first, I give only a half-hearted attempt, but I'm thankful for the distraction. Besides, it's hard to look like anything but an oaf when dancing next to Alice. She's the most graceful creature I've ever seen.
Several songs later, I laugh when I realize that Alice has started dancing clumsily, mimicking me. She beams. It's with another pang of sadness that I realize I know exactly how she's feeling.
I did that. I made him happy.
The next song is slow. I glance awkwardly at Alice before turning away. She grabs my hand. "No, wait. Dance with me. Please?" She bites her lip, waiting for my answer.
I shake my head. "It's not fair to you."
"Only as friends. Please?" she begs. She leans in closer. "You're the only guy Emmett won't beat up for dancing with me."
I can't help but chuckle at that. It's probably true. Emmett's known for being overprotective of his baby sister.
She keeps a respectable distance between our bodies as she rests her hands on my shoulders. I place my hands at her waist. As we sway to the music, I look down at her and feel like I'm seeing her for the first time. When did little Alice Cullen grow up?
"You're going to break a lot of hearts, you know that?"
She blushes. "You don't have to –"
"I'm not just saying that. Just because I like boys doesn't mean I don't know a pretty girl when I see one." I wink.
She blushes deeper but she smiles, too.
I did that. I made her happy.
I get a little braver with my dancing and start turning her in a circle. I freeze when I see Edward and Bella dancing together.
Alice turns to see what's made me stop moving. "Don't watch," she whispers, trying to get me to move again, but I can't take look away.
They're staring into each other's eyes. Oblivious to everyone around them, just as Edward and I had been earlier. Or maybe I'd been the only one to feel that way. Slowly, his hands cup her face, holding her tenderly, as if she's the most precious thing in his world. He lowers his face to hers.
I turn on my heel and leave the room. I can't watch their first kiss. By the time I reach the kitchen, I'm hyperventilating. I grip the counter, trying to breathe.
Alice has caught up to me. She places her small hand on mine and squeezes it. "I'm sorry, Jasper."
I turn to look at her. I'm afraid to say anything; my tears are threatening to spill over.
"C'mon." She takes my hand and I let her lead me to the empty dining room. Away from the music. Away from everyone else. Away from them.
I sit in a chair, and Alice pulls one over for herself. She wraps her thin arms around me and whispers soothing words. I rest my head on her shoulder. Her hand rubs my back. She holds me and I cry.
I cry until I can't cry anymore, and my sobs have turned into heaves. I lift my head and see a few tears have slid down Alice's face, too.
"I'm sorry," I say hoarsely.
She brushes the tears from my face gently. "Don't be sorry. I'm always here for you."
"I need to get out of here."
She nods sadly. "I'll get your coat."
I duck into the bathroom and splash cold water on my face, hoping to clear up some of the redness. I nearly bump into Edward on my way out.
"Oh, hey, Jasper," he says. His entire face is lit up, a complete reversal of how it had been earlier.
She did that. She made him happy.
I try to smile, but I just can't. "Hi," I reply quietly.
"Thank you for your advice. You were right."
"Yeah," is all I can reply as I turn away and head towards the front door. Alice is waiting for me, holding my jacket. I can't wait to get home. I want to crawl into a ball on my bed and never get up.
"You're going to be all right," she promises as she hands me my jacket. "It'll just take time."
I smile sadly. "Don't let me keep you waiting, Alice. The boy who snags you will be very lucky to have you."
"Likewise." She winks.
I chuckle and pull her into a hug. "I think you're amazing," I whisper into her ear. I kiss her cheek.
"Jasper…"
I point toward the ceiling. "Mistletoe."
Thanks for reading! Voting for the Under the Mistletoe contest is open Dec 26-Dec 30. Check here for more details: http:/ mpfcontests . blogspot . com / p / under-mistletoe . html