Hours of walking through the wilds of the Spirit World. So much to see and all the time in the world to see it. No crises, no enemies, no politics. Peace for the first time in years.
Korra stopped dead in her tracks and looked down to her hand, clasped in her friend's. She darted her head and eyes to see the Asami's face looking back with concern at her companion's sudden stop. Back to the hands, back to the face, back and forth.
"Asami...are we...DATING?"
Asami stood dumbfounded. "Um...I thought that was clear, Korra. Only writing to each other when you were gone, taking care of you when you said I didn't have to, not wanting to lose you, going on this trip without any of our friends- just us. I thought we were both understanding what was going on."
"How can we be dating? We're girls."
"Yes, we are," Asami said with a smile. "That doesn't mean we can't like each other. Does this mean you don't like me, that way I mean?"
Korra looked away. "I don't know, I never considered it. I didn't know it was an option so I never even thought about it."
"Well, you know now. Do you want to talk about it? Or do you need to think about it on your own?"
"I can't just leave you alone here, its not as safe in the Spirit World as it looks. But how am I supposed to talk to you about it without hurting you?"
"I promise you won't hurt me just by being honest. I'm not Mako, I can handle honesty. If you don't want to have me that way, we can just be friends."
"But you'll be disappointed if I decide I don't have feelings for you. I don't want to Bolin you."
"You won't Bolin me. And don't call it that. You shouldn't feel guilty about who you do and don't want to be with. This is something new to me too, I've only dated Mako before, and that wasn't exactly a good learning experience."
Asami sat in the grass and invited Korra to sit with her by lightly pulling at the hands which never separated through the exchange. Korra sat by Asami's side and put her hands in her own lap, absent-mindedly keeping her fingers laced with the other girl's.
"So how do we talk about this?" Korra asked.
"I don't know, we just kind of do...Remember all those times Mako cheated on us back and forth?"
"Yeah, why didn't he just tell us the truth? To be fair, it wasn't usually his fault at first. I kissed him when I didn't know you two were dating. Then you kissed him when we were fighting and seemed like we were breaking up. Then I kissed him again when I didn't know we were broken up. He didn't want to hurt us and that ended up being what hurt us."
"I guess I never thought of it that way. It wasn't him kissing us behind his girlfriend's back, it was us kissing him not knowing about the girlfriend."
Korra interjected, "But he never stopped us or pushed us away. He just let it happen."
"You know, another option is for both of us to just be with him. No secrets, no guilt."
"I don't think I like him like that anymore. He's too serious and not good at talking to people. Most of our fights were because he couldn't say whatever was on his mind in the ways he meant them. But I guess I didn't make it easy on him, I was really argumentative and angry for a long time."
"What about now? You know the problems now, you could try fixing them."
Korra paused a while and thought, "No, I really just don't feel the same way anymore. Its not just the fighting. I didn't know who he really was when I liked him, and its not that I don't like who he is, I'm just not attracted to him inside. He's not the boy I wanted him to be. Does that make sense?"
"It does. I still am. He has a great heart and loves what he does. He loves being the hero and he wouldn't be where he is without you. He might have stayed on that path to crime with the Triads. You changed him into a great person who is able to help others. I know I can trust him not to hurt me, especially if you're not forcing kisses on him when I'm not around." Asami laughed and tugged at Korra's hand in jest.
"Hey, weren't we supposed to be talking about us being together?" Korra laughed back.
"I'm just letting conversation go where ever its going to go. I like you for the same reasons I like him. You are both strong wills who don't like to depend on others, but always want to help others and do what is best for them. You don't like seeing others hurt, and don't always know how to help them, but that doesn't stop you from trying to make things better. And if your solutions don't work, you both get mad until you find something new to try. You two are so much alike, I think that's why you clashed so often."
Korra turned a bit, still side by side but looking at Asami. "So if we're both so headstrong, why do you like us?"
"Because of your intentions. You are always trying to help. Its like watching a child trying to do something they don't know how to do."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Korra's face turned low, but not in real anger.
"I mean when you are watching a child do something over and over and get upset when it doesn't work, because they don't know how it is supposed to work. Doing the thing for them wouldn't help them feel better, you just want to comfort them and tell them they will figure it out. And you can't always teach them how, they have to do it on their own, so you just stay there for them to hold them when they need it and I'm just rambling and don't know where I'm going with this anymore" Asami laughed again, but Korra didn't. For the first time in hours, she let go of Asami's hand.
"Korra you're doing it again. You're getting upset instead of trying to understand. I like you two because it makes me feel good to be there for you when you get upset." Asami reached over and pulled Korra closer so that Korra was leaning again'st Asami's side with her head near her shoulder. She draped an arm across Korra's shoulders.
"I like to be the calm in your storms. To tame the savage beast. To be the one you are gentle with when you're normally so contentious. Both of you. Just right now I'm choosing you over him because I've never tried something like this before. If you were a boy I don't think you would be so apprehensive about this."
Korra let her head rest on Asami's shoulder, giving in to a tender side she'd only let out with Mako before. "I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I don't know how to speak my mind and put things into words like you can. This, us, it feels right, but I don't know how to say why or what I like about you or Mako or how I feel."
"You don't have to. You just have to be you, and I'll be me, and we'll let what feels right guide us. We know we care about each other and that is a big step. We can just let that be what we are for now, two people who care about each other and express it however we choose."
Korra looked up at Asami and realized the position they were in. She hadn't rested on someone like this since she was dating Mako. But she still couldn't get over Asami being a girl. Were girls supposed to do things like this together?
"Korra, I know what you're thinking. Tell me something, and just be as honest and clear as you can. Do you find me attractive the way you found Mako attractive?"
"I think so? You're beautiful, but I've never thought about kissing your or anything. The first time I saw Mako, I wanted him. I don't really know how I wanted him, but I wanted his body to be my boyfriend. I didn't know much, really anything, about him to know I wanted HIM, but he looked like someone I wanted to be with. I didn't get that when I met you."
"What about now? I felt pretty much the same as you did when we met. And as we've gotten to know each other its not like I've suddenly found you irresistibly beautiful or anything, I just think more about who you are than what you are. When we touch, I don't think 'I'm touching a girl, but I'm a girl too,' I think 'I'm touching Korra who I care about so much'. Us being girls doesn't bother me."
"But what about, you know, 'expressing'? Are we supposed to...you know?"
"Korra, we don't have to do anything. We are free to choose what we do and how we show our feelings and we don't have to do anything we aren't comfortable with or don't have desire to do."
"But its weird to think about even kissing you. Not bad weird, just... I don't know how to say it. You're right, if one of us was a boy I wouldn't have any of these questions or weird feelings."
Asami giggled and stroked Korra's arm and adjusted her seating so she was lounging sideways back into Korra. "Sure you would, you would just have been having them with Mako instead of me maybe."
The girls laughed at the suggestion, both imagining a VERY uncomfortable Mako awkwardly being hit on by a boy from the Water Tribe he had just met. Really the only difference was the gender. Korra nuzzled into Asami's shoulder and wrapped her arms around the other girl's waist.
"Why does this feel so right? So ok? I don't know how to say anything but I can just do these things and I feel like I'm saying what I want to say."
"That might just be your way of expressing yourself. I do it too if you haven't noticed here. But I can word things as well. You're just better at actions than words."
The two sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the feel of each other. Korra laid on her back with her head rested against Asami's side curled legs. Asami leaned on one arm and risked the other hand to stroke Korra's hair, like petting a dog you are afraid might bite. She was glad that Korra did not bite, or even growl. Instead she raised a hand up to Asami's face and cupped her cheek and stroked it with her thumb. Asami closed her eyes and let herself melt into Korra's gentle hand. She turned her head and gave the heel of Korra's thumb a light kiss, which caused the other girl to pull the hand back like she had been shocked.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Korra, I didn't think, I just-"
"No, its ok Asami, I just wasn't expecting that."
"Did you... you know, like it?"
"I didn't NOT like it, but its not the same as a guy doing it. I really can't explain why I'm having such trouble with this in some ways but no trouble at all in other ways."
"I think its like getting into a hot bath, if you go too fast it scalds, but if you go in slow it just feels good. So you can just stand there with your feet comfortable, or you can keep going and let yourself be surrounded by that good feeling."
"Asami..." Korra looked with widened eyes directly into Asami's.
"Yes?"
"I just thought of you getting into a bath."
The idea surprised Asami a bit. "Well, did you like it?"
"I did...is that ok?"
"Whether you liked it or not, its still ok. Its your feelings. I think you might have just taken another step into the hot water though. How does it feel?"
"I'm just so confused. What does this make us? And how do we tell everyone? We can't just stay here forever. How do we tell Mako?"
"This makes us two people figuring out our lives and feelings. And we tell them together, hand in hand. Mako will understand sooner or later."
Korra laid back onto Asami's legs and pulled Asami's free hand back to resume stroking her hair.
"Why can these things never be easy, Asami?"
"They can be, they just often aren't. Sometimes it is only as difficult as we make it. But as long as you want me to be, I'll be right here. I'm willing to handle things being hard if it makes us happy."
"I guess that's one thing I am sure of. You do make me happy, Asami. Everything else will just go one step at a time."
They laid in silence for a while longer before Korra fell asleep. Asami moved slowly and gently to rest Korra's head in the soft grass of the Spirit World and laid next to her. She draped an arm across Korra's stomach and pulled herself close, gently pulling Korra's arm to wrap around her shoulders and listened to the Avatar's heart beat until she fell asleep as well.