Hi guys! Soooooo I got this really random idea to start writing a jathan/coltonette fanfic! ;3 I'm SO excited hehe. ;D I'm a huge jathan shipper but since we all know it's never gonna happen (sadly) I kinda started shipping the friendship more andddd two of my friends on twitter have made me ship coltonette :3 Buttt since I love jathan and coltonette both A LOT, I thought, why not write a fanfic of Jennette being in a love dilemma about Nathan and Colton? ;) Also, I'm not gonna be nice to Paul (I hate him) in this story, since we all know that he hasn't been good to Jennette at all. ;( No Madisen hate btw, I used to dislike her but now I kinda like her cause she seems so nice and she makes Nathan so happy (: Sometimes there might be very personal stuff towards Jennette and her life in de story, it's NOT my intention at all to offend anyone with that and I just have respect for everyone and everyone's opinion and stuff. I'm a HUGE mccurdian and I would never try to hurt Jennette or any mccurdians with my story. This is not meant to be read by Jennette or people who don't like real life fanfictions, it's just for jathan and coltonette shippers (: I just really wanted to write a story like this so (: I hope you guys will enjoy it! :3 please let me know what you think! (:

Also, to the readers of my seddie story 'iWill always find you', I know I don't update very fast :/ I'm so sorry. I'm just really busy with school and stuff. I'll try to find time to write both of the fanfics as much as I can, and I'll look which one will have the most 'fans' and then try to update that one the fastest (: I'll probably make my chapters for this story shorter so I can update faster (:

Mebe Stuck Between Two Ways

Chapter 1

Mebe lost in life

~ * Jennette * ~

I sit down on my couch and stare ahead of me. I look around my living room. Such a big house, all for myself, it feels so empty. I'm in it, I've got Paul in it some days too, how come I still feel so alone all the time? I know the exact answer to that, but I can't let that thought go through my mind.

To be honest, my life hasn't exactly been great lately. My career is going great, I'm having the best time ever when it comes to my career. But my personal life…has been absolute crap.

I'm not showing anyone how I feel. Not my family, not my friends, I don't want them to worry about me. And especially not my fans, it's my job to be funny and make them laugh and smile, not theirs to make me smile. I have to be strong, for my family, my friends and especially my fans, they don't deserve a sad version of me.

There are two things that I can do right now. Collapse right now and let all my feelings pour out, not an option, or bottling everything up and letting it all burst in a while, not an option either. Shorter said, I'm stuck between two ways, and I can't let either of them happen.

So for now I'll just put on that bright smile, that mask that everyone believes and pretend like I'm okay, like nothing is wrong, like I have no emotions and like everything is completely fine.

I look at my TV and bite my lip when iCarly starts playing. Those were the times… My time on iCarly was literally the best time of my life. We were a family, we had so much fun together, life was still easy, I barely had any problems, and the most important, I was actually happy.

A few tears start to roll down my cheeks as I watch it play. I see a scene between me and Miranda. I'm glad she actually still is one of my best friends. I wouldn't have gotten through all of this without her, although she doesn't even fully know what's going on. She still helps me, without her even knowing it. The fact that she loves me for who I am and tries to make me smile no matter what, that's one of the only things that keeps me going.

More tears start rolling down my cheeks as I see scenes between me and Jerry and me and Noah. Those guys are like my brothers, and I barely see them anymore. I bet they don't feel the same way as I do. They just happily continued their lives, I thought I did too, until wrong choices were made, karma came around, and things got messed up so bad.

The tears literally start streaming down my face like a waterfall when I watch a scene between Nathan and me. Nathan and me…where did things go wrong!? Nathan was my best friend, for so many years, we had SO much fun, I could tell him everything, he could tell me everything, everything was perfect. I even started to create feelings for him…lots of feelings. I don't even know if I'm over those feelings now or not… Ever since Nathan started dating Madisen things between us changed…a lot. It's not her fault though, I love Madisen, she's a great friend of mine. It were our fans…those obsessed jathan fans… I didn't mind them, I mean I loved Nathan, in a different way as just my special best friend. But they started sending Madisen hate, and it drove Nathan crazy. We had lots of fights about it, it got out of hand late in 2011/begin 2012. Ever since then Nathan and I drifted apart… I felt horrible about it, I still do… Ever since iCarly ended we haven't hung out anymore, at least not together, like we used to…

Nathan's been avoiding me. When Ariana and I had our birthday party together, she didn't want to invite Nathan because they were in some sort of fight. I tried to make her change her mind but as good as I am agreed on it in the end, since it was also her birthday and I wanted to give her a great day, and didn't invite Nathan. He's been mad at me for that ever since. We ran into each other like 2 times after that. He just casually said hi, no hard feelings…but I'm scared things between us will never become like they used to be anymore…and that's all one person's fault.

I switch off the TV and wipe my tears away. I look into the mirror. Wow, I look like absolute crap. I'm so tired. I walk to my bedroom and get changed into my PJ's. I brush my teeth and take off my makeup before getting into my bed. I curl up into a ball and cuddle into the covers, trying to keep myself warm. Never in my life have I felt this unhappy, alone and horrible. I sigh deeply and stare up at the ceiling. After a few hours I finally feel my eyes drop and drift off to sleep.