Me: I don't own anything except the plot-

Percy: This doesn't have a plot…

Me: Well I don't own anything except for the jokes.

Bragging to the Romans

"So, I was twelve, like, just weeks after I got to camp, got a quest to go to the Underworld, retrieve The Master Bolt, and save all humankind from a terrible world war. Of course I also fought Ares, the god who had turned, also getting the Helm of Darkness since I had won. Saving my mother in the process. We soon found out that Kronos was behind the whole thing. Also, Luke, he almost killed me with a scorpion due to the fact he was being used by Kronos. By the way, spoiler alert: he becomes The Titan Lord's host, eventually killing himself and Kronos by Annabeth's knife, since I trusted him enough to hand him the knife. So I saved the world." Percy said, just starting the bragging session in front of the Romans. Everyone was gaping,

"Then, I was thirteen, shorter story really, I snuck out of camp to save Grover, the fawn, from marrying the Cyclops Polyphemus, who we got the golden fleece from the save the pine tree-"

"What the penguin, a pine tree?" Octavian asked, about to slap Percy for showing how inferior Jason, or himself, were to Percy.

"It contained the spirit of Thalia, daughter of Zeus, who I think might be Jason's sister… Anyway it helped protect the border of camp."

"You needed a tree for that?"

"It created a force field against monsters, plus it needed no upkeep. Anyway, we met Luke… And that spa we blew up, Reyna's former home, yeah, there I got turned into a gerbil, maybe hamster, but eventually with the help of Hermes vitamins turned back to normal and stole a pirate boat. Eventually we met Luke again, who like totally reminds me of Octavian, tried to kill us again, even his old lover Annabeth-"

"SHE WAS TWELVE AND HAD A NINETEEN YEAR OLD FORMER LOVER WHO SHE BROKE THE HEART OF?"

"Yes, and now she's my girlfriend. I'm so cool. By the way, she was thirteen. Anyway, soon we got to camp, and then Thalia arose with the help of the Golden Fleece, which I sent ahead with my frenemy, Clarisse, which was like a totally selfless and heroic act on my part."

"Is everything you do of higher understanding? I mean seriously, it's like you know the right thing to do always." Reyna shrugged glaring, "Like someone plans your life out to publish or something."

"Long story short-" Percy continued.

"Why do I doubt this will be short?"

"I saved the word three more times, with three love interests along the way. Including an immortal who fell for me, a girl who became an Oracle-"

"You were such a bad guy she became an eternal maiden? Plus you had a mortal as a lover… HA!"

"It was more one-sided love on her part, I only thought of her as a friend. She eventually came to realize that she didn't love me for who I was, but because I introduced her to the world she belonged in. So then my fun included, killing Medusa, holding up the sky, fighting with several Titans on my own, fighting Kronos, going to the Labyrinth, leading Camp into war in the main battle, being part of a completely different great prophecy, which I rocked by the way, going to Olympus several times, making enemies with Ares, Hera and who knows who else, and having the best underwater kiss of all time."

And so, the people of Camps Jupiter had made several spit takes, squishing their juice boxes, and even Dakota not touching his Kool-aid for this entire monologue.

Eventually Reyna said,

"Why do I feel like he left out the even more shocking stuff?"

And everybody passed out as the Greeks arrived, because they were obviously so much more hardened than they.

Even though they spent their time playing capture the flag, they still fought Kronos (Percy alone, even) while they just fought his chair.

Romans were the coolest, yet they got powned.

I mean, why else would Rick write about them second?

(A/N Kay, I have nothing against Romans, I love them a lot, actually… This is just a joke, but I do want a scene where Percy tells them how he saved the world five times…)