This is a short series of random Varia goodness! Belial is the Varia Cloud Squad Captain. If that position even exists. If it doesnt it does in this story xD This series doesn't have much of a plot its just sorta bleh...lol

CODE: N.E.S.B.C.E.

Never
Ever
Steal
Belials
Conditioner.
Ever.

The varia suck balls. Not just any balls though, big hairy nasty balls. Seriously? I am the first ever...EVER. Female. Varia. Member. How much could life suck? I know you're wondering how the hell I got into the varia in the first place. Long story short- I slapped Squalo...and lived to tell about it. But that's not important right now. What's important is what's happening right now. I am currently choking the living shit out of a previously sleeping squalo. I know I know I'm nuts. but I have a reason behind my insanity.

"Squalo you ass!"

Who knew choking him and shaking him like a rag doll would be fun at four in the morning?

"Voi! What the hell you think you're doing woman? Don't you know who I am!"

Squalo yelled as I just kept strangling him.

"A pathologist wont even recognize you if you don't give me back my new hair conditioner you shithead! I've got fucking BRAINS in my hair!"

Yes. I'm choking and shaking the shark over conditioner. But when you have someone Else's brains in your hair its excusable. Yes I have brains on my person. I'm also partially drench and wearing nothing but a towel. Why? Because I was trying to take a shower when I discovered my brand new bottle of expensive conditioner was not in my shower next to the brand new bottle of ridiculously expensive shampoo.

"Oh my, Squ-chan~ I didn't know you two had that kind of relationship." says a groggy and oddly dressed Lussuria. Varia mother my ass.

"You shut your queer ass up!"

"VOOOOOOI! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"

"Ushishishi~ The prince is amused. What's the matter Belial? Squalo-senpai not giving you any?"

I stopped shaking and choking Squalo for like 3 milliseconds. Long enough to glare the hell out of Belphegor. The idiot who has been trying to make my life hell for years. And the only person I've ever seen who could possibly piss me off more then Squalo stealing my expensive Shampoo. You see, Bel and I were assigned on the mission we just got finished doing. It's his fault I have brains in my hair as well. He wanted to show off with his wire trick and you can just imagine the rest.

He flinched when I jumped off squalo, whether because the towel was loose or because of the deadly aura around me I don't know but he hauled ass, laughing all the way. With that freakish sounding laugh. little shit. But that didn't matter right now. Squalo hadn't gotten off the bed, but Lussuria disappeared back under the rock he came from. I kicked open his bathroom door and turned around.

"I'm using your shower dammit!"

"VOI!" he said hopping up from the bed.

"Dont you voi me you shithead! And you're buying me a new bottle of conditioner!"

Yes, I had fun slamming a door in his face. His own door to be exact.

When I woke up around noon I was still in Squalo's room. For three reasons. 1) I was too lazy to go back across the hall to my own room. 2) Because it was payback for making me walk through the Varia house in nothing but a towel to get my conditioner back. And 3? Because I was under the impression that all Varia members were eunuchs. In lamens terms, dickless. Lussuria was gay but I don't even want to know about his sex life. I could walk around this castle stark naked and nothing would happen. As a matter of fact I have. My Squad would simply tell me to go put some cloths on. Xanxus would probably ignore me entirely. But Squalo...I've gone so far as to hop in the shower with him and nothing happened. There's a story behind that. I'll tell you later. Anyways I woke up naked in Squalos bed, with a partially naked Squalo half spooning with me. And Fran got yet another picture of me.

Squalo woke up first. No surprise there. The surprise was that he wasn't screaming at me. He pushed me off the bed. I may not be that big but Gravitational wake-up calls are annoying. Let alone painful...

"Get the fuck out of my room."

"touche shark, touche."