Don't Judge the New Girl (Another Really Awful Parody)

Chapter One, A New Student (Don't you hate these?)

Note: This story is not politically correct AT ALL.  I love Degrassi too, so I'm not picking on the show itself, just parodying it.  I'm also making fun of Mary Sues and OOCs.

Walking through the unfamiliar doors of Degrassi, present in every self-insertion fic, Maryanne Sue Sinclair took a deep and nervous breath.  Confidence, she thought.  As hard as it was to muster such confidence, considering her troubled and disturbed past, a quick hair toss and fake, picture day smile, would have to cut it for now.

            As soon as she entered the building, a tall boy with dark curly hair spotted her.

            "Wow, that girl is so beautiful I want to dump both Ashley and Manny for her," Craig whispered.  "But it's not her trashy clothing that attracts me to her, it's the fact that I see into her soul, and deep down she's hurting."

            Maryanne, of course, due to her enormously horrible problems, just kept on walking.

            "Hey, what's your problem?  I'm a cute guy from Degrassi and you're walking away from me?" Craig demanded.

            "Yeah, what's her problem?" a bunch of fan girls ask.

            Maryanne Sue burst into tears.  "I'm sorry.  It's just that…I was stepped on by an elephant when I was three, and I'll never be the same."

            Craig threw his arms around her.  "Oh, it's okay sweetie bear, I'm here."

            And the people with IQs below 7 say, "Awwww," while the rest of us just groan.

            Meanwhile.     

            Manny saw this and started screaming.

Annoying Picture of Emma e-mailing someone and a bunch of crap like that

Whatever it takes

I know I can make it through

Uh UH ugh yeaaaaaaaaaaah…

And so on, and so forth.

Now, we will jump to a commercial, which will leave the audience at the edges of their seats, drowning in the intensity.

            "I'm bored," a girl says.  "I could be with Steve right now.  Or at the beach, yeah, the beach, bla bla bla, then everyone can kiss my suntanned butt."

            "Really, you're just going to say that?!" Emma shouted.  "I don't think it's right to discriminate against pale people, and what type of rear end they possess!"

            "You're not in this commercial," the girl replies, hurling an ice cream cone at Emma.

            Emma eyes her with a disgusted glare.  "WHAT?  Expressing my opinion isn't important?"

            Well, the problem is that the girl at the counter really doesn't like Emma at all, because she has to be such a drama queen all the time!

            Another commercial.

            Manny says, "Intense is…"

            A bunch of life threatening situations fly across the scene.

            "Nah," J.T. replies.  "That's not intense!  What's really intense is whether Paige will stop calling Spinner honeybee or not.  And whether or not you might get to rub elbows with some kid from Degrassi and be a real life Mary Sue."

            A bunch of cartoon people argue about a guy who wet his pants.  But see, what Beth doesn't realize, is that seeing that the event took place in eighth grade, it's natural to assume that everyone remembers.

            "Now, back to Degrassi (which they pronounce incorrectly)."  Deh duh da doo dah."

            Okay, people, this is Degrassi.  So instead of Manny actually beating the living Hell out of Maryanne Sue, she's just going to stand there with a look of hurt in her eye…in pain, sorrowing over the loss of Craig.  And Craig's face will turn to stone as he thinks, What have I done?

            "I'm sorry, Craig," Maryanne sobs.  "But after that incident with the elephant, I'll never love again."

            "But you doth teach the torches to shine bright.  You are a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear!" Craig protested.

            "Wrong story," Manny murmurs.

            "Oh, Craig, 'tis but thy gender that is my enemy," Maryanne protests.

            "Maryanne, deny thy gender and refuse thy label for if thou wilt, I will no longer be a boy," Craig offered.  

            "But then who will I date?" Manny whines.

            "Who cares?" Craig asked.  "Just dress like a piece of trash and hit on someone.  It worked with me."

            "WHO SAID I WASN'T STRAIGHT?" Maryanne shouted.  "Craig, you're so insensitive!"

            "He's sorry," Manny said.  "How many times does he have to say it?"

            "Until he means it," Maryanne whimpered.

            OMG

            No…she…didn't…

            Yes…she…did

            OMG!

            Meanwhile, everywhere Maryanne Sue goes, boys and girls fall in love with her.  Only Paige gets really jealous because Maryanne is seventy two and a third percent cuter than her, so she says, "Someone get this girl a tank top."

            And then Spinner goes, "Maryanne's gorgeous.  Just gorgeous.  Um…Paige is nice too."

            But then Maryanne starts crying because the trauma of having been stepped on by an elephant is just too strong for her to bear.  So she runs out of the classroom in tears.