AN: Sarah is my younger sister. I made this to mess with her. Just putting it out there.

Once upon a time, Sarah walked into the Special Victims Unit building. She heard that this unit was filled with smokin' hot ladies, and she wanted some of that action. She sat down, waiting for a foxy lady to appear and sit with her. Sarah waited a while. There were no fine ladies. Sarah waited for a while longer. Just as she was about to give up hope, her eyes were drawn to the most sexay woman she had ever seen. Her skin was wrinkled due to her old age, and it looked as if she had cosmetic surgery on her lips at some point in time. Sarah ran up to the woman, and fell to her knees. "Ohmagod, I love you, will you have sex with me?" The woman raised an eyebrow, startled and unsure. Sarah stood up, knowing that she had to sweep this damn fine girl off her feet. "I like your ass. That booty had me like, 'Oh Mother, Oh Brother.' And you got some tatas on you. Will you please be my lesbian lover?" The woman was no longer uncertain. "My name is Sonya Paxton, and I will definitely be your lesbian lover."

Hours passed, and Sarah knew with all her heart that Sonya was the one for her. Sure, she was about 6,219 years old. Pfft. Who cares? In fact, Sarah was so in love with her, that she lost interest in the English language. Who needs correct grammar and spelling when you've got an elderly girlfriend old enough to be your grandma? The only language Sarah spoke was the language of love.

But, one day, a dastardly man threatened to tear their love apart. Munch stared at Sarah and Sonya as Sarah lovingly showered her with flowers and Camels. The truth was, he wanted to be Sonya's lesbian lover. He had worshipped Sonya and her bonbons since the day she arrived at Special Victims Unit and cussed everyone out. He just had to get her lovin'. Hmmm, Munch thought. Sarah gives her Camels… But has she ever given her a VIBRATING camel? I know she's never seen one, and my Sonya-Wonya would never pass on the opportunity to do so. Munch laughed maniacally, as he knew that there was no way in hell his plan would fail. First, he would kidnap Sonya and Sarah. He then would present Sonya with a vibrating camel. They would then proceed to hippity dippity all night long.

One night while Sonya and Sarah slept, Munch kidnapped them both and took them to his Magical Love Den. After the chloroform wore off, Sarah and Sonya woke up. The first thing they saw was Munch in nothing but a speedo. Sarah threw up all over herself, and Sonya started to cry. Yes, Sonya seemed tough, but she was really a pansy. Munch frowned. "Why are you crying? I thought you were a tough biatch that didn't care about anything."

"I act like that," Sonya sobbed. "I'm always like, 'Oh, Elliot sucks, hahahaha! Oh, alcoholics suck, hahahaha! The Special Victims Unit sucks, hahahaha! Everyone except for me sucks, hahahaha! But I'm really just an alcoholic with low self esteem!"

Sarah gasped in shock, and turned towards her bbygrl. "Sonya! You're an alcoholic?!" Sonya nodded. Sarah glared at the woman she once considered a sexay goddess. "Judas," she hissed. Sonya sobbed and made that weird nose that people make when they're crying and can't breathe. Munch stared in confusion, and watched as Sonya cried until it was annoying and Sarah spat on her. But… My Sonyie-Wonyie is a strong woman! Or, at least I thought she was…

Munch, in a desperate attempt to win the affection of his pookie, fell to his knees before her. He cried, "SONYA, I LOVE YOOOUU!" Sonya finally stopped sobbing and looked down at the man before her. She laughed. "Ew. You ugly. You ain't getting this ass today or any other day. Gross." Munch was humiliated. Sarah started to laugh incredibly loud, and Sonya stopped laughing and cried again. Munch sighed and crawled to the back of the room. He knew that, because of this rejection, he had to end it all. He grabbed his gun and shoved it in his ear. "Screw you, Sonya! You're ugly, anyway." He then blew his brains out. These were the last words that Detective John Munch ever said. Sonya still cried, but this time in joy. Sarah spit at her again. "Shut up, Beer Balls! We need to find a way out of here!" They both stood up for the first time since they had been kidnapped, as they had been too out of it to do so before. Chloroform will do that to you. Sarah made a dash for Much's gun, and spun around to face Sonya. Her hands shook as she aimed at her. Sonya stared in shock. "Don't do this," she whispered. "I love you, my Cheeky Chunky Funky Monkey." Sarah heard those words, and dropped the gun. She started to weep, and ran into Sonya's arms. "I love you too." They cried, holding each other for what seemed like an eternity. They stayed like that until Olivia and Elliot came bursting through the door. "OH CRAP HIDE ME," Sonya screamed at the top of her lungs. Olivia tore Sarah away from Sonya, and led her out. "It's okay," she assured her. "Munch can't hurt you anymore." Elliot walked toward Sonya, who glared at him. "Stabler, we've been here for two hours. You were probably staring at Olivia's ass the whole time. Maybe her boobs, huh? Holy Hell, you're incompetent. Screw you, Stabler. I don't even know how you got here. I must've left your cage open or something. I'm getting sick of you and your-"

Sonya's sentence was cut short by a bullet through the head. Elliot looked at the ugly-ass woman on the ground. He was filled with a beautiful joy, knowing that the stupid ADA wouldn't be able to bully him anymore. He smiled. "Extreme Emotional Disturbance. That's all I've got to say." He chuckled evilly. Tonight, he would sleep well. He would dream of Sonya's corpse getting torn apart by Munch and Huang. Everything would be okay.

Epilogue

Sarah moved on with her life. She tried to forget the horrible tragedy that took place three days ago. She had to move on and live life. It's what Sonya would have wanted. But, at night when she sat in her bed, she could see Sonya's damn fine ass. She could see her tatas that were the size of humpback whales. Sarah would picture her old, wrinkled face. She would cry.

The End