Mahou Sensei Negima

Disclaimer: Don't own Negima.

A different take on what could've happened during the world tree "Kiss Terminator" incident. NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, FOLKS! Also, there is some strong language, just to warn you. (But not senseless language, at least to me anyways)

Watch what you say, Asuna…

"This has got to be the WORST day ever!" Asuna thought, watching as Negi advanced upon her and a trembling Nodoka, who took up residence behind Asuna. "First; I get molested by him when he's half dressed, and now THIS? Why can't I get at least one break in my life?"

Asuna looked over to where the two new arrivals were cowering, their clothing reduced to fragments by the child prodigy that was making his way nearer by the second to Asuna's and Nodoka's position.

"M-Maybe I should-should just allow for him to kiss-"

NO WAY!" Asuna shouted, cutting Nodoka off rather quickly. "Did you even happen to SEE the look in his eyes?"

The two girls looked back to the boy who'd stopped for a second, as though regarding their conversation as nothing more then senseless drivel as they looked back into his almost predatory gaze.

"If you kissed him" Asuna and Nodoka both pictured what would happen, with Nodoka's body twitching after a very, very deep kiss by her beloved sensei, "you'd die!"

Nodoka began to panic even harder now, having pictured what type of condition she'd likely be in after a kiss by the "Kiss Terminator" Negi. "W-What do we-" Nodoka looked back at Negi, who'd resumed his slow pace towards the two girls, "What do we do, Asuna?"

"Hell if I know!"

Asuna and Nodoka backed away from Negi, realizing that he had them cornered seconds later as they both bumped against the guard railings along the edge of the roof. "There's nowhere else we can run!" Nodoka whimpered, her fate almost predictable by now, as Negi closed in on them.

Asuna, meanwhile, was looking around for someway to slow the boy wizard down. "Dammit! Why couldn't those two twits over there keep their clothing on? Or, better yet, seeing as it's only us girls up here along with Negi, why can't they use some spell and THEN cover themselves up?" Asuna gripped her harisen as she made eye contact with her sensei again, trying harder to find a way to slow down the magically possessed/enhanced Negi.

"God this is too frustrating! Dammit, why can't he take care of himself for once?" Asuna's mind was now filled with a string of curses aimed at her sensei who she blamed for all these magical "mishaps" that occurred since he'd arrived in Mahora. "Argh…"

"Damn it…"

"Dammit…"

"DAMMIT!"

Asuna stood up straight at this point, having finally snapped in her mind at Negi, who was only a few feet from where she stood at present, and shouted out her stress without thinking in the heat of the moment…

"Fuck me!"

It was only milliseconds before she realized her grievous mistake, as the other occupants of the rooftop all shared the same exasperated look of shock and awe as the boy stopped dead in his tracks, going over what she'd just said.

At that precise moment, the world tree lit up, changing the first order Negi received from Nodoka, to the one just given by Asuna.

"W-W-W-Wait a-a-a-a s-s-second, NEGI!" Asuna shouted, her eyes as wide as dinner plates as the young wizard confirmed her order before leaping towards her, missing just barely as Asuna turned and dashed off the side of the rooftop, succeeding in sticking the landing and making a break for the airport with Negi close behind, cheered on by Nodoka, Takane and Mei, the last of the two having finally recovered and found something to wrap around their nude bodies.

The festival goers found it quite funny to watch as a young woman ran by them, yelling how she hated the young boy close behind her, this academy, and all things magic in general as she tried her hardest to keep her clothing, and her virginity, while making a beeline for the nearest plane departing from this psychotic country, and damn the expense.

A year later, in Wales…

"I wonder what happened to Negi? He hasn't written in so long from Japan…" Nekane sighed, placing her head in her hands as she watched the rain pour down outside of her small house. "Maybe I should write the headmaster there and-"

Nekane was cut off by a rapping at the door, followed by the sound of a baby's cry. "Who is it, I wonder?" Nekane whispered to herself, jumping suddenly when she heard an all too familiar voice from the other side telling someone else that he was sure he had the right house. "That can't be-" Nekane ran to the door, flinging it open to see…

"N…Negi?" she gasped, looking at the three strangers who happened to be standing on her doorstep. "W-what's going-who is she? And why do you have a baby with you?"

Negi gulped, fearing the reaction he'd get from his sister figure after explaining everything. "Er, this woman here is Asuna…and this here" he pointed at the baby Asuna was currently holding in her arms, a baby that looked remarkably like Negi, "is our son…"

A scream loud enough to shatter glass was released from Nekane, followed quickly by a thud as she fainted on her own front porch…

Asuna smirked at the passed out woman on the porch in front of her, tending to the child in her arms before muttering under her breath. "Yeah, I didn't think he was packing live ammunition either…"

A/N: This story was in my head for a while now, ever since I read another fic that re-did the events of the world tree kiss thing, and I always wondered what would've happened if this took place instead... Also, for those who want in-depth description from a small humor peice like this...This is strictly for humor purposes, alright? I know that I didn't explain every single facet of the story but take it for what it is meant to be, people!

Also, for those who might be waiting for an update to my other MSN stories, please be patient as I've had to take care of somethings that've popped up in my life, and I had to deal with writer's block for awhile now...

Well, hope you liked this attempt at humor, sorry if you didn't... Read and Review! See ya!