Ugh... it just randomly hit me today that Jiraiya dies which makes me sooooo sad. He's my fave charie, next to Neji, Naruto, and Orichy. So, here's the result of my depression. Enjoy.

Pairings: JiraiyaNaruto, NejiOrichy, SasukeSurprise, ShinoOFC(Riku), KibaHinata, SakuraIno, GaaraLee

Warnings: Language, a morbidly mangled body, severe depression

Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto, not me... so I make no money from this, promise. I'm poor.

P.S. An actual break is a large change in time while just a dash is a change of scene and a change of time by a day at most.

Encompassing Despair

Naruto Yaoi

by:

Kiyoshi Michi

"Hokage-sama... Jiraiya is dead."

There was the sharp sound of a calligraphy brush snapping in half.

"Are you positive?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

A growl filled the air before the scared shinobi was sent away, happy to be out of the room. The only person left in the room stood and went to the window before letting their forehead all but slam onto the window.

"Dammit Jiraiya..."

"Hokage-sama?"

"Neji, I believe I have told you three hundred and sixteen times to just call me Naruto."

Neji's eye twitched while Naruto only smirked. Of course Naruto would keep count of such a thing. It was simply a force of habit and despite their long time friendship, he could not just forget respect but Naruto was about to kill him it seemed.

"Fine... Naruto, how have you been since....?"

Naruto sighed heavily.

"I think you're the only one who understands, Neji, but... I miss him so much. I just... why the fuck did he have to die!?"

Neji did understand for not only had Naruto told him about his relationship with Jiraiya, but he had someone rather strange of his own - Orochimaru. The man had come back three years prior, arms raised in surrender. By that time, Naruto was Hokage and though he hated the man with every fiber of his being, he listened to his story. The Sannin had brought back Sasuke and had Kabuto carried, tied up, all the way to Konoha. From what both Orochimaru and Sasuke told him, Kabuto and the family members before him had been behind it all, somehow gaining something akin to mind control over the older Shinobi. Upon inspection of all the Hyuuga clan as whatever controlled them left marks on their chakra systems, the story checked out and both suffering Shinobi were kept in the Hyuuga clan household to be watched while Kabuto was executed.

Neji had been the one to watch over Orochimaru and, at first, found a friend in someone who felt misunderstood his whole life, similar to Neji. It was a year before Orochimaru took a serious chance and told Neji how he felt then was tackled and practically mauled by the Hyuuga in his happiness.

"I don't know Naruto... but I'll be here for you."

Naruto looked up at his friend and smiled sadly, resting his chin on laced fingers. They both looked over as the door opened and an apprehensive Orochimaru walked in. Naruto knew that despite having accepted his apology and asking him to be friends, Orochimaru was afraid that any small thing he did would set Naruto off and have him hate the Sannin again.

"Hey Orichy."

"Hello Ho... Naruto."

-

"Ha! You could learn something from Orichy, Neji."

Neji grumbled while the Sannin chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to pull him close. Naruto smiled as he watched the two, a cheek resting in the palm of his hand.

"Naruto..."

"Ugh... 'M sleep... lea'e me 'lone."

Naruto buried his head under his pillow, ignoring the deep chuckle. He had been warm, though a little lonely, until Jiraiya had come home. The idiot had to go and pull the blankets off him to try and wake him up, and now he was cold. He peeked out when he felt the bed dip slightly only to find a face a few inches from his own.

"... what are you doing now?"

"Deciding to sleep as well."

Naruto made a face as rough fingers started to play with his growing hair. He meant to tell the Ero-Sannin to stop, but the fingers soon began actually massaging his scalp. He practically purred at the sensation, snuggling into the larger male's chest.

"Feel better?"

"Mh hmm."

He felt Jiraiya's chest rumble as he laughed, scowling slightly until said male pressed a kiss to his forehead. Somehow, he just knew the man was telling him to go back to sleep, and that is exactly what he did. However, Naruto was curled against Jiraiya this time around, feeling safe, warm, and loved.

"Naruto?"

Naruto blinked and looked up at Neji, who seemed saddened by something.

"What?"

"You're crying..."

The blonde made a face and wiped his cheek, only to find a wetness there that said he had, indeed, been crying. How strange. The memory must have caused him to cry without him even realizing it.

"Naruto, we're both here for you."

Naruto looked to Orochimaru this time around, as said male moved around his desk and pulled him into a hug just as he finally broke down.

"Here, Hokage-sama. We left him exactly as we found him, just as you asked."

"Thank you... would you mind if I went in alone?"

"Of course not, Hokage-sama. I will stand out here if you need anything."

Naruto nodded to Sasuke, the shinobi he had asked for personally to be somewhat of a bodyguard, before walking into the darkened room alone. This was where all bodies were kept, preserved temporarily by chakra. From what Sasuke had told him, Jiraiya was at the end of the line.

He hated the silence broken only by the sound of his feet. Maybe he should have asked Sasuke to come in with him.

"I figured this would bother you."

Naruto looked back to see Sasuke standing behind him and smiled slightly before continuing his trek to Jiraiya's body. From what Sasuke had said, he would have nightmares. Every step closer he took, he could feel himself shake more and more. He needed this, he needed a sense of closure. He swallowed thickly, causing Sasuke to rest a reassuring hand on his shoulder. It had been nice to tell Sasuke about Jiraiya and have him accept it whole-heartedly.

"I know you need this. I needed it when I finally saw Itachi dead after learning the truth. If it gets to be too much, just let me know and I'll take you back home."

"... alright."

Sasuke nodded, but did not take his hand from Naruto's shoulder, simply following him. When they finally got down to the covered body, he tried to reach out but his hand shook too much. He was almost grateful when Sasuke reached around him and pulled the sheet off himself.

Almost.

He found himself staring lifeless eyes dead on, eyes that he used to love seeing alive with joy and knowledge. He should have stopped there, but he did not. He saw a missing jaw, leaving a gaping hole in the face and neck. This led down an open chest cavity; though not completely open, he could easily see the heart missing. There were words similar to the ones scarred into his flesh carved into this body's.

"Sasuke... Sasuke, please just..."

"Alright."

Sasuke covered the body once more and grabbed the shaking Naruto to lead him out.

Blue eyes slowly saw the world as it was, blinking away sleep and dream driven tears. That had been at least a week ago and though he stopped it from affecting him while awake, it haunted his sleep every night. The hours he slept was slowly dwindling until he thought he would not get anymore sleep for a long time.

"Good mo... you had the dream again?"

"Yes... I'm sorry."

"Naruto, it is not your fault and I would be surprised if you did not have dreams from something like that."

Naruto sat up as Sasuke brought him a cup of tea, something Jiraiya used to do. The only reason Sasuke did and no one else was the fact that Sasuke could understand what he was going through - he had met someone (whose identity he would not reveal to anyone) during his stay with Orochimaru only to have them killed by Kabuto. That, and Naruto could not keep Neji from Orochimaru or vice versa.

"Sasuke...?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you... do you think you will ever love someone else?"

Sasuke turned his head to look at him, hands still sorting through Naruto's clothes.

"Yes. I simply need time, and the right person."

"Do you think I will?"

"I feel somewhere in my gut, you should not try to find love so soon."

Naruto furrowed his brows as Sasuke went back to looking through his clothes, picking them out for a day off.

-

"Now then... try not to get into trouble since I am not following you today, alright?"

"Alright."

"I know you think I'm mothering you, but I've lost so much already and losing another friend would destroy me."

Naruto suddenly felt bad for thinking to yell at Sasuke, but he should have known he was just trying not to lose someone else in his life. He nodded and turned the other way, putting his hand in his pockets. He had finally earned the respect of most people in the village when he saved Tsunade by using a jutsu that almost killed him. However, there were a handful that still hated his guts and he feared they had been the ones to kill Jiraiya in such a horrible way.

He waved to people he knew, stopping for half a moment when he saw Sasuke talking to Kakashi. Well, it was strange but he certainly could not say anything. He had found Kiba earlier walking down the street with Hinata's hand in his, stopping to talk to them and congratulate them since Kiba had just proposed.

He spoke with Shino, who was without his wife that he had found on a trip to Suna - a small woman named Riku. She was expecting a child any day and Shino was heading over to visit her in the hospital. He bid him farewell and found Sakura and Ino, who strangely got together. Apparently, all their fighting had been sexual tension. He was almost afraid to be around them anymore.

Lee was not even there anymore as Gaara had asked him to come with him... blushing furiously. Naruto had laughed as Lee came practically dancing into his office, dragging Gaara behind him to ask if he could leave and become a citizen of Suna legally so he could still return.

Naruto was brought out of his musings when he noticed someone tall with long white hair disappear around a corner. Furrowing his brows, he followed the person, only ever getting there in time to see the hair disappear behind another corner. He was getting frustrated and gained speed until he got to a full out run, turning the last corner the hair had disappeared behind...

And ran into something hard enough to knock him over and smash his head to the ground, knocking him out.

"Naruto... wake up. Just... please wake up..."

"Dammit Sasuke, shut up."

"... you little ass. I was worried and you decide to be ungrateful."

Naruto popped open one eye to see Sasuke's hair completely askew and dark rings under his eyes. His clothes were even messed up. He furrowed his brows and sat up, which was painful, and stared at him before looking around at the hospital room.

"Sasuke... did you stay here, awake, for me?"

"Yes, baka. I told you this once but I cannot stand to lose my friend, my brother. Dammit, what the hell were you doing anyway!?"

"Don't yell, you ass. I've got such a pounding headache..."

Naruto growled at Sasuke's 'no duh' look.

"Anyway, I was chasing someone."

"Who?"

"I don't know... I was stuck in my memories and I came out of it when I saw white hair... I chased the person for a long time but I never caught them. I think I ran into them at one point, but was knocked out before I could see anything."

"Naruto..."

"Look, I was not chasing a memory! I actually physically ran into that person! I never said it was Jiraiya - he's fucking dead and I won't ever get him back!"

Sasuke looked like he had been physically struck when Naruto broke down, sobbing. He hesitated before wrapping his arms around Naruto, holding him close.

"I'm sorry. I should know better. Just... I'm so sorry."

Sasuke hated how he felt as Naruto cried into his shoulder. He had hurt his own brother - not physically, but emotionally which was so much worse.

"You have no idea how to comfort him, do you?"

Sasuke looked up at the new voice and nearly fell over. His mouth hung open as the male walked over and took Naruto from him, wrapping him up. His fingers ran through Naruto's locks, humming deep in his throat to soothe the distressed boy.

"Y... You... you're dead."

Naruto heard the strange tone of Sasuke's voice and the word choice caught his attention. His eyes slowly moved up the form holding him, catching familiar clothes, body build and a face that he had missed.

"... Jiraiya?"

"Hey Naruto."

"But... I saw... I saw your body... it was... mangled."

Jiraiya pulled aside part of his top to show a large scar on the left side of his chest. Naruto furrowed his brows and ran his fingers tentatively over the raised, pink skin. But... that was where the body's heart had been ripped out.

"I almost died. It took me such a long time to heal. I tried to leave to tell you, but Tsunade wouldn't let me leave. I'm sorry Naruto. What you saw was a clone I put enough chakra into to keep around for about two weeks. I just... I didn't want to actually die and leave you alone. And I have a surprise for your friend Sasuke."

Naruto looked to Sasuke, who blinked in curiosity. Both of them were thinking what could Jiraiya possibly have for Sasuke.

"What is up with Konoha hospitals? They stink."

Naruto almost laughed as Sasuke bolted from his chair and out the door before the poor man could even get his hand on the knob. He moved enough to look around Sasuke and see the man laying on the ground and his brows shot to his hairline.

"Holy Hell... Kankuro?"

"Shut up, you brat."

Naruto growled and went to get up, but two strong arms held him back. He looked up with a questioning expression.

"Just stay for awhile. I've missed you so much."

Naruto blinked but smiled as the larger male buried his face in the Hokage's neck, only trying to keep him close.

"Stop it."

"But it's so tempting!"

"I said stop!"

"But Naruto!"

"Ugh! Fine."

Jiraiya looked smug as he continued playing with Naruto's now thigh length hair (well, the back was thigh length - the top was wild long spikes and around his face was cut down his jaw). Sasuke chuckled from across the room, sitting in Kankuro's lap despite the fact there was another chair; however, Kankuro certainly did not seem to mind.

"Hey Naru- oh my God, the dead can walk!"

Naruto burst into laughter as Neji latched onto Orochimaru, already hypervenitallating and shaking visibly. Jiraiya blinked a few times, trying to figure out was exactly was happening.

"No Neji. Jiraiya is perfectly alive. What we found dead was a clone... he said he did not want to die and leave me alone, so he used a clone in hopes no one would find it."

Neji blinked and slowly let go of Orochimaru, sliding down until his feet touched the ground (Naruto never did see him actually pull his feet up, they were just there). Neji raised an eyebrow when he finally noticed Sasuke in the lap of Suna shinobi, Kankuro.

"Leave it be, Neji. You're with a snake sannin, Sasuke's with a puppet freak, and I got the old pervert. We're all freaks."

"No, you're the only freak."

Naruto squealed as large fingers attacked his stomach, which was strangely ticklish. Everyone in the background merely laughed as Naruto tried to squirm away from the larger man. The onslaught finally stopped as Jiraiya leaned over to press a light kiss to Naruto's lips, almost in apology.

"Mmm... I love you Naruto."

"I love you too, Ero-Sannin."

"Don't push your luck, runt."

That's the end! R & R my lurvelies!