Thump. Thump. Thump. The sound echoed through her ears. It echoed through her bones. It would haunt her for the rest of her life. It was a sound she wouldn't ever be able to describe. Thump. Thump. Thump.
And then there was the smell. The smell in the world was a lot different now, but this...this smell was something else. Yes, the smell of blood was there. It was almost over powering. But there was something else to it. Did someone vomit? Did she? It was a blur. No, someone pissed themselves. Did he? Do corpses piss themselves?
A corpse. She saw them every day. She didn't care about any of them. It dosent matter when she ended their second life. But this...That smell...It was almost too much for her to handle. Where was it coming from? Oh. Him. She could hear someone talking to her, but it sounded like he was under water. She had no clue what he was saying. She wasnt sure if she was responding to him or not.
Then the sound happened again. and again. There was so much she needed to get done today, but now they were here. She was going to help out at the clinic today when they got back. No one was there right now. Her mind drifted off to Alexandria thinking about what needed to get restocked in the clinic when the smell hit her again. Yes, someone most certainly pissed themselves.
"Rosita, can I?" Eugene reached over and took one of her mandarin oranges from her bowl.
"Huh?" She blinked back to reality and looked across the table. "I missed the question."
"Finish your breakfast." He said, "You didn't eat much." She slid the bowl over to him.
"I'm not hungry." Rosita rubbed her eyes. She drifted off too much lately, thinking of that night. The night that haunted her dreams. She was sure it haunted everyone's too.
"Are you okay? You can talk to me about anything. You know that right?" Eugene looked at her. She smiled weakly. He was so sweet. He always had been, but lately he was just on a different level. maybe it was because of what they went through together.
"I know." Rosita pushed back her chair, "I think it may snow today." She walked over to the kitchen sink and looked out the window.
"It is 46 degrees out currently and that makes it too warm for it to snow." Eugene said as he shoved the last of the canned fruit into his mouth. He would certainly miss these once they ran out.
"I still think it may snow. Maybe we'll have a white Christmas." She turned and looked at him. Christmas. What a funny idea now. How would the next generation celebrate it? a walker coming down the chimney? Or would the parents still be able to keep the magic alive? She would try. The magic was what it was all about. It didnt matter what was going outside those walls. Inside, they could have magic.
"Maybe." Eugene stood up and began to clear the table. "Are you going to see Carson any time soon?" Rosita shook her head.
"I'm not ready." She nervously began to pick at her cuticles. pick pick pick. Abraham hated when she did that. That noise drove him up the wall.
"You should go soon." Eugene reached out and put his hand on the swell of her stomach. "All of you need to go actually. Prenatal care is very important. Ive read a bunch of books this past week. They all say you need to be checked out by a doctor. You girls need vitamins."
"We'll be fine." Rosita chuckled giving him a soft punch on his shoulder. "You worry too much."
"Well, someone needs to worry about you." Eugene said. Rosita smiled weakly. This wasnt how any of this was supposed to go. She wasn't supposed to watch her ex's brains get flattened on the ground. She wasn't supposed to be pregnant. Shit, there wasnt suppsoed to be a fucking zombie apocolypse outside those walls.
She wasnt supposed to see Negan's face every time she closed ehr eyes still. She wasn't supposed to smell that god aweful blood smell every time she took in a deep breath still. Her chest wasnt supposed to tighten every time she looked at Sasha or Maggie. The panic attacks needed to go away. They needed to stop causing her daily life so much trouble.
"I can't breath." Rosita clutched her chest. This dress was constricting her too much. She couldn't take in a deep breath. Thump. Thump. Thump. Her eyes welled with tears. She gasped for a breath. She felt the movement in her stomach.
"Rosita?" She pushed Eugene away and she rushed out the front door. Rosita gasped at the temperature change, finally dragging in the cool air into her lungs. She walked across the street, still clutching her chest. Just go away. Why wouldn't this pain go away?
"Oh god." A sob echoed in her throat, but she managed to stop it. If she let it out, she would never stop. For a moment, Rosita regretted being outside in just a dress. THis wasn't December weather in Texas. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She needed to calm herself. She needed to lower her blood pressure. Rosita heard the front gates open and she turned to look. She saw the familiar truck drive in. he visited them once a week to remind them who he was. She froze staring at the truck. Bile rose into her throat. She felt a soft hand grab her elbow and pull her.
"Come on." Sasha pulled the woman into her house and locked the door behind them. Rosita stood there, slightly stunned. She watched Sasha peer outside as if she was spying on some fighting neighbors. "He's a day early."
"He likes to keep us on our toes." Rosita mumbled, rubbing her arms trying to get warm. What had she been thinking? Sasha turned and looked at her. ROsita's eyes fell onto the small swell beginning to pop in Sasha's belly. Soon enough, Alexandria would be full of screaming babies beckoning the walkers to claw at the walls.
"Yea. He does. Can I get you something? I was about to make some tea." She showed Rosita to the living room. Three months ago, the two women wouldn't have been this cordial to one another. But things change. Life happens. Death happens.
"Tea sounds great." Rosita settled herself onto the couch. "How have you been feeling?"
"Oh okay. The morning sickness isnt as bad anymore. You?" Sasha asked as she poured the two women mugs of tea.
"Back hurts. I need to pee all the time. I cry all the time. Im hungry all the time. Maggie says thats normal." Rosita smiled. "I dont find pregnancy too normal though. Just...weird." Sasha laughed.
"It's very weird. Im sure weirder once they start moving, right?" She asked.
"Oh that is very strange." Rosita ran her hands over her stomach, trying to imagine her child all snuggled and safe in there. "I actually wanted to talk to you about the babies. Ive just been putting it off."
"Oh?" Sasha walked out and handed Rosita her tea. The women sat there for a moment in silence listening to people walking down the street.
"Names. Ive been thinking about names lately. Stupid I know since i still have a few months to go but theres not much to think about lately here." Rosita said. a smile crept across Sasha's face.
"It's never too early to think names. Shit, ive been thinking baby names since i was a little girl." Sasha chuckled. Not Rosita. It was pounded into her head not to have kids early and out of wed lock. No man/boy would ever be good enough for Rosita Espinosa. Her brothers would see to that. Growing up in a family of boys was great, until she wanted to date. "What were you thinking?"
"I wanted to honor Abraham. But I wanted the baby to have my last name. Is that weird?" She asked. Sasha shook her head.
"THis one will have my last name." She said, "I know youve been asked before but are you 100% sure it's Abe's? I mean...God, i know that sounded horrible." Rosita put her hand up with a soft chuckle.
"It's not horrible. Im sure everyone has been wondering too. No, I'm not 100% sure. I mean, Spencer used protection. Abraham didnt so Im just assuming." Rosita shook her head thinking back to the last time her and Abraham had sex. "I want to honor him regardless."
"I get that. I guess we'll see if its a red head or not." Sasha said.
"I certainly have no red heads in my family." Rosita laughed. "We'll have a couple dark skinned red heads running around here aren't we?"
"That'll be something." Sasha took a sip of her tea, "What were you thinking?"
"Well, Im not sure what you were thinking for names but If I have a boy, I'd love to name him Ford. If youre okay with that and not using it." ROsita said.
"Ford." Sasha smiled dreamily, probably drifting off to think about the last time she and Abraham had sex. "Ford is a handsome name."
"So youre not using it?" ROsita asked.
"No. I was thinking about honoring my brother." She explained, "But then I thought how weird it would be to have a red headed Tyrese. So I was thinking about naming the baby, if its a boy, Tyler."
"Tyler Williams has a nice ring to it." Rosita said. "I think we have some good choices and are screwed if theyre girls." The women shared a laughed together. It was so far and few that they laughed together...or at all. Rosita secretly hoped over the next few months the women would become closer. She felt so alone in the world. She knew she wasnt. She knew Eugene and Tara would drop anything to be with her, but sometimes that wasn't enough. Things changed that night. Thump. Thump. Thump.