The Rise of Gary Stu: Final Mix
By Reaper-Lawliet
Disclaimer: I still don't own Kingdom Hearts.
A/N: Here it is, guys. The beginning of the rewritten tale of Gary Stu. I can't promise updates will be speedy, but I will try my best. Like MMS, I'm going to be deleting the old chapters and completely replacing them with the new ones, so you can get email alerts when I update if you so choose.
Chapter 1 - Angst Bucket
To Whom it may Concern,
By now, the contents of the case file known as "Miss Mary Sue" have been made available to the general public for quite some time. It has become well-circulated, and many know of Mary Sue 53-Name and her attempts (in vain) to win the nonexistent heart of a Nobody named Marluxia in the Kingdom Hearts fandom. She later met her demise at the hands of Mary Sue Slayer Force officer Katelyn Hart, who defeated her armed only with a gun and the paperback edition of Pride and Prejudice.
However, there were many questions left unanswered at Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks Hamster Gym Socks Cloud Gumdrop Materia Christmas Turtle Soup Daisy Miso Neko Kawaii Amazing Gorgeous Loch Ness Candy Rainbow Apple Cloud Rain Snow Hail Sleet Strife Heart Lily Athena Ocean Star January February March April May June July August September October November December Antidisestablishmentarianism Sue's death, one of which being the fate of her younger brother, whom was mentioned several times throughout the saga. The following case file chronicles the events that happened directly after Mary Sue 53-Name's death.
A word of warning: The Mary Sue Slayer Force (MSSF) is not responsible for any brain cell loss done to the reader when reading this file. Read at your own caution.
"You'll pay for the death of my sister, Katelyn Hart. For my name isn't…Gary Stu!"
Those were the words spoken by our new, angst-filled protagonist when last we heard of him, but as he gets his own story now, he deserves more of a formal introduction. After all, he is the title character. As he so cleverly stated in his cliché opening line, this boy's name was in fact Gary Stu. Actually, as you probably guessed, that was merely a nickname. His full name was…(pause for dramatic effect!)
…Gary T. Stu
What does the 'T' stand for? Well, it stands for, of course…(cue dramatic pause!)
…'The'.
Of course, that was just a nickname, as well. His real name was much, much longer. It is not exactly safe to be disclosed at this time, however. The reason being is that it is so angsty, it may cause spontaneous combustion upon reading. Many break down crying when they hear it. Some are so overwhelmed by guilt when they hear it, they begin calling fourteenth cousins twice removed that they haven't spoken to in about fourteen years and invite them to poker night. Gary Stu's true name may also cause drowsiness, and one should not operate heavy machinery after reading/hearing it.
There's more to a man than just his name, however. Gary Stu looked to be about thirteen, but in reality, he was 78,888,944 years old. However, similarly to his older sister, he had been a horrible, freak accident, which caused him to appear thirteen forever. He always complained about it, but that isn't really important, seeing as he always complained about everything. If he didn't complain, he was brooding. Those were his two biggest hobbies. He had won the annual brooding competition seven years in a row. He did have another hobby, of course- manly knitting.
Our protagonist has jet black hair and piercing, crimson eyes that can stare straight into your soul. It's quite unnerving, really. He was usually seen clad in tight leather that would generally make one wonder why that would be at all practical to wear, other than looking badass. Did I mention he was also drop-dead gorgeous? Guys wanted to be him. Girls wanted to marry him. Female birds turned their heads and flew straight into oncoming traffic at the sight of him. Male birds swore vengeance and wanted to take him one-on-one in a steal cage match.
At his hip was his ever-present sword, Sakuradeathblade. Sakuradeathblade was made of an unbreakable metal so sharp, just looking at it could cut you into little pieces. It also happened to be a very manly shade of fuchsia. Its sheathe was knit in a very manly fashion by Gary Stu himself, complete with frowny faces.
Like any hero who was too awesome for his own good, Gary Stu happened to have a weakness. Yes, his Achilles' Heel, the kryptonite to his Superman, the water to his Wicked Witch of the West, the coherent plotline to his Stephanie Meyer.
Besides being just a little bit too awesome, if he was touched by a cute, sweet kitten, Gary Stu would explode into emo, sparkly dust. Why? Because they were too gosh darn cute.
Moving on from the descriptions of our favorite broody thirteen year-old, Gary Stu was still hiding behind the building across the street from where Mary Sue Slayer Force officer Katelyn Hart and her boyfriend (who was also in the MSSF), Matthew Stone, were happily sitting and eating lunch. He took a pair of dark sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on, for no reason other than to look cool.
"Your time is limited, Katelyn Hart! You will rue the day you killed my sister!"
Gary Stu proceeded to laugh manically for a minute, but then began coughing. Darn it, he should have taken his inhaler before deciding to laugh manically on-end like that.
He wiped his mouth after he was done coughing. "Okay, maniacal laughing over. Time to get down to business!"
Before he could defeat the Huns, the angsty young man's cell phone began to ring.
"CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIN, THESE WOUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEEEEEEEEEAL-"
Sighing at the sound of his extremely predictable ringtone, he took the phone out his pocket and reluctantly answered. What foolish mortal could possibly want to bother him? This had better be pretty freaking important.
"Hello, this is Emily Smith," said a woman's voice on the other end, "would you like to buy a magic foot massager?"
That was what he got for giving the people at the mall his cell phone number. Here he was, trying to come with a cartoonishly elaborate revenge plot on the woman who murdered his perfect angel of a sister, and some woman was calling him about magic foot massages. Why did this always happen to him? Life was so unfair! He didn't see this happening to his sister! Well, that was probably because she always gave those people at the mall his phone number, but that was besides the point. Oh, and there was the fact that she was dead, but he selectively chose to forget that for the moment. An overwhelming wave of angst came over Gary Stu, which evolved into anger.
"Do you have any idea what I'm trying to do right now, you senseless waste of human life?" Gary Stu hissed, trying to keep from shouting and giving himself away. "I'm trying to avenge the death of my sister, and I'm on the phone with a moron trying to sell cheap foot care products!"
Emily Smith didn't seem to be fazed. "Order now and we'll throw in free lotion!"
Gary Stu was quite the fan of cucumber melon lotion. Plus, his feet were in need of a magic massage. Tight leather boots weren't exactly the most comfortable thing in the worlds.
"How much for one?" Gary Stu asked, seemingly reluctantly, even if he was quite happy about his purchase. Suddenly, however, he remember something. "I need to senselessly angst about this, hold on."
He remember all the wrong things he had done in his life- ripping the tags off mattresses, jaywalking, not leaving a tip for waiters at restaurants, and many other things. Did he truly deserve the luxury of massaged feet? Of course not! No one so cold and heartless as he was did! Think of all the tag-less mattresses! His life was a spiraling depression on a never-ending road to nowhere! But…he had to push on. He had to buy the magic foot massager. The cucumber melon lotion was calling his name.
Resolving to buy the foot massager, Gary Stu returned to the phone conversation. "Okay, I'm done. How much for one?"
"25 Munny, plus shipping and handling."
Gary Stu once again reached into his seemingly spray painted on pockets and checked for his black wallet, which he had knit in a rather manly fashion several months ago. Upon inspection, he luckily had enough Munny to buy his foot massager. Then again, it didn't really matter how much he had in his wallet, because he and his sister were filthy stinking rich for no apparent reason. He just learned not to question it after a while.
After he finished making his purchase, Gary Stu pocketed his phone. He switched his attention back to Kate and his revenge scheme. He was growing far too impatient to do the smart thing and come up with a plan, so he decided that charging would be the smartest thing to do.
In a very "FOR NARNIA!"-esque movement, Gary Stu bolted from where he was sitting and ran into then street. However, he forget the most basic rule of road safety: always look both ways before crossing the street. It's really quite important. Just because you're an angst-ridden thirteen year-old doesn't mean you can just meander across the street whenever you want.
And so, in a very anticlimactic fashion, Gary Stu was hit by a cement truck.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Gary Stu vaguely felt the sensation of falling and the scent of tacos.
Where am I? Am I dead? Did someone not invite me to Taco Night again?
Our hero opened his eyes to see that he was floating down, head-first onto a large, stained glass platform. On the platform appeared to be a large image of his sister, wielding all three of her infamous Keyblades. There were smaller headshots of people he vaguely recognized in circles around the large one of sister. One of them was a young lady with brown hair in a messy ponytail, stubborn brown eyes, and a black leather jacket. He recognized her as Katelyn Hart. Below her was a young man with pale skin, thick glasses, gray eyes, and a green, military-style jacket worn open over a black turtleneck. Gary Stu recalled his name being Matthew "Matt" Stone. Below him was unmistakably Marluxia, pink hair and all. Finally, least but not least, was an image of Gary Stu himself.
Instead of crashing headfirst into the platform and shattering it into a million pieces (since it appeared to be made of glass), he gracefully landed on his feet.
"Where the heck am I?" our hero pondered aloud.
"Another one? How many is that this month? I should get paid for this, I swear…"
Gary Stu almost jumped at the sound of a random disembodied voice. The key word there is 'almost'- he was too cool, and too levelheaded to be startled be a creepy, pissed off-sounding voice that clearly was not happy to see him. Well, Mister Voice, he wasn't exactly thrilled to be there and not extracting revenge, either.
"Where am I?" said angst bucket demanded.
The disembodied voice crunched on what sounded like a taco and completely ignored his question. "You have a great destiny set out before you and all that. It will begin in roughly five minutes."
"Do I capture the Avatar- I mean, kill Katelyn Hart?"
"What do I look like, a psychic? I'm just giving you the same spiel I give everyone who comes here." The disembodied voice paused to crunch on taco. "'You're destined for great things and your adventure will begin at a certain time of day'. I get at least one of these things a week. It's terrible. My contract states I only have to deal with that Sora kid. Oh, and Roxas."
As much as Gary Stu would have loved to play therapist to a creepy, disembodied voice in the middle of Kingdom Hearts-knows-where, he had much better things to do.
"Um…sorry about that, man. Think you can get me out of here, though?"
"I thought you'd never ask!" said the disembodied voice.
Suddenly, the world went white.
"Kid! Hey, kid! Wake up!"
Gary Stu's eyes fluttered open to see the face of middle-aged truck driver staring down at him, a cigarette half hanging out of the guy's mouth. Our protagonist turned his head to inspect the damage. His shirt was scratched- what a bother. Other than that, there was just about no damage done to his personage. No blood, no bruises, no nothing. His sunglasses had gone flying off, though.
He got up and dusted himself off, much to the small crowd that had apparently gathered around the scene of the accident's amazement. The cigarette even fell out of the truck driver's mouth in shock. Generally, Gary Stu should have resembled more or less a pancake, not just escaped the ordeal with just a scratch on his shirt and broken sunglasses.
"How are you not dead?" someone from the crowded asked. Next to the person who had asked what was probably echoing through everyone's minds, a girl screamed something incoherent (likely about how gorgeous Gary Stu was) and fainted. No one paid any attention, because supernatural thirteen year-olds are clearly more important.
"Because," Gary Stu shrugged nonchalantly, "that truck wasn't angsty enough to penetrate my perfect-ness."
With that, the tale of Gary Stu had begun.
A/N: Hopefully, I'll get the next update done tomorrow!