Undead End on Main Street
It had been the persistent sound of scratching that had awoken Lou that morning. "Aurora! You just go and let Mercedes in! She damn scratching again"
The scratching persisted.
'Damn my hand is sore,' thought Lou. A cry came from the hall.
"Yo mama! Taint no Mercedes out here! You bin itchin' again? Why ain't you been using that cram I got you last ecks mas! Mama"
Lou extricated her hand from her crotch.
"Damn Aurora, ya'll right 'bout the itchin'! But where's that good for nothin' sister o' yours Mercedes gitten!" Lou hollered.
"Don't you go hollerin' at me mama! Yao not the only one with an itchy crotch!" Aurora hollered back.
Ten minutes later the dyke-namic duo mosied their way updown the main street of their trailer park, banging on each door they passed and yelling:
"Mercedes! Mercedes Coke! Mercedes Cherry Coke! Mercedes Cherry-Vanilla Coke! You git your ace out here"
"Aurora Wal-Mart Teebo Pepsi! Where's that Black Irish boyfriend of hers at? What's his name again ... ? Cadbury Chocolate? I knew I didn't want her goin' out with a neeger ... He ain't installed ma Teebo right. Oh I know! He damn near connected his trailer to our Teebo, let's just follow dis here wire and then get him on parole violation!"
Lou and her Aurora spied the elusive Teebo cable which crept along the Mains like a tangle of ivy. "Now don't you go steppin' on any of those cracks on the pavement, Aurora Borealis!" Lou cheeked, "y'all don't wanna go breakin' your father's back! He's the grocery manager at good ol' eff jays"
Aurora retorted, "Damn mama, I tain't never met ma father, I thought I was immaculately conceived"
"Bless the Lord Jesus, you wanna go breakin' his back? And by the way, when you say tain't never that consitutes a double negative thus implying that you HAVE met your father! Damn Aurora don't you go lyin' to me! I gi' you a slap!"
Suddenly Lou's good hand flew through the air and smacked her bleached blonde daughter across her cherry-cheeked face. A trailer door slammed open metres away to reveal a young black girl with withered braids. She cried: "Mama! Mama, no! Mama please no! Don't hit Aurora, my sister! She as white as snow and don't want no black bruises ruinin' her fair countenance! Like the moon she is, the goddess Diana! O' course the two of us make a pair, I gotta be Charles the dark side of the moon. You don't remember Mulan, mama? We never returned returned that film, mama! That's why Chase from the video store came and slapped us round a month ago and I bin missin' my period since! How am I supposed to have ma mother Wicca ceremonies without the shot o' menstural blood"
By this time Aurora lay face down in the dirt, her hair caked with mud and her Mexican implants all askew. A tough looking african-american man appeared behind Mercedes.
Lou cried: "Damn, Cadbury! Yao lookin' a bit pale today! And I ent bein' makin' any o' those racial sluurrss, ya hear me?! I only FOSTER black, ma step brother ya see. HOLLER"
"Yes, indeed Louise. You see, last night on my way home from the office ... I received what can only be called a bite from an intoxicated caucasian male ... oh, it rather stings." Cadbury replied. All of a sudden he fell over, and blood could be seen gushing from his neck. Then Mercedeseseses white skirt was turned red ... all of a sudden ... "Damn Mercedes I thort you said the painters weren't comin'. I had enough o' your lies! You little bitch!" Lou made to strike Mercedes, yet Mercedes ducked and began to run.
"Mama! Mama! It musta been from last night! When Cadbury gave me a little nibble down there! Oh I feelin', quee-zee Mama"
With that she fell over ... and yada-yada-yada she became a zombie!
Yada-yada-yada she tried to bite Lou and Aurora was bitten by Cadbury and okay so Aurora and Lou are hunkering down in the trailer to escape.
"Damn, Mama. I don't like hunkerin' in this trailer. You never cleaned up ma piddle from last week," complained Aurora.
"Don't you go criticising me after your father never toilet trained you"
"Fuck up cunt"
"I love you mama"
"Damn ma crotch is itchy," cried Lou. Then she went to the shops and got a shaver but she accidentally cut herself while trying to give herself a Brazillian. I love them.
The end.