Link was riding Epona, journeying as usual to wherever he had to go. He had a whole to-do list of errands to run. In Lanaryu, he needed to go awaken a statue with his dominion rod. He needed to somehow earn rupees to donate to Malo. He needed to give Agatha the bugs he'd caught, and he needed to go beat the score for herding goats.

At the moment, he was headed to Kakariko Village to seize chickens and jump off buildings with them. He suspected that a heart piece lie waiting on a cliff, and he needed to get it. He'd finally have another heart container for his HP. He always wondered who left trunks with rupees and heart pieces in them lying around, but oh well. Not that he was complaining.

But something else immediately captured his attention.

Link began itching at his tunic. He shuddered and pulled Epona's reins.

As soon as Epona stopped, Link practically fell of her and began doing a very strange dance.

Midna, who had been dozing off in his shadow, awoke. She watched Link with confused eyes

Link began hopping clumsily on one foot, yanking on one of his boots. It slipped from his foot, and Link began shaking it wildly. He tossed it over his shoulder and it made a 'thunk' in the grass behind him. Link shuddered again and pulled frantically at the sock.

Link froze, staring in horror at his ankle, then his shin. His blue eyes widened, and he began to slap his thigh with great gusto.

Midna watched in amazement as Link became completely still. It looked like he was praying. He winced a couple of times, holding his breath.

After a few seconds had passed, he began to dance again, scratching at the fabric covering his stomach. Midna couldn't pull her eyes away as Link hurriedly unbuckled his belt and tried to pull his tunic over his head.

Link gave a strangled cry of frustration as the action was blocked by the strap of his sword sheath over his chest. He unfastened the clasp and let his sword sheath fall. The shield and the handle of the Master Sword clanged together as they hit the ground.

Midna couldn't believe it. He never treated his things so roughly. She was going to scold him for dropping his sword after all the hard work they went through to get it, but Link was being much too interesting. She didn't want to interrupt.

Link pulled his tunic over his head, flinging it to the side. He began to smack himself all over his torso. His chain mail clinked, and he shrugged it off.

Only in his undershirt and his beige pants, he began to spin. It appeared that he was interested on something on his back. Grunting, he hunched over and began to hit his back repeatedly.

Suddenly, he arched his back with a look of anguish on his face. His fingers clawed the air in front of him.

Link's shoulder's visibly shook as he ripped his undershirt from his body. Midna's eyes widened. Not too bad looking for a farmboy.

Breathing heavily, Link's hands ran over his back, and his fingers scrabbled at the back of his neck. He threw his hat aside and began to scratch his scalp. His once-kept hair was transformed into a shaggy mess.

Hopping around, he squealed. He actually squealed.

Link flinched as Midna spotted something small and glittery run down his neck. Midna thought it looked like a drop of molten gold. Upon close inspection, Midna saw that it was a bug.

The golden ant scampered over Link's chest. Link let fall a brutal and purposeful palm. The golden ant was crushed. Link sighed in relief, leaning against Epona's side.

Midna chose then to speak. "You just killed our chance at fifty rupees. I told you you should've put it in an empty bottle, but no! You just had to fill it with lantern oil instead, and you put the bug in your pocket. Smart. Agatha's going to be furious with you."

Link sheepishly gathered his strewn-about clothing. He dressed, and they continued on with their adventures.

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A/N: I see a lot of opportunities to write crack fics about Legend of Zelda. I'll update with more if I think of any other ridiculous ideas. Thanks for reading!