Title: Fall to pieces.
Summary: Jake and Cassie finally meet some years after the Day. What will happen? Will Jake and Cassie get together…? Check it out. One shot: D
Disclaimer: Dear, do I look like K. A. Applegate? Huh? If I was…I would never have… (Gulps) killed Rachel…):
A.N. : I haven't read the whole book, the Beginning. Just a few chapters…and then I couldn't bear it. But from what I had read, I knew this story would still be accurate…
Today. Today was the day that Jake would meet Cassie. He knew that Marco had persuaded Cassie to meet him. He also knew that Cassie had moved on. To another guy. Whose name he never spoke. Never…
"Jake, Cass is here…" Marco nudged him.
"Huh? Oh, yes, where is she?" Jake asked, startled.
"Outside, on the patio… you're taking her to a restaurant, I believe?" Marco raised his eyebrows questioningly.
Jake nodded and made his way outside to where she was standing.
He felt his heart stop.
She was there. Like always, she had a style that Rachel in all her dreams could never achieve.
She had that simplicity and that innocence that was so alluring. She, even after all these years, after so much had happened, looked the same. She hadn't changed. There was not a sign that the fame had affected her a bit.
And that is why she was Cassie. So dependable and there … Never leaving you…
But she left you, Jake, she left you… he reminded himself painfully.
She wouldn't ever come back…. He closed his eyes.
But no tears came. As usual.
"Well, hello, Jake…" Cassie said awkwardly.
"Hi, Cassie. How's it been?" Jake replied rather woodenly.
"It's been… OK."
"Oh."
"Yes."
They both paused, the silence nasty, what else do they say to each other now ?
"So--how've-- how've you been?" she asked tentatively.
He raised his eyebrows.
"Same old same old," he said, blankly.
Cassie gulped; she lowered her eyes and studied the floor.
"Shall we proceed then …?"Jake said softly.
Cassie nodded mutely.
Jake looked down at the table, his glance empty. Cassie drummed her fingers on the table lightly.
"Ahem ahem" she cleared her throat, obviously wanting to say something.
Jake looked up at her, and quirked his head, inviting her to continue.
Cassie licked her lips and began, "Jake, Marco, well, Marco told me that you're not able to mov- that you can't cope- uh, that you are having a bit of trouble…and that you needed…."
"Help?" he finished sardonically, for once displaying some emotion.
"Whose help do I need, Cassie? A therapist? Already taking it. Friend? As much as Marco can be. What else do I need, tell me? What?"
Cassie sighed and bowed her head.
"Jake, why are you still feeling guilty? It's not your fault… I am more to blame than you are…" she said, averting her eyes from his.
Jake raised his eyebrows questioningly, "I see. So…you are willing to take the blame? Why, Cassie?"
"Jake--I…I gave Tom the Blue Box! Me. It was ME! Rachel died because of me! Tobias is no longer here, sitting with his girlfriend, Rachel, because of me. Jake…" she reached forward and clasped his hands, her eyes pleading, "it's all me…"
"Well, people, now we will be presenting you the moving hit by Avril Lavigne 'Fall to Pieces'. Enjoy!"grinned the emcee.
And Jake looked into the eyes of the one he needed, his cure, his comfort…his everything….
I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all
She opened her mouth and chocked out a grieved "me"….
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in love with you
For the first time since it had happened, after all these years, Jake felt …something. Maybe it was the sight of Cassie looking so distraught that brought him out of his emptiness, but Jake felt a stir in his dormant heart.
You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms
"Why did you leave me…?"He whispered.
Cassie's eyes filled up with tears.
"Why, Cass …? Was I that terrible?"
Cassie looked away, she felt like somebody had lashed her with a whip.
And she realized that she was the cause of this Jake. Her.
He gripped her hands even tighter, his eyes beseeched her. Asked her the questions that he had brooded on for so long. So long.
The answers that only she could give him.
Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means
Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
And he whispered …
"I'm in love with you
Cuz I'm in love with you
I'm in love with youI'm in love with you"
A lone tear seeped out of his eyes.
She could not bear it any longer. She stumbled out of chair.
He looked up at her, scared and surprised.
"Cassie…"
"No."
"But…"
"Don't. Say. Anything. Please" she begged him.
He closed his eyes.
It was not that moving. To a passerby, it wouldn't look much. But Cassie knew Jake. She knew that she had worsened his condition. She knew his heart was breaking... She knew that she loved him back.
But why wasn't she still with him? Why did she leave him?
Cassie silently slid back into the chair, her eyes on him. He was looking down now. And she saw some tears fall.
'At least, he is crying…' she sighed sadly. 'He wasn't doing that before either. At least he's letting out his feeling…'
"Jake…" she began softly.
Jake Berenson looked up, tears glistening on his gaunt pale cheeks for all to see.
"Yes …?" he asked stiffly.
"I can't be with you."
Jake's face went blank.
"Because…try to understand, I want to… to… leave everything related to the war behind me. I want to move on and…somewhere in me, I want to forgive myself for what I've done…" she spread her hands in front of her in defeat.
"But, I can't. I dream every night of Animorphs. Some nights, it's Rachel calling me to her, laughing her wild laugh and telling me that she wants to be there with me and enjoy all the free spas and stuff that we're getting… Sometimes, it's Tobias looking at me accusingly. Telling me that he hates me since I took away everything that he needed. And then it's…." her voce broke.
"I…am sorry. I am sorry."
She scrambled off to the exit, but not before whispering a sad "I love you too."
Jake sat there. His expression rigid. He understood what she was going through. He got similar nightmares every night. He knew feeling when he woke up and looked at the picture of Rachel or Tobias. That awful, dreadful swooping. That guilt that gnawed away.
And the terror when he realized that though he felt so much, he felt nothing.
Because he had blocked himself. Because he didn't want to get over it. Because he could not, no, would not, move on.
But now, he would.
Jake would no longer be immune to pain and sorrow. He was ready to feel.
And ironically, that made him feel better…Jake Berenson was healing at long last.
Author's Note: Well, hello there. Thanks so much for reading this. I tried to make it as touching as possible without making it too mushy. I was in tears when I wrote this so…I hope I managed to bring out some of the pain.
The song, by the way, is 'Fall to Pieces' by Avril Lavigne.
Do tell Ginny how you find this try…
I eagerly await all reviews. If it was miserable, please don't be worried that it would hurt my feeling and just say so.
If you remembered something or body during this story, do tell me about it.
You like the song or the singer? I do too! :D(Hint hint)
And you liked this story, maybe perhaps, even an itty bitty, teeny tiny bit …tell me. I need all the encouragement I can get, please…: O
Yes, and I really, really love reviews. So, bring 'em on! ;